Zombie Pedestrians (2)

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Cunts who walk behind you when you’re reversing.

I went to town yesterday to do my weekly shop and as I was backing out of the (fucking narrow) bay some tart and her brat saw fit to walk right across my pat.

The woman was reading something on her phone..she was a sweaty porker who I wouldn’t have wanted to ride into battle,never mind bed ,but that’s by the by…

Someone must have girded their loins and impregnated her…anyhow,back to the point. She and her child were fucking lucky that I was in the jeep and not the pickup or I’d have never seen them for the canopy on the back..but it would still.no doubt, have been my fault if I’d flattened them.

I did open the door and shout asking if she was blind but the woman didn’t even look my way…probably too busy updating her “Full-time Mummy” status on facebook….

Nominated by – Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

Seconded by – Paul Maskinback

Last week I suffered two incidences of this cuntish behaviour. The first was when I was driving out of my children’s school having collected them.

Being a school, I am on high alert being inattentive children wandering around. I checked both ways, a couple of times before moving. I then started to reverse then caught sight of a parent walking his offspring about a foot from my rear bumper.

The adult, the bulb headed cunt, stared his filthiest look at me, to which I wound the window down and suggested he used his eyes or went to Specsavers.

The second incident was at a local supermarket. Same thing, coast clear then some cunt on a mobile phone casually strolls right behind your path.

Daft fucking cunts.

 

76 thoughts on “Zombie Pedestrians (2)”

  1. Spot on nomination.
    I’d like to add to that with cunts who drive past you while you’re reversing out of a supermarket parking space.

    The fuckers can see your car moving slowly out of the space (because you are aware of the idiots who just keep coming) but they just carry on anyway. I’ve had many a time this has happened and may a time I’ve been compelled to shout ‘CUNT’ out of the window…

    • You have to have eyes in your arse when driving,and theres no limit to people’s stupidly.
      I don’t have a rearview mirror (Luton van) so have a 6ft blindspot,
      Plenty of times some daydreaming twat has walked behind me when reversing.
      No one wants killing someone on their conscience especially a kid,
      But some dozy cunts with a subconscious deathwish are determined to throw themselves under the wheels of vehicles.

    • I quite often find myself winding down the window and shouting “CUNT” to the world, not just in shopping car parks!

  2. The scary thing with this shit is that if you as a driver hit some dopey pedestrian too busy looking at their phone, it will be you at fault in all likelihood!

    It’s bad enough in daytime, but its a friggin’ nightmare during winter and the dark mornings/nights, and you can’t see the cunts coming out of nowhere as you reverse out of a slot.

    Having eyes in the back of your head ain’t good enough. You need dashcams all over the shop, and even that might not be enough for the police/courts to vote in your favour instead of the clueless pedestrian, suggesting that you should have “taken into account” pedestrians are easily distracted by “urgent” news on their phones.

  3. Nobody has any personal responsibility nowadays. It all started with cunting cyclists.

    • It’s not just those using Shakses pony that ar fuciking zombies.
      It appears that so-called ‘smart’ phones reduce users’ spatial awareness to something very close to zero. Cell phone use while operating an automobile is illegal and, more importantly, stupid and dangerous.
      I choose to cycle on a daily basis all year round and have been endangered on many occasions by idiots more interested in that tint screen than the world around them both on foot and driving.
      A couple of weeks ago I had to do an emergency swerve onto a grass verge due to some dumb cunt texting while at the wheel coming at me on what for him was the wrong side of the road.
      As I choose not to carry a tracking device I was unable to snap the fucker’s plate.
      It sometimes seems to me that the non-cunts on the planet are endangered.

      • Whilst I think’ pff you’re a cyclist’, you do make an excellent point. There are more driver zombies than pedestrian zombies; cunts.

  4. My car has a reversing camera so I can look what’s behind me, trouble is if it is a fat bastard walking slowly behind it fills up the whole screen, when I finally get out of my parking space I tell the fat bastards to eat less and move a bit faster, the fat lazy cunts, cunts all of them, morning all

  5. I was backing my bicycle out of the place where it was chained up and this cunt wandered across the pavement and crashed strait into it. She looked at me like I was a piece of racist shit, with real venom and hatred. It was my MP Diane Abbott, the gormless cunt.

    • Haven’t you been airlifted out Hackney yet SC, surely this is a humanitarian crisis that needs addressing, VF can drive the helicopter and we’ll pick you up in a recreation of the fall of Saigon, but with pangas and KFC boneless banquet buckets being thrown at us!

    • The thick bitch was on the BBC yesterday talking about racism. Yet again.

      Bored.

      Fuck off.

    • Bloody hell.
      I hope your bike isn’t a total write-off; I saw Flabbott bullshitting in her usual inimitable style on YouTube earlier, her fat wobbling gob looked like she was chewing a tandem.

    • Checked permutations of reg plates on DVLA website, not known but many older registrations now disappeared when the vehicle was scrapped. Probably your strongest lead.

      • You have the area identifier: JR – Newcastle, RJ = Manchester. Not a huge advance as both cities have big hinterlands, but might narrow it down a bit, and perhaps a detail in your vision (for want of a better description) might suggest one or the other.

        I hope you can get your MD to review that prescription and improve your experience a bit.

      • Update: Looking more closely at that – prior to 1974 JR was Northumberland rather than Newcastle, and RJ was Salford rather than Manchester.

  7. Stupidity has risen in line with mobile phone use.
    I like to collect stories of lethal accidents caused by “selfies” and other such idiocy.
    The lightening strike up that tower in India is the latest and greatest.
    The thick cunts.

    (There’s a scheduled nomination on that Indian silliness due to be published in the next few days – Day Admin)

  8. I’d have never seen them for the canopy on the back..but it would still.no doubt, have been my fault if I’d flattened them.

    It would rather be your fault if you’re ‘in charge of a motor vehicle’ and continue driving despite being unable to see obstacles like pedestrians. A few suggestions perhaps, to obviate any impending unpleasantness, like 2-14 years for a CD80 offence under §1 the 1988 Act:
    ¶ install cameras
    ¶ install “vehicle reversing” siren
    ¶ don’t use the pickup for shopping
    ¶ obtain a chauffeur

    Paul’s examples seem so unremarkable that I’m wholly unclear why he became so rattled as to deem them nom-worthy. A parent and child at school walked behind your car as you were reversing so you briefly had to stop? Why the shouting – surely this is totally commonplace? Ditto the supermarket experience.

    Sorry Paul, but as you describe those incidents they sound utterly unremarkable, mundane and ahem frankly rather pedestrian. Perhaps “you had to be there at the time” Paul, but the only thing I can see remotely unusual is that you started berating the parent with a “Specsavers rant”.

    Sounds like you’re lucky he had his child with him. If some twat in a car in a school pick up area started mouthing off at me as you depict – or for any reason – I’d probably have taken the opportunity of your wound-down window and given you a broken nose.

    • Morning,Les
      Morning,All.

      You’re right,it would be my fault…but don’t you think that people should take some personal responsibility ? Who,really,is the more cavalier in their actions ?..Me reversing or the woman with a child who thinks that stepping behind a moving vehicle is a sensible thing to do ?… I wouldn’t climb over the railings at the top of the Eiffel Tower and as I plummeted to the ground be thinking happily to myself ” Oh well,this just proves I was right when I thought that those barriers weren’t high enough to deter a determined Fuckwit like me. “

      • I’m unclear that conflating an attempted suicide attempt at la dame de fer and a fat bloated in Morrison’s car park is necessarily helpful, Dick, but I take your point about personal responsibility.

        Certainly the fat bloater walking in the path of a moving vehicle is the more cavalier, but the driver must be held responsible for any injury. Obviously if the pedestrian was contributorily negligent, this would be mentioned in mitigation when sentencing was being set.

        I’ve not had any significant problems with pedestrians attempting hari kari in 38 years of driving (apart from a few months in Hanoi, where jaywalking is a national sport). Certainly nothing to get steamed up about when shopping: I must be lucky.

      • It’s not a suicide attempt…I’m not meaning to kill myself, I’m looking to prove that the “owners” should have made the railings so unclimbable that no matter how stupid I am, I can still cause myself serious harm if I totally disregard any thought of personal responsibility for my own safety …they should have done more to keep me safe…it’s not my fault and I will have the consolation of knowing that as I ricochet merrily down the Champs-Elysees in the style of a Barnes-Wallis bouncing-bomb smug in the satisfaction of knowing that it was in the right.

        “Certainly nothing to get steamed up about when shopping:”…. You must have become a Master in some mystical Far-Eastern “stay-calm” philosophy on your travels if you can seriously find nothing to get steamed up about when shopping…. give grocery shopping in a Northumbrian market-town a try…that’ll shake your unsteamedness to the very core.
        🙂 .

    • Morning CS,

      I think you might need to change the bait – it has lost all of its appeal. Why don’t you submit your own enthralling nomination if mine was so “mundane and ahem frankly rather pedestrian”? You really don’t need to post on here if you have more exciting things going on in your life.

      Nonetheless, I’d love to have seen you try to give me a broken nose, given I am 6′ 2″, 15 stone and a Wing Chun student.

      An eminent Barrister? Common Assault? You Sir, are a verbose Walt. You just need to let go of the errant/arrant faux pas you committed. I don’t hold it against you.

      • Gosh Paul… That’s not very friendly! Wounded!

        Sorry, but those examples of exasperation you gave in the nom were just not very good examples of what you were attempting to convey.

        You sound like a very angry and rather plug ugly individual. Would you genuinely spoil for an actual punch-up with another parent when collecting your children, as you now appear to be suggesting in your bizarre rejoinder?

        I think you might find that our children attend different schools. I’m no more compelled by your implausible boxing abilities than you are of my ability to get you sectioned. You often sound like a bit of a hen-pecked house-husband with your GP wife. From your description of yourself, I’m very pleased I’ve never met her…!

        Perhaps you should ask her for some anxiolytics when she’s stopped giving you a tongue-lashing for having forgotten to pick up the kids again…?

        Beep Boop. This is an automated message from DA’s bot account to remind people of the rules. Also have you thought about renewing your car insurance?. Beep Boop.

      • Belated apologies, Five-O. I should have ignored Paul’s blatant infringement. I certainly have nothing to add to the above, but I imagine Paul will want to have a last word (Queensbury Rules and all that).

        I don’t have car insurance. I either drive my gf’s rather nice convertible or take taxis and trains. Thanks for your concern though.

      • Hehe hehe.

        CS, you’ll now see that my bait is fresh and irresistible.

        Toodle pip!

    • Can you pick up some sort of marine klaxon from a breaker’s yard? And a harpoon for the landwhales?

  9. Slightly off topic but I narrowly avoided being mown down by a cunt cyclist who went round a blind corner on the pavement this morning. Cunt didn’t even apologise as I had to nearly jump out of his way.

    • Just stick your size 11 on the front wheel. That sorts the cunts out.

  10. I NEVER drive forwards into a space, I ALWAYS reverse, as do my family, due to myopic cunts such as described, here. It’s safer and quicker in the long run. Our local car park has a pavement running around the outside of it, yet people still walk behind/in front of parked vehicles because they’re too fucking lazy/stupid to walk the length of a car to get to the pavement.

    • I always used to reverse in but found that I then couldn’t open the back door to put the shopping in due to someone parking tight up against my rear bumper…the back door opens sideways not up and down.

      Morning,DCI.

      • Morning, Dick, understand that. I had a SUV that did the same, which was a ball ache.

      • Morning Dick/DCI
        CS raised some valid points there.
        So much so, I’m going to get a reversing alarm and camera installed.
        If (god forbid) I did twat some dozy cunt walking behind the van, it at least shows ive tried to be responsible.

      • MNC, if you happen to run over a lardo once your camera is installed, perhaps you’d be kind enough to upload the footage to Youtube and furnish us with a link to the hilarity?

      • Morning Thomas@
        Hehehe 😀
        Certainly will!
        Wish id filmed that militant cyclist plant a high speed kiss on the back of my tail lift!!
        Hey, your into your classic yank cars aren’t you?
        Saw a 30s style ford pickup driving about the other day!
        Just missing a shotgun rack in the back window!
        Looked fuckin ace👍

      • Mis, you don’t need to spend money, just sound your horn a couple of times before reversing. Only deaf people would still be in danger but I guess being deaf they are probably using their eyes more that most people.

      • Your right Sicky,
        The deaf are a pain in the arse.
        Hopefully they’ll suss that a van suddenly getting bigger means its coming towards them?
        And get the fuck out the way.

  11. Moreover, a lot of these cunts don’t bother to stop on the pavement edge and look “right, left and right again” before crossing the road, even on junctions and bends. Instead they just carry on walking and hope the drivers hurtling towards them at 40mph are responsible enough to slow down and avert an accident.

    Of course some of the Ivans have perfected this so that they jump out in front of slow moving cars, roll over the bonnet, and feign injury. All of it filmed by their “witness” on the street corner. And then they bag a bit of compo from the inevitable insurance claim

    • Whatever happened to the Green Cross Code infirmation that was on TV, and in publications everywhere?
      Saying that, I don’t have a TV license anymore, so if by any chance they started doing all the public information stuff again, I wouldn’t know.

      Charlie says….

      The fireworks one’s also ramned the point home.

  12. My wife goes to the supermarket. I either watch porn or look at power tool mags.

  13. Off topic but has anyone nommed Macaroon yet for his vaccine passport shenanigans?

    (Nothing in our schedules for the Bitter and Twisted half-pint Napoleon. Get your nom in and tell us more – Day Admin)

  14. Methinks she was perhaps ordering an McDonald’s from Uber and her fat little fingers were trying to finish to order so she could get back to playing online slot machines…

    There’s a woman (I think that what she is) whose kid goes to our school. I am a little bemused by this one because she has what has been nicknamed a ‘gunt’. No one can work out if she has a big beaver (and by big I mean each flange would be a the size of a small dog) that hangs around her ankles, or her gut. She drops her kids off while puffing on fags right outside the main entrance. I think she’s my age (a lady never tell tells) but looks 20 years older. What is even more astounding that makes me feel a little bit of sick in my throat every time I think of this is someone fucked her at some point about 9 years ago!

    It’s like she travelled to Jupiter and gravity got the better of her but it’s also highly unlikely she would fit back in the space capsule.

  15. In the UK I believe that you have to stop for a pedestrian if they are clearly waiting at a crossing.

    Not so here.
    Pedestrians do not have right of way so they have to either wait until there is no traffic or rely on the traffic taking pity on them.

    A good system in my opinion. Roads are dangerous places and the pedestrian will always come off worst.

    The cunts that really annoy me are the ones that see you approaching with fuck all other traffic on the road, they then take a few steps on to the crossing and then stop and glare at you like you shouldn’t be there.

    It’s dangerous, illegal and above all, cuntish.

    • Must admit, they are quite good in my neck of the woods. Always seem to stop to let you across the road on a crossing. I know I’ve cunted their dawdling and parking but on the whole they are not too bad.

      • It’s where they put the crossings that pisses me off.

        On the exits of roundabouts and right on the entrance (and exit) of side roads.

        Fucking ridiculous. It’s an open invite for someone to run into the back of you.

  16. My faith in humanity has dwindled to such an extent that I look BOTH ways before crossing a One-Way street. This is not an attempt at comedy, either, I genuinely do.

    • I always look both ways wherever I am. It stems from a weekend in Rotterdam when I was about 17 when, out of force of habit, I looked, on a one way street, to see if anything was coming and was almost hit by a tram coming from the other direction.

    • Same in my neck of the woods. Half the drivers have necks that are too fat to move/look around, and also seem to be shrouded in black.
      If you want to die, try using a pedestrian crossing. Cars rarely stop, two-wheeled sods NEVER…

    • Ditto. Reinforced by decades of staying alive while motorcycling. I just wish my neck rotated through 180+ degrees like an owl’s.

      • 170 degrees Komodo.😀
        A owl can swivel its head 170 degrees.
        It has to because it’s eyes are a ‘tube’ shape within its sockets.
        And dont move the way ours do.
        I know this because I saw it on tv.
        TV is the font of all knowledge…😁👍

      • 172 degrees 23 minutes, to be exact. I was exaggerating for effect. But in fact I discarded the option of “720 degrees, like Sigourney Weaver” as being overdramatic.

  17. Few persons seem to be self aware nowadays, many appear to inhabit another dimension were all is woke and warm. They do not need to concern themselves with such trivial things as personal safety because they are so mega that everybody else will look out for them wrapping them in cuddly arms. Because they have the power they can walk behind a reversing car/van/bus safe in the knowledge that nothing nasty will happen as the driver is instantly awed by their very being and stops. If in the future I have the misfortune to run over some cunt when reversing my old Subaru Tribeca I will ask them to ascertain if the rear diff is very oily before I pull them out.

  18. What also doesn’t help is the size if the spaces, especially on retail parks.
    Is there some buffoon who specifically designs them to get as many spots on the land as possible, without any thought of people getting in and out of their car???

    • Indeed, it appears to them that only disabled people and cunts who drag their kids around a supermarket need room to actually open the fucking doors, the rest of us have to climb out of the sunroof if we have a fucker.

    • Our local Sainsbury’s is only a few years old and some thought went into the car park as the spaces have a marked gap of about 18″ between them. The single entrance/exit is another story.

  19. I’m with you Dick on this.

    Every time I go to Sainsburgs to get Mother’s shopping I witness the same phenomena. As soon as cunts get out of their cars, the phone comes out and they lose all road sense. I just don’t get it.

    Mind you I used to go to Londonistan occasionally before the Wu Flu madness and the place is full of phone Zombies. Apparently several got flattened by buses and taxis every day. I was up last month and the old style Cabbie said it was still happening. I personally walk in a straight line and enjoy seeing the cunts bounce off me, phone flying, as they fail to watch where they are going.

    It must be a form of mental illness

    Morning all

  20. Idea: install a PA on the vehicle so you can use the loudspeaker to announce you’re backing up and even yell we’ll deserved expletives at the zombies if necessary.
    “Beep, beep, I’m backing up! Beep, beep! Hey watch where you’re going you dumb bitch! Nice ass by the way!”

  21. Whatever and whoever you hit make sure its not Markus Rushford. Even if the cunt had a axes to your family in the car and already broken the widows it would not be his fault. End of.

  22. I’ve never had this problem, as I have no car, but a motorcycle. Might be something to do with a higher exhaust and a fear of carbon deposits. Added bonus, the visor maintains social distancing should you need to tell some cunt what a cunt he is, and the helmet itself makes for headbutting with impunity.

  23. This happens to me quite regularly.

    Only yesterday in fact when waiting at the traffic lights for a considerable amount of time, the pedestrian decides to cross the road at precisely the same time as the lights change for me to go.

    Every time it happens I want to run the stupid fuckers over but my wife tells me it’s against the law. Apparently.

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