101 Police Number

Posted on by

On Sunday me, mrs miserable, the dog were on our way out to a pub in the peaks.
Walk the dog, sunday dinner, and a few pints at the start of the Pennine way.
Lovely.
Missus is driving, and Infront of us is a pickup,
Hes got a half ton bag of gravel in the bed of the pickup and is swaying all over the fuckin place.
I told the missus to hang back a bit as he was obviously a knobhead.
Anyway he nearly hits a parked car swerves onto the other side of the road and smashes into a incoming car, and carries on driving!!
I tried all evening to phone the police as I had the cunts registration.
Left a voice mail, (never contacted me back)
At one point I got through but the cunt transferred me to a recorded message.
Its a waste of time!
101 is fuckin useless.
In the end I popped in a police station, they weren’t interested.
Should of said he was driving in a homophobic manner?

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt

50 thoughts on “101 Police Number”

  1. I note that “my car has been stolen” is apparently not an emergency.
    It fucking is to me!

  2. The fucking police are useless cunts Mis-unless responding to some snowflake complaining of a non-crime “mis-gendering”👎

  3. “Hello 101”
    “My cars been stolen”
    “Were there any witnesses”?
    “No”
    “Do you perceive a crime has been committed”?
    “Yes I fucking do – what are you going to do about it”?
    “There’s no need to be rude – here’s your crime number for the insurance”
    “I don’t want a fkin crime number – I want some coppers to do their damned job”!
    “We don’t have any units available”
    “I believe the thieves racially abused me on Twitter prior to the theft”
    “We’ll send six armed units immediately”..
    I don’t bother reporting nuisance crime to the Bold Gendarmes anymore, I just deal with it directly.

    • They have all been re-labelled as…
      Room 101.
      A couple of days ago, there was an article about an EXTREMELY rude and violent WPO in an incident (during a police party) in a restaurant in Cardiff. WPO and partner – who was also a PO, threatening violence against each other. The wimmin was arrested by a police colleague who was also at the party.
      Following investigations etc., the WPO has stated that she will not be seeking any employment ever again, in any police force. Sadly, I don’t have the name or links, but aged about mid twenties, she looked evil. I can imagine her as a nasty crim on a rough estate in 20 years time, raddled with STDs and selling crack cocaine.

  5. I saw on the local news that some cunts had stolen a load of beehives (including the bees) from Doncaster. Pikeys I presumed.
    Out walking the dog I came across a load of active beehives in a remote spot.
    I phoned 101and got put through to Donny cops.
    Where a these hives, sir?
    Near my village in N Lincs.
    Sorry sir you need to speak to Humberside police.

    Fuck me. We are about 9 miles from the S Yorks border but this cunt considered it out of his jurisdiction.
    I gave up.

    • Don’t get stung by one.
      Round here the bees charge £10 for a jar of honey.

  6. Now 999 and 101 are a pile of shit, unless your house is on fire, the fire brigade are one of the few services who do turn up.
    Any way here in Beirut we have a bit of a drugs problem and plod being plod “Needs a reason to go in” I stated Covid regs, the house is full of unrelated people, go in there shake em up, come back tomorrow do it again all those little fines will add up and they will fuck off!
    Did they do anything did they fuck, it took a complaint to the police from a health care agency after the smack heads turned up at the wrong flat to score, (they scared the shit out of a particularly fragile person).
    So today, yes today last day of restrictions Plod turns up to do pretty much as I suggested a couple of months ago.
    They did not cover the back so the mules fucked off at speed through the back door but got everyone else in the flat (I think they more or less sacrificed themselves to save their gear).
    So the lady of the house has received a fine and a telling off as have some of her young consorts, and hopefully plod have worked out that it is a house of disrepute.

  7. I don’t mind the armed coppers.
    Like the one who shot the mad Stanley on London Bridge.
    Other than that they are quite useless.

  8. Useless fatso cunts. Only interested in duffing up old ladies int the back of the van, murdering and chopping up women (allegedly), taking the knee and painting their nail. Even their fucking horses are questioning their equine sexuality.

    Don’t worry, MNC, if anyone says something nasty on line about a footballing pansy, the Fatsos bring come down on them with their full and very considerable weight.

  9. This is a good nom and deserves more comments, however like MNC I’ve also been ‘on th’ale’ and am too pissed to construct my thoughts.
    Joey Holt’s bitter is the nectar of the gods.

      • Short answer is I dunno. I’ve tasted Bishops finger (no no no I mean the bottled ale) and it was pretty good. Alas comparing it to draught Joseph Holt’s is a mismatch because bottled v draught.
        I believe it’s now on draught so the question will remain unanswered. Growing up in the RN and drinking Brickwoods shite put me off Southern beer for life, but I’m darn sarff occasionally so any recommendations are welcome.

        Now for the long answer……………

  11. If your car gets robbed or somebody vandalises your property, just casually mention that the perpetrator was heard shouting, “I hate the niiigg noggggs and the gays!” as he ran off.

    They’ll send to the entire fucking police force around in 2 minutes flat. Helicopters the lot.

  12. Maybe if the coppers weren’t unionized they would at least try to keep their jobs by doing enough not to get fired. The way it is now they amost can’t be fired.
    Cunts many of them.

    • Technically they’re not unionised, not legally allowed to strike. So they have the Federation, which is fucking useless, a lot of it due to Masonic bollocks. And their pitiful inability to tackle the upper ranks.
      Either way, they’re all useless self-serving self-pitying cunts.

      • They do say one ends up with the service one deserves.

        Never a truer word spoken. A philosophy I shall embrace and take forward.

  13. Some poor sod put the Confederate battle flag up, innocently they fly a different flag every day. Some woke cunt phoned the pigs up. Bob’s your fucking uncle they now have a hate incident on their record. Going to fly mine.

    • The woke cunt being a cuntess and a teacher. Says it all. Im offended by all these woke offendees constantly being offended, fuck them.

  14. Police, you mean the useless ego cunts that hide in dark side roads stuffing their faces.

      • They wouldn’t want me, wrong side of left wing and I believe in corporal punishment to offenders, i’m afraid i’d be more Judge Dredd than Judge Rinder. Certainly wouldn’t have a race card in my deck for scum to hide behind, all will reap what they sow and the good people will florish.

      • ‘wrong side of left wing and I believe in corporal punishment to offenders, i’m afraid i’d be more Judge Dredd than Judge Rinder.’

        So are all the ones I know, personally. Don’t let a few headlines cloud your judgement of the vast majority of decent, honest coppers who’s hands are tied by the cunts in power. How long do you think Extinction Rebellion, BLM etc, protests would last if your average bobby had their way? I work with the police a lot, and, they’re as fucked off as you.

      • I’d join the police, is raid capita and drug test the lot and all the banks. I’d raid the lot.

      • Strange thing is that you own the porkers and indirectly pay their salaries, just to get fuck all support back and the scum given excuses and let off, reason for this being it’s easier to scare nice folks to shut up, than deal with aggressive twats that scare the porkers, bit like self abuse in a way.

      • ‘and the scum given excuses and let off’

        That’d be the Crown Prosecution Service. But hey, don’t let facts get in the way of a rant😉

      • ‘Strange thing is that you own the porkers and indirectly pay their salaries’

        Ahh, you’re an ‘I pay your wages’ type!!! Well, as a NHS ambulance driver, I’m also a taxpayer, so, using your analogy, I pay my own wages, so, does that make me self-employed? If so, if you ever called 999 for something trivial, (many do), I’ll tell you to ‘Fuck off and man-up’, and, as I’m my own boss, because, as a taxpayer, I’m paying my own wages, right?, you’ll have no recourse.

        It’s late so let’s not spoil a half decent back-and-forth with an escalating argument. Ta – NA.

      • Good to know, about the real coppers, sadly too many woke from experience.

        Used 999 once for an ambulance, turned up late after being sourced from out of town, my mother died…I’m a first aider now, so try to give some help when needed.

        Yeah council and government taxes, give yourself a pay rise, some deserve it.

        Please don’t use your aggressive language on the job, breeds contempt, not support and speaks volumes.

  15. It’s pointless ringing 101…I used to ring several times a week to report sightings of suspicious pushbikers hovering near gates,trespassers in bobble-hats leaving half-eaten sandwiches and flapjacks in the heather,neighbours writing abuse in the dirt on my Hilux and,of course, any Dark-Keys or Gays that I saw. Being fair to the Police they did eventually respond…came around and threatened to have me carted off to the Loony Bin….I took the warning and now limit myself to one weekly 999 call a week reporting the Landlady of the Pub that banned me for stalking me/sexually harassing me/peeping through my windows/stealing my washing off the line/shitting on my doorstep etc….see how the mental old trout likes being on the receiving end of such scurrilous allegations for a change.

    • Evening Fiddler.

      A travesty that the local lord of the manor cannot now keep and fund his own private militia like in days gone by for these very situations.

      • Fucking right,LL.

        The Hounds and I do our best but we are faded splendour….the Glory Days of The Foxchaser-Fiddler clan riding roughshod over the incomers,Govt.Officers and fucking holiday-makers are a distant memory.

        The end of The Age of Sophistication.

      • The odd chance encounter with marauders from Stockport with their cheese and pickle sandwiches will have to suffice, Dick.

      • “Cheese and pickle sandwiches”….says it all really,doesn’t ti ? The very thought of that type of person unwrapping their “snap” and pouring their teabag-still-in-the-thermos tea while sitting on Fiddler ground really is most upsetting.

      • Alright in the top field for 2week Dick?
        Not going away this year, camping in Northumbria would be nice.
        Wont know we’re even there, be no trouble!
        An if you get lonely can come sit
        Around the fire and sing ‘gin gan gooly gooly”with us?
        Or any folk song you like!,👍

      • Hehehe 😀👍
        Funnily enough DCI thats what I was thinking of!
        Loved the Fast Show.

      • The next and only tent that’ll be going up on my unspoiled acreage’ll be the one erected for the dance/party to celebrate my demise.

        Are The Sun doing their £10 caravan holidays this year,Mis ?…perhaps you and Jack the Cunter could go halfers ?

      • Dunno, never fancied those tenner holidays,
        Flash cunts.
        Bet if you had me up there for company youd love it!
        Probably ask me to stay permanently!!
        Pull my weight as well,
        Lick of paint, nail up some curtains, soon get things shipshape…
        The kids already asking when are we going to see ‘uncle Dick’?
        😀

      • “Lick of paint”….have you got some “Country Cream” left over from your artisan-made gate ?

      • Yeah! Got loads of the stuff!
        Im considering next building a ‘folly’ in the back garden?
        Castle ruins or church foundations,
        Something subtle!!

      • ‘Fiddler’s Folly’

        What would be a treat for him Miserable. As a thank you for his kind hospitality to you in the ‘top field’. Coming up every morning to see you’d had a good night, making sure you’d got everything you need. Yes as a sort of thank you with your artistic skills maybe you could build him a little folly. Something to remember you by. I don’t know the base maybe in the shape of a tin of Fray Bentos. A bottle of bushmills rising from it. Just something that captures his personality. I’ll l Ieave it to your imagination.

      • The four horsemen of the apocalypse out of spent shotgun cartridges?

  16. Just mention a shotgun! My mate was burgled and rang the old bill. Said he was chasing the burglars with a loaded shotgun..
    Guess what, the place was surrounded very quickly, and my mate explained they’d got away – but…. since you are here….! It worked.

Comments are closed.