I’m chucking a massive cunt into the mix here…football.

I love football, but I’m utterly fed up of the cunts who scream like small girls when they feel any form of contact whatsoever. I’m fed up of cunts pretending to be injured only to miraculously recover the second they’re awarded a free-kick, or reach the edge of the pitch. I’m fed up of the diving, and cheating and pretending to be double-hard bastards when someone insults the colour of their alice band and I’m fed up of them doing whatever-the-fuck they like, just because they’re young blokes with a fuckton of cash.

More than that though…

I’m fed up of Gary-fucking-Linekar and his sycophantic MOTD guests. I’m sick of commentators and co-comentators. I’m sick of listening to the God-awful slurring/spitting gibberish that counts as the scouse accent ala McMannaman and Carragher, I’m sick of Graham Souness dismissing every team except Liverpool, I’m sick of Gary Neville and Roy Keane dismissing every team that isn’t Utd and I’m sick, SO-FUCKING-SICK of seeing that Oasis cuntbag turning up at every-single-Manchester-City victory as if he masterminded it all himself.
Just won the FA Cup? How do we know? Because that buffoon with the crazy eyebrows is mincing about in the changing room like he scored the winning goal, cunt that he is.

I don’t know which commentator did it, but very recently I was watching a(nother) game of footyball when the commentator started spouting off about how much the players have done for us… “I for one would like to thank them all, for everything they’ve done and continue to do for the nation”, the silly bollox was saying this in reply to a comment criticising Jack Grealish (baby-oiled legs, shorts two sizes too small, alice band wearing CUNT) for drink driving. Imagine, a hero like “our Jack”, driving after having had a few sherbets, oh the humanity!

Footyball players are young blokes, we get that, and they get paid wanky sums of money to trot about kicking a ball whilst the rest of us work for a living, i get that too, but let’s not dress them up as the second-fucking-coming, because they’re not that, nope!
They play football, they get paid stupid amounts of money and drive about thinking their shit doesn’t smell. They spend £3000 on a Louis Vuitton bag (that they use as a shower bag) and they all, absolutely every-single-one of them, think they’re nails, just because they’re surrounded by cunts who are desperate to ride on their success.

Stop Diving, Stop Play Acting, Stop Acting like a massive spoilt child and you’ll be fine, otherwise, you’re a cunt.

As for Linekar et al… fuck off. Linekar in particular is a sanctimonious bawlbag. He uses his position to influence people and then, when questioned about it, claims that he’s allowed an opinion too – I get it, he is – but how about this. Instead of using your persona, your BBC tax-payer-funded persona (because nobody remembers him as a player) why not start spouting your intolerable bullshit via a fake Twitter profile? Perhaps even keep the same name, and then you’ll see EXACTLY what the rest of us think of you because, at the moment, you’re like the overpaid footyballers. You think the minions who surround you, who like and share your Tweets, are doing so because they agree with everything you write – nope – they’re doing it because they long to be noticed. They live for the hope that, one day, you’ll say…

“Hey, Gaz, thanks for sharing that Tweet about oppressed one-legged-black-migrant-paedophiles who desperately need help. Can I be your mate now? We can go down the pub together and you can even have a go on that young bird I’m knocking off after ditching Michelle. If you’re lucky my work-shy celebrity wannabe children will be around and they can be your mates too”.

The folk who agree with whatever sponsored bullshit you spout about on Twitter don’t actually give two fucks about your latest cause, you sanctimonious motherfucker, they just want to be your bestie. Wake the fuck up.

Anyhoo, that’s it. Basically anyone involved in or with football, is a cunt. Except us poor bastards who spunk £40 every week* to watch them.
Football is mega, it’s just everything, and everyone** around it that needs to change. Sharpish.

*When a virus isn’t trying to punch me in the bollocks, obviously.
**Excludes Ian Wright because he’s funny as balls. Also excludes Roy Keane when he gives someone a verbal slapping and basically calls them a cunt, because that too is amusing, although he’s still a cunt, because of the reasons.

Nominated by: Andy