Zodiac Sex

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Now the average age of a combat soldier in Vietnam was 19 (allegedly) average age of a cunter is 46. so I think that most of you will agree with me, I have bits falling off me, bad back, sore knee, tired, bad arm ect.

Likewise Mrs B MkIII, she has her issues, back is out, leg wont work, pussy is on strike, normal shit for people of our age.

So we have occasional Zodiac sex!

This is not a New fad but the reality of life, we have to wait until all parts of our bodies are functioning and in alignment before we can get jiggy!

Obviously afterwards we need to see doctors for non STD treatments after the required exertions.

We are after all 19 year old’s imprisoned in fucked bodies.

Zodiac sex is a bit of a cunt too.

Nominated by : Lord benny(not quite deceased, but close)

??? – DA

66 thoughts on “Zodiac Sex”

  1. What a ghastly tale for a morning nomination! You should make a documentary and put it on Channel 4!

    I can confirm the next nomination contains less vomit inducing content. Oh wait I just checked, it’s actually worse. – DA

  3. Sometimes I would rather have a cup of tea or an extra roast potato on my plate than bother with relations.

    For me, the excitement of it has somewhat worn off after 30+ years. I suppose it is a bit like Christmas – when you are young it is almost magical. When you are older, it is nothing more than an inconvenience.

  4. The alignment of the least possible number of ailments that might inhibit coitus?
    Yes I tend to agree with this.

    Thank fuck for porn.

  5. Sex is it?
    Disgusting it is – Miss busty sometimes demands this tawdry tango, and on occasion will not let me finish my cup of tea before her thoughts are turning to depraved carnal behaviour – I have told her firmly “you’ve got thirty years to stop that kind of thing”..
    She could have ave some buggers eye out with them! 😀

  6. Astrology is the biggest load of nonsense ever invented by man. It’s all the fault of the Babylonians and the Egyptians. Using “principles of analogy’ or ‘laws of correspondence’, Babylonian priests claimed to foretell the future of their kings based on the positions of celestial bodies. Egyptian astrologers claimed to provide horoscopes based on the belief that the instant of one’s birth established one’s character and disposition. The credulous were taken in. Astrology became a lucrative business – it still is. But at least the ancients had the excuse of scientific ignorance.

    There are no forces exerted by the stars and planets that can affect us. Gravity and electromagnetism are the only possible candidates, yet they are so weak as to be negligible. At the time of our birth, the midwife exerts a greater gravitational force on us than the planets and the stars, and a fridge magnet has a stronger electromagnetic influence. Variations in solar flares result in the Sun’s magnetic influence on Earth changing daily, and at a level greater than that coming from the planets and stars. And the lights of a hospital operating theatre and TV and radio stations, produce more radiation than that which arrives from space.

    Astrology’s baffling popularity, despite its lack of any scientific foundation, says more about human psychology than it does about the power of the stars.

    Take the Zodiac Sex chart posted in the nom by Lord Benny. I’m a Gemini (whatever that means). It says my erogenous zones are my shoulders, arms and fingers. No it’s not. It’s my dick.

    Astrologers can’t even get that right.

  7. Legend has it that I was conceived in the back of a Ford Zodiac, although it might have been a Consul… 😀

  9. The chart in the nom pic is total bullshit. My erogenous zone? Let’s see. MY COCK! And likely to be done and asleep within 5 minutes.

    • The chart says “Hers” at the bottom so anyone here that has found something even remotely similar to their likes is obviously a mincing homo!

      • I’ve never been interested in Leos.

        Wishful thinking on your part as usual, Miss.

        Dream on sailor 😉

        😀 😀

      • “most likely to…offer oral sex.”
        If the shoe fits, wear it!!
        Hehehe 😀

      • Still to dim to work it out, sailor 😀

        Was it the part about “anyone here that has found something even remotely similar to their likes is obviously a mincing homo!” got your tears flowing 😀😀

        Excellent…if the cap fits and all that, Miss 😀😀😀

        😂

      • Hehehe 😀
        Ive told you before.
        I dont want your old furniture!
        Or oral!
        You cant buy love, luv.😁👍

      • I thought all that banging was from the crankshaft on your knackered old transit 😀 turns out it’s your fists on the keyboard, Sailor 😀 😃 Dry your eyes, Miss 🥲 I expect a bigger boy will be along to pull your hair later 😀😀😀

        😂

      • This is ISAC not Gumtree,
        We dont want your old furniture or your eagerly open mouth.
        Get control of yourself ducky.
        Tell you what I’ll do,
        Because im at heart a good lad and I feel sorry for you and your Cressida,
        I’ll take that old fucked sofa the tip- for free!
        I know your very wealthy and could easily afford it.
        Then you could go the (imaginary) pub your (imaginary) mate owns, sit in the imaginary private area and drink imaginary whisky,
        Knowing that pink sofas finally off the lawn and the council’s off your back!
        See?
        I even help the testosterone challenged!!😀👍
        Hahahaha

      • What a rant, Sailor, you’re not the jealous type at all 😀 All this because I’m better than you 😀😀 I’ll be laughing all week, Miss 😀😀😀

        Ps, “Hers” is still at the bottom of the chart, Idiot 😂😂😂

      • Hey serious question,
        You said your wealthy?
        But you don’t seem to have a wealthy mans lifestyle?
        How come?
        Id be all jetskiing and living it up!
        But you seem happy sat on a bench making paste sandwiches?
        Dont seem to do anything really do you?
        Its not that I think your a fantasist, just a bull shitter.
        Fess up, your on invalidity benefits arent you?
        No shame in it!
        Be a man! Tell the truth!😀

      • Like a scab you can’t stop picking you two. Riggs and Murtaugh, Kramer vs Kramer, Chief Brody and Jaws, Rocky and Apollo Creed…..

        Just harmless banter, it’s fine. – DA

      • Hes like scabies
        He gets under my skin.
        A grade billy bullshit.

        Okay now we need to remind everyone of the rules. Be polite to your fellow cunters. Whether new or old, this rule applies equally. I’m all for banter (encourage it in fact), but there is a line between that and cunting a fellow cunter. Be mindful. – DA

      • Gets carried away doesn’t he, DA. Not sure why, only the insecure take it from banter to personal. I usually reply a couple of times and let her have the last word because I know her mascara will end up running…with this tirade being a perfect example 😉

        Time to count my money 💰 💰 💰 😈

        The rules go both ways, don’t try to wind him up. – DA

      • Theres a “goes both ways” joke there somewhere but instead I will continue with my exemplary behaviour 🤫 😇 👍

      • Admin, my apologies for letting coolforcunts trigger me,
        Ive tried to offer guidance and show him how to conduct oneself,
        Even offered him money for his leccy metre!
        But you cant help the hopeless im afraid….

        It’s fine. I’m just here to remind people of the rules, and make the odd glib comment. – DA

      • Apology accepted 👍 Just remember your place little man 😉 If you want tips on how to better yourself, make something of yourself and be successful, just ask, I’m here to help 💰👋

        Did you actually read what I just said? Stop trying to wind him up. FFS – DA

      • Zzzzzzzz
        Admin says not to rise to your baiting ive got to let you bore me to death.
        That poor Cressida ☹️
        And imaginary pub mate☹️

      • Ps
        Left a imaginary £20 behind the imaginary bar to get yourself a pimms.
        Dont be sick on your red jeans darling…,😀😀👍

        Same goes for you. Please behave the pair of you. Unless you’d prefer to fight with handbags at dawn. – DA

      • Quite right too, as I said, know your place,here and in life in general little man 👍

        😉

        Seriously. Don’t. This is the final warning. I’m trying to work and having to deal with petty squabbles. If either of you start again you’ll regret it. – DA

      • Hehehe
        Your not fit to shake the drops from my winky.
        Your a disgrace.
        And a closet pauper.😀👍

        Read the below post – DA

    • I’d just ban cfc admin. It’s hardly the first time he’s tried to Robin Bastard a fellow cunter.

      We don’t ban anyone here unless they’re a total cunt as we believe in freedom of speech. We wouldn’t even ban famed 70’s cunt footballer Robin Friday arguably the biggest cunt to ever play the game. Mainly because he kicked Mark Lawrenson in the face which we agree with. – DA

      • Admin that are here now are spot on when it comes to being impartial and seeing both sides of the story and are firm but fair, GTC! Plus they saw straight through you for a start and had a good sweep out, so wind your neck in, stop sulking and try not to trip over your scarf, Pike 😉

        I know this is banter, but going by earlier I must remind everyone once again of the rules. I’m not taking any more personal attack shit from ANYONE to ANYONE I don’t care who they are. Keep it as banter lads. I shouldn’t have to remind you of this. – DA

      • Are you STILL sore about Deadpoolgate cfc? Good grief let it go – there are far more important things to worry about.

        Please read the below – DA

      • And yes admin, Mark Lawrenson is a grade A cunt.

        Anyone who kicks him in the face is alright by us – DA

      • Sore over Deadpoolgate? Why would I be? I have won it twice 😀 You? (Keep quiet Shaun of the dead)

        “Far more important things to worry about” you say. Not as far as you’re concerned by the look of it or you wouldn’t have mentioned it 😉

        2-0 😀

      • DA why did you remove my reply? There was absolutely no personal attack in that as was your advice.

        If you don’t want me to reply then why not remove GTC’s posts? After all if he hadn’t made them I wouldn’t reply to them.

        I didn’t want to instigate things further, same applies to him. Post on another subject or not about each other for a bit. I’ve no issues with any of you, just trying to calm things down a bit – DA

      • Fuck it, I’m out anyway! Whole thing on this nom has got ridiculous and more bother than it is worth 🙁

        Bah….bahhhhhh!

      • He forgot his handbag.👜

        Just try to keep yourselves apart for a bit. I seriously don’t have time for this nonsense. – DA

      • Dead right, DA. Robin Friday was an overrated cunt, and a myth was built up about him during the 90s and the Lads Mag/Britpop era. Cunts like Loaded magazine and members of Oasis (but not the Gallagher cunts for once) saying that Friday was as good as George Best. Complete bollocks. Steve Coppell and Gordon Hill were both better than Friday. As were Tony Currie, Stan Bowles, and the late Frank Worthington.

      • Pray tell, how else am.i supposed to interpret “plus they saw straight through you for a start and had a good sweep out” cfc? 🙂 I bet you won’t respond.

  10. I’m guessing that Lord B. is a Gemini…”likely to try out new positions”….depending on which way the pulleys and ropes get entangled in the disabled toilet at Tesco presumably.

    Just joking,Lord B….glad that you’re still capable.

  11. My wife left me because of my constant zodiac puns.

    It finally Taurus apart.
    I never understood why the authorities never caught the Zodiac killer 50 years ago in California.
    After all, all the signs were there.

  13. Whom has the energy these days for such things? I’d rather do something less energetic.

  15. I felt physically sick when that fat fuck Russell Grant announced that “Uranus will bring you pleasant surprises”
    Filthy sod.

  17. Mrs P had a total hysterectomy 6 months ago due to stage 1 womb cancer. Very lucky for it to be detected early, but she will have checkups every 6 months for 2 years.

    She blamed bad behaviour previously on periods, now blames it on the surgical menopause. I can’t win. I’m lucky to get a hand job every 6 months.

  18. Further to that, in the case of getting old and desperate for sex you might feel the urge for inappropriate masturbation material. Whilst cleaning the spare room I can confirm that it is impossible to get a hard on if only old Blue Peter Annuals are available.
    Example:
    https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/154313659384

  19. I’ve had Morris Minor sex, Ausstin Mini sex and Ford Cortina sex.
    Never tried it in a Zodiac.

    • Some cunts are named after where they were conceived.
      Brooklyn Beckham, Chelsea Clinton, Van Morrison…

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