A rather infectious cunting please for what I call Plague Lingo, or the simpering infectious bullshit that we’re served up by big business in the name of Community Spirit.
‘Feeding the nation’ – A phrase chundered out by supermarkets loving the inflated sense of their own importance. No, sunbeam, you’re not. You’re a 36-year-old Dungeons and Dragons player scrubbing the piss-encrusted latrines in Morrisons in Chorlton-cum-Hardy. You aren’t coming round after the Archers omnibus to feed me warm blancmange off a plastic spoon.
‘We’re all in this together’ – We really aren’t. Some of us are living off microwaved pouches of cat food in a one-bedroom bedsit with nothing to do but wank ourselves into oblivion. Others are perfectly happy to spaff away the economy and other people’s mental health indefinitely as long as they never have to take the Thameslink again. Others still are mates or wives of shitbag Tory ministers, so have made a few sov on the back of the bat ‘flu. So no, in it together we ain’t.
‘Together we can do this’ – Again, we’re buying a few tins of sherbet in the supermarket, not skipping hand in hand to a utopia where nobody ever has to cough again and everyone has a shrine to Saint Chris Shitty in the downstairs khazi. And what’s ‘this’? Together we can do what? Capture and castrate Boris Johnson? In fairness it might take a few of us to back that sack of lard into a corner.
‘Let’s stay safe’ – This isn’t an Enid Blyton novel; picture the kind of (probably Lib Dem) milquetoast wanker who, in 2021, turns to someone else and says, wringing their hands, “Darling, let’s stay safe”. “Oh yes dearest, let’s!” Let’s. Fuck off. And as for ‘safe’ – they wouldn’t give a fuck if you tripped over an aubergine, or had a heart attack after finding out the price for Preparation H. Nor did they give a fuck last year if you went into one of their ‘stores’ with the ‘flu. But not any more; let’s stay safe! Let’s! Fucking let’s! Because otherwise you might actually have to spend a few days with the wife.
I know it doesn’t seem like much but this collectivist, faux-concerned bollocks chills me to the bone. If we all care so fucking deeply about each other why the hell are we sending four tins of beans and a wizened mushroom to free school meals kids, or losing hundreds of thousands of potentially dangerous people’s criminal records?
I could go on, but maybe you cunts could take it from here and come up with a few more bits of nauseating bat-flu bollocks? Let’s – fucking let’s again – think of it as Cunts in the Community.
Nominated by: Gloria Stitz
One of the finest cuntings of the pandemic. I could not have put it better. I am sick of the look them in the eyes slogans the constant fear mongering to remind of us of our role. I shall call them ‘dig for victory’ slogans but plaque lingo is quality . In the war these posters and messages were important reminders that a real enemy was out there, today they just emphasise the gap between the haves and the have nots and how some of the most complete cunts in society are not just making money out of but literally revealing in other people’s misery. It is the very worse part of the total fuck up we are going to have to endure for decades.
36
I second that. Superb cunting.
4
‘We’re by your side’ …. quote Bank of Scotland and Lloyds Bank adverts …
Interest rates on savings at an all time fucking low. 0.01% on a savings account and 0.05% on an ISA.
How the fuck are you ..’by my side’ ? … you couldn’t rip the fucking piss anymore if you tried on my hard earned savings. They’re all the fucking same. Cunts just spewing out ‘warm fuzzy feeling’ adverts … FUCK OFF !!!
31
Anybody got Hal Holbrook in the dead pool ?
2
Has old Briggs out of Magnum Force kicked the bucket?
2
“A mans gotta know his limitations”.
3
“Did he fire 6 shots or only 5?… Do you feel lucky, punk!?”
(I know that’s from Dirty Harry, but WTF, no one was more intimidating pointing a .44 Mag than old Clint! Wouldn’t happen today of course – police brutality for being “micro aggressive” and shouty)
7
I’d be surprised if not. He’s been a regular for ages.
2
It will be “You’re on your fucking own!” when the pandemic is over and the mother of all recessions kicks in later this year!
The banks won’t be interested in you quite so much by then. Instead they’ll be sending the bailiffs round to empty your home and/or kick you into the streets!
More so the Chancellor when he draws up the furlough business support drawbridge and starts demanding his £350bn back!
31
Baron Bastard has Hal Holbrook first posting….
2
“You gotta ask yourself, do I feel lucky ?”
2
“I’m afraid you’ve misjudged me”
Most telling line in the film…
2
Well…. Do ya… Punk!
5
A most excellent cunting. The boss at ASOS isn’t in it for us. He’s throwing hundreds of jobs out if the window. I saw an interview with the cunt yesterday, the interviewer put that very fact to him. His reply was that ASOS was online only and stores don’t fit his ‘business model’ that’s ok then you cunt. As for the fat cunt that ran the previous shit show, he’s due to collect £50m for what exactly? Cunts giving to cunts.
8
Collectivist slogans used to sell goods and services to the “enlightened” (deluded) libtard mentality.
Vomit inducing, particularly “we’re all in this together” as used by Tesco, as it’s a reminder of a certain former prime minister and full time pig botherer
Cunts…
8
A truly magnificent cunting. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
4
Totally and utterly pig sick of all the fucking clichés that are banded about. Even though I don’t watch fucking tv there is always some cunt that will start talking about the shit that they have just heard and start a conversation “did you hear………….sorry by this time I have usually lost another friend or acquaintance by firstly asking, secondly, begging thirdly, telling and then finally shouting at them that I am just not fucking interested. Might save a few pence in the future on Christmas cards..
7
Excellent nomination, Gloria.
The one thing you can be sure about, the vile government cunts won’t be resurrecting Wilson’s ‘I’m Backing Britain’ strap line as it would be viewed as racist/colonialist/nationalist.
Slogans are designed to short circuit the thinking that usually goes into the buying decision (according to some red braces wearing marketing cunt that I met back in the 1980’s). Endless repetition of childish words – usually according with the ‘rule of three’ or ‘rule of six’ – can turn consumers into a sort of putty to be moulded in any way desired.
Rot at home. Eat shit. Die alone.
Fuck Off. Kiss My Arse. Government Cunts.
18
Spot on, it seems to be mostly three words, I wonder where the science/psychology behind this originates?
Build back better.
The new normal.
Hands, face, space.
Consume, conform, obey.
You stupid sheep.
11
Words to turn the bowels to water on many weekdays:
“This is BBC One – now in a change of programme we bring you a special news report”
There then follows an hour and a half of garbage – opinion served up as fact, followed by another half hour of the stuff at 1800 regurgitated from the original then a further half hour of local misery
“In these unprecedented times”
52
On the rare occasions that I have been in the room whilst Mrs Guzzi devours these ‘news reports’ I am amused to hear the special correspondents try desperately to fill time as they waffle on ,repeat themselves and generally make it clear that they are out of their depth.
9
I used to watch the local BBC East Midlands news but even that has changed. Living in Leicester, by the time I’ve skipped over the Covid shit, everything about Nottingham and Derby and the sport, all that’s left now is the weather guess, I mean forecast, so 2 minutes and I’m done.
6
And a message from the UK Government.Blah blah blah.Had enough.Bollocks.Bollocks.Bollocks.
7
Good morning and go fuck yourselves…
5
Proper cunting and I agree,
I’ve hated Halifax from way back when they had that darkie cunt ‘Howard’ and when they also would get a load of their bellend and slaaag staff all dancing together singing abaaaaaht how great Halifax is in some shite, annoying advert. One positive is that due to social distancing (whatever the fuck that is) they cannot make these adverts anymore so they have these ‘We are here to help you’ and ‘We have picked up the phone to have a chat with old Mavis’ adverts. You know they gave some poor newbie the job of phoning these old senile bastards…I really feel sorry for said newbie’s having to listen to Mavis talking abaaaaaht ‘Arthur’ (who has been dead for 20 years).
Your a robbing, dishonest bank and you don’t fool me with your fake concern.
I bank with RBS who were unashamedly bailed aaaaht by us the taxpayer only to sell our share at a loss and made no effort to hide it…that’s a real bank.
Go fuck yourselves.
15
“We’re here to help ourselves” more like.
Morning B&W
7
Morning BB, exactly that. The banks are the worst even more so than the supermarkets who let the thick cunts panic buy, making their shareholders loads of money, only to them say ‘we are opening early for NHS staff’ and ‘We are limiting the amount of shite you can buy’.
They can all go fuck themselves.
3
Are you Mr Bastard and changed your name to Baron Bastard?
2
I am indeed he. There was a craze on the site for adopting joke titles a year or two back and I rather got to like mine 😁
It was a toss up between Baron, or Rear Admiral which might have created the wrong impression…
5
So it is you BB, youv’e been abaaaaaht these parts for ages like me old chap and I’m glad your still here.
2
“Stay Home: Save Lives”
Except for a whole raft of exempted people such as politicians. the media, professional sportspeople, celebs, actors, “influencers” and other non-essential cunts who feel such a message is beneath their “very important and entitled” lives!
9
Most people are going to work as normal, the obvious exceptions are retail and hospitality.
Just looking at the amount of traffic in my area, it’s a lot more than there was in the first lockdown.
I don’t get why journalists are classed as essential workers, absolute bullshit.
7
The politicians and the slebs never break the rules they lecture us about they just “make silly mistakes.”
Cunts.
7
Morning Freddie, some cunt has replaced you in nicking Greavesie from me in the dead pool…shall we go and sort him aaaht?
3
Yeah I noticed that. Hard to believe there is somebody who is a bigger cunt than you and me. (especially you)
4
I’m bored of this shit, but with careful reading and viewing habits, this drivel is relatively easy to avoid.
Can’t say the same for the other words and phrases of the crisis which are equally as banal and annoying. Words like plandemic and its derivatives, great reset and agenda 21, usually accompanied by a caps lock commando screaming ‘WAKE UP PEOPLE!’
3
That’ll be me, sorry about that GJ. 😉
3
The stuff you come out with is mild combined with some of what I’ve read. The world is going mental.
1
“Milquetoast wanker”- Excellent.
3
I do believe it’s this sort of caper that can turn a chaps bowels into pebble dashing lava.
Simpering corporate rats.
3
“The new normal”
As soon as the BBC, the MSM and the Leftwaffe have finished defining what it is
5
Absolutely spot on – a most comprehensive and heart felt piece.
I had found the BBC (and “live TV”) to be the worst culprits in this area so, a few months back now, I failed to renew my TV licence and went “online only”. I feel so much better for this it’s unbelievable. Even when I read online about the BBC’s shenanigans it doesn’t annoy me any more because I’m not contributing to the (unts. I’d highly recommend this.
I still come across these sort of patronising, meaningless and annoying messages though. I had cause to contact my doctor about some regular medication so I looked up their website. It’s literally plastered with half a dozen red “don’t contact us” banners – if you need vaccine, have covid symptoms, are not sure what’s wrong with you, etc. A truly magnificent example of “we are in it together”!
Then there are the meaningless texts and emails from my bank and credit card companies. As was said above the only help they are giving is to themselves to steal our money. I took my savings out of an ISA, where it was paying less than £1/month interest, and bought Premium Bonds instead where I average about £25. Another change I’d recommend. When interest rates go negative I’ll buy silver with it and hide it under my bed😁
9
Are you trying to say large corporations are not in existence purely for my benefit? I’m shocked and disappointed!
I read the other day Jeff Bezos had accumulated so much additional wealth since the start of the pandemic he could afford to give each Amazon employee a bonus of over 100k and still be as wealthy as he was prior to the pandemic.
I’m ok with that because he’s only achieved it by caring so deeply about humanity.
8
Whatever the problem fellow cunters have with all these slogans, don’t forget “it’s the new normal “.
7
If I hear that phrase one more fucking time I think I’m going to chuck the radio out the window.
11
Whatever the problem fellow cunters have with all these slogans, don’t forget “it’s the new normal “
2
“During these strange times” boiles my piss.
5
I can only fully agree on both the excellent nom and replies. Full on cuntitude.
5
Whenever I hear “Hands, Face, Space” I can’t resist joining in with “Hands, Knees and Bumps-a-daisy”.
3
Dear Mrs Stitz,
Ta loadsly for skewering the endless stream of emetic wank that hovers around us like an impossibly dense fart…
0
Great cunting and excellent contributions 👏👏👏
I detest twee little phrases that are designed to make people conform: patently they have not worked in this instance.
I can suggest a few more:
Your all fucked
We don’t care
Elites mater most
Do not resuscitate
Politicians fuck off
👍
6
Let’s not forget ‘The science’ which is a group of scientists opinions, science isn’t one homegeous mass and changes all the time and there are different opinions from scientists.
Science exists ‘The Science’ does not.
3