Astral Projection

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Astral Projection is a right cunt of a quandry.

Apparently there has been an upsurge in interest in the practice of astral projection during the lockdown. People desperate for a bit of travel can apparently do so leaving their bodies behind – presumably this is a loophole that the cunts in Government have yet to close. So if you are interested you had better get on with it.

The major problem for many cunters will be the issue of Cartesian dualism. If you do not believe in the separation of the body and the soul then astral projection, and out of body experiences will be problematic. Miles will be okay, and so possibly will I, as I have not ruled out dualism completely,

One issue that worries me a bit is that if my body were to “die” while my soul is out and about, I will be fucked, unless I nick someone else’s mortal frame while their soul is off somewhere else. This seems unethical. Most likely I’ll leave it alone.

Final thought to weigh up – a big advantage of astral projection is the low carbon footprint that this mode of travel leaves behind. Something that even our cunt of a PM may find in tune with his vision of Britain as a green paradise by 2030 or whenever.

https://i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/k7agqm/what-is-astral-projection-experts-explain-how-it-works

https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/1400975/astral-projection-behind-her-eyes

Nominated by: Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

63 thoughts on “Astral Projection”

  2. Dualism may be the current vogue, but hold on a bit. In my youth (50 years ago) I was an avid Dennis Wheatley reader. In his books all astral projections were associated with white and black magic. Or even devil-worship! And definitely some sort of ‘herb’ to get you there in the first place.
    I think I prefer the D.W. version!

    • Agree about Denis Wheatley, mickey C, he was great. Love his books. Probably out of vogue now because they are not woke enough. They Used Dark Forces was about Astral Projection as I recall. Hitler was at the cutting edge of this stuff, apparently.

    • Is dualism the same as non binary?
      No?
      It probably is now!
      On the subject of astral projection, I’ve heard that when you re-enter your body, or enter someone elses, a squelshing noise might happen.

  3. Didn’t Arnie do this sort of thing in Total Recall and go to Mars where he shagged Sharon Stone?

    • I knew a hippy who said he used to astral project and travel.
      Funnily he couldn’t go into to much detail about where hed been.
      He didnt think the dope he smoked or the strong medication he was on had any bearing on this,
      Suggesting he was just in a higher state of enlightenment than me.
      Its a cheap and green way of travel.
      Which is lucky as he couldn’t drive.
      Im not very enlightened and travel by van or car.

      • Even using Astral Projection to travel, you can bet there will still be rinky dink tourists there, jabbering away, spitting and hungrily eyeing up the stray dogs.

      • MNC@ – I hope these space Vauxhall drivers were wearing masks and maintaining astral distancing..

  4. I would quite like to astral project myself into Samantha Cameron`s panties.

  5. Another issue has occurred to me since writing the nom. Does it take as long to travel to places out of body as it does in body? If so, it all seems a bit too limited as a mode of travel (another rule seems to be that you can only visit places you are familiar with for everyday life).

    • Twenty@
      The hippy told me he travelled really fast, as a beam of light visiting India and the Himalayan foothills.
      And was back for teatime.
      The government really should invest in this!!
      Seems almost too good to be true!
      Thats the problem with politicians… narrow-minded.

      • Major league brilliant, if true, MNC. Sounds like Dennis Wheatley and his dodgy black magic/espionage chums were really onto something. I smell a dirty globalist cover up. The fucking Chinks are probably in our homes right now, and not just spying via mobiles, Alexsa and such electronic shit. Probably using their anal probes. Fucking cunts.

        PS never spell Alexsa properly or it provides a hot link to your software, ask Technocunt!

      • Don’t you think Flip Flop the Jellyfish is already in enough of a fantasy world without adding astral projection. Who knows what the spineless cunt would try to do to us.

      • That is encouraging. Maybe I give it a try. I would start with Croydon.

      • Knowing my luck it would be Dianne Abbott trying to push out a liquorice log that has been baking for 6 months…

  6. If you play Venus & Mars by Wings really loud you can go to as many places you like without leaving the lounge – it works! But then you have to be aware of the neighbours who might think your choice of music is crap

    • I was playing music at home on Saturday night, and only realised how late it was when my neighbours banged on the wall and said “It’s 3am can we have a little respect? ” I shouted back “I’m no Erasure fan, but ok this one’s for you”.

      • Presumably your neighbours banged again 3’32” later shouting: “not that mincing wank you shitshovelling knobjockies, a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T.”

        Early salting today 😴

  8. Used to happen a lot in my childhood and teens but I’m too tired these days. It happens every night to everyone too, you just don’t remember it.

    There isn’t really any separation going on though. Dualism is just an illusion of mind, and mind/consciousness is one indivisible unity.

    The best ones I had were very similar to DMT, super real geometric vistas and shapes. There’s a whole realm of potential and experience. It makes you realise our species has no fucking clue what reality is, and how inconsequential our cultural dramas are!

    • This sort of fuckery used to happen to me as well. Especially the geometric shapes thing.

      Unfortunately doesn’t happen much now – more drugs please nurse.

  9. I was fascinated in my youth by writers such as Lobsang Rampa and Aleister Crowley. Getting off the bus whilst moving and getting into the body etc. Couldn’t understand it then and still don’t. Crowley left us some great quotes though.

    • Infidel@
      That Rampant Lobster bloke?
      He was actually a plumber from Devon called Cyril Hoskin.
      He could open his third eye and unblock a U bend at the same time.
      😀

      • Crowley was a fucking genius-always managed to pull wealthy young birds who were desperate to be his disciple.
        Liked to be pegged, liked to play mummy with the gays, imbibed enough cocaine and other pharmaceuticals to sedate a small city.

        Still found the time to write those books, that you have to burn after reading, necessitating the purchase of lots of copies.
        Fucking genius👍

        Do what thou wilt, shall be the whole of the law.

        Translation: fill yer boots lads👍

        Fucking genius👍

  10. I would love for a bit of Astral projection to work to allow me to visit Salma Hayek’s bedroom or her shower – just as she is soaping up her huge norks.

    Knowing my luck, my Astral projection path would probably place me in Rylan’s bog just as he was squatting over it, turning out a giant, brown boulder from his baggy, schlong-torn, old hoop.

  11. Used to experiment on this subject in the early70s. Nothing happened! Then a while later, had some interesting projections after exotic chemicals. Distant happy daze…..

  13. Beware Dualism. Behind a lot of heresies. One was the Albigensian in the 13 century. Spirit good, body bad. Or the world bad. Got to the point where they were banning procreation and the highest form of service was suicide.
    We are a composite of body and soul.

    • Would this be the heresy that was cured by mass executions for their (the Cathars) own good.

      • Yup, Saint Dominic saved the day, sword in one hand, rosary in the other.

  14. Sounds like a lot of tree hugging hippy crap to me, although I will admit to having had a few out-of-my-brains experiences in my time… 😁😁😁

  15. I think this cunting illustrates the dangers of over indulgence during lockdown. Take heart 20k cunts, we are here to share your anguish.

    • Thanks, CC, much appreciated. I put it down to sugar.

  17. Is the upsurge and interest in ‘astral projection’ connected to the massive upsurge in smoking copious amounts of weed by any chance?

    Ps are you still required to wear a mask whilst out and about the astral plane?

  18. Years ago I used to have sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming ……….. around about the time I used to smoke really strong weed – I haven’t taken that shit for years and I haven’t experienced those things for years either. I’m sure there’s no connection.

  20. Is this the same as remote viewing?

    I think there was a film ‘The men who stare at goats’ about the FBI exploring the use of mind projection, various substances to enhance the sub conscious state in order to get one over on the commie reds, back in the 60s.

    Not the gown wearing inbreds from the Sandy lands that stare at goats with devious intent.

  21. Hyoscyamus niger.
    Henbane.
    Hensbane.

    “Witches” used to make a brew from this weed / wildflower. Done correctly, it is a powerful hallucinogenic, which gives the imbiber the feeling of being “out of body” or “flying”.

    Considered one of the foundations of the popular image of witches flying around on broomsticks.

    To summarise: Witches were just new age travellers, girls who wanna have fun😀👍

  22. Dualism really looking forward to this. Misty morning on the cricket pitch the flash of duelling Sabres what more could a man want.

  24. there was a black fellow on the radio today saying astral travel originally was of the dark persons religion and culture and it has been appropriated by the white man. So there we are people, even this is now racist!!!!

    • Other examples of cultural appropriation from Africunts:

      A.I.D.S
      Absent fathers
      Benefits scrounging
      Social desolation

      🤔

  26. I’m not sure I’ve experienced astral projection. It sounds interesting, though. 🙂

    I’ve certainly experienced lucid dreaming.
    Sometimes I dream during the night. Sometimes I dream after I’ve woken up and fallen back to sleep again.

    • Lucid dreaming is fantastic and anyone can learn it with not much effort.

      Flicking a light switch on/off. Looking in a mirror. Looking at your hands. If you say to yourself “am I dreaming?” when you do those things in real life then it carries over into dreams and helps focus attention.

      Being fully aware inside a dream is an amazing experience.

  28. The state of “conscious” can be projected, and that is an undisputable fact.

    The Conscious awareness of life ends at death, but resumes in an alternate state.

    Astral Projection is a theoretical possibility and a one that can be attained in “Dream”

  30. This is utter bollocks and simply cannot ever be done. Even the best quality LSD can’t pull that trick.

    File alongside flat earth, 100 genders, covid jab microchips, Pepe Le Pew as a sex offender and other modern world lunacy.

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