A music for bed wetters cunting, mainly for right on snowflake Chris Martin but also his band Coldplay if I may.
This irritating cunt has polluted the airwaves with his middle of the road crap music for far too long.
A man with the ability to seemingly rip off or sound like every other cunt for 20 odd years, whilst subjecting us to vocals as piss weak as soggy cardboard.
When these lot came along in 1999-2000, I will admit to enjoying their first offering and (probably) best song ‘Shiver’ which despite borrowing heavily from the Radiohead/Jeff Buckley mid 90s guitar sound – was still in my opinion, a descent song.
Since then, and with ever growing tedium, this cunt has been plagurising any cunt and every cunt while trying to appear ‘cool’ by hanging around with cunts like Jay-Z.
Virtue signalling his raisin sized bollocks off with the fair trade shite scrawled all over his hands.
Tried his hand at the whole vacuous Hollywood sleb couple thing with Gwyneth fucking Paltrow, calling their daughter fucking ‘Apple’ and then there was the ‘uncoupling’ cuntishness after she binned the whining cunt off.
Which brings me to his latest offering ‘Higher Power’ which is yet more hopping about on one foot, reaching for the sky in multi coloured clothes bollocks.
A mixture of ripping off Don Henley’s Boys of Summer and a pop song from last year called Blinding Lights, by a band called The Weekend.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gXgf5smLEgQ
Not unlike U2 and Bono, Coldplay are a turd that refuses to flush.
Chris Martin – you sir and your band, are indeed – a Cunt.
Nominated by: Herman Jelmet
I first thought this was a nomination from Norman, as is his style.
Coldplay or better known as Coldbore. A tedious assault on the aural senses. Music to grow a beard to.
That Chris Martin is not the sharpest tool in the box. He hooked up with the Doris with the minge scented candles. Says it all really.
Great nomination!
21
I have to agree with you Paul – Piss Martin and NeverHadForeplay are the most boring cunts in the world.
They should be stuck on a raft halfway between Dover and Calais and told to play their music at maximum volume with the speakers facing France to deter the dinghy rats from rowing over here.
5
Ive never met a Coldplay fan.
Or anybody who buys the albums.
But someone does!
I think theyre shite, simply dreadful.
Like non alcohol beer, meatfree burgers, leccy cars, just awful.
Although ive eaten a couple of his missus candles when peckish!
Fishfinger flavoured!
25
Totally accurate description of Coldplay, they are the shandy bass of ‘rock’. Kids sitting around swearing blindly that they’re getting a bit tipsy now listening to mediocre middle of the road blandness.
16
I worked with a guy who was a bit of chavvy boy racer type; nice lad as it goes (albeit a thieving bastard) who once told me that he bought a ticket to a Coldplay concert and I laughed in his face. He wasn’t very pleased.
8
Going along with the cunt candle theme, I hope one blows up in his face though from the header picture it looks as though it already has.
15
“PETA named him the World’s Sexiest Vegetarian in 2005″… that’s as much as I need to know.
Spunkbubble.
25
I once heard Coldplay described as a Lib Dem manifesto put to soppy music.
Just about sums Coldplay with their eco-lunacy policy of ‘sustainable touring’ and their anti-Brexit stance.
A group of boring cunts producing boring music that appeals to the pseudo-intellectual, chattering classes.
27
Sustainable bullshit more like. Just a cover for their own massive hypocrisy. Bellends of the highest order.
5
Good nom. Coldplay – a bunch of trainee geography teachers that somehow managed to get hold of a guitar. Boring, boring, boring. Can’t think of a single song. Martin looks like he’s been inhaling too many Gwynneth Paltrow candles in that nom pic.
16
Gwyneth Paltrow fanny-scented candles, think I’ll give that a pass. If she had a mold taken of her mott and sold realistic Gwneth Paltrow flesh lights then she’d make a killing and would never have to act again…… not that she’s ever really acted.
6
Never liked em boring whining shite. room 101 whoop so sorry oven.. Cunts
12
Coldplay once took a song to Bowie, hoping he’d collaborate with them on it.
He turned them down, and when they asked why, he said, ‘well, it’s not any fucking good, is it?’
38
Good reply but not quite in the class of Captain Beefheart to the annoying little whiny U2 fuckwit when he simply replied :
“Dear Bonehead, NO”
9
I’d stick a fork in his back!
7
Bowie isn’t really one to talk his later solo albums are shit.
Captain Beefheart is quite a character when he toured with Zappa on the bongo fury album he drew drawings of Zappa depicted as Satan After that tour Zappa refused to ever work with him again because of his eccentric irritating behaviours
10
Well at least Bowie had made some good albums unlike Coldpiss who sound like the musical equivalent of my missus on a blob strop.
9
The Zappa /Beefheart feud had its origins during the production of Trout Mask Replica.
Zappa was a highly disciplined workaholic, whereas Beefheart was disorganised and valued play over work.
11
I wonder how Billy’s little wooden wife Ethel is these days?
3
Thats true ruff tuff but also Beefheart felt stiffed from royalties from the TMR album when he was signed to Zappas Straight label which he personally blamed zappa for not the ceo or upper management
I remember reading a zappa bio book that went into this in greater detail but suffice to say Zappa gave Beefheart alot of freedom recording that record. I’m listening to alot of zappa lately after a long hiatus sounds fresh again
@ Cuntleroy Coldplay has a few goods song I like buts its outshined but chris martins cuntiness and his actress wife gwethen paltrow vagina candles Bowies early albums/singles are mostly ace my favourites being Ziggy Stardust and Diamond Dogs
2
I don’t like this modern music – give us the old classics, I say. How about digging out some old blues singers like Mamma Diane Abbott with her 1929 hit “Give Me A Thrill With Your Old Trombone”, or if you prefer something a bit more modern, how about a tearful rendition of that old Gershwin classic “The Man I Love” by Peter Mandelson, accompanied by the shimmering strings of Andreas Adonis. Or if comedy records are your thing, you could try “If I Ruled The World” by Gina Miller.
24
One of the things I like about this place as no matter what the topic is Diane Abbott will inevitably still be mentioned haha.
(Abbott is the chocolate-coated figurehead/mascot, who sits/squats at the prow of the Good Ship ISAC – DA)
23
Turn the 78 over – we have advanced a few years to when she had risen from the ghetto and had a good few KFC meals inside her, and we can hear her as Big Mamma Abbott in the 1932 rendition of “Busted Corset Blues” -soulful harmonium playing from Father Starmer and his Brethren of Rythym
12
One thing I like about this place is that Katie Price often gets a mention too. Coldplay should be thrown down her massive vaginal hole so that we never have to see them or hear them again.
7
Recording their new album in that deep dark massive clout of hers may lend some ‘interesting’ acoustics.
6
Gloomy Sunday 1933 ‘The Hungarian suicide song’, on a junket to Budapest Abbot the Hutt couldn’t find a KFC.
5
Bland as fuck.
They were ok for a few months when ‘Parachutes’ came out.
But they soon became boring as fuck.
Oh, and writing ‘fair trade’ or whatever cause he had every five minutes on his arms…what a fucking cunt lol.
‘Save the world!’ he cried, as he got on his private jet back to his Hollywoke mansion with the carbon footprint the size of a small country.
Probably while eating lobsters caught by child labourers on 5p a week too, the fucking bullshitting cunt.
Never trust a vegetarian. Either gay, mental or trying to take over the world (Adolf).
22
Beige rock.
The soundtrack of tennis.
A rockbland.
Lettuce in the lyrics.
The anti-Lemmy.
Rock music should scream
Should make you want to go wild,
Not knit socks for Ethiopian orphans.
Chris Martin is a fuckin rotter
Fresh fruit for rotting vegetables.
21
Pity he didn’t have a Holiday In Cambodia, back in the ’70’s.
Would have saved a lot of unpleasantness.
Morning, MNC.
Morning, all.
13
Morning Jack, 👍
Theres a farm in Congleton called Paul Potts,
Every time I drive past I hear that tune!😀
13
LOL
6
Gary Glitter had holidays in Cambodia – pity he didn’t take Chris Martin with him for gratification.
7
I’m sure Martin made an appearance in Ricky Gervais’ “Extras” some 15 years ago.
I think he was taking the piss out of himself with a very accurate parody of the Big I Am!
But then at the end of the show he did a duet with Gervais called “Fix You”, and OMG Martin couldn’t hold a note to save his fucking life. Cunt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIj0NGz1e24&ab_channel=bala8oo
12
I wish someone would fix him
5
Here is somebody who was pissed off by modern music as early as 1967:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YdPaLVxglw
7
This is excellent….
https://fb.watch/5SVtbASWqh/
8
I’ve always assumed this alleged music is played in those Swiss clinics where a cousin of Dr Mengele pops in to administer a lethal injection for a very hefty fee.
An Ultra Cunt.
13
If I were in the clinic, the needle was seconds away from piercing my skin and I were having second thought, the sound of this “music” would cause those doubts to evaporate.
3
He’s almost as big a cunt as that Bonio fekker.
Stick to making shite music and keep your vegan fair trade lefty views to yourself.
That is all. Going fishing now. Get to fuck.
15
Got a way to go to rival that Bonio cunt!
3
Great nom Mr Helmet. Coldplay are the Forest Green Rovers of pop. Socks and sandals veganesque shite that must embarrass even the middle aged accountants and HR professionals cunts who make up the Glasto audiences. Shit on a stick and no mistake.
I am surprised the wokes haven’y tried to cancel/no platform Coldplay, they are clearly a diversity free example of disgraceful white privilege. Pathetic attempts to sidle up to artists of colour should not save these cunts from a necklacing. .
Good morning everyone.
11
Easy listening for university lecturers.
The worlds greatest guitar player,Joe Satriani has them banged to rights as cunts, when they plagiarised Learn to Fly.
Cunt. Cunts.
Well cunted 👏
10
Chris Martin is a modern day Bono. Likes to give a good lecture, especially via his ‘music’.
Just think for a minute, Coldplay and that fucking overproduced ginger gargoyle are now our premier music acts. What the fuck went wrong?
11
And fucking sting. He used to have a reading list for his facking albums
8
He might think he’s all smart and clever with all his writing ‘wise’ words on his arms, but millions know what his (ex) wife’s cunt smells like.
Fuck off.
8
I don’t like the hopping about shit. On one foot then the other. Absolutely no ‘stage presence’.
The big news for me and absolute travesty is that ‘Rubber Chicken’ was booted off ‘The Masked Dancer’ last night. It was revealed to be ‘Eddie the Eagle’. He put his heart and could into it. No justice.
4
Wise words on his arms. Fuck me, tattoo cunt on his forehead and release him in Walthamstow. Let the Mali’s av im.
9
Or “awseomestow” as the local fucked up council like to call it. Full of white refugees who can’t afford Stoke Newington or Hackney. Fucking shithole full of Africans and East Europeans gobbing on the floor.
9
Oh, and Stella Creasey is the MP – nuff said.
6
I am hearing a song called Higher Power playing on the radio belonging to the workmen fixing the bathroom.
It sounds alright. But I cannot stand Coldplay and that lead singer.
Haven’t Apple Macintosh sued Chris Martin for naming his child Apple?
Apple iDaughther™ is surely the next thing they’ll bring out?
Morning Herman. 🙂
Morning all. 🙂
5
Looks like Man U c*m face Phil Jones.
2
That useless cunt Phil Jones looks like Blakey.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BGxakIACQAAT8x-.jpg
2
Coldplay vs Joe Satriani:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvB9Pj9Znsw
🤔
3
I liked Trouble and Yellow from their first album Parachutes in 2020 but then they didn’t make a single good song for a decade and a half – Adventure of a Lifetime in 2015 (quite upbeat for them).
The vast majority of their stuff is drab, whiny, wrist-opening shite and I just can’t understand the appeal.
5
Parachutes was a good album to be fair. Not great by any means, but good.
I always thought ‘Don’t panic’ was the best song, even if it’s an environmental song. Sounded pretty good so he could’ve been singing about killing everyone in the world for all I care
However, the album went to his head and they were fucking shite after that (and he became an annoying gobshite).
2
If Gareth Southgate had a band it would be Coldplay.
I wonder when Piss Martin will be flying his band and entourage to Jordan to virtue signal about global warming next?..
8
Big Ron for England manager!
4
Chris Martin does like fishy candles, now that sounds like a song don’t you think, aside from that the only song of theirs I like is the one with the chimps in the video, the rest I just find boring as fuck and that’s probly due to it being nicked from others, repainted and reflogged like a knackered Mondeo.So come on Chris you cock write the candle song so we can at least have a laugh….. and you get to take the piss out of the ex,,,,, who doesn’t want to do that….
3
This wankers music must be the most listened to whilst committing suicide, what’s more he thinks he’s cool but he’s a ugly, balding, ginger Bum, who dances like he’s being stuck by a Cattle Prod, all in all he’s a Cunt Bumpin Weight.!
3
In the nom pic he looks like he’s having a stroke.
Don’t know anything about him or his “music “.
However he must be a brave cunt to have gone down on that Paltrow’s filthy front-bottom.
1