Wild Swimming

Posted on by

I would like to Nominate “Wild” Swimming. Here is a link about it (warning, it’s the Grauniad)

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/jan/29/swimming-wild-trend-social-media-cliche

This mediocre hobby involves hipsters and beta males swimming in British streams and passing it off as adventurous. If you need to swim in cold, filthy water in order to convince people you are adventurous, then you probably deserve to have your clothes stolen by chavs, along with the inevitable viles disease from drinking the water. Instead of this feeble attempts at being interesting, why not actually do something interesting, and go scuba diving.

Nominated by: Angryman 

69 thoughts on “Wild Swimming”

  1. Yes, I did check.

    I don’t think the water was all that cold when this picture was taken.

  2. These wild swimmers sound like the same sort of twats who buy artisan bread and go glamping at Glastonbury. I wonder if they would be into ‘wild crapping’, the travelling community have been advocates for years.

  3. Throw in some piranhas and watch these close-to-nature, middle class, eco warrior, tree hugging cunts end up as chum!

    • Personally I’d recommend lampreys, they’re indigenous to UK waters and far more unpleasant

  4. That nice-looking woman off the TV Doctor Alice Roberts did some wild swimming…… in the buff. Don’t get too excited though – you don’t see much.

  5. Wild ?
    Swimming?
    Yes I’d vote for that,but only with obstacles such as submerged anti personnel mines and crocodiles.
    Live on Channel 5 at the same time as Ant &Cunt are on the other side.

  6. More bullshit invented by people to big up the mundane shit people have been doing since the first humans but up until now didn’t see the need to tell the entire fucking planet about.

  7. I’m so desperate that i would probably let that bird in the photo give me a wank knee deep in raw sewage. Hows about that then for wild wanking Guys and Gals ?

  8. The mutt who wrote the article is a typical example of a well educated tart on a guilt trip for having a comfortable upbringing. “Capitalist climate change ” hahaha. It’s never occurred to this bitch that the people doing wild swimming just like it. Pitiful little cunt.

  9. It wasn’t called wild swimming when I was a kid, it was just called swimming. All through the summer hols, fucking about in rivers. PS Angry Man, it’s Weils disease, or Leptospirosis as I like to refer to it. Either way, it’s a cunt, I’ve had it, not as a kid though, which amazes me.

  10. A lad who I very astutely bullied at school is a “wild swimmer”…I found his page on Facebook (never written anything on it,but do enjoy snooping on other people’s pages). He now lives in Brighton and judging by his musings is also an appalling Cunt,,,,endless portentous pronouncements on how dreadful Brexit is…”woke” campaigns etc.

    This is how he describes himself…”‘A Purpose Coach, Author, Wild-Swimmer, Northumbrian, Maverick, Connector of People & Ideas.”

    • Any ideas as to what he is doing in Brighton Dick? Does he dine at restaurants serving Alphabetti Spaghetti down there? Does he search for chocolate starfish on the beach? A bit of dirt-track riding?

      • He seems,however unlikely,to be married…at least the picture of his “partner” appears to be female…probably a tranny if truth were known.

        He was a weird,odd type at school,I remember…didn’t enjoy rugby and used to read a lot of books…we didn’t like him.

    • He sounds a right tosser. He deserved to receive a good shoeing at least once a day at school.

      • Sounds like a proper head down the bog candidate, Dickie.
        I also hope he enjoyed a game of split the kipper.

      • We used to have a cunt like that in our school, he didn’t like sports and he also read books. Thing was, he was the bully.
        He battered every cunt else but the nerds lol

  11. If my health club doesn’t open soon and without the ridiculous conditions they implemented the last time they briefly opened between lockdowns, I might just fucking wild swimming join them!

    I used to go between 5 and 7 days a week in before times. Listen to pop-master on the drive home and then a cup of the Earl and breakfast. Boomers haven’t suffered since this bat flu started?…like fuck I haven’t!

  12. I would not swim in any dogshit and Weils Disease infested inland water.
    I wonder how many of these daft twats get carted off to A&E after doing this?

    • Fuckin Johnny cum latelys.
      We was doing this 40yr ago.
      Swimming in the ressers (reservoir) and the river in summer,
      Horses in there too!
      Great stuff.
      No Rupert types though!
      And can still drink from the streams up on the peaks,
      Best water ive ever tasted.
      They see it as wild.
      We saw it as a freebie.

      • Same goes for ‘wild camping’ for fucks sake. It’s just camping, you wankers.

      • Wild my arse.
        Peppermint tea Crispin?
        Gosh thanks Jacinta!
        Pick some fungi for your salad luv, its all edible 😁
        Tory myth that some are poisonous,
        Try that red one there,
        Its scrummy…

      • MNC
        The John C Clarke joke from last week you asked me for, although it’s probably dated now.

        Why don’t p*kis play football?
        Because everytime they get a corner they open a fucking shop.

      • Lets hope that ‘flashing’ doesn’t get some Islington makeover Miserable and will stay true to its humble roots. The last thing you want is Jonty and Jemima on your patch.

      • They ruin everything LL.
        Next thing start getting complaints, flashing isnt ‘diverse or inclusive’ enough!
        Bame flashers, dw@rf flashers trying to get seen in the foliage,
        Flashers in wheelchairs stuck in the mud.
        Its a dying artform…..

      • @MNC.
        It was the local canal for us. Dead dogs, rusty bike frames, rats and industrial effluent.
        My immune system is strong … strooooong … strooooooong …
        .. STROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG !!!!!!!!!
        Evening, MNC.

      • Evening Jack,
        I got my missus that canal no5,
        Now she barges into people 😁

      • Jack-as a lad of 8 or 9, canoeing on the Shropshire Union,I encounters a dead Labrador, heavily bloated and in my way. I struck it with my oar to move it out of the way-the fucker “exploded”😢
        I can still remember the stench, decades later 😢

        I imagine Anal-ease Dodds or Kentucky Fried Abbott would have a similar “perfume”😝

  13. Use to piss about in rivers, streams and dams when I was a kid. Stank to fuck and got a belt for it when I got home..Fucking grow up you cunts.

  14. I went camping in east Germany about 10 years ago, there were people, including children, swimming in every lake and river we saw. I had a go it was great. Are we just too frightened here of unknown diseases and stuff?

  15. Worse still…..latest craze
    1. Stupid women swimming in the English Channel last month tugging along their own inflatable orange float balloon just in case.
    2. Hipster cunts wearing wetsuits and swimming in rough weather in January inevitably needing expensive and dangerous
    rescuing. I’d have pushed the cunt straight back in the sea.

    PS yes Angryman , scuba diving is more useful but only if these cunts would forget to turn on the oxygen

    • You cunt, Bertie! She’s awful. She didn’t go into the water. Her species came from it.

    • Why is it the only people you see on a nudist beach are the last fuckers that you would want to see starkers? I walked the length of a beach local to me and had no idea there was a nudist section until I saw these beached whale flabby old cunts. One twat I saw on a mountain bike riding along the dunes. What the fuck do your bollocks do when you ride a bike naked? Mine would get crushed by the seat or caught in the pedals. Stupid cunts.

      • I throw mine over my left shoulder.
        I’ve always had a certain sense of style.
        Evening, Gutstick.

      • Evening Jack. Pendulous testicles weren’t a thing I thought I’d ever have a problem with, but the cunts hang down like fruit in a carrier bag. Never thought I’d have to give my fucking eyebrows a number 4 either, fucking middle age!

    • Bertie: This explains the “sightings” of the Loch Ness type monster, said to be lurking in the depths of Lake Windermere-affectionately named “Bownessie”
      🤔
      😂

    • @Bertie,
      Creampuff and Cuntbubble will get the horn when they see that.
      Looks like a jolly barbecue.
      Anyone for another sausage ? …..Fnaar, fnaar !
      Wotcher, Bertie.j

  17. Fuck me, I’ve spent whole summers in the river when I were a kid. Jumping of waterfalls and bridges, building rafts, fucking great. And, the water wasn’t as clean as it is now, no water quality regulations then. Now the fucking millennials rock up in the Tiguan or Q series with their swimming caps and their strava watches and think they invented it.
    Wankers.

  18. All the public information about keeping out lakes and rivers in the past, numbers of people drowning because of cramp or just the cold shock and now it’s all the fucking rage,
    If it’s so bloody wonderful maybe sinking a few of the illegal ferries leaving French beaches to introduce the would be invaders to this new craze in the UK.

  19. wild swimming, they recently did an article on wild shitting too ( just outside my old stomping grounds wool barracks!)
    now pull up a sand bag and let me tell you about wild swimming.
    I was in some johnny foreign land where everything was served with gravy.
    Cumbria I think it was, well me and the “girlfriend”, her sister and boyfriend went to the beach.
    bleak it was, so bleak that even the sea had fucked off and there was no way we were walking that far to freeze.
    so we chose to dip (skinny) in one of the rivers that fed the sea.
    all was well apart from a couple of locals hiding behind some long sea grass trying to cop a glimpse but a quick “fuck off” and the sight of a stiff cock had them running.
    Then somewhere on the moors it rained.
    a small armada of dried sheep shit was washed off the moors into the watercourse in which we swam, it was neither erotic or natural.
    To swim in what seemed to be a flushing toilet is not one of my fondest memory’s of my youth.
    Shove that in your guardian.

    • Lord Benny-where in Cumbria? The west coast or the estuary near Ulverston?

  20. It was in that Lake District based drama series “Safe House”-now the lakes are full of the fuckers.
    Time to get the Jet Ski’s out boys👍

  21. This sort of shit is inevitable since manned space travel was cancelled by Democrat stay at home cunts who hate the idea of manly enterprise. The Donald tried to revive it all with his Space Service but that will already have been fucked in the arse by Chinky Joe and Harpy Pelosi. Even fucking smoking and drinking are too dangerous for these cunts. Travel abroad is a worry and needed to be banned to keep everyone safe. Against this background of universal spinelessness it is not really surprising that swimming becomes “wild”. Nowadays I get an adrenaline rush when I boil the fucking kettle.

    • Never even tuck yer skirt in your bloomers and tickle trout in the stream Cuntologist?

      Eeee missing out there.

      Jaws effected me too.
      Now I scratch blackboards and demand to see peoples hands.

      • “I am the spirit of dark and lonely water”…
        Warned Alec Guiness in the 70s.
        Remember that?
        Way we heard it as kids was,
        “SURFS UP”.

  23. One word:

    GAAAAAAY!

    Pretty much sums up this piss-ant activity.
    Nuff Said!

  24. I used to swim in the the alexandra docks/river freshney in grimsby, the pevensey haven, the serpentine, was’nt ‘wild swimming’ when i was a kid it was just swimming and being an utter cunt on the summer hols!

  25. Back in the 70s, a load of us went wild swimming at the Devils Bridge, Kirby Lonsdale. It was fucking wild alright, case of wine, loads of dope and fully clothed. What bunch of cunts, how the fuck we never drowned is beyond belief. Good old daze, keep the faith.

  26. Worst i’ve ever seen is white cunts bathing/washing their clothes in the Ganges to be like the locals. Silly cunts.

  28. I can’t complain about wild swimming in Tasmania…was once wading a lagoon there fishing, at the end of a famous trek popular with the young healthy traveller. Up ahead a group of fit buff Nordic girl hikers emerged from the bush onto the shore, dropped their packs and I shit you not, all their clothes, and straight in for a swim. It was one of the finest scenes I have ever cast a large number of sideways glances at. And I cared not that I missed many rises to the fly. True!

    • You are J.R. Hartley and I claim my £5 Tasmanian Fly Fishing voucher😛

      • Can’t guarantee such a a vision every time! But I will give away the spot to some hopeful, it was Lake St Clair near the Cuvier river

Comments are closed.