Cheddar Man

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Greetings, pale, male, and stale cis-scum! I, Olwain Tolkien-Abdullah (pronouns they/them – misgenger me and I WILL SUE) have hijacked that filthy heterosexual Chimp Licker’s account to cunt that legacy media relic:
‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?’
I watched an episode of this the other night and was shocked to see that not only did it feature a WHITE PERSON, but that the ancestors of that white person were ALL WHITE TOO!
For shame! Where’s the representation? Don’t they know that, according to the Natural History Museum…
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2018/feb/07/first-modern-britons-dark-black-skin-cheddar-man-dna-analysis-reveals

…the first Brits were BAME (even though they had blue eyes) and were therefore, I infer, Peacefuls – even though they preceded the advent of that religion by millennia?

And to make matters worse, all their ancestors had produced offspring by male-female pairings, thereby tacitly endorsing non-non-heterosexual means of reproduction!

But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, bearing in mind this terrestrial teleblog is the product of the rabidly right-wing BBC! But I remain hopeful the great British public will have the good sense to ignore their own biased genetic inheritance in favour of flavour-of-the-week socio-political fads…Allah willing!

Nominated by: Chimp Licker

67 thoughts on “Cheddar Man”

  1. Fucking hell, thank God we have the Guardian to inform us that whitey doesn’t belong here at all. It seems obvious, now I think about it, that we originate from the EU. I can’t wait to take the knee for the next off-white gentleman I see and apologise for stealing his country from him.
    Alan’s Snackbar!

  3. I can trace my family back a thousand years which is double any indigenous Maori can. I can also trace my family back to the second shipment sent to Australia ( Grandmother came back thank fuck) which makes me an immigrant which the left love except when its somewhere else. They are hypocricital , thick cunts.

  4. Cheddar Man looks like a dark-key version of Jimmy Saville.

    I suppose will be seeing him on all those Cunting TV ads that have to feature the obligatory mixed race couple?

  5. I can’t quite see how this sort of blatant pack of lies and outright manipulation is any different to Hitler’s eugenics program.
    These cunts should be utterly ashamed but of course they are unrepentant.
    So they should be removed and imprisoned.

  6. The article makes the assumption that because a single skeleton was that of a person with black features then the majority of people in Britain were just the same.
    Everyone alive today had 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents etc.
    If you go back thousands of years and many hundreds of generations you would find millions of direct ancestors.
    It is inconceivable to imagine that all of them were white. There will be dozens, perhaps even hundreds of all of our ancestors that were black.
    The same stupid reasoning behind the article has been adopted by people who insist that Queen Charlotte was a spear chucker.

    • Britain was a lot warmer when this cunt was alive. He was probably brought here as a slave, by evil whitey, to pick cotton.
      Every effort must be made to trace his relatives, so they can receive huge reparations.
      I’m a foreigner in my own country.
      Just Fuck Right Off.
      I’m in a foul mood, this morning.
      It’s going to be one of those days.
      Get To Fuck.

  7. We might well see Cheddar Man running for GB 🇬🇧 in the women’s 400 metres in Tokyo this summer. It doesn’t matter if he finishes last it will be a victory for the Guardian and the BBC.
    I can see him now, taking the lap of honour draped in the rainbow 🌈 flag. What a proud moment for our great cuntry.

  8. A sweeping judgement by those cunts at the Graun based on the DNA of a single sample. Do they really think every cunt is as abjectly daft as they are?

    This little scientific snippet has caused cream to flow within the panties of some in the Graun. I remain unconvinced, however. The Graun is on the bones of its arse anyway, and I am struggling to give a tinker’s toss.

    Cunts

    • Ahhh, this explains my sense of rythm, ability at basketball and fondness for Kentucky fried chicken.

  9. Most likey he was shanked with a flint knife by the Stonehenge crew.

  11. I don’t remember seeing any black people in The Flintstones. Fucking Hanna-Barbara ruined my childhood the bastard raaaay-sists.

    Yubba dubba doo!

  12. @ west cuntry

    Have you seen this image of your great grandad?

    Im boycotting cheddar cheese.

  13. As with all findings based on modern testing of remains several thousand years old, there is always a significant element of interpretation. The conclusions may not always be as black and white as the Beebistan and Graun report.

    https://www.newscientist.com/article/2161867-ancient-dark-skinned-briton-cheddar-man-find-may-not-be-true/

    I give more credence to articles in the New Scientist than those found in that leftie shitrag known as the Graun.

    • Afua Hirsch is a bitch.

      Fear not, for if we are all descended from blacks who evolved into whites, perhaps our current coloured residents will also evolve into the same pale hue as the natives of the British Isles and the less fortunate dwellers on the continent of Europe.

      It will be to their benefit as they will produce more Vitamin D and therefore become less susceptible to the CCP flu.

  15. I love a bit of history. Only problem is, for every great historian, there’s a prejudiced one and we end up with recycled, regurgitated shit like this. The article may be over 3 years old, but the theory of this fella being dark skinned has been doing the rounds for years amongst some academics.
    Of course, the Grauniad paint this as some new earth shattering revelation that proves that white man stole black mans birth right.
    Fuck knows what history books will be like in 50 years time.
    What a pile of cunt!

  16. I presumed when ‘mankind’ left Africa and Asia and moved into Europe we probably were darker skinned. However, years of evolution meant that a paler skin was beneficial and possibly considered more attractive as well. Due to the harsh conditions in establishing itself in Europe, mankind went through a evolutionary fast track to survive. They had to learn to farm etc and become much brighter and technically more advanced than the basic hunter gatherers they left in Africa.
    Several thousands of years later, the European Human went back to Africa and discovered that Black Africans hadn’t evolved much from when they left.
    Not of course a history lesson your kids will get in school. Darwinism, natural selection and survival of the fittest. The white European is just a more advanced Homo Sapien.
    Go back far enough we were all black, go back even further and we were all fish. We should be concentrating on how we have evolved.

    • With respect what a load of twaddle.

      Evolutionary Mindset

      So I get out if bed for the day ahead.
      I peramble on my feet lift the toilet seat.
      Take a shower for 1/4 of an hour.
      My hair I comb before leaving the home.
      I walk out the front door like a 1000 times before.
      I take a deep breath resolved I am evolved.

      • ‘Come on lads there’s fuck all here, let’s go to more temperate climes in Europe..

        see our skin is becoming paler and the lovely ladies love it

        fuck me what this we’re turning white and were advancing

        let’s go back and visit the backward cunts show them how advanced we are…

      • Other animals when placed in adverse conditions adapt and survive or become obsolete. Those that survive are stronger and pass on those genes. I don’t see where it’s any different. Of course it’s a simplified explanation, but there must be something that explains the advancements made by the humans that settled in Europe compared to those in Africa.

      • Twaddle? From someone who only recently said they believe some absolute nonsense of how a group of people saw the sun dancing in the sky, but no-one else in Europe noticed?
        🤣🤣🤣

    • Personally i believe the explanation that it was all down to an abundance of animals and plants that were genetically predisposed to domestication, such as horses, aurochs and wheat.

      • @ fish mitten

        That’s the problem the evolutionary narrative. We evolved from apes in Africa. The more enterprising, self- reliant of the these early humans acting on their own initiative migrated out of Africa leaving the lazy ones behind. That’s what Evolution means to many people.
        But there is a ‘value’ judgement there. And value judgements aren’t supposed to part of science.

        Lazy Africans, industrious Europeans. It must be true its Evolution.

  17. I think the fucking Eggheads might be getting a bit confused here…I had a pig die that lay in the sun for a couple of days before I got a chance to shift it…it went a sickly green colour…didn’t make it a fucking Martian though,did it?

      • I did consider dressing it up in some women’s clothes from the charity shop and chucking it in the river to see what they made of it when it finally reached civilisation…it was just the thought that if someone saw me dressing a bloated, dead pig to resemble like Jo Brand it would hardly enhance my already somewhat dubious reputation…well, that and the smell.

      • Morning Dick. Found in the canal. Be protests in London, once they found out it was a straight white male that have dumped it there. More #Dickout as well!

    • Morning Dick, how you getting on old chap? You should have salted the pig…very popular with the Caribbean community. You could have made a bit of cash from your Caribbean neighbour’s. 😁

      • Afternoon,B+WC.

        I’m afraid “Caribbeans” are a bit thin on the ground up here…there was one in the village a few months ago…he caused quite a stir..men pointing and grunting at him,women screaming and running into their houses, children challenging him to chiggun-munching contests…I was,of course, appalled at their sheer ignorance…luckily I was on hand with my tranquiliser gun….potted the devil from 100 yards away,bundled him up in a sack and transported him to the middle of Kielder forest where I released him to roam free….I expect he’ll still be fondly thinking of me as he swings majestically through the trees…home at last in his natural environment.

      • How very considerate of you Dick, I am sure he has found a cave for a house and has made a spear. He’ll be killing and stealing the local farmers goats to make curry goat. These dark keys are terrible theives.

  19. So the original Britons were dark keys eh? Get aaaht my country you white cunts. 😁

  20. My Dark key brother Yaphet Kotto has passed away and I have him in the Deadpool. You can all take the knee and send me money and congratulations. Go fuck yourselves.

    (Kotto was quite excellent in the TV police drama “Homicide – Life on the Streets” – DA)

      • Yep I thought he was very good in that UT and Jane Seymour woukd have brought my tongue aaaaht of retirement in that film.
        He was good in The Running Man as well.

    • Never saw that DA, I’ll check it aaaaht. It’s not like I’m that busy these days due to the Kung Flu.

      (He plays a shift lieutenant for the Baltimore Homicide Unit. Very pragmatic and despite being black doesn’t preach all the usual virtue signalling bullshit (this is back in the 90s). He is respected by nearly everyone, is good at his job, and for me is one the of most evenly balanced & pivotal roles I’ve seen in TV drama. That said I still say he should have taken Sigourney Weaver up the back aisle in Alien – DA)

      • He played the captain on the excellent series, Homicide. Life on the Street.
        Or at least that is what I think it was called
        A very good series. It introduced the detective John Munch to the screen, he is now in the shit programme Law & Order. Special Victims Unit which has turned completely woke.
        Strangely, the dead guy, although he was black was cast as an Italian.

      • ‘Strangely, the dead guy, although he was black was cast as an Italian.’

        I am half whitey and half blackie and I am an eighth Italian. Are you being racist?

      • Racist?…. No.
        You have to watch the series to appreciate how daft it is in places.
        Every now and then the black captain would wave his arms around as a true Italian would and come out with some badly pronounced Italian words or phrases.
        Him being an Italian added absolutely nothing to the programme, so I have no idea why they did that.

      • The Artful Cunter, you are a terrible racist and have no doubt been influenced by those other terrible racists Dick Fiddler, Freddie the Frog and Ruff Tuff Creampuff. You should be ashamed of yourself. 😁

  21. Always said that they would eventually find a way to say whitey was a colonial oppresser in our own land.

    Maybe brought here as slaves? Hmmmmm where’s me repatriations Lammy cunt?

    Some black racists are touting the idea there were no white people until the 1600’s.

    • Ignorant sub-primate fuckwits. White skin evolved over tens of thousands of years, no way could it suddenly have appeared in 1600, or any other century for that matter, except in the mind of an undeveloped peanut brain.

      • Peanut brain? Far too white and salty.
        More like a sun-ripened raisin, surely🤔

        Years ago, this story was a drum that David “Maaaaamy, How I love ya, how I love ya” Lammy was banging, noisily.

        The silly twat.

      • I think the point he was trying to make was a white man a playwright I believe was the first to draw the distinction of race based on skin colour. Race then becomes a white construct. I wasn’t around at the time but I’m pretty sure people would have noticed a vast difference on skin colour long before and used it when describing each other.

    • Reminds me of that Louis Theroux Weird Weekends episode on black nationalists in New York, with those dumb-ass Black Israelites who that claimed that Shakespeare and Henry VIII were black. At least they had the capacity to laugh at themselves.

  22. The Guardian aren’t going to be happy until the DNA samples prove that he was a shirt lifter as well.

  23. The Guardian will not be happy until the DNA samples prove that he was a shirt lifter as well

  24. I have a Portuguese friend who looks exactly like that Cheddar Man mock up,

    I suspect it’s actually an African genius who discovered the art of making rubber, then created the first rubber dingy, thus becoming the first channel-rat!

    Fuck the Guardian and its hate pamphlet created of the back of the proceeds of the horrifying slave trade 😉

  25. Colour is fucking totally irrelevant. White skin evolved slowly when intelligent man left Africa.
    The diifference between sub-Saharan Africans and the rest of us is in the genes where there was some interbreeding with other hominids such as Neanderthals. That seems to be the difference between civilised and savage.

  26. ‘Modern’ human had interactions (a bit of shagging) with the Neanderthals and the offspring gained a few advantages from Neanderthal DNA

    I saw some report on the Europeans that showed we had just under 2% Neanderthal DNA whereas Africans less than 0.5%

    So we are different by a degree of over 1% DNA!

    Neanderthals were predominantly in Europe and Asia, modern man originated in Africa, so my 2% Neanderthal DNA gives me a greater claim to my lands that the Darkie!

    Cunts!

  27. The commentary for England’s 4th goal in the 1966 World Cup final was actually, “And here comes Hurst he’s got some w0gs on the pitch, they think it’s KFC…it’s 4!”

    They just covered it all up because honkies are evil.

  28. Basically, we evolved into a higher species. Dark Keys did not.
    They took one of whiteys potatoes and in fit of jealous rage, diced it up with one of the bones, usually worn through the nose.
    Thus was invented the humble “chip”. Worn on their shoulder, ever since.
    🧐

    Chiggun!

  29. If we were prefaced by the fried chiggun snafflers how come the UK isn’t a giant wet through mud hut?
    And if Africa is “the cradle of civilisation” how come it doesn’t fkin have any?
    A lot of stuff coming out about humankind as we know it actually evolving in Eastern Europe as opposed to Africa – backed up by the discovery recently of “ale and pie Man”, an ancient white European who lived in a small semi detached house..

  30. Whatever colour the chap was, his skeletal remains showed marks that have been identified by experts as the result of cannabalistiic activity. Likewise other human remains from the same cave complex show similar marks. I suppose us Whites will be blamed for eating him and his ilk. The remains of a human were found in a Welsh cave years ago. This set of remains predates Chedder man by a long time bet it’s Black, I’m hoping if the experts can get some viable dna the cunt turns out to be Chinese

    ,

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