Alison Hammond – “TV Presenter”

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Alison Hammond the huge hopeless walrus is a fat embarressing cunt!

What the fuck were ITV thinking employing this dozy braindead fuckwit?

Apart from her having a brummie accent ( a crime in itself) she has absolutely no idea how to conduct an interview without blubbering and wobbling about like Jabba the fuckin Hut.

Her monumental fuck ups are a daily occurence including asking Graham Norton how his dead dog was doing, describing a murder as “a bit sad”, saying how much she liked Joan Rivers house (7 years after she has been dead) calling Prince Philip Prince William!

Stick to reviewing pies and cakes you fat cunt!

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/tv/morning-alison-hammond-awkward-blunder-20595870

Nominated by: Kendo Nagasaki

(The problem here, as we all know, is if you take the piss out of a dark key, you’re instantly branded a racist, even if the accusation is true! – DA)

59 thoughts on “Alison Hammond – “TV Presenter””

    • I am afraid to say that the usual suspects can be relied upon to rise to the occasion.

    • There were so many cracking good posts there I am still chuckling, the saddest thing though is that all those posts were so common sense, it highlights our situation of imperilment by fuckwits

  2. Sorry, if you watch TV in the morning you can’t really expect any great intellectual stimulation. Sounds to me like she fits the bill perfectly. Personally i’m quite partial to a big arse, big titty black sort so Alison would definitely get the pearl necklace from me.
    Luvvly jubblies.

  3. Alison is a amiable simpleton,
    A token who’s been around for years on telly.
    Talentless, a bit dim, fat as fuck.
    She must stink in summer?
    They probably have one of those things in the studio that they have on council tips,
    A giant fan that blows scent of strawberries to try to cover the overpowering putrid rotting stench.
    Most of these tv cunts do that ice skating thing or that ballroom dancing thing dont they?
    Alison hits the ice theyll need a winch to get the big lump of shite off the rink.

    • “Man the harpoons”.

      She apparently also appeared on ‘I’m A Celebrity…’ , the first cunt in the history of the show to not lose weight when living on bugs and skippy bollocks.

      • Morning LL,
        Shes never met a dinner shes not happy to eat.
        The producers had to intervene to stop her eating her own feet.

      • Morning Miserable, I don’t doubt it. In fact fellow ‘celeb’ Jenny Eclair was never seen again and they only found Linford Christie’s running shoes and his gold tooth.

    • Remember Rusty Lee Miserable? She was like Allison only a bit rougher. A rough gravelly laugh she had. What was Rusty Lee’s job come to think?. Cooking probably.
      Back to Allison. In the crucial question of the day-whose side are you on The Royal family or Harry and Megs? She of course comes down on the side of H&M. But I think she only half believes it. My point ‘I am only saying this to keep my job’ type thing.

      • Morning Miles,
        Yes I do remember Rusty!
        She had a great laugh didnt she?
        Dead gravely like you say.
        Remember when impressionist Faith Brown surprised Rusty on air? Wearing a black stocking over her head to mimic her?
        Thatd be a hate crime now!
        Rusty took it well!
        Thought it was hilarious!
        Didnt cry racism,
        Rusty was easily amused.
        Found everything funny.
        Probably why shes not on telly anymore.

      • Ah yes…..Rusty Lee. Now there’s a pair of floppy black knockers. Dirty laugh an’ all. I bet she’s filthy in the sack. Probably a bit too much for me to be honest.

      • Rustie Lee it is. Stood for UKIP. Good egg. Not on telly so much now. Like you say squeezed out probably.
        Whereas Allison will have to tread very carefully in what she says to keep her job. Like they all do. Where we are now.

      • Trouble is, she won’t have to tread carefully Miles because she has something called Black Privilege. Black privilege is also the ability to attack someone with a knife and then have the media defend you when you get stopped from doing so by force.

      • Rustie Lee had a great infectous laugh & was entertaining.

        Hammond is a talentless land mammal. Able to be spotted from space, she covers an area greater than the Isle of Man,
        Hapless Hammond is useless, and innefectual at her ‘job’ (whatever it is). I’ve been more entertained watching my pants spin in the washing machine.

        Get rid of her, and all the useless Cunts ITV employ (Alex wanker Beresford, et al).

  4. Horn on the nom yes if you are a deviant deaf dumb and blind 🦛 then you will.

  5. I think Kendo Nagasaki is one of the Admins?
    Only posts nominations?
    Am I right D/A?
    Doesnt chat with the charming denizens of ISAC much if a regular!

  6. Is it cos I is black????

    Nope. Not at all, it because simply, you are as thick as pigs shit.

    That is all. Now fuck off.

  7. Fuck me, it does look just like Jabba. With it’s tongue sticking out I can imagine poor Princess Kate in it’s clutches staying, soon you will learn to appreciate me ho ho ho.

    • Remember the scene in Jaws where Chief Brodie and Hooper the marine biologist cut open the sharks belly and car reg plates and all sorts of stuff splash onto the dock?
      Bet thats what Alison would be like if she had a gippy tummy.

  8. Who would you rather watch? Alison with her continual fuck-ups which at least sound entertaining or that miserable woke left wing cow Emily Matliss?

    Alison is ok.

  9. Looks like she’s responsible for more chiggun deaths than Colonel Sanders and Avian Flu combined.

    That lot who were protesting about Maccy Ds yesterday should surround the obese Tusker and glue their outstretched arms together …probably only take 100 or so of them.

    • I saw that Dick, amazingly they could only muster 50 degenerate cunts for their rent-a-mob protest, I like the way they held the protest on a Saturday too, it makes them look like they have jobs, maybe Maccy Ds should employ Alison go and interview the freak show, then trip her over so she knocks down that bamboo tower with Tarquin sat in it, might actually get a tv to see that spectacle!

      • Scruffy Wankers. They should be added to the list of Terrorist Organisations (as should all vegans) and waterboarded…or perhaps just drowned in a vat of pigs’ blood.

  11. This lady is definately not keeping up with da sisterhood and keeping up with the Peleton poof. All the other dark keys and Parking Stanley’s can be seen on the advert giving their exercise bikes and weights the old one two.

    I’d like to see this old cunt on her bike, with Lammy along afterwards to sniff her bicycle seat and toss himself off

  12. It must have a helicopter to ferry it about as I can’t see that fitting in a car or a JCB.
    Probably sits in a sling underneath a Sea King painted pink with a winchman that drops doughnuts into its chiggun hole every 22 seconds.

    I probably still would however.
    Have a lovely Sunday 🍺

    • I heard the bins rattling about early hours of this morning.
      I assumed it was a fox,
      But no.
      It was Alison!
      Id thrown the remains of a cooked chicken in there and the scent attracted her!
      I tried to shoe her away but she bared her teeth at me!
      I shouted “WEIGHT WATCHERS!!”
      And she fled.
      So be careful.
      Dangerous when peckish…

  15. Anyone who watches daytime TV is a cunt. As for fucking black women, yes it is possible.

  16. No fucking idea who or what this fucker is. I wonder why she got her job?

  17. Send her to The Faroe Island’s in an XXXXXXXL wetsuit.
    Let the locals have their fun.
    Full freezers and enough oil to keep the lamps burning for months.
    A mercy killing-merciful to TV viewers.

    She replace Morgan?
    He must be pissing himself😂

  18. She reminds me of that fat, Dark Key, get-away driver in “Snatch”.

    “Leave Alison alone, as a TV presenter, she’s a natural. Aren’t you Alison?”

    “COURSE I AAHM!!”

    Give her some due-she was entertaining in those “Nutty Professor” films👍

  19. I had only heard of her, because Alex Bellfield did a video on her.

    I therefore just googled her. In a dazzling career she has:

    -appeared on series 3 of big brother and was the second housemate booted out.

    -celebrity fat club.

    -celebrity dancing
    Etc, etc, etc..

    It seems she is a go-to fat, jolly, Dark Key-just like Rusty Lee before her.
    This qualifies her to anchor ITV’s morning show?
    What next? Honorary professor at some Midlands Polyversity?
    A seat in the House of Lords?

    Of course, her Melanin levels have got absolutely nothing to do with it.
    Whatsoever.
    🤔

  20. I had only heard of her, because Alex Bellfield did a video on her.

    I therefore just googled her. In a dazzling career she has:

    -appeared on series 3 of big brother and was the second housemate booted out.

    -celebrity fat club.

    -celebrity dancing
    Etc, etc, etc..

    It seems she is a go-to fat, jolly, Dark Key-just like Rusty Lee before her.
    This qualifies her to anchor ITV’s morning show?
    What next? Honorary professor at some Midlands Polyversity?
    A seat in the House of Lords?

    Of course, her Melanin levels have got absolutely nothing to do with it.
    Whatsoever.
    🤔

  21. Never heard of her so can’t comment.
    Looking at the size of her, I’d rather keep her for a week than a fortnight.
    She’s probably very jolly.
    I wonder which ‘ celebrity ‘ will be first out of the trap with an appeal for the DRC Volcano Disaster ?
    Just three pounds ……….
    Get To Fuck.

    • Morning Jack,
      Stick my 3 quid in for me will you?
      Im skint after forking out for a £10 Sun newspaper holiday.
      (Caravan+ Llandudno+happiness)

      • Llandudno?
        On the North Wales coast, that makes you an aristocrat😳

        As social climbers go, you are giving Meghan Sparkles a run for her money.
        Spare a thought for the rest of us, in Sewage Works view caravan park in Towyn😢

      • I’ve paid your money. They wanted your address and some other info. So I’ve furnished them with all your personal details.
        You’re now supporting injured donkeys and Nigerian transexuals.
        The direct debits come out on the first of the month.
        Llandudno ‘ey ?
        Lovely. 👍👍

    • Yes!! Yes!! I’ve been trying to think where I’ve seen her before. Just put a polka-dot skirt and headband on her, Spitting image!

  24. Fat, Black, and thick as fuck.
    Her ONLY talent(?) is to laugh at 120 decibels and pretend she is a ‘jolly black mama’ straight off of de plantation.
    But, then again, morning TV at the moment (and Loose Women I believe) – wait until Andrew Neil gets in opposition with REAL viewing!

  25. Imagine – a fat clueless moronic simpleton making embarrassing gaffes and not having the faintest idea what they are doing getting a job they don’t deserve, can’t do very well and filling their pockets with undeserved wealth with no sense of shame whatsoever.
    Anyway, enough about Boris..

  26. Speaking of Star Wars & Jabba the Hut references, I bet her twat looks like the Sarlac pit complete with tentacles to pull you in.

  27. To quote the late great Bernard Manning.
    “Hey, I bet you’ve flattened some grass in your time, ain’t yer luv.”
    Or.
    “Don’t bend over luv, there’ll be three hours less daylight.”

  30. She is perfect on daytime TV, because I am at work and don’t have to listen to her. But let’s be honest, the line up of This Morning has been a horror show from the start. Richard and Judy = Drunk and control freak husband. Holly and Phil = Fag hag and beard we all knew he was gay but only watched it cos holly is fit. Eamon and Ruth Gobby husband and pretend frustrated presenter, because We would not watch it for her. And Alison Hammond and Dermot. He so very Dull, and She is very annoying, not in my worst nightmares would I want them turning up at my house ever

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