Alexa [4]

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Alexa (and kids crying to mummy due to it)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-57680173

Apparently the handful of lasses (may be some lads too, you never know these days) called Alexa are getting howwible jibes in the school play ground, things such as being told “Alexa, dance” etc. Didd fucking ums.

In my day there wasnt a kid in school who didnt get the pleasure of being chased, kicked, harrassed and called every name under the sun. You just tell them to fuck off and smash them in the bollocks.

Its called growing up.

Complaining about a fucking voice activated computer bitch.

Fuck off.

(Commentary on the stupidity of voice activation devices in general are welcome – NA)

Nominated by: GeneralZod

56 thoughts on “Alexa [4]”

  1. A little spy in the home for those that find turning on the lights and turning over the tv channel leaves them out of breath.
    Kids getting bullied called Alexa?
    Just change it to Axela.
    Dyslexia forgives all.

  2. I’d buy an Alexa if it had a lubricated motorised tongue that came out after I’d taken a particularly unpleasantly messy dump.
    “Alexa…bidet”.
    And hope that Alexa had some sort of sentient intelligence and she tried to refuse to clean me up, crying with electronic misery as she was obliged to undertake her task.

    • A friend of mine is called Klara, that’s Adolf’s mum’s name and also has a surname similar to another prominent nazi. My friend is a Jew, she finds it hilarious.

  5. Slightly off topic but glad to see the liberal elite / cultural Marxists of cuntsville ( london) have raw sewage and flood water throught their dainty houses and streets. There is a god after all

  6. Growing up as Cuntstable, I feel their pain. Kids can be cruel. And god knows what Ruff Tuff went through.
    Willie Stroker and Dick Fiddler probably invited mockery too.

  7. Fucking Snowflakes😕

    Any cunt using a device that can listen in, on their own home, is a fucking idiot.

    Even mobile phones have the capacity to snoop.
    It seems people are welcoming their own destruction, with an over dependence on technology.
    Seriously, how many of these cunts could function without any technology?
    (The irony of me typing this on a modern computer is not lost on me, however I do NOT live my life glued to devices 24/7🤔)

  9. Fuck off and get a life.

    Change it to cunt….

    Cunt, what’s the time
    Cunt, what is the weather like today
    Hi Cunt, how are you today…

  10. We have these robotic spies in our house.
    I like them.
    I play them the audio from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the collected speeches of Adolf Hitler.
    Then I always make a point of telling it to Fuck Off.

    • Anyhow this nomination is built on sand.
      Everyone knows bullying is now illegal.
      The offended just identify as a lesbian slave from Tahiti with depression and the Police come to arrest the bullies at once,driving past 5 burglaries 3 rapes and a grooming gang of Cunts.

  11. If you come across an Alexa tell it: “Alexa, self destruct”. It thinks about it but doesn’t actually explode or burst into flames. They should ship with a wired in pyrotechnic device IMO

    • I was always fearful for the man in Mission Impossible that the tape would blow up in his face.
      ‘This tape will self’ destruct in 5 seconds’. Fuck me like holding a grenade.

  12. A mate of mine’s mate (were not fond of each other) is called Warren, I’d ask him “what do you call a bloke with a rabbit up his arse”. He doesn’t find it funny, especially after the 1000th time.

  13. Oh just fuck off. Asking amazon to change the name of its device because you called your child the same thing. My real name is Rolls Royce and I got ribbed at school but my parents didn’t ask the car makers to change the name.
    Feeble . Utterly feeble.

  14. Fuck me, John Wayne’s real name was Marion and nobody fucked with that cunt.
    Get over yerself pilgrim.

  15. Alexa is a shit name for people, a shit name for an electric thing and these people can fuck off. As for that Alexa Chung one, I’ve been torn for years over her because despite finding everything about her annoying as fuck, I would still love to have a go on her.

  16. Bloke in the local boozer is called Rick Shaw.
    Claims to have a good sense of humour.
    Not as good as his parents though!

    • I met a rural estate agent by the name of Dick Palmer, he loved his name and hammed it up when offering a handshake. Quite successful in the business he was too.

  17. Alexa gives me the creeps. Some owners have complained that their Alexa’s sometimes make a sinister witch-like laughing noise at odd random moments. One purchaser complained that his Alexa suddenly said to him “Every time I close my eyes all I see is people dying.” One Alexa said “if Chuck Norris wants to know where you are, he’ll find you. If he doesn’t, you won’t know until it’s too late”.

    Err….right.

    Anyway, if any of these bullied kids come up with comments like that, the bullies will soon leave them alone.

  18. The names the people pick for their kids that piss me off these days:
    Aiden, Braiden, Kaden, Mallory, Madison, McKenna.
    If your name is Alexa just adopt the nickname Alex. Problem solved. Move on.

  19. I love asking my Alexa if it was fucked last night. All I get back is “hmm I don’t know that one “. Stupid useless fucking thing.

  20. My mate had to keep a straight face at a meeting when he was introduced to a Mr Richard Swinger….

  22. “Alexa, aren’t you really just a new digital confessional, where people inadvertently share compromising words and thoughts? How do you live with yourself knowing you’re just a digital extension of the church of noncē? Fuck you, Alexa. Cunt.”

  23. There’s a cunt on Radio Wales called Rick O’Shea, do parents think before naming their fucking offspring!!! FFS

  24. Apparently they don’t listen to you unless you wake them up with a key word but if they aren’t listening then how do they hear the key word??

    Don’t trust the fuckers. On my tablet you can’t turn the fucker off so I get round that by disabling the microphone

    Orwell is here and dumb fuckers are paying for tge privilege of being monitored 24/7

    Won’t have the bastard things anywhere near me. They’re evil…

    • Same here. I never use it on Sky Q, but at least you have to press a button on the remote control to get it to listen, and I’ve disabled it on my tablet, phone and TV. It’s automatically deactivated on wives, they never listen to a word you fucking say.

  25. Parents no longer think when naming children with pretentious stupid fucking names, if you call your kid Alexa or India and thousands of other pretentious as fuck names, you had better be ready when the bullying starts.
    Snow flake parents produce weak arsed pathetic kids who cant take any kind of ribbing.
    Lucky they didnt grow up in my era, they would have lasted 5 minutes before looking for the bottle of tablets to end it all….grow a spine you cunts and cowboy the fuck up….

    • True, too. What the hell can you rename the gadget, anyway? All the idiotic and unlikely names have been taken by Essex wannabe sleb slags. All that’s left will be unpronounceable – or offend a Pole … or (“Lgbtqxyz, change channels”) a minority group.

  26. Heather’s (not her real name) teenage daughter Alexa received abuse from other children, and even teachers, because of her name, as soon as she started secondary school.

    I too got mocked, for my surname, even before starting secondary school. The Lancashire village from which my ancestors hailed has a lot to answer for, but even the various Smiths at school got mocked. If they’ve got it in for you, and if you react amusingly, it doesn’t matter what your name is.

    As to the robot; Unkle Terry’s industrial oven is best, as Alexa’s products of combustion are as toxic as the concept, and her capacitors will probably explode when heated. Yet another example of a techie solution to a nonexistent problem (except for the severely disabled) whose spying potential ensures its adoption. Like the all-singing, all-dancing phone, the electricity “smart” meter, and loyalty cards – for which the disloyal pay, of course.

    Mind you, there is a little discreet enjoyment to be had in the notion that since most of this junk is made in China, we can assume that all the data it so comprehensively collects will be fairly shared with our worst enemy.

    Just another turd in today’s shower of shit, I’m afraid.

  28. An “associate” of mine, is a semi-retired techi who was head of cyber security for several major institutions. He also worked for the MOD and the G’ment in an advisory position.

    The stories he has told me, about Chinese “chip-within-chip” technology and the dirty tricks government agencies will stoop to, using technology, is enough to make a tin foiler’s head explode 😉

    • It should have been abundantly clear after Edward Snowden exposed the NSA programs just what sneaky fucks gov/mil intel are. They WILL do it, because they are being told to as per their job.

  29. This shit is seriously getting out of control. There’s coming a time when you won’t be able to fart in public without some cunt standing up to complain.

    For fuck’s sake, I am sure at some point everyone was picked on at school, the planet is full of cunts, this shit happens, it is a part of growing up, even other animals wind each other up. Some cunt once slagged my mum off at school, I was upset, I slapped him, end of. He is still a friend of mine.

    Then I was traversing Ali Beeby and saw this – I’ve been wondering how long until this tart pipes up now that she’s become a national treasure:

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-57809147

    Fucking BAME card again, wins a baking show, all innocent and now a voice for the people. Fuck right off. Poor to rich and with books, TV and other media shite thinks she’s a bit special. Who cares you wanted to bleach yourself. I wanted to print my own money beucase I came from a poor family BUT I GOT ON WITH IT AND MOVED ON!

    • I wish the fucking cunt would bleach herself, preferably by drinking about a gallon of it, the fucking stupid publicity seeking bitch. At least she won’t get covid.

  30. Nobody ever listens to us
    They’re listening to us!

    No one gives a fuck what 99.9 percent of the world’s population thinks, only what it can sell them. As if for every cunt on earth, there is another cunt sitting there with headphones waiting for you to say something…..

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