So you want a 90% mortgage and get paid cash in hand? No problem.
The entire mortgage system is a cunt and someone needs to sort these cunts out.
Recently I moved in with (soon to be) Mrs Sausage. We got our mortgage approved, sorted our current residences, and in her case, booked movers. I was to help her move on the day, and as I had a few days left on my lease (she owned, I rented), I was gonna move myself in the days after.
All going fine.
The night before, I get to hers to help with the final packing and it turns out that Barclays haven’t released the funds.
All was approved, all booked and ready, but the solicitors didn’t have the money.
After frantic calling and constantly being told “urrrrr don’t know” in answer to every single fucking question, we went to bed not knowing if we were moving or not.
To say that the morning of the move was stressful is an understatement to say the least. Apparently Barclays hadn’t processed all the paperwork properly and instead of telling anyone, just didn’t bother releasing the money.
So we sat and waited with a truck and 4 movers hanging around doing nothing.
I was getting calls from my work mate who we were buying the house from, he was getting bitched out by the next one in the chain and the boss of the moving company was threatening to pull his blokes off the job.
Eventually we got the green light and everyone in the chain could move…..
AT 4 O’ FUCKING CLOCK …
According to the movers this happens all the time.
Moving’s hard enough without a bunch of retards dealing with the finances.
Fuck bankers. Fuck solicitors.
….Fuck ever moving again.
Nominated by: DeploytheSausage
Excellent cunting by the way – DA
This happens all the time, mr Sausage.
Especially when its a chain,
And especially on a Friday.
Its a pain in the arse.
I can have the van loaded and parked outside the new property at 11.30am but cant start to unload till 4pm.
Pisstake.
If moving and not heard anything by 12, then you won’t hear anything till after 2pm because they like a leisurely lunch solicitors.
And occasionally it falls through,
Where you have to move back into your old property.
Sad faces all round.☹️
22
@MNC. Me and Ethel have never moved. Don’t see the point. Been in the same house for decades.
The answer to your question on the Starmer thread is that it would take a lot more than fairy lights to bring Fiddler’s place up to scratch. We just opened all his gates, Ethel shat on his doorstep and we fucked off down river.
Morning, MNC. 😄
10
Morning Jack👍
We’re looking to move,
More me than the missus.
One we viewed was Arthur Lowes old house.
Moving is stressful, mainly because of the solicitors and their bullshit.
Fiddlers not like it was in the brochure?
‘Northumbrias no1 family holiday park!!’
8
Reported him to Trading Standards.
The cunt.
Arthur Lowe. Legend.
8
Ive booked the North west flashers convention there Jack.
He gave me a 20% discount.
Now im starting to think we should of kept our regular venue at prince Andrews place?
6
The etymology of mortgage is literally ‘dead pledge’ which means it will last until you die Miserable. Maybe next time you’re waiting into the afternoon and you know nothing’s going to happen you could say to the people -‘ I’m afraid this pledge is already dead, stillborn.’
Once they’ve got over their huge disappointment they will say later-‘that removals man was very cryptic’.
What do yoh think? A little frisson of having superior knowledge there for you?
No need to thank me.
5
Theyre stressed enough Miles without me winding them up.
I charge by the hour so its no skin off my nose when the solicitors are acting the goat.
I just sit in the van eat my butties, have a brew and relax.
Once the sale fell through on a woman and she was screaming and swearing down the phone!
Then burst into tears.
Felt dead sorry for her.
10
Interesting comments. I’ve only moved house four times and I’ve had issues on three of the occasions. One time we ended up with most of our belongings stored in boxes in the garage for two years (two years!) until we managed to get buyers and sellers who didn’t mess us around. Moving house is an absolute nightmare.
My wife still keeps looking for houses to move to but luckily we can’t afford any of the ones she likes. I’m hoping, when the house we are living in now is eventually sold, it will be the kids selling it for inheritance and it won’t be my problem 😁
I’d be interested to know just how unlucky I am. Out of every 4 house moves booked do 3 have problems? I’d bet it’s a high percentage but probably not 75%.
5
Last time this happened to me, I invoiced my Business banking manager with an invoice for £450-and got paid 👍
15
Moving is a cunt without doubt. Try phoning Barclays customer services and give it to em, you might get some compo, I did but a different issue.
It’s another legal con. Search fees, land registry, surveys, energy certificate,stamp duty, legal fees.etc. Bunch o’cunts.
A tiger licking the arse of another tiger and when asked wtf he was up to replied I’ve just eaten a solicitor and can’t get the taste out of my mouth.
12
Yeah if you complain you should get some comp, if you really want you can then go to the financial ombudsman which will automatically charge Barclays £550 even if they don’t uphold it.
7
I used to work in mortgages and sometimes the company fucks up, but 99% of the time it’s the solicitors thinking they can send over the certificate of title at the last second on a Friday and expect the funds the same day.
10
Good luck in your new gaffe, Mr. Sausage.
👍
6
Seconded.
And for your forthcoming nuptials.
Assume we’ll all be receiving invites to the housewarming?
5
Thanks Jack and rtc…. the place is lovely, settled in nicely now.
Tbh rtc, I’m hoping the wedding will coincide with another wave of covid so I don’t have to invite anyone 😂.
Won’t be for ages yet anyway….
2
Yes well cunted. Moving is a cunt I’m in the process myself fucking about decorating etc before we move. Lenders are massive cunts. And office staff at lenders solicitors etc are next to useless at best. Oh and delivery drivers who knock off early to watch some shit England game are cunts. Good luck with your move Mr sausage.
8
Cheers everyonesacunt, yes our solicitor was useless. Never had an answer to any question, had to be chased up at every stage and blamed literally everything on covid.
3
Sausage@
While I too wish you happiness in your new home,
As a bloidy cheapskate who moved himself taking money from the mouths of poor removal men,
I hope you dropped your bleeding 50in plasma telly in the process.😀👍
6
😂😂 it’s a 60 inch in fact. I didn’t drop it but I might as well have as the lass won’t have it in the house as its “too big”…..
If I had a pound for every time a lass has told me that 🤔
2
All seriousness Sausage,
All the best of luck and congratulations 👍
2
Cheers mate 👍
2
Cunts they are, unusually it wasnt fucking Lloyds, they usually fuck everything up and thats before the cunt solicitors have their final money making flurry….theres always something, these fuckers should be made responsible for all the last minute costs and agro they cause…..its a mortgage for fuck sake not the countries benefit system, although thats organised by treble cunts as well.
7
Solicitors are all cunts.
Good luck with the move.
8
Hitler once declared his intention to finally ban duelling… except those between lawyers and members of the clergy!
4
Barclays being a bunch of cunts seems to be a theme here. Wonder if it has anything to do, judging by their adverts, the amount of spazzas, dark keys and starnis they have, all working from home?
9
Could be worse, you could offer someone the full asking price like we did a few years back and them say thanks so much , we are taking it off the market, only to then be told sorry we’ve accepted 5k more of someone else 4 weeks later , would you like to offer some more on top of that?
How about you fuck off you cunts
That shit needs to be stopped.
13
Mortgages are cunts but Í have found that removals men are bigger cunts. Dropping shit, ‘losing’ shit, sniffing knicker draws and demanding tea be made in an empty house.
Glad I left Stockport.
12
Hahahaha 😂
I see your a old customer!!
8
I can’t spare no money for a mortgage.I am stuffed.House prices are silly.Through the roof.As a single bloke I don’t stand a cat in hells chance.
10
That’s why I moved away from London. Moved oop naaaf…..
It’s lovely up here, the houses are cheaper and so are the lasses.
The only downside is that before long you’ll be saying words like “nowt” and “int”, “skeg” and “neb”…..
3
Estate agents, solicitors, banks. They are looking after themselves, not you.
CUNTS.
5
When we moved here in 1999 our experience was strikingly similar to yours Mr Sausage. What I’ve learned today is that this is and was unexceptional. As regards banks I have experienced their total collapse in the area of customer sevice over the years. I opened an account with Barclays in 1969. Over the years I was entirely happy with the service they gave and in 1978 they covered theirselves in glory when they came to our rescue in a house move. The details are long and complicated but on a Sunday evening the whole chain was about to fall apart which would have caused us huge disruption and cost. The following morning I walked into the bank without an appointment and asked the manager for a bridging loan. He phoned me after lunch to say it was all arranged and we could pay it back when everything was completed. Younger folks to whom I have told this tale are often incredulous and I can understand why. Within just a few years of that event the service had declined to such a level we gave up Barclays though I must say the banks we have dealt with since are also rubbish.
5
Barclays are cunts.
A few years ago I had an ISA with them, and when it matured I found that they’d only paid me 1% interest instead of the special ‘loyalty’ of 6.5% they’d offered (those were the days!).
Took me months to sort out. Every time I phoned or visited the branch I spoke to somebody different, who always promised to sort it but never did. In the end I had to track down the asst. manager who’d sold me the ISA (now at a different branch, of course), go there, and speak to her personally. Finally I got my cash plus £100 compo, but not before the cunts nearly drove me to distraction.
Banks are CUNTS.
Sorry WP seem to still be randomly auto-moderating your posts. Still looking into this, I think it’s a cookie thing – DA
7
Thanks DA. Cleaned out cookies before I posted. Will do again.
4
Never had one, never needed one, never will.
Heard some horror stories. Friends of mine have been paying off interest and haven’t even paid off towards the mortgage, just keep paying the interest. The mortgage lenders must be pissing themselves!
5
Moving is stressful enough without any of this. Only once did I arrange to take out a mortgage and I got gazumped. Ended up buying another house for a lot less and paid cash.
5
Friends of mine are also looking for a house. Every time they find one and offer the asking price they find themselves immediately overlooked for someone who is a cash buyer, ergo not in a chain.
Cash is king in the housing market for sure.
3
Thanks to my mortgage advisor who is a rare stand up guy, my mortgage was the least stressful part of my last move, having to deal with a divorce at the same time, the two biggest stressful events you can go through. Can’t say the same for any other cunt involved in the process, from cunt solicitors, cunt estate agents and the fucking probate office that helpfully upgraded their computer system meaning a four month delay, much to my annoyance, and the cunt I was divorcing, as she was blaming me for the fucking delay.
I need to cunt this at some point, but I can’t be arsed. One day…
5
Only moved once, similar experience to DTS. Van loaded by 1000 hrs, eventually got into our new house, literally two minutes away, at 1800 hrs or thereabouts. Never, ever again. The next time I move out it will be in a body-bag.
5
I charge extra for that DCI.
5
😂😂
4
One thing that pisses me off is Stamp Duty. I moved into my present house 15 years ago and had to pay £700. Four weeks later they upped the limit, if I’d have known this I’d have waited and saved myself some money. Another bastard tax to waste on illegal inmo’s, vanity projects and other assorted shit. I would love to know where it got spent.
5
Given that the average student incurs around 20K of debt for doing a degree I think a mortgage will be the last of their worries.
Student loans – a guaranteed way of ensuring only the the rich ever get a mortgage.
Social engineering under the guise of opportunity.
5
Barclays did EXACTLY the same to the ex and me in, I think, 1987. It was the year the cunts posted biggest ever profits.
I went straight upstairs, and started yelling the odds at the first dozy bint I saw, until she looked on the point of losing control of her guts. The transfer went through within minutes.
It is NO fun at all to get a call from your solicitor to say that funds haven’t arrived. Looks like it’s Barclays standard policy.
Fucking cunts.
3
Common practice by all these cunts, we’ve had to watch people moving in the said sold property before now, whilst we wait for funds to clear and keys released for us to move on to the new property, its a game to them. TWATS!
2
It’s no coincidence that ‘O! Clitoris’ is an anagram of Solicitor!
4
I wonder what would happen if everybody lived with their parents until the age of 32 and were forced to save 75% of their income so that they could buy a house outright and not have to bother with a mortgage, what would happen to banks?
Imagine having to pay 50% of your earnings just to pay for a roof over your head AND pay the fucking bank interest? Then you have to pay for food, fuel, petrol, train fares, council tax, home repairs, budgeting to replace windows every 20 years, re-roof every 30 years, inspecting and paying for EICR’s and electrical repairs every 10 years plus drains and gas boiler repairs and inspections. Not to mention if you get your wife up the spout paying to bring up a family until they’re 21. It’s a nightmare. How do the immos manage it?
2
I am a Mortgage Broker and there are 7 of us in my company.
We do not use Barclays because they are shit. Wrong spelling of names of the mortgage offer is common. Solicitors don’t bother to check the offer so its all last minute.com and good luck getting any bank do do anything in a hurry.
I would sleep in a ditch over using Barclays and Solicitors are cunts.
Amazingly clients are also cunts as about 30% get the question ” What is your name ? ” wrong ! – not even joking , they miss middle names , get titles wrong
Passports don’t have your title and Driving Licences don’t fit all your names in if your parents gave you 3 fucking middle names. They even give their middle name as a first name or don’t mention that its Dave without a D or an A or a V fucking cunts even get the fucking address of the house they are buying wrong.
In short – Cunts everywhere ! Barclays to Cunt
2