Oh yes, my favourite “Quality Belgian Beer” brewed in England along with that “American” beer, Budweiser. Cunts!
Until recently the wife beater beer proudly proclaimed that it was 5% alcohol on it’s cans. Now, in very small letters it has been reduced to 4.80 %. Yeah, and they thought nobody had fucking noticed.
So now I have to consume another 2 or 3 cans before I find the courage to punch a woman in the face!
What a fucking rip off!
Nominated by: Freddie the Frog
Nearly all brewers of premium lagers dropped the ABV when the government upped the tax on alcohol volume. I think one of the only one’s that survived untouched was Kronenberg 1664, which is why it is far more expensive than other brands of premium lager 🍺
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Kronenberg is cheaper at my local Asda.
17
Cheaper than what exactly though?
15
Exactly? Stella, 18x440ml, £2.02 per litre. Kronenberg 1664, 15x440ml, £1.66 per litre.
10
Good stuff Moggie 👍 Now work out the price per litre if it was the same amount of cans and Kronenberg 1664 wasn’t on offer at Asda 😉 Then add to the factor that with Stella below 5% is it still a premium lager?
Other than that, yes, Kronenberg is cheaper at Asda, and it is also cheaper than a second hand Ford Mondeo with high mileage on ebay….just.
10
More a real ale twat than a lager lout.
Some great beer out there Freddie, fuck it off if not happy!
Try something else,
Talking of which,
Its weekend not driving tomorrow, im not Cliff Richard,
…..Doombar.👍🇬🇧
11
Timothy Taylor 👍
11
Marston’s Pedigree.
6
Freddie, I am sure there are many you would be happy to punch without the extra 0.2% 😉
Owen Jones for instance (yes he is fucking girl)
13
Try a Jack Daniels chaser matey, rage will be back quick sharp, what ever happened to Hurlemans or as the land lord in my local used to call it hooligans as he picked up all the broken chairs and teeth, those were the days, not like now, open plan pubs with cctv and a food menu….
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Pies have come …… sigh !
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Evening Jack👍
Ever had ‘ Old Tom’?
Robinson’s finest, used to only be served as half pints,
Fuckin Lethal!!💪💪
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Yes, a long time ago, powerful stuff. Barley wine was another lethal one, neither really enjoyable to drink.
Whereas Doombar, lovely.
Evening, MNC.
5
Evening Jack,
Raised on it (Old Tom) as its Stockport made,
Sometimes smell it brewing over Stockport,.. lovely.😀
Id say British ale is the best in the world.
🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
7
Pity the pubs aren’t like they used to be.
British ale 👍👍👍
4
Sharps doom bar is a fine example of false advertising, It’s made by Marstons nowadays and is of lesser quality than when it was a proper Cornish beer.
I spent the summer in Cornwall and got to know a brewer there, he said the quality of malt had went down since the takeover, And that all the canned and bottled stuff is made off site.
Tried and tasted down there is a different beer.
3
Isn’t this also known as Wife Beater?
7
Thought that was Johnny Depp?
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He should advertise it! Sales would go astronomical.
p.s. if there are any companies out there reading this who are sick of paying hundreds of thousands for rubbish, unfunny, woke advertising, come here for some better ideas! I mean this one we just came up with, Johnny Depp drinking a few cans of Stella Artois and then punching say a cardboard cut out of Amber Turd is priceless.
11
Not touched a drop of the pseudo Belgian fizz since it stopped being an import. First the flavour went then the alcohol content. Yank style fizzy fuck now,
4
I thought you’d be drinking Red Stripe in Saaaf laaahndan Freddie. I like Spitfire, London Pride and Staropramen, and proper Czech Budvar.
I like Rum as well.
12
Guinness West Indies porter for me at a respectable 6%. Can’t stand the taste of premium lagers, because actually they don’t really have any taste. Some European cloudy lagers/beers are worth a go. There is a nice tasting strong Czech dark beer that is worth a go too, I can’t remember the name though.
On the subject of rum, Guinness make FES that is basically Guinness with rum in it and it is quite strong, I bought some to try and almost yacked, fucking revolting. The West Indians love it though apparently.
9
They drink Guinness and Dragon Stout warm in Jamaica, which is probably better for the gut due to the heat out there.
Guinness should not be mixed with rum, quality rum should be drunk neat or with one ice cube.
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Warm? Blurrrrgggg 🤢 Still, if it’s better for the gut I suppose that’s the way it is.
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Wine of the country, B&WC!
2
I remember when Stella really was a premium lager and was very nice on draught or bottled. Even better if you were served it in Belgium or France.
Whatever it is we get over here nowadays it ain’t Stella. There are some bottled ales that are going the same way sadly. The more popular they are the more homogenised they become.
12
Heineken from the factory in NL is bliss. Tastes so much better.
6
I like to have a lager in hot weather, but get a tad annoyed when checking cans/bottles to see where it’s brewed usually in Newcastle or Edinburgh. So much for being Cuntinental.
Sainsburys do their own brand Czech beer brewed in Czechnia, reasonable price and good. Otherwise it’s 5% abv ales for me!🍺🍺🍺
7
Cider in Summer and Larger in the winter.
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Mine’s usually smaller in the Winter! 😀
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Hahahaha 😁👍
6
PS
I just remembered getting hammered on bottled Stella during a camping/road trip in France in 1972.
Pissed as a fart tripping over guy ropes on the camp site and receiving frog insults.
Right as rain in the morning. That’s being 19 years old for you. 😁
3
Some of the lagers sold in Polish shops is fucking strong. They don’t give a fuck for woke wallop. Get a few of them down your neck and you will soon be buzzing.
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Well, Freddie, I’m impressed at your restraint. You say you “have to consume another 2 or 3 cans before I find the courage to punch a woman in the face” because Stella Artois has changed from 5% abv to 4.8%.
I calculate that if you need two extra cans to reach the same point of intoxication then you originally needed 48 cans. If you need three extra cans, you originally needed 72 cans.
[working is available on request]
Might I suggest that henceforth you avoid Stella Artois but instead try Westons 8.2% abv cider, laced with cheap vodka? It’ll save you several trips to the Gents, and tastes better.
4
I had 4 bottles of that 8.2 Weston’s last week (4 for £6 in Asda). First time in many months, lovely stuff, like being smacked round the head with a silk wrapped cricket bat.
7
I can highly recommend the Chaplin & Corks Somerset vintage cider, also 4 for £6 at Asda. Again an 8.2%abv brew, like the Henry Westons, but a more golden apple juice taste with slightly less raw alcohol aroma, less acidic but agreeably fruity esters formed by maturing out the original aldehydes. Really rather an exquisitely fine product, and an absolute steal. Try to find the 2017 vintage, there’s still some around but increasingly scarce.
4
Sadly, a lot of “foreign” stuff brewed under licence in UK, prob in steel vats, in Northampton, by little yellow persons.
Samuel Smith’s in Tadcaster have delighted me with Imperial Stout and fruit beers. I have some salmon left in freezer from doing Robert May’s Salmon (an old Scots recipe, using orange juice and red wine), shall replace red wine with raspberry beer.
6
If you like Imperial Stouts try the Fullers one and also Green Jack’s Baltic Trader.
0
A mate of mine worked in the ‘brewery’ where Stella actatwat was made.
It is not brewed as you would expect, more like ethonol infused water with flavouring, stuck through a sodastream.
There is a chemical in it that ‘flicks the switch’ in blokes, but doesn’t affect women.
The wife won’t allow it in the house and if there is nothing else on offer, I prefer to go without.
Going by what my pal tells me, you may want to steer clear of directors bitter too.
6
I actually like the Tesco own brand value lager and bitter. It is only a few percent alcohol so makes a nice, refreshing drink in summer and you don’t get pissed. I used to give it to the kids when they were younger. I used to tell them it was training beer, which was funny until they told their teacher that Dad gave them training beer.
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Training beer!😁👍
Hehehe
Remember the first time you walked into a pub and ordered a pint?
Like falling in love.😀
7
I’m not a lager drinker but I used to like the occasional Tenants when it was 9%. Haven’t seen it for a while, I believe they lowered the alcohol content. Same with Gold Label, I’m pretty sure it was over 10% at one time, now it’s 7.5%.
2
Used to drink Stella Actatwat way back before I converted to the Church of Ale.
A night on the Stella was always followed by a morning clamped to the bog, dropping logs that smelled of Stella.
Orrible stuff, never again…
3
It’s shite but if a pub was open now serving only Stella then I’d neck a gallon of it.
As I am a cunt.
Timothy Taylor Landlord is best.
Stick your alcohol tax up your subsidised arse Sunk you greasy cunt.
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FFS SUNAK you Korean cunts! !
5
Cheltenham beating Man City 1-0 with 20 minutes to go 💪 might not in that way, but still 😬
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Too good to be true, shame, meh 😕
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This acidic piss is popular with the skum that piss it up along the canal near me, judging by the amount of empties they fucking leave. It used to be carling that was the litterers choice, but the extra money the feckless have been gifted because of the pandemic has obviously been put to good use. The cunts should have had a reduction, not a boost.
Fuckem.
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It was 5.2 percent long ago.
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Sorry, I meant to include cunts who beat up women in this nomination. Unfortunately I was pissed and fell asleep.
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Yer a bunch of Nancies….Special Brew + Frosty Jack snakebite with a slug of Barley Wine tipped in…that sorts the men from the boys.
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Swap the Special Brew for Skol Super, with a slug of Russian Imperial Stout and you have an award-winning pint. Probably not too many though.
6
Is that the formula Shipman used to finish off his patients
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Special brew with a large shot of Night Nurse can be entertaining.
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Evening Dick,
How you faring?
👍👍
1
Evening All.
Got some shit going on at the moment…knocked me off my game for a day or two.
5
Although you are probably broadly correct in that assertion, Dick, I fancy Freddie may be of sterner stuff.
The lower limit of my above calculation – 48 cans of the original 5% Stella – equates to 1.2 litres of pure ethanol. That’s 3 litres of standard 40% abv spirits or more than four and a half 70cl bottles of standard Gordon’s gin @37.5% abv, which would have been good going even for Oliver Reed, Clarissa Dickson-Wright, or Michael Elphick at their respective drinking peaks.
Obviously, if Freddie really does need fully an extra three cans of the weaker Stella before committing his habitual section 47 assaults on various unfortunate women, at least he can be proud to know his drinking prowess is beyond compare. At an impressive equivalent of nearly seven 70cl bottles of 37.5% Gordon’s, even Clarissa would have been struggling to stay awake.
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Fascinating 🧐
5
£5 anyone?
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Hahaha Gutsick you’ve cracked me up again 😂 Two days running 🥳 the cheques in the post 😬
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Applications for remuneration should in the first instance be addressed to:
Knobby Knowles
Dunroamin
TWATT
KW17 2LN
5
…cough…cough…CS?…cough
2
I recommend a very low dose (c15mg) every four to six hours of codeine phosphate as an anti-tussive, Harold.
If symptoms persist, consult your physician (although if he’s any good, he will agree). Maybe a thoracic MRI scan would be the next “port of call” if it doesn’t clear up after a few days.
3
It would also sort out the jitters to the shitters
0
Lager is a püürftáš drink, home brewed stout made with Sherry starter is the drink for real men, Stella drinkers are by enlarge slääg fuckers and ghastly peasanty cunts!!!!!
9
Most beer tastes like decade-old fertiliser to me (more of a cider/red wine man myself) but Stella are especially shit. Had a can once before – never again. They’re down there with Fosters in terms of quality
3
I love lager. I have tried to be posh and clever and get into my ales. I don’t mind a London Pride now and again. A G&T is nice on a hot day. I might even have a Thatcher’s Gold cider on a hot day. Just the one to start, anymore than that is a bit too much sweetness and heartburn.
But I always revert back to the shitty lagers. Always.
Problem is, I piss like a fucking racehorse after a few cans nowadays.
Good news is, that just a few cans gets me pissed in my middle aged years and it used to take me 5x that to get pissed when I was young.
Have some of that, with your non sagging ball sacks and pile free arses, you whippersnapper cunts.
Result!
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Ooh, Thatchers. That’s my drink of choice.
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Aye, it’s nice stuff. Never been a cider fan but I like a Thatcher’s or a Bummer’s original now and again.
Too sweet for me though after a pint of the stuff. Only time I have one is if it’s hot and it’s the first drink.
Then back on the cheap, shitty lagers like the classless cunt I am.
4
Bulmer’s original lol.
Fucking hell
4
Long Ashton press, Aspalls, and Orchard pig ciders. 👍🏽
2
Will check em out. I’ve tried Stowford Press. Not bad at all, but prefer Thatcher’s Gold.
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Stowford Press too B&WC
3
I once abstained from alcohol for 5 years, early thirties.
I helped a mate set up for a concert, he was the engineer in a few big tours.
That night I decided to have a well deserved drink and for the first time in years decided Guinness was the drink of choice.
8 pints and no gangover the next day.
Nowadays I only drink Scotch/bourbon or single malt.
When covid/ lockdown first started, I realised that the supermarkets would sell out, so did £450 in a drinks shop and purchased fine brandy’s, gins, lots of wine and malt whiskey.
I imagined it would last for a few months.
🤔
Yeah right!!!
My decline into alcohol was, coincidental with my taking the plunge with listing in here.
Sorry😳
11
5 years without booze in your thirties? That is amazing.
I did a stint last September, no booze for 6 weeks, no meat, no carbs, basically went raw vegan to lose weight, have kept it off. Back in 2008 I did a 12 week stint. I don’t think I could go 5 years without grog.
4
Don’t worry Cuntologist-I have made up for it I’m the last 12 months👍
1
Well in that case may I recommend the following budget wines that don’t entirely taste entirely like battery acid.
-Tesco Finest Malbec 75cl £6 a bottle when on offer
-Tesco Italian Blush 2.25 litres £12.50
My winter fav is Baileys. Been looking at YT videos to replicate it but sounds like an expensive disaster mixing Jamesons with cream, coffee, condensed milk and vanilla. If anyone here works for Baileys, please do tell!
0
When Boris and his merry men lift the travel ban, old Cunty is off on a little trip to pick up Oranjeboom lager Duvel in Belgium and Kronenburg in France for Mrs CuntyMort.
I am supping Budweiser Budvar at the moment. Has anyone seen the new duty free limits? Fuck me senseless, deplorable limits. For those cunters who smoke 10 packets of rolling tobacco maximum.
4
Never liked this Stella piss. Stella is pure chav fuel. It’s either Boddies or Joey Holt’s for me.
My granddad hated lager. Always said it was a poof’s drink or Kraut juice.
10
Hahaha sounds like your grandad was a proper character 👍
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It was bitter (or occasionally mild) or nothing for my grandfather. He simply didn’t see lager as a man’s drink. His dislike of all things German and Japanese stayed with him after the war until he died. He was a bit like a funnier Albert Tatlock, but I loved the old bugger.
He also always insisted that Cliff Richard was a poof.
8
I knew an old boy from my local who hated the Japanese with a passion too because of what they did in WW2, he had more time for the Germans in fact surprisingly enough, not a relative mind. He said he didn’t mind the Chinese but if they ever open the Japanese restaurant around here would I firebomb it for £25, I said I would and he went to the grave knowing that. I wouldn’t have of course, poor old bugger.
The Japanese were a dirty bunch, but they got it back in spades in the end ☢️ 😉
5
Japan-inventors of the “flash mob BBQ”👍
0
My grandad said the same thing Norman.
Apparently lager was for the ladies back in the day or a milk stout.
Nowadays its not the case,
But lagers too gassy/chemical for me,
English ale all the way!👍🇬🇧🇬🇧
4
1 bourbon, 1 scotch, 1 beer.
Another vote for Landlord bitter, ambrosia Jeeves, sheer ambrosia.
4
I stick to real ale, cider, perry, and rum (out of the sprits). Larger is mass produced and tasteless shite.
6