Football (Generally)

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I’m chucking a massive cunt into the mix here…football.

I love football, but I’m utterly fed up of the cunts who scream like small girls when they feel any form of contact whatsoever. I’m fed up of cunts pretending to be injured only to miraculously recover the second they’re awarded a free-kick, or reach the edge of the pitch. I’m fed up of the diving, and cheating and pretending to be double-hard bastards when someone insults the colour of their alice band and I’m fed up of them doing whatever-the-fuck they like, just because they’re young blokes with a fuckton of cash.

More than that though…

I’m fed up of Gary-fucking-Linekar and his sycophantic MOTD guests. I’m sick of commentators and co-comentators. I’m sick of listening to the God-awful slurring/spitting gibberish that counts as the scouse accent ala McMannaman and Carragher, I’m sick of Graham Souness dismissing every team except Liverpool, I’m sick of Gary Neville and Roy Keane dismissing every team that isn’t Utd and I’m sick, SO-FUCKING-SICK of seeing that Oasis cuntbag turning up at every-single-Manchester-City victory as if he masterminded it all himself.
Just won the FA Cup? How do we know? Because that buffoon with the crazy eyebrows is mincing about in the changing room like he scored the winning goal, cunt that he is.

I don’t know which commentator did it, but very recently I was watching a(nother) game of footyball when the commentator started spouting off about how much the players have done for us… “I for one would like to thank them all, for everything they’ve done and continue to do for the nation”, the silly bollox was saying this in reply to a comment criticising Jack Grealish (baby-oiled legs, shorts two sizes too small, alice band wearing CUNT) for drink driving. Imagine, a hero like “our Jack”, driving after having had a few sherbets, oh the humanity!

Footyball players are young blokes, we get that, and they get paid wanky sums of money to trot about kicking a ball whilst the rest of us work for a living, i get that too, but let’s not dress them up as the second-fucking-coming, because they’re not that, nope!
They play football, they get paid stupid amounts of money and drive about thinking their shit doesn’t smell. They spend £3000 on a Louis Vuitton bag (that they use as a shower bag) and they all, absolutely every-single-one of them, think they’re nails, just because they’re surrounded by cunts who are desperate to ride on their success.

Stop Diving, Stop Play Acting, Stop Acting like a massive spoilt child and you’ll be fine, otherwise, you’re a cunt.

As for Linekar et al… fuck off. Linekar in particular is a sanctimonious bawlbag. He uses his position to influence people and then, when questioned about it, claims that he’s allowed an opinion too – I get it, he is – but how about this. Instead of using your persona, your BBC tax-payer-funded persona (because nobody remembers him as a player) why not start spouting your intolerable bullshit via a fake Twitter profile? Perhaps even keep the same name, and then you’ll see EXACTLY what the rest of us think of you because, at the moment, you’re like the overpaid footyballers. You think the minions who surround you, who like and share your Tweets, are doing so because they agree with everything you write – nope – they’re doing it because they long to be noticed. They live for the hope that, one day, you’ll say…

“Hey, Gaz, thanks for sharing that Tweet about oppressed one-legged-black-migrant-paedophiles who desperately need help. Can I be your mate now? We can go down the pub together and you can even have a go on that young bird I’m knocking off after ditching Michelle. If you’re lucky my work-shy celebrity wannabe children will be around and they can be your mates too”.

The folk who agree with whatever sponsored bullshit you spout about on Twitter don’t actually give two fucks about your latest cause, you sanctimonious motherfucker, they just want to be your bestie. Wake the fuck up.

Anyhoo, that’s it. Basically anyone involved in or with football, is a cunt. Except us poor bastards who spunk £40 every week* to watch them.
Football is mega, it’s just everything, and everyone** around it that needs to change. Sharpish.

*When a virus isn’t trying to punch me in the bollocks, obviously.
**Excludes Ian Wright because he’s funny as balls. Also excludes Roy Keane when he gives someone a verbal slapping and basically calls them a cunt, because that too is amusing, although he’s still a cunt, because of the reasons.

Nominated by: Andy

70 thoughts on “Football (Generally)”

  1. give it up – let it go – you can do better than this – it’s only a game – you said it yourself – football is a cunt – the end

  2. Jeez, this fuckin’ theme is mined out.
    All this crap has been covered in depth lately.
    I’ve had it up to here with football lately but if you excuse me, the Merseyside derby is just about to start.

    • Yet another previously unknown nominator who I doubt will leave any comments and won’t be heard from again….

  3. Grassroots football (no pun intended) is still as it should be – Premier League football is a bunch of millionaires chasing a bag of wind up and down someone else’s lawn for half a million quid a week as some screeching harridan gives uninformed nonsense masquerading as commentary, then back to the studio for some smirking gurning crisp salesman to “analyse” the game you have just fkin seen.
    It has lost the public.

  4. Oh, football again 👺

    Yeah, we know. On balance we figured it brings together a number of different issues about the once beautiful game and would give you lot one last chance to vent. We’re bored with football related nominations too. We reckon this will be the last one for a while. Kick it about while you can. Pun intended. Carry on – NA.

    • It was a well written piece, NA, although it was more War and Peace in length. Sadly for no show Andy, it came after a fair few other footie noms recently so sort of lost its zing. 😉

      Now it falls on you, NA, to liven up tonight’s proceedings, so tell us which Admin (or esteemed Cunter) is going to be named and shamed as a player of the pink trombone or a weekend wearer of the good wife’s lingerie in this “planned outage” 😀

      I see you got your invite to the Outage Party then – NA

    • Football gets cunted because it’s a cunt, especially recently.

      Maybe give it it’s own thread? Or don’t allow cuntings on anything with more than 10 cuntings?

      You’d have a website with loads of separate threads like the BBC one, which hardly get commented on. It’s just how these sort of sites work, it seems.

      You have over 80 comments here and only a couple are moaning because they don’t like footy (and probably never have).

      Football is the world’s most popular sport. It is (was in many cases, including mine) a big part of people’s lives in this country. The club’s are a big part of local communities.

      The cuntings are happening because many are really pissed off with modern football for many reasons. They no longer feel attached to their clubs, something akin to a break up for some.

      I don’t think you should be blocking any noms relating to footy just because one or two cunters moan ‘yawn not again’.

      Well ok, I’ll be doing the same when they post about Boris Johnson or anything covid related for the 20th time.

      Just my opinion admin, you do a sterling job amongst a bunch of cunts, myself included.

  5. Football is theatre. “Ooh I’ve fallen over and broken my knee”. Fuck off pooves.

  9. Football, a group of players trying to convince the ref they’re hurt.
    Rugby, a group of players trying to convince the ref they’re not hurt.

  10. Noel Gallagher is indeed a monumental cunt. It also says a lot that when a Man City ‘legend’ is needed for punditry, they only either have that bogtrotting donkey, Niall Quinn or that Galllagher cunt in the chair. Which basically means the bluenoses haven’t had a player of genuine greatness since the 70s and the days of Summerbee, Bell (RIP) and Lee Won Pen. The current crop ex-Citeh bellends like Micah Richards and any post 2010 Gorton Globetrotters mercenaries don’t count either.

    The fact that TV stations choose a celebrity knob like the Burnage Bellend is laughable in itself. Neither Gallagher brother was a regular at Maine Road and their tales of being in the infamous Young Guv’nors are as manufactured and as staged as their crappy bad boy antics and their substandard Beatles rip-offs.

    • Even funnier was when Sky did their fans watchalongs.

      If Liverpool, Man United or Arsenal played, there were about 40 cunts filling the screen. When Citeh played they got about 5 I think lol.

      I do know a couple of proper City fans who followed them when they were shite and playing lower league stuff.

      But I know a fucking shitload more who started ‘supporting’ them after the dodgy Arabs bought them out.

    • Agree, Norman. Oasis were a pile of shit. Champagne Supernova? Utter wank.

      • Theres wheat in the field
        And water in the stream
        Theres salt in the mine
        And a aching in me.
        I can no longer stand and wonder
        Cos im driven by this hunger..
        Lyrics by a proper band not the Burnage windowlickers.

        First to name it gets a sip of my beer!

  11. Infested with gibbons and wizards of wokery.
    Liven the deadly dull game up with land mines.
    Where’s Princess Di of Cunts Hearts when you need her?
    Fuck Off.

  12. It’s mad how these clubs are surviving without fans in the ground. Particularly the lower league clubs.

    The money has to run out soon if the doors aren’t opened to the fans, surely?

    Mind you, after football became anti white and political, I could not give a fuck if all the clubs went bust.

    Rip it up and start again.

    The game itself?

    The players today would destroy teams of yesterday in my opinion. Put the Liverpool team of the 70s up against any PL team of today and they would get fucked.

    However, it does not make it more entertaining. The modern game is all about fitness and power. Skill is a dying art. Without wanting to sound waysiss, that’s why so many dark keys are in the PL and the England teams (at all levels).

    Power. Pace. Play the percentages. And that’s why football is shit to watch nowadays. Add the woke shite, empty grounds, cuntish players and no wonder people don’t care anymore.

    It’s just a bunch of fast meatheads nowadays, closing down the space and charging all over the place. Every team plays the same way. And it’s fucking boring.

    Fuck modern footy.

    • I reckon the legends of yesteryear would thrive in today’s game. If George Best played on perfect pitches and got the same protection aas that cunt Messi does, he would be all but unstoppable. Same goes for Pele, Cruyff, Hoddle, Greaves, Dalglish and Bobby Charlton.

      I reckon the players with a bit of fire in them would suffer though. The likes of Denis Law, Jack Charlton (RIP), Bryan Robson, Mick Lyons and Billy Bremner would be sent off every other game. The current crop of diving playacting fairies and publicity hungry referees would see to that.

      • Yes, they would. If coached in the modern way.

        My point is that if you dropped them off to today via time machine, exactly as they were in the 70s, they’d struggle in today’s game.

        Coach them? Get them superfit? Yes, they’d piss it.

        However, modern coaches tend to ignore skillful mavericks.

        There is no way today that a player like Glen Hoddle would get signed up by a top club as a teenager.

        They want players to be supremely fit and strong now.

        Players like Messi are freaks, but I even doubt he’d make it if a kid nowadays. He was a right shortarse as a kid (had to take hormones so as not to be a total midget).

        A lot of clubs nowadays would ignore him for being too small and weak.

        Doesn’t make the game a better spectacle though. I much prefer footy from the 70s and 80s.

      • Oh and he’s got pace…. Ooh he’s got power… can’t trap a bag of cement though.

        Emile Heskey/Ade Akinbaye

  13. Football and footballers can fuck right off. Bring back proper Saturday night telly. The Generation Game, Morecambe and Wise, Dixon of Dock Green, A Man Called Ironside…oh, wait…

  14. The sport of cunts.
    Stop whining, start living.
    Switch it off.
    Then forget all about it.

  16. I’ve been cleaning and sharpening some tools today.
    And training me dog.
    Andy ?
    Never heard of him.
    Get To Fuck.

  17. They should change all football trophies to giant mugs, give every supporter a mug instead of a pint glass, and players get given double handled toddler safe drinking sippy mugs for water replenishment.

    Game of mugs.

  18. Another football nom.
    Bloody hell.
    Love the game, can’t stand the woke infested fuck-wittery.
    Abu Dhabi FC and the Russian Oligarch’s Chelsea are the biggest cunt clubs.
    Chelsea employed uber cunt Jose Mourinho and signed Didier Drogba who is possibly the worst cheating bastard I have ever seen play the game.
    Abu Dhabi were drowning in mediocrity before becoming an Arab playboy’s bitch.
    Snowflake Guardiola is the biggest cunt manager who wouldn’t dare take on a job that didn’t involve having the best players and a blank chequebook.
    A few seasons back when the scousers pelted the team bus was brilliant. The soft twats sad face and general demeanor before the game handed all of the initiative to Liverpool. The soppy cunt.

  19. Knee taking, acting/cheating, biased refs, ridiculous salaries, corruption, scandals (r@pes, car crashes), endless Wags in the Press, racism, hooligans, tribalism.

    I know nothing of football yet all the above sadly wangs its way into my brain.

  20. Spitting, and snot spraying cunts the lot of them. Football seems to be the only sport, in fact job, where you can spit and snot all over your fellow players workplace and get away with it. You never see anyone else spit during their sport except perhaps rugby where they occasionally spit blood or teeth!

    • “Spitting, and snot spraying cunts the lot of them.”

      And that’s just the women’s game!
      😀

      • Jurgen Klopp’s ‘heavy metal football’ seems to be more Shropshire village Morris dancing at the moment Bertie. He might be packing up his massive toothbrush and heading for pastures new.

      • Libs – tell me about it!
        Still, LFC have achieved what some on here can only dream about for their club.
        😀

  21. Liverpool beaten yet again.

    Don’t think a team defending the title have stunk the place out so badly since Blackburn Rovers 95-96

    They ended up relegated 3 seasons later.

    • When Firmino, Salah, Mane & Virgil fuck off to Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich in the Summer, Liverpool will be back to square one.

      • Firmino may head back home to Thailand to renew his former career as a ladyboy of Bangkok.

    • Not forgetting Manchester United after their Van Persie inspired last title and Fergie’s final stand in 2012-2013.

      What followed with Moyes in 2014 was excruciating and it stank like Lily Mong’s minge in a heatwave.

      • What that boring cunt Sexton did to The Doc’s (RIP) 1977 FA Cup winning side was also agony. Selling Merlin, Pancho and Brian Greenhoff, and bringing in Micky Thomas and Garry fucking Birtles? Unforgivable.

  22. I agree with all the things that are bad with football at the moment but the one thing that has stopped me from watching any match up to this point is the Racist taking the knee horse shit, I for one will not watch another match, Stoke City, Premiership or International until this disgusting protest is taken from the Game.!

    • Right there with you, Boss.

      I haven’t watched a single game all season and won’t until the knee taking shit stops. Some players (Zaha) and clubs (forget who now) have stopped doing it and I think that trend will continue until the knee taking thing has played itself out.

      Personally I think the EPL, EFL, etc. should apologise for their actions since they have publicly aligned themselves with a Marxist and anarchist political movement. For shame. That won’t happen of course and I think the knee taking will be replaced by something else. Not sure what. Could be another gesture or stadium announcements droning on about diversity and inclusivity. They’ll do something I’m quite sure.

      I just wonder how long it will be before someone in the football public eye will break ranks and admit the knee taking wasn’t the best reaction given what Bastard Looting Murderers were doing at the time and have done since. Might be a few years, but I do think it will happen eventually. Until then, football can fuck off and I really don’t miss it.

  23. Moyesy was on an absolute hiding to nothing attempting to follow Ferguson.
    The fact he was Scottish was about the only qualification he had for the job. Fergie had to talk Paul Scholes out of retirement that season to help get that last title win if I remember.
    He was better than Lampard and Gerrard put together.

  24. What´s wrong with football posts and why should they be “put aside for a while” NA? What about the non-stop Brexit posts and the constant change of topic to bring Brexit into practically every nom? I like football and so do others here so I don´t see why we should not be allowed to raise it just as others post regularly about the BBC, trannies, Elton John, Joe Biden, SNP etc. BTW I have not forgotten that you did not post my recent nom about Gareth Bale – the world´s laziest and most shameless footballer who earns a fortune for sitting on the subs´ bench. However, you are forgiven.

    (Precisely this! A lot of Noms are very similar in theme and not just football. Perhaps we may consider a separate football thread as we do for Brexit, Covid, BBC and BLM – DA)

    • Actually I don´t really mind subjects that recur but I think it would be an idea to stop topic switching. This often results in the original post practically disappearing and ending up as a footnote. This is rude to the original poster.

  25. Football is dead, at Anfield tonight some of the Liverpool players demonstrated how well their diving lessons have been going, just as well with Liverpool sinking lie the titanic, they are fucking lucky Arsenal have spent so much time trying to reach the bottom preparing the way.

  26. May I suggest that everyone just stops following football immediately, and turns their attention to a much more civilised game, such as cricket?

  27. I voted for Lineker as Sport Cunt of the Year 2020. However, even his cuntitude pales compared to Paul Lambert this season. Fucking twelfth in the third division for fuck’s sake.

    Still, at least Liverpool lost again.

    • Aye.. Lambert is a positivity vampire..
      Jocks have a proven record in British football management.. Some real legends..
      Lambert could put my missus to sleep.. the farmers need to get rid of this dour lifesucker

  29. When we start censoring the topics of conversation on this esteemed site, are we not emulating what is happening in society at large-possibly the very motivation that brings most members to this site in the first place?
    🤔

    A fair point, CG. Sometimes the regulars forget that the topics which get nominated for a cunting come from visitors to the site. The admins do not invent the nominations. We screen them, check them and schedule or bin them. At the same time, we need to strike a balance between being topical, serious, funny and thought-provoking while trying to keep things fresh and entertaining. We also strive to not leave it too long between a nomination being submitted and it being scheduled to appear. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and whine about what gets nominated. We don’t see too many volunteers to join us in Admin Mansions and help us improve. Oh no. Far easier to sit on their fucking arses and bitch about another nomination for this or that. Again, you make a fair and decent point. Appreciate it. – NA

  30. its bit disappointing Andy the OP not responding to his Cunt. He kind of sums up modern footballers, feigning injury, while he runs away himself seconds later.

    Agreed. But in Andy’s defence, he didn’t know in advance when his nomination would go live and maybe he only checks in every now and then. We do enjoy and encourage it when the author contributes to their own thread, but it’s not a requirement and doesn’t take away from the validity of the cunting. What pisses us off in Admin Mansions is when certain people whine about nominations being made by people who don’t contribute comments on a regular basis. Shut the fuck up with that shit. If we decide the cunting stands on its own merits, we schedule it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a first comment or the 1000th. You should see some of the crap we bin! The fact you don’t see it is down to a dedicated team of admins who do their best to weed out the crap and schedule the good stuff. Jeez – some people, eh? – NA

    • well its probably late for me to respond , but thanks for taking the time. i was being a cunt

      No, not at all. The accusing look was not in your direction at all. There are others who like to moan about new visitors making a nomination then we never hear from them again. That leads to conspiracy theories about known cunters having multiple accounts and posting under different names. Which leads to upticking their own comments multiple times….blah blah blah. The point I was making was, it doesn’t matter. If it’s a good nom, it’s a good nom. More wine me thinks. Carry on, Mecuntry. Cheers – NA

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