Snowflake Boyfriends

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It is with great relief that my youngest daughter at the age of 29 has finally found a man (well in the loosest sence of the word),

I first met the cunt when she brought him home to meet myself and Lady Quimson for tea last January, I looked out the window and there he was stood on my driveway smoking a skinny cigarette (you know the type pürftääs and wimminz smoke), he then stubbed it out on my newly laid concrete driveway (the little cunt),

she brought him to the door where I greeted said cunt with a firm bone-crusher handshake, we retired to the living room, my daughter went to freshen up and the good lady went to fetch the tea and sandwiches,

while sat there looking at the cunt for a few seconds, he piped up, “lovely house Mr Quimson”, I replied “it’s Admiral dear boy I didn’t spend 30 years in the Rhodesian navy to be called mister!!!” ( the cunt didn’t get the joke),

I asked the cunt what he did for a living, he said “between jobs having a gap year”, I said “oh one of them is it”, fucking pathetic specimen of a cunt this fucker is,

unfortunately now on the 9th January, the newest member of the Quimson clan sired by this cunt has been born, so now I’ve got chavvy architect and idle fuck for son in laws,

why have I been plagued with this cunts who are socially aware and are trying to “chill”, every time I see these cunts I want to sjambok them, the snowflake boyfriend is definitely a cunt!!!

P.S
I think the cunt may be a veggie, in which case he can fuck off and die, I have no one to share high jinx and racial banter with, of course I have my fellow cunters for sanity, thank dog!!!!!

Nominated by: Captain Quimson

46 thoughts on “Snowflake Boyfriends”

  2. I went to the library. He had glasses on, hemp trousers. He could not be more helpful if he tried. He was incredibly polite. He devoted much energy to finding the book I wanted. But it was not to be. I went to the nearby Asda to shop. Waking back he was at the bus stop. He called after me and said he had found the book. And considerately put it aside for me. ‘You can pick it up whenever you like’ said with a sweet smile. I thanked him again.
    Somehow I wished I’d been served by a surly sort. Sickly is the word.

  3. Deepest sympathy for your predicament Mr Quimson. If he’s a garden gobbler just don’t feed the cunt – he’ll get the message then.

    • A plateful of dried peas might put some thought into the cunt. “There you go Son, don’t be shy!”

  4. When you have daughters their boyfriends have to fear you to a degree, even if they are decent enough lads they still have potential to be cunts and are of course at the mercy of their small heads (which can be removed if they cross the line with my daughter.) cunts.

  5. I went to the library. I was doing some DIY at home and needed a couple of pointers.
    I said to the librarian, “Have you got any books on shelving?”
    She said, “Yeah, all of ’em.”

  6. Who wants to fuck a blue haired fat dog. Not Alpha males. The entire culture war is based on bullied nerds and dogs trying to get revenge (mainly from daddy)

  7. Oh dear Captain,what a dreadful turn.
    I don’t know what to suggest.
    Thrash the cunt?

    What’s wrong with these effeminate mithering bad eggs?

    Good luck.

  8. One year to meet your daughter and impregate her with his Beta Male snowflake custard? Fuck me, the cunt didn’t hang around. I guess he is looking to claim bennies for the imminent offspring?

  9. That’s tragic Capt.
    You better get the malt whiskey out. Relax he won’t want one ,he will be on the dry white wine…..ethically sourced .

    • Hmm, dunno about that, Mr. Fiddler. B&WCunt may be a cunt – he IS a cunt, as his friends and surviving enemies agree – but a snowflake? Unless you’re looking for ‘a punch up the froat’ the next time you’re in Norf Laandon.

  11. I know your pain Quimson.
    My 24 yr olds last boyfriend came to stay with us,
    English but with french ways about him.
    That handshake thing though?
    What the fucks that about?
    When first met my father inlaw (a horse dealer) he tried to crush my hand when shaking.
    Next time I was ready😁
    He nearly fuckin screamed when I mashed his hand!
    Never came that shite again!
    Youve just got to face it that NO ONE is right for your daughter and count your blessings hes not in a cult or worse,
    Foreign.

      • I used to find that the only decent suitor was a boyfriend who visited and brought his own beer.
        Most of the cunts drained my supplies.
        In the end my daughter married Tony, who always brought his own beers. Naturally, I approved of this and gave him a strong recommendation in my wedding speech. Any cunt who turns up on your doorstep without beer is a pônce.
        😀

      • I would have bought beer and 15 year old single malt. A bag of monkey nuts for Percy too👍

  12. Should be given the classic old school treatment.
    Head shoved quickly down the bog, then flush the lav. Fanny’s yer auntie.

  15. My eldest daughter always picks wrong-uns, two to date. Absolute fucking wasters so I guess that makes her as much of a cunt as her boyfriends are, and yes I did say that. The last one had a row with her and he rang me up to tell me what a piece of work she was. ( I should know apples don’t fall far from the tree) He then started on at me and told me how much of a cunt I was, and if I ever went near him what he was going to do to me. I told him to stick the kettle on as I would be with him in 10 minutes. All I heard next was blubbering like a baby and “I’m sorry” down the phone as I jangled the truck keys ready to go round and stove the little cunts head in. I wouldn’t mind if her choice was a bit snowflake, but it’s not, she seems to pick cunts who think they are hard as fuck but are about as tough as a flaccid cock and about 9 stone wet through.

  16. Sounds like a Benjamin Butterworth type. Maybe buy that book ‘How to Get a Rich Man: The Princess Formula’ and leave it casually in full view for your daughter. Also a copy of The Rules wouldn’t go amiss. Might be too late.

    Could be worse perhaps, could be an Antifa activist or SNP supporter. Imagine being related to Ian Blackford through marriage.

    • Imagine sat at the table having Christmas dinner across from Ian Blackford in a paper crown?
      And having to make small talk with him,
      IB “pull my cracker?”
      MNC ” just drop dead.”

      • Or a lad introducing his girlfriend to his dad.

        “Ada, this is my dad Jeremy, he was leader of the Labour Party until recently.”

        “Dad, this is my girlfriend, Ada Finkelstein”.

  17. A petit pois avec fich and chips cutting for Rick Stein. One of the decent chefs a la telly until now. He’s bemoaning Brexit and enjoyed being attached to France.
    Sorry to burst bubbles here but we’ve thankfully never been attached to France

    • I can’t stand Rick. What with his sweaty red face and shifty, nervous temperament and fumbly hands. He’s made a mint thanks to the shitty fucking BBC and ruined Padstow to the point where the locals not-so affectionately call it PadStien. Pack up and get the fuck back to Germany you blithering kraut dweeb.

      • Some years ago my old man tried to book a table in his restaurant, giving about a week’s notice. The girl laughed and told him it was a 3 or 6 month wait unless he had a connection. He said ‘ BBC light entertainment ‘ . “Window seat or further back sir” was the response.

        He had a heart operation, aged 80, about 5 months before and got a bad dose of the shits 4 days after his visit and went to the doctor, who got environmental health to come and visit him. They rubbed their hands with glee when they heard he had been to Rick Stein’s place, they loved doing celebs over.

        I bet Rick has had his vaccination, wouldn’t have happened without Brexit.

  18. So glad I didn’t breed. Firstly because I don’t have a lifelong connection to the fucking ex wife, which in itself is a lifesaver. Secondly, one of my biggest failings is that I can’t suffer fools, and I have a total inability to hide disappointment. Those are skills I would give my left arm for, as society operates on those principles. If I had a daughter and she came home with a fucking nose ring and a tattoo, I’d be mortified, regardless of how old she was, and wouldn’t be able to stop myself saying she looks like a slag. As for boyfriends, how the fuck do you cope when you know your little precious is getting a sac full of manfat blown over her face? As for boys, fuck me, they’re bigger girls than the girls, mincing about with their fucking jeggins and stupid fucking hair.

  19. Never had kids and I’m glad I didn’t. Mrs Norman can’t have them, but I think that suits us both. I also know the damage it can cause. Losing both my brother and sister in separate and unrelated incidents in the same year nearly broke my parents up. it was like the house had been turned upside down. I would never want to see that again. .

      • Is she really going out with him,
        is he really gonna take him home tonight

        Sorry wrong Joe Jacko

        Relevant to the nom though

      • Well, there were 4 from 2 marriages (I know) and then a 5th emerged from the woodwork from my illustrious naval career who turned out to be filthy rich. He, btw is now my favourite son.

  21. I’d rather my daughter came home and said that she was gay than bring home one of these pathetic attempting to be a man namby-pamby gaping arseholed drag queens.

  22. I’m Autistic and know if I ever had kids (unlikely as I live in England) I would probably pass my disease onto them and I would not be able to give them a good life as I would not make the acceptable amount of money, given how dire the job market is now, not to mention the discrimination I receive. “All the wrong people are having children” – Winston Churchill

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