The National Lottery (2)

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A roulette table with the usual zero and double zero has 38 numbers. If you lay a bet on any single number and get lucky then you will win 35 times your stake. The casino will not pay 38 times your stake. They have an ‘edge’ which ensures that mathematically, over an extended period of time, they cannot lose.

Even with such a small ‘edge’ in their favour casinos are able to expand into hugely profitable hotel complexes employing thousands of staff.

The lowest cash prize on the UK lottery is for matching 3 numbers. The best odds for doing so is if the first 3 numbers drawn do not match any of your selected numbers.

You then have 6 chances (the maximum) from the remaining 56 numbers (the minimum).

6 chances in 56….5 chances in 55….4 chances in 54.
Combined odds of 1,386 to 1.

And for beating those eye watering odds you will recieve £30.
Having paid £2 for your selection, that is 15 to 1.

The National Lottery will tell you that half of your stake has gone to ‘good causes’.
Fair enough, then pay out half of the odds of 1,386 to 1……You cunts.

And people are still daft enough to buy lottery tickets every week. Perhaps in the hope that they will win a few million pounds, but not taking into account that they must beat the odds of over 45 million to one to do so.

Go to a casino instead. Put your £2 stake on any single number at if it wins then put the entire winnings on another number. The odds of winning that way are 1,444 to 1. Very similar to the odds of matching 3 numbers on the lottery. The difference is that the casino will pay you £2,450.

The National Lottery is a disgrace. It’s a tax for the hopelessly stupid.

Nominated by: The Artful Cunter

95 thoughts on “The National Lottery (2)”

  1. I totally agree-like the Football pools before them. Preying on the desperate and the stupid.

  3. But someone wins? Who knows – it could be you!!!

      • So what you’re saying is, is that we should start an ISAC lottery company and divide the profits amongst all of us? Where do I sign? I’m sold.

  4. They have a lottery in Greenland; just for eskimos.
    You have to be Inuit to win you it.

  5. We’re those winners in the nom pic selected because they are mixed race?

  6. I missed the lottery jackpot by just two numbers last week.
    I live at number12; the cunt at number 14 won it.

  7. The odds of winning the lottery jackpot when there were 49 numbers was:
    49/6 x 48/5 x 47/4 x 46/3 x 45/2 x 44/1 = 13,983,816 (approximately 14 million)

    Then they increased it to 56 numbers so the odds are 1 in 45,057,474
    They increased the stake to £2 so more profits for Camelot.
    A tax on the stupid indeed.

  8. I once heard that, statistically, you have more chance of suffering a fatal cardiac arrest whilst watching the lottery than watching the lottery and scooping the jackpot.

    Wouldn’t suprise me in the least if it was true. Bloke in the pub said it was.

    • I know some one who won it twice, he was Italian. And another of my mates out with a lottery winner and she wanted to piss all over him and she had plastic sheets so she meant it. Not kidding. It’s a shower, literally.

  9. The lottery indeed….giving hope to life’s terminal losers since 1994 😂 Scratch card junkies are almost as bad 🧐

    Fuck off!

    • Remember self-proclaimed ‘King of the Chavs’, Michael Caroll? He won almost £10million, spunked the lot up the wall and within eight years was applying for his old job as a binman.
      There is this thing about a ‘Lotto curse’ or whatever, but some people are just cunts money or not.

      • Ahh yes! Then he went not to become a “Bitcoin” millionaire.
        According to the pr machine for bitcoin😉

  10. I was very fortunate to have a large lottery win about 10 years ago.
    Mrs B was interviewed about the win and I couldn’t help but feel very sorry for her.

    As soon as the numbers came up, I immediately knew it would be a wife changing amount.

    • A bounder and a cad, Bertie! Does IsAC have room for another moneyed skirt chasing, hard drinking North of England playboy?

      • Good day Libs.
        Consider me as a more refined MNC type.
        Whereas Miserable has perfected his craft with flashing at the more mature ladies in the Peaks, I tend to concentrate on up skirts shots of the younger clientele!

      • Bertie@
        Youve got your work cut out being more refined than me!!
        If that’s even possible?
        Im the David Niven of the High Peaks area!

      • Good evening Bertie.

        I hear that Katie Price is bankrupt (again) so will be looking for a sugar daddy to keep her in Botox and boob jobs.

      • Erm….haven’t you just admitted a criminal offence, Sir Bert?

        I see your name on a register very soon. 😉

  11. I said to the wife.
    “What would you do if I won the lottery?”
    She said. “I would take half and divorce you.”
    I said. “Great, I’ve just won a tenner, here’s £5, now fuck off.”

  12. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life. — Cecil Rhodes.

  13. I cunted this off in the last post – fucking poor man’s tax is what it is.

    Just like that cunty postcode lottery shite filmed on some pikey housing estate, with the cheeky chappy, god I want to punch his face in Jeff Brazier.

    “Someone’s knocking at the door, someone’s ringing the bell”

    Bell end’s more like!

    Cunts.

  14. It’s the fucking charity side of it that I object to…I’d rather see ” Lotto Lout”,Mickey Carrol get the money than the likes of The Arts, deprived children, Um’Bongos and The Duchess of Northumberland.

    Fuck them.

    • I agree. The Arts were never considered as being in need of charity in the not too distant past. Why now?
      If I ever see a new Modern Art building there’s usually a sign saying ‘Lottery Funded’.
      But not only lottery funded but from the public purse as well.
      The ruination of the Arts really.

      • Evening,Miles.

        “Andrew Lloyd Webber has said he will open his theatres on 21 June, and is prepared to be arrested if authorities try to intervene.”……I hope the Cunt keeps his word and is indeed arrested…. and jailed for life.

      • I am hoping that hanging is brought back, even if only for Lloyd-Flubber, the odious sack of shite. I had hoped the cunt had fucked of to Brussels, but these types never keep their promises.

    • I thought Andrew Lloyd’s arsted theatre could never possibly close, the gapping wound it must be

      • WhatsAppened to his face, it’s melted. Like a dominoes pizza.

  15. Slightly off-topic, but have often wondered what happens to the money when a regulator like OFCOM or the Office of Fair Trading fines a company thousands or even millions of pounds for a fuck up like an employee getting seriously injured?

    Who actually gets that money, and what do they do with it?

  16. I reckon at least one in every three adverts are now for online gambling. Hardly surprising there has been a significant increase in the number of young people becoming addicted to gambling. The government really should do something but of course anything they do will be too little and far too late.

    And fucking scratch and sniff cards sold fucking everywhere, with cunts queuing up in front of me to buy the cunts or asking the cashier to check whether they have any winning tickets. Meanwhile waiting in the queue behind impatient cunts like me are waiting.

    Lottery started at £1 a pop, and you had a chance (from memory) of 1 in 14m of winning the jackpot from 6 balls. Understand the price has now doubled, you need a greater number of balls to win, and that the jackpot has been limited? Could be wrong about the last one. Also, the prize instead of a lump sum, can be split over monthly payments for life? Fucking cheap skates.

    The National Lottery- a tax on the thick and the stupid.

    • Agree regards the gambling adds. My two lads are too young to go in a betting shop but are not deemed too young to see wankers like Ray Winstone and Harry Redknapp promoting in game betting in the halftime adverts. No wonder youngsters are being tempted.

      • I had a gambling problem until Romanian mediusa come out. Honestlyn she looked like Dracula.

      • When I was a kid, my dad said to me ‘ I have enough trouble buying my own cars. There’s no chance I’m going to buy one for the local bookmaker!’

  17. Great nom. If they didn’t have this thing about massive multi million pound jackpots and paid out lesser sums more often, it would be fairer. A hundred grand can be life changing for many. Early retirement or paying off the mortgages for example. Four numbers gets you virtually fuck all because all the bunce is saved up for super duper jackpots in a vain attempt to seduce the gullible. And don’t get me started on that crap about money going to good causes. Just another tax, albeit optional.

    • Of course it fuckin rigged against you!
      People know that.
      Its hope theyre selling.
      Retire, sit on a beach basking like a lizard, drive some gay sportscar, have a facelift,
      And mix with celebs.
      Couldn’t think of nowt worse.
      Fuck the charity side too.
      Mickey Carroll enjoyed it and good luck to the lad!
      I enjoyed the papers whining about how he didn’t deserve it and it should be taken off him.
      He won fair & square,
      Fuck em.

  18. Every advert.
    Gambling or charity.
    They are determined to twist every last penny out of the gullible, stupid and desperate.

  19. Been in Donny recently. The centre is getting back to normal business with the pandemic hopefully, presumably receding.
    To the right of the main centre the sign says ‘The Civic Quarter’. The culture part see. This is the part where NOBODY goes. You just have to walk this fifty yards or so and leave the bustle of the centre and it’s like a silence descends, you could almost picture tumbleweed blowing through it’s midern concrete ‘spaces’
    Block after block of art galleries, museums, theatres, the new kibrary and there is nobody there. Just a few pisshead sat at the numerous ‘fountains’.
    You often see ‘lottery funded’.

  20. FMC@ – The lottery is voluntary, what is stolen from our taxes to fund shit is not.
    It should be an option on tax returns – “do you want a portion of your wages to fund invaders, pee doughs and invading murderers or not”?

  21. Most disappointed to find I was the only fucker not wearing a facemask in Sainsburys this afternoon.

    So much for Freedom Day.

    “Freedom… freedom… alla god’s chilluns gotta have dere freedom…”

    • You rebel, I am surprised you weren’t arrested and dragged round the car park behind a shopping trolley.

      Mind you the Stasi probably just assumed you were exempt (being an elderly gentleman) 😂

      I still have 6 or 7unused masks so I will bloody well keep wearing them until they are gone, nowt like getting your money’s worth, they cost me 2 quid for 10 aye.

      • This being Sainsburys they probably assumed that you would be wearing your Klan hood, Ruffers.

      • Naturally I’m somewhat of a celebrity at the Portmeirion branch.

        Evening LL, SOI 👍

      • Evening RTC, and don’t forget to take advantage of the free hand sanitiser, my local Tesco has hand gel at both the entrance and exit, I always have a double dip 👍

  22. A toilet janitor wins 30million on the lottery.
    The press arrive and camp outside his house. Somebody asks him if it will change his life?
    Of course it fucking will, it’s 30million quid, it’s bound to change my life.
    What about your wife, does she work?
    Yes she cleans the ladies next door.
    Will it change her life?
    Why!!! Has she won it too?

  23. We should all now wear a face mask as a cod piece (aka Larry Blackmon from Cameo) or a fanny piece. Bollocks to extended restrictions.

  24. It’s a fix. I remember when it went up to £2. Amazingly I won £20. When I went to pick up my winnings the woman behind the counter said ‘ I’ve had at least ten people already won £20 this morning’. Never played that bullshit again.

  25. Nosferatu & Lenny Henry in the pic above won a million!
    Only reason I don’t play is I don’t accept cheques.
    Besides some cunt would swindle me out of it☹️
    Not the flash type
    Or sat on my arse type anyway.
    Its more for lazy cunts and late rising types, bit ducky darling sorts.
    Only thing id buy is one of those posh blow up dolls for in the shed and a Gatling gun.

      • Ive done that already LL.
        Itd be wasted on me to be honest.
        Id get a inside loo,
        One of those contraptions that keep your food cold,
        And that’s about it.
        Dont want to get airs an graces,
        Worried id lose myself in the heady world of shopping at Argos.

      • So you’re all dressed up as a first world war officer with moustache and monocle sitting astride the Gatling gun (juddering away) pointing the gun at the blow up doll? is that it?
        So that’s what you get up to up to when you tell Mrs Miserable youre- ‘just having half an hour in the shed’ .

      • Evening Miles.
        Id use the gatling gun to kills rats, dinghy sailors, cheeky frenchmen and anyone who wears red jeans.
        While writing letters from the front to Rubber Susan
        Like Wilfred Owen the war poet. 😀
        Or was it Wilfred Brambell?

      • Oh I’ve got it about the Gatling gun and the blow up doll. The doll us not for ‘blowing up’ Miserable but n the military sense. No (and I know this will be a shock to you in your innocence) a blow up doll is for having sexual relation with.
        Nothing to do with destroying it.

      • Oh I’ll ‘destroy’ her alright.
        The sheds shaking?
        Dont enter…

    • MNC@ – It would be great to win it just so I could get up later! (I don’t mind working any amount of hours in a day and any number of days in a week but I have always hated early starts – anything before 5AM is positively injurious to a chaps constitution!
      If it was a massive win I would also strongly consider waiting until there was a sale on and buying a new back tyre for the bike – hang the expense..

      • Evening Foxy,
        Whether you like it or not,
        Early rising is what we do.
        Its character building.
        If its good enough for farmers, milkmen, and street lamp snuffers its good enough for us.
        It gives us purpose,
        And separates us working men from effete kimono wearing ducky types.
        Dont fall into southern ways lying in bed till 7am,
        Your a good boy and Id hate to see you go down the wrong path!
        Up at 5am
        Wash (cold water only)
        Few star jumps
        Out the door.

  26. Great pic, Admin, showing that the laws of chance were invented by and for whitey but if you are Nigerian, you are bound to win nowadays. A message strongly and not-too-subliminally reinforced by this:
    https://www.campaignlive.co.uk/article/m-s-boosts-d-i-creds-launch-multi-hued-range-neutral-lingerie/1719909

    If I were woke, I could point out that this exploits wimminz (#mememetoo), and violates public decency – in today’s paper Times, incidentally – but as it would be racist to do so, I won’t.

    Come to M&S, Mbongo, and grab yourself some white tail…

  27. Orwell wrote about a national lottery in his novel 1984. Keeps the masses from achieving genuine success as they place all thier Hope’s on the lottery. Work hard earn rewards. Wear grey tracksuits stay unemployed and call your half cast kid Alfie and win 20 quid a year.
    I call my local council estate lottoland.
    Bunch of cunts.

  28. Whenever I see a scratch off littering the ground i look at it. The way I figure is if a person is too stupid to see how wasteful it is to buy one, maybe they are too stupid to pay close enough attention to see that they won something. Would serve the littering cunt right.
    And no I don’t throw it back on the ground.

    • A sad sight in the vicinity of the shop where they bought it from and finding a place (usually a rubbish bin) to lean upon they scratch the card. Invariably if they win they go straight back in to get another one.
      Another desperate thing they do is over study their loss as it were. You can tell they’ve lost but continue to look at it for quite a while after to make sure.
      Then do they throw it on the ground in supressed anger not in the bin they’ve just been leant upon.

  29. 12% tax, 9% to operators, 25% to “good causes” – in other words 46% is “skimmed off.” That’s quite a lot. Maybe you like the idea of supporting “good causes”?

    I tried to Google a list of these “good causes” but gave up after a while as the information isn’t that easy to obtain. Probably, I suspect, because the “good causes” are not ones that benefit the punters who buy the tickets.

    Chances of winning the biggest prize, “you have to be in it to win it”; 45 million to one. That’s like picking the winning ticket out of a pile 450 metres high (twice the height of Canary Wharf). Put another way it’s like having one winning ticket from having bought tickets twice a week for six, 90 years old, lifetimes.

    All in all a piss poor bet I’d agree.

    • You are way out mikdys.

      If each lottery ticket is half a millimetre thick then 45 million of them stacked together would be 22.5 kilometers high.

      Not twice the height of Canary Wharf.
      More like almost 3 times the height of Mount Everest.

    • You’re welcome!

      Also, buying 2 tickets every week, 104 a year.
      It would average that you would win one in every 430,000 years (approx).

      Considerably longer than 6 lifetimes.
      It’s about double the time from when modern day humans evolved.

      In other words…… Absolutely no fucking chance.

  30. Shows what I know. Last time I played the UK lottery, it was a quid and 49 numbers. Mystic Meg also featured as I recall. Is that daft old bint still alive? So 2 quid now and 50 odd numbers as well! When did that change? Bloody hell. You leave the country for 20 years and this is what happens! You lot can’t be trusted to keep Blighty the same for when I visit. Next you’ll be telling me the place has been overrun with foreigners. Just the thought of it – pffft.

    At least the winner gets all the dosh. Over here, they deduct income tax AND take it out up front so you don’t get tempted to abscond with the full monty and ‘forget’ to mention it on your next tax return. Cunts. The winnings have already been taxed FFS. Greedy fucking cunts the IRS. May they all be savaged by spider monkeys.

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