Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cunt

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s minge is a cunt, isn’t it.

A berk from Texas, Colby Watson, is suing Gwyneth Paltrow’s company Goop. Is it because:

a.) She’s a drab, uninspiring actress.

b.) She’s a horribly conceited woman.

c.) After purchasing a vagina candle (Psh!), it exploded whilst in its jar causing him injuries.

The actress’s “This Smells Like My Fanny” retail for 69 quid prompting the question of what’s the more horrible cunt, Watson or the libtard actress’s fish purse.

Furthermore, what is worse? Being burned by a vagina candle or smelling like Paltrow’s lady ham?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9592453/Gwyneth-Paltrows-Goop-sued-claims-vagina-candle-EXPLODED.html

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

54 thoughts on “Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cunt”

  1. Ha ha ha

    I bet Colby Watson is single 😉

    -KY jelly✔️
    -romantic music✔️
    -Paltrow’s fanny candle✔️
    -copy of shallow hall on DVD✔️
    -fire extinguishers✖️
    Goddam pre-vert ©️RTC

    What a wanker😂

    • ‘Colby? Colby! what you doing in there? Come watch the Superbowl!’

      ‘geez mom! Just go away!’

  2. God only knows why anyone would spend their hard earned on a candle that supposedly smells of Paltrow’s overused old tuppence.

    After the alleged explosion of said candle, I bet his house stank of off haddock and piss.

  3. Be interesting to see a trade description claim on this product.

    I might try meself.

    She’d have to come round to mine and put her fanny in me face so I could have a good sniff (me tongue might pop out by accident though). Just to test the product is what it says it is, of course.

    Thank fuck Katie Price hasn’t brought out her own minge candles. One big whiff and you’d be in a coma for six months.

  4. Surely this is the ultimate in the crazy relationships between money obsessed slebs and the dozy fuckwits who hang on their every word?
    Personally I think Gwyneth is having a laugh if she expects us to believe she’s shoved every one of those candles up her stench trench. Yeah just fuck off bitch. On the other hand Mr Fuckbrain paid good money for the item, as advertised, and has consumer rights on his side.
    It would probably be easier if the pair of them just fucked off and died.

  5. JFC! That header pic has put me right off my bowl of Weetabix this morning.

    Imagine being forced to go down on that thing!

    As for Paltrow – can’t think of the exact old saying, but goes something like “a stupid cunt and his money are soon parted at the whiff of a bit of minge wax”

    • Gwyneth putrid is supposedly all new age, woke, green, blahblah…bullshit.
      This puddled cunt would fish out a 2p coin from a dog turd!
      Greedy grasping hollyweird nutjob.
      Fanny candles?
      Shove em up your arse!!

      *Knowing some of you lot
      Dont take that literally,
      Wasnt a instruction.

  6. I would imagine there will be headlines when the judge orders a display of live lady bacon in the court.
    Just pull yer knickers to one side luv. .
    Jesus.

    • The British equivalent isnt as glamourous.
      Grayson perrys sweaty bollocks tealights aren’t flying off the shelves…

  7. I think she’ll be like those celebs who get inspired to take up authorship- and she will be employing a ‘ghost cunt’ with a nicer smell than hers

  8. Am surprised Paltrow hasn’t expanded her range to include crusty skidmarked knickers and toasted tampons

  9. Good for Mr.Watson. It’s about time someone took theses “Stars” to task. I bought a pair of “Gemma Arterton’s Unwashed Knickers” off a site specialising in tasteful celebrity erotica and the lazy tart obviously couldn’t care less about her fans….I was expecting a nice “arsey with a faint waft of the seashore” pair of lightly soiled smalls…what I got looked more like something Jo Brand would have kicked off after shitting herself and then doing 20 star-jumps…the Hounds lost their sense of smell and I lost my dinner when we unwrapped what was an eagerly anticipated present to ourselves.

    Wrote an outraged letter of complaint direct to Miss Arterton…got another cease-and-desist reply from her Solicitors….just shows what these celebs really think of their fans. We’ll she’s about to learn that I’m an extremely litigious Mental with too much time and money on his hands…I’ll see you in Court,Gemma….you little Minx.

    PS.. Gemma, if you want to avoid the bad publicity, I’ll settle for a discreet gobble.

  10. Why anyone would buy this shite is just as incomprehensible as to why Paltrow would create it. She’d be better of using her cunt for the moulding of a Fleshlight. Although I think there would still be few takers.

  11. Might bring out Cuntybollock’s helmet flakes.

    Ideal for sprinkling on cupcakes. Or in your brew.

      • Thanks MNC. You’ve just put me of my low fat cottage cheese diet. 🤮

  12. Gwyneth Paltrow’s cunt? I quite like Brad Pitt, or do you mean that boring twat chris Martin? Anyway thank goodness Dianne Abbott hasn’t made a candle which smells like her puss, it would stink of fried chiggun and Jeremy Corbyn breath, fuck off..oh..and morning cunters..

  13. Jess Phillips is bringing out her own “communidee” candle. It has the fragrance of camel shit and stagnant Brummie canals.
    Designed to be burned during Eid…….by the communidee, obviously.

  14. I’ve thought of a fantastic business opportunity. Mney making isn’t the word. I will start the negotiations today, s0 watch this space. Ladies and gentlemen I give you……………….

    [drum roll]……………………………….

    JESS PHILLIPS LESBO VAGINA STICKS

    You can light them, you can sniff them, you can use them as a dildo

    TRIPLEJESS. Coming to Boots soon.

  15. Colby should’ve expected this to happen, when you combine what has a similar chemical composition to the putrefying contents of the common grease trap between a fish mongers and an embalming shop with paraffin it’s gonna go boom.

  16. Vagina candles are somewhat anti-LGBTQABCDEF+, so what about Peter Mandelson and half the shadow cabinet.

    Fear not, in collaboration with the Guardian, I have a new product fort he fruity gentlemn who want an experience:

    OWEN JONES SMEGMA STICKS.

    Freshly prepared after seven long days of wanking over BM models, and not a bit of shower gel will have seen his knob in that time. Mandy and his fellow foreskin sniffers will be in heaven. Or hell.

    Also a junior version – pep up your toddlers birthday cake with:

    YVETTE COOPER BIRTHDAY FANNY CANDLES.

    Limited edition.

    VERY limited edition.

    • My Grenfell tower candle is a good seller!
      Its bought to make sad faces at vigils with.

    • My thoughts exactly.
      This nom is sick! And I don’t mean the kid’s version meaning cool or great.

  19. I hestitaed to mention this prior to 8a.m,, to give you a chance to digest breakfast, but it cant be delayed any longer:

    Gentlemen, do your wife’s family come round for hours every evening? Does the vicar come in for a cup of tea and drone and drone on?

    Do your bratty grandchildren drive you mad with their screaming?

    You’d like to tell them all to fuck off, but haven’t got the guts?

    Well – help is at hand. Just light an ANALEASE DODDS FANNY CANDLE and see them all make a bolt for the door. Guaranteed 90 times more potent than Satan’s knickers.

    Each candle carries the unique perfume of AnalEase’s soiled knickers. As used by the late Max Mosely (just before the Grim Reaper knocked at the door).

  20. When I read Gwyneth Paltrow’s I thought this was about that sack of banality, Chris Martin.

    I didn’t want to hijack this nom but he’s a massive cunt as well isn’t he?

    What happens when a cunt marries a cunt? Cunt squared, exponentially more cuntish.

  21. If you buy a product because it allegedly smells like a vagina you’re the cunt.

    Pity the poor fuckers trying to formulate the scent of Eltons ring piece.

  22. Wonder if her m1nge has a label on it:

    “This fanny smells like my candle”

    • I don’t know if her fanny candle caused his injuries or not (point C), but he’s perfectly entitled to sue her for points A and B. It’s time somebody did.

  23. I can’t wait till Fiona Bruce brings her own range of cunt candles out, i’ll be able to shut my eyes, and knock one out while imagining i’m banging her senseless, all the while the smell of her mollusc driving me to abuse her even more.
    It’ll have to be cheaper than 70 quid though, i heard naga munchetty is selling hers 3 for a fiver, and still not any takers.

  24. Now if it was Jennifer Lawrence’s minge, I would crawl over broken glass to have a sniff of the candle.

  25. What’s next? A candle for the ladies smelling of Brad Pitt’s nob cheese?

  26. A friend of Mrs Norman is a make up artist, and she has had the misfortune of working with Paltrow on Shakespeare In Love. She told us that Paltrow was a complete uppity and obnoxious cunt, who made Viz’s Spoilt Bastard look agreeable. Paltrow is – by most accounts – a daddy’s girl who has to have everything her own way. This is the entitled up herself cunt who said she would rather kill herself than eat tinned soup. The Frenchies used a guillotine to get rid of cunts like Paltrow and her Hollyweird ilk.

  27. Perhaps when Charlotte Church moves into her latest mansion (Laura Ashley’s old place), I shall write suggesting a candle making sideline.

    Gwyneth’s face always reminds me of a melted candle. Particularly that Dog-awful photo of her blubbing at some ceremony.

    • The one with her arm draped around Harvey Weinstein?
      Or was that Hilary Clinton? Or Emma Thompson?

      • Or Scarlett Johansscunt? Or Devil Streep? Or Slagelina Jolie? Or Evan Rachel Cunt? Or Natalie Pork ’em? All ‘contacts’ of cuddly Uncle Harvey and all Time’s Up ‘activists’.

        Wonder why?…

  29. Looks a rank cunt anyway, fuck would I shag some plasticine. Ardman animations should make a good movie with that.

  30. Just visited the Goop website. The ‘it Smells Like My Vagina’ candle “smells of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed”. Pretentious much?! Goop just named it in a sensational way for idiots to buy.

    Colby Watson is one such idiot for buying this candle and a cunt for bringing a lawsuit. He’s also a right cunt for burning a candle on his nightstand – I take it that means next to his bed? Loony. I reckon he’s not getting a penny, or dime seeing as its over ‘there’. The disclaimer is don’t burn for more than 2 hours and he burned it for more. Candle makers have insurance for this kind of thing. Seeing as there’s a disclaimer already, as long as the candle has been tested, Goop shouldn’t have to pay out. I’ve just gotten into the candle business; one from each batch has a documented chaos burn (in case some cunt burns it for 20 hours straight or something daft.) Seems like I will also be adding a big burn instructions card that includes ‘Do not burn next to your bed. Candle glass may shatter, burn in a safe place with appropriate extinguisher at the ready. Do not burn near children or pets. Do not burn next to fabric. Do not leave the candle unattended when lit. Do not get drunk and burn the candle. Do not burn when feeling tired. Blah, blah, blah.’

    • Cuntologist:

      Can I suggest a really good marketing strategy for your candles?

      Make them smell like Meghan Sparkles, so you can market them as “Smells like a CUNT”👍

      • Meegain’s candle line:

        Just Like Narcissist
        Just Like a Gold Digger
        Just Like a Fantasist

      • …..but what colour? (Color😉)
        White or just slightly “off” white?
        🧐

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