Death

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Death now that’s a real cunt.

Life has its ups and downs, it can be beautiful, it can be ugly. At times you can feel so elated that you are like a teenager who has just touch second base for the first time or like passing your driving test first go aged 17. Sometimes it like being dumped at the youth club disco or that you miss an open goal in an important footie game.

We are born and basically dribble from the mouth cry a lot and shit and piss ourselves. A life time of learning and experiences help us to get to know life well and just as we are beginning to get the hang of it and enjoy to the max along comes old age where once again we end up crying in pain and pissing and shitting ourselves. Now that is a cunt.

But; the biggest cunt of all is death. That is a real blow just when you are getting to like it.

Nominated by: Everyonesacunt 

(I have a strong urge to play some Blue Oyster Cult and “Don’t Fear the Motherfuckin’ Reaper” – DA)

69 thoughts on “Death”

  2. Only two things in life are certain. Death and cunts.

  3. Life is one lap of the track.
    Run your best, there are no rehearsals.
    I fear failure much more than death.

    • Thats alright for you Foxy your on a bike!
      Im not built like mo fuckin Farah!

  4. You know you’re on borrowed time when relations start asking “Have you made a will yet?”

    And I’m buggered if my wife/widow is going to sell our home just to pay for my care home bills should I reach that particular stage in my twillight years!

    Live for the moment – enjoy excesses while you can and hope for an early but painless demise.
    Quite frankly I’d rather be dead than face some of the mad woke shit that is happening to this truly fucked-up country!

    • Every man needs a safety box containing a syringe and one giant dose of the finest heroin, in case of emergency death.

      Fuck giving all your money and property to the care home vultures, the cunts!

    • It’s bleddy shit!
      My mum’s in a care home ,and because she scrimped and saved and lived lol ke a paucer she pays £3300 a month.
      Meanwhile workshy cunts whose care is funded by the council are sitting in the same lounge staring at the telly .
      The whole situation stinks.

    • Top stuff – from the days when music was music and lyrics meant something 👍

      • Yes, I did get a bit teary in the car yesterday when listening to Richard Burton narrating the 1978 War of the Worlds album – then the Eve of the War track burst into life. I was thinking that was 1978 – fast forward to 2021 and now what do we have – Jesy Nelson and Little Mix – the cream of today’s talent.

        We are on a downwards slide, no fucking doubt. As soon as my kids are old enough, I will play War of the Worlds to them and explain the real music we had as kids.

  7. To quote the Koran on death . . . . . .

    “Wherever you are, death will find you, even if you are in Towers built up strong and high.”
    Quraan [4.78]
    Ah! That be the cladding, that be.

  8. Eeekkk!!!
    Death?
    Posh spices icy touch?
    Oh well, had a laugh, got my end away, wasn’t a orrible cunt,
    Gissa go of yer sythe skinnyribs!
    Sharp innit?
    They have beer where im going Skeletor?
    Nice one!
    You really should get a pie down yer neck lad……

    • As Jesus said
      “Do not go gracefully unto the reaper.
      bend his fingers back
      Kick and scream
      Spit in his boney fuckin face”
      And if its good enough for Jesus its good enough for me.
      Fuck dignity!
      Fight the goth fucker.

      • Jesus also said, “Do not walk in front of me as I might not follow; do not follow me as I might not lead; do not walk beside me. Just fuck off and leave me alone.”

  9. I was going to say that when I die I’d like to come back as a cunt but it seems this idea has been taken up many times before.

    It’s not the dying bit that bothers me, it’s the timing of it. When to max out and spend everything.

  10. Death seems to allude the worst and comes early for the best of us. I like to think those getting the early exit are perhaps fortunate, and the rotting on your feet Heseltine cunts of this world are just storing up more lies to be reviewed upon exit.

  11. Death, be not proud
    BY JOHN DONNE

    Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
    Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
    For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
    Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
    From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
    Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
    And soonest our best men with thee do go,
    Rest of their bones, and soul’s delivery.
    Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
    And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
    And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
    And better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
    One short sleep past, we wake eternally
    And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

    • No man is an island,
      Entire of itself.
      Each is a piece of the continent,
      A part of the main.
      If a clod be washed away by the sea,
      Europe is the less.
      As well as if a promontory were.
      As well as if a manor of thine own
      Or of thine friend’s were.
      Each man’s death diminishes me,
      For I am involved in mankind.
      Therefore, send not to know
      For whom the bell tolls,
      It tolls for thee.

  12. Quote.
    “We have two lives, and the second one starts at the point when we realise that we only have one.”

  13. 🎶
    In the midst of life we are in death, etc
    Etc., etc., etc., etc
    In the midst of life we are in debt, etc 🎶

    • Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings smooth as ravens’ claws.

  14. “Life? death? …. there is no difference” said Thales

    To which somebody responded “Then why don’t you just die?”

    “Because,” said Thales, “there’s no difference.”

      • Says it all TITS.
        Bit like that the greeks .
        Think they’re clever because they invented bumming and broken crockery.

  15. There are some good gravestones around the land.
    This is a popular (if that’s the word) one in Great Budworth church yard.
    Remember me as you pass by
    As you are now so once was I
    As I am now so will you be
    Prepare yourself to follow me.

    One near me in Agecroft is of a RN sailor that states Torpedoed at sea 1944.
    Nothing too unusual until you think, where else could you be torpedoed?

    Here lies an atheist.
    All dressed up
    Nowhere to go

  16. It is the biggest cunt. For the faithless.

    Before you start , I was a huge Dawkins fan.For years. Where has that got us in the west? Think.

    It’s not something you can describe (faith). Not being an arrogant cunt either. Hit me about 20 years ago. I have had help. I know it. Too many coincidences.

    You just know it.

    Don’t worry about death too much (of course we all worry!). Just don’t go looking for it. And yes, the world is full of cunts.

    Relax. Enjoy. Call out the cunts.

  17. Over the last six years I have watched three close relatives suffering from terminal cancer die, one of them literally in front of me. Two of them faced their fate with a bravery that was inspiring and I hope I can emulate when my time comes. Only one lost control and was openly frightened. He was a doctor too. None of them had any kind of religious faith.

    • The vikings famously believed in going to Valhalla.
      where theyd fight, fuck, and drink all day,every day.
      I think thats lovely!
      Much nicer than coming back as a dung beetle or hanging around the clouds with a load of Jehovah’s witnesses.
      Say what you like about norse pirates they were romantics!

    • I feel for all three. I wish I had answers for you but I don’t. Faith helps I’m sure.

      I may do the same myself in similar circumstances. We all need assurances. It’s just the way we are, particularly if you’re a doctor I would think.

      Lets just hope it’s quick and painless and not worry about it.

      Which means this is my last post on this subject, I’ve got a life to lead and cunts to call out.

      • I want to go out doing 80mph in the van a massive heart attack and a oncoming coach full of Muslims going to Ramadan at the mosque….

        See you all in Valhalla

      • I really hope there’s no such thing as reincarnation. I wouldn’t want to go through all this again.

      • My real last word is they I hope there is reincarnation, and that I come back and have a life like my mum’s or our (wife and I) cat’s.

        Fucking luxury. No worries or stress, nice grub on tap and funtime and fusstime on demand.

        The lucky cunts.

  18. Some Woody Allen quotes about life and death, back in the day when he was funny and not sniffing round under-age girls

    “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

    “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”

    “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”

  19. A couple, married for 50 odd years make a pact that whoever snuffs it first they’ll come back and tell the other one what it’s like.
    Sure enough the bloke goes first and the next week the wife is woken up by hubby’s disembodied voice. “Mary, Mary, i’m back.”
    “What’s it like Fiddler?” She says.
    “It’s fucking brilliant Mary Doll. I get up in the morning and have sex, then i’m out on the golf course all morning. A bit of lunch then more sex, back out on the golf course all afternoon, one hole after the other and I finish off with a load of sex. Then it’s a bit of dinner and a load of sex all evening before I fall asleep. Then I get up next morning and do it all over again.”
    “Sounds great” she says, “are you in heaven?
    “No” he says “ I’m a fucking rabbit in Northumberland.”

  21. Death doesn’t seem too bad. Plenty of folk have done it so it must be popular. 😀

  22. Be like Blackadder:

    Tweak the nose if death. And the dreadful, spindly, killer-fish👍

  23. Alas, poor Fiddler! I knew him, Miserable, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath posted on ISAC a thousand times, and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! (Addressing Fiddler’s skull) My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips country maids kissed I know not how oft. —Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite chapfallen? Now get you to my lady’s chamber and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favor she must come. Make her laugh at that.—Prithee, Miserable how goes it with you this fine Summer evening?

    • Evening Miles!
      I dont like to think of Fiddler passing away.
      I’ll be sobbing as I ransack through the bureau
      And crying even as im loading the van.
      I’ll take no pleasure from it.
      I’ll plant a tiny bush upon his grave that blossoms crimson blooms and gives forth tiny sweet berries….
      Highly poisonous of course.
      But Dick would like that!!😀

  24. Reincarnation can’t be true, who the fuck wants to come back as a tin of milk….

  25. Some serious fucking culture on this thread. Donne, Thales, Shakespeare. Some Woody Allen too.

    Masturbation is sex with somebody you love and you don’t have to take your hand out to dinner afterwards and talk about all its little problems.

  26. “He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.” —HH Munro (“Saki”).

    Something we could say just about every person nominated on ISAC.

  27. Death has its benefits. Firstly, it weeds out cunts. Secondly, it’s given rise to some very good obituaries, an under appreciated literary genre. There are some people I’ve never heard about until I read their obituaries.

    “At my age, I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there, I carry on as usual.” —Patrick Moore

  28. Death isn’t always a cunt! When politically correct, perpetually rioting, shrill liberal pigs die this cunt gets so filled with schadenfreudic joy, I retire to my bedroom with a roll of paper towels and I do what comes naturally to us male cunts.

    In my official capacity as a white male cunt, whenever a white-male-hating liberal cocksucking cunt dies, then whenever feasible, I like to not only dance on these cunts’ graves, I lead a C-walking shuffle class across them.

  29. Here today, gone tomorrow, enjoy it while it lasts.
    Forget all the mumbo jumbo and try and make as many days as you can count, because if you don’t, you will regret it.
    Try not to be a cunt, as you will regret that when the time comes. And, avoid those that are as much as you can, they will only make life shitter than it already is.
    Turn the fucking telly off and do something with your days, even if it’s fucking knitting, at least there will be some evidence you existed.

    • Properly funny thanks for putting clip up. He would be banned today. Cunts.

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