Ibiza and Clubbers

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An up their own arse cunting for the supposed ‘capital’ of clubbing and the pretentious arseholes who infest this overrated and glorified Spanish Blackpool.

Where to begin? The cunts who dance on the platforms in the clubs who don’t just dance, they do a special dance which involves a lot of thrusting their arms back and forth with a ‘look at me’ expression on their fizzogs.

The prices. €15 for a bottle of tap water. €50 just to get into the fucking place. Once in the place it’s then the competition of who can look like the worlds biggest cunt whilst actually thinking they look ‘cool’.

The music. Let’s be honest, 30 minutes of listening to it and it really starts to get right on my fucking tits. The resident ‘DJ’ on £30k a night. Eh????

The supposed best sunset in the world at the bar (I’ve forgotten its name) where it’s €5 just to take the top of a bottle of pop. Let’s be right, you could go to fucking Benidorm and get the same sunset.

As you’ve gathered, the place just fucks me off to my core. A more cliquey and snobby place in the World you won’t find. “Hast any Bisto?”…. “Fuck off you English cunt”.

Nominated by: Bob Frapples 

86 thoughts on “Ibiza and Clubbers”

  1. Full of chavs, sweaty spotty minges, blue pilled cunts, whores and hoe’s, social inadequates, mutant scum, that ever present stench of redbull mixed in with some stank liquor, sweat, perfume, hair gel and cock breaths, wafting through the slow motion dance of pulsating maggot fucks.

    I’ve seen shit you cunts wouldn’t believe. Set skanks on fire off the stage near a geeza called Ryan. I watched lazer beams glitter in the dark near the DJ’s bottle of chloroform. All those murders I committed by the near by beach will be lost in time, like jizz in rain. Time to get high.

    • I quite like BR2049, but suffered with being 30 minutes too long and going off on some bizarre tangents

      Great SFX, and Ryan Gosling was a good blade runner.

      joy was a joy

      • To be fair it had its moments, but they completely wasted Dave Bautista which pissed me off. He should have had way more screen time. The short Blade Runner movie he was in where he fucks up all those dudes was great.

        This sounds gay but i just got my Tyrell Corporation keyring in the post lol. Looks sweet.

  2. Ibiza started out as a place where the original hippies would go to spend winter,
    The cunts.
    Maybe its age, but I genuinely couldnt imagine anything worse than clubbing in Ibiza.
    Shite music
    Hot weather
    Shite people
    Shite ale
    Foreigners
    Jetski types
    Lucky lucky cunts.
    Hell on earth.
    I’ll go for a weekend in Whitby instead.

    “Keep that bleedin noise down!!”
    😀😀

    • I just want to be sitting on my own private exotic beach….I can see it now…ohhhh yes..i see it…..the waves are gently crashing in…crystal blue water, that fresh scent of sea and freedom, and im lying on my back with a delicious ice cool cocktail, and Dana Skully is riding my average sized cock, in the throes of a awesome orgasm, then screaming will joy.

      Fuck me this smack is good.

    • I had a good night out at The Fire Engine at Whitby on a bank holiday weekend. Apparently a good place to go it was more dead than Babs. I did have a good time though with some of the Locals got shitfaced.

  3. Never been, but I can imagine exactly what it’s like. As far as the music’s concerned, you’d last twenty nine and a half minutes longer than me.

  4. Haven’t read the nom yet, too busy ogling the bints in the header pic!

    Is this about the new Reform Party candidates?

  7. Fools and their money etc.

    When you’re young its the place to be I guess. May as well enjoy while you can I suppose.

    I vaguely remember those 18-30 holidays, which in essence was just an excuse to go to somewhere sunny, get laid, get drunk and get high back in the 80s. Never went on one myself, but it would have been a blast I guess.

    Given a choice between Ibiza and Blackpool…… no choice at all really!

  8. In my 20s I went on a lads’ holiday to the even tackier Magaluf.

    Fucking horrible place. Unfriendly locals (and before you say they’re just fed up of noisy tourists, don’t open a fucking shop or restaurant in the middle of street full of bars and clubs in a tourist spot.I bet they don’t moan about the money they make), half cooked food everywhere, guaranteed to get the shits at some point, overpriced bars and clubs and rough as fuck nasty birds.

    Mind you, I did get off with a few of these dodgy birds myself, but they were hardly ‘keepers’. Most of them smelled of garlic and takeaways and were almost as pissed as I was (very).

    One of them vomited during sex and shouted, in a thick, heavy smoker’s Glaswegian accent, “Ne’er fuckin’ mind thaa Yee bas, dinnae stop.” I recall this fine lady also let out the biggest belch I have ever heard at some point in our very brief romantic liaison.

    To my eternal shame, none of this out me off completing the sordid act. But I think I carried on out of a sense of fear looking back.

    #Och aye mee too yee sleekit yee.

    • I like your style Cuntybollocks. As Winston Churchill/Charles Bukowski/some cunt said “If you’re going through hell, keep going!”

  9. I’ve been there and it was shite, the local (watered daaaahn) vodka was abaaaaaht £10 with a coke and there were loads of cunts all trying to look like they were important and it was generally and pile of cunt. It’s like those clubs in London I used to go to where it’s £200 a table and a bottle of spirits on your table is around £150 depending on what you have. It’s all abaaaaht me, me, me and bored rich cunts trying to look better than some other rich cunts. Then everyone tries to look like they are having an amazing time dancing on tables etc. It really is a load of fake cuntishness.
    Thank God for Covid and the club’s shutting and maybe I have become a miserable older cunt. I am also pissed off as I have given up smoking drugs. Go fuck yourselves.

  10. Admin where do you get the photo? It was during my time there…I’m aaaaht of the picture tonguing that girl on rights arsehole. As you can see she phackin loved it.

    • @B&WC You sir are a beastly pervert, a fine successor to my late mate. Bastard Covid, couldn’t go to the funeral to say goodbye.
      wear it well mate.

    • Remember on Eurotrash a guy was going round photographing girls bumholes, was that you?? Jeez that programme was fucking weird.

      • Yeah that was a weird program Harry, but it wasn’t me and I know naffink abaaaaaht that kind of behaviour. 😁

    • Can I pick your brains BWC ?
      How would you deal with the somewhat delicate situation when the gorgeous girl that you brought back to your room spreads her bum cheeks in front of your willing tongue and had a load of

      sticky arse-chutney surrounding her puckered browneye?
      How do you tell an enthusiastic lass without hurting her feelings that instead of spending a fortune on getting a nice hairdo and mascara that she should have invested more time freshening up her nether regions? or do you think “fuck it…she’s beautiful and I’d use her shit for toothpaste, “ or do you say “get the fuck out of here,you filthy cunt?
      It’s a tricky situation and we’ve all been there.

      • I’d tell her to get in the shower and give her a tonguing. I’d also give her some extra pounding for wasting my time and treating me like a cunt. 😁

  12. DJs have always puzzled me. There are wankers like Blackburn and his smarmy ilk. Then there are fuckers who get paid a fortune to play records. Musical talent even lower than a fucking rapper.
    I could do that. Except the cunts would be listening to Whos Next, Reed’s RocknRoll Animal, Scott Walker or Revolver.

    • There is talent to real DJ’ing CC.
      Being able to listen to one record and get the other perfectly in time using Vinyl isn’t easy and then there’s the tune selection and getting the tunes to ‘drop’ at the right places is a skill.
      Nowadays a lot of the new school digital DJ’s have (but not all use) sync on their CDJ’s and a lot probably can’t beat match well.
      I am a DJ amongst other things. 😁

      • One question re perfectly in time. Why? And tune selection? Easy, Agadoo for piss ups and something from Abba for weddings followed by whatever the fuck it is that gets ratarsed cunts rowing on the floor.

        I am available for weddings and Klan parties in rural Lincolnshire.

      • One question re perfectly in time. Why?
        So the cunts are able to dance to seamless mixing which stays in rhythm…imagine trying to dance to two tracks clashing…😂

  13. Never been.
    Hope it burns down.
    However as a right cunt I do sometimes like some Chilled Ibiza on my phone.
    Anyhow Fuck em.

  14. I like the scrubbers in the picture. My only real experience of clubbing is a few forays during works outings and some door work in my younger days. Not a fan either side of the door.

  15. What about these batty boys bombing it down the streets in their suped up shit boxes, blasting out the gayest most cringe wag one doe blud music. The mating call of the plastic alpha male, his insecurities reverberating out of his inadequate overloading rattling bass speakers, delivered up the fannys of the likes of ‘Chantelle’ and ‘Shannon’ as they gaze with their gina tingles at the fucking lobotomized baboon strapped into his fucking metal death trap.

    Fuck off.

      • I’m the best ever. I’m the most brutal and vicious and most ruthless champion there’s ever been, there’s no one can stop me. Lennox is a conqueror? No, I’m Alexander—he’s no Alexander. I’m the best ever. There’s never been anybody as ruthless. I’m Sonny Liston, I’m Jack Dempsey, there’s no one like—I’m from their cloth. There’s no one that can match me. My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. Praise be to Satan.

      • By the looks of the amount of machine-gunned posts, somebody that’s trying too hard b&wc 😉

      • Are you sure about that Mis?
        You’ve let some questionables through on this site. I tend to share a more guarded approach like B@W.

      • A giveaway is the unusually quick likes some newbie cunts give themselves refreshing the page all the time.
        Schoolboy error.

      • Naw hes better than some of the disgraceful closets that float on here occasionally.
        Hes funny!👍

      • Also B@W, they don’t weigh up the site. They’re in there straight away. I remember when I first started, I lay low until I had some idea what it was all about. I don’t like fuckin’ cocky people.
        BTW poor game today. We need to sign a quality Centre back to release players playing out of position.

      • I would now like to upgrade my original post after seeing a recommendation too well worth avoiding 😉

      • Evening Bertie, I agree too many newbies come on here, strutting abaaaaaht like they’ve been here for years and generally trying too hard as Coolforcunts said. There are many mental cunts on here (me included) but you have to take your time.
        Agree about the squad, I think we are doing well considering the injuries etc and what team wouldn’t miss Van Dyke? I still think we’ll be there at the end and it’ll be between us and Citeh.

      • Quality over quantity every time say I. Other than that I know nuffink abahhht it™️ b&wc

      • I suspect he’s a religious person B&WC. Beneath the bravado. Hoping to see a vision of Christ like the Bad Lieutenant does. And find redemption.

        Strange haunting film Bad Lieutenant.

      • He has a harsh tongue if you get on the wrong side of him 👅 Or so I’ve heard 😬

      • He maybe a Satanist as he alludes to in one of his posts MP, I think someone should pray for him. I’m staying away.

  16. The one on the far left in the header pic with that revolting sleeve tattoo will have any repressed homosexuals (or the fully flaming ones) here chomping at the bit 😷 when I say bit she probably pees standing up by the look of him/her 🤮

  17. I went to Ibiza about 10 times in the 90s. Lovely weather in July – a dry heat, not humid. I felt very safe and nobody batted an eyelid at you. Best to stay away from the tourist spots e.g. Playa Den Bossa although Dalt Villa in the Old Town was worth a visit. The north was the best for peace and countryside and a mountain called Es Vedra. Las Salinas beach (in the south I remember) was great, not busy at all, white sand and a cracking place serving delicious food.

    Did some of the clubs too. Pacha was good, with plenty of locals of all ages back then. Went to Amnesia as well a few times. All became too commercial, has been for years.

    • Did you go to Sa Caleta Cuntologist? Beautiful beach and clear sea when I was there but there were these two caveman types (man and woman) full on nude on the beach. The cunts.

      • That really had me grinding the hard drive to remember! Yes I think I did and it was quite wee. That was a straight beach from memory. Mainly went to Salinas though- there was a nude section there too. Nobody bothered me because it was a gay beach with a nude section and no kids running around either. Happy days!

      • ‘That really had me grinding the hard drive to remember’
        What kind of filthy talk is that? You are far too debauched for me.

    • @BWC But ‘grinding the hard drive’ was just a metaphor for memory recall, a slip of the tongue. Oh dear!

  18. Never understood the celebrity DJ thing.

    When you go to the cinema, nobody gives a fuck who the projectionist is….

  19. Used to stay in San Miguel on the north coast. Lovely place and more family orientated.

    Hired a motorbike for a few days and thought I’d take a tour around the island and see what all the fuss was about Ibiza town and Elvissa.

    What a toilet. Couldn’t get out quick enough.

  20. The last time I went clubbing was 30 years ago.
    45 seals in one fuckin’ day was a club record!

  21. Club 18-30 was my limit.

    31 and I think my belly would pop!

    Do they still make them?
    I love the mint ones. Oh yes and those Trio bars and Viscounts.

  22. Have always loved the energy of the music, particularly when working out on the rowing machine or exercise bike.

    But like most males cannot abide dancing.

    Remember a great put down on Fred Astaire which went something like “Cant act, slightly bald. Also dances.

    • They were in Ipswich on The Antiques Roadshow Willie, it looks quite nice in the sun, a lot of local history.

      • Filmed in September Liberal. Yes, it looks quite nice in the sun, and we are fortunate to live close to the roadshow location.

        Couldn’t see or hear a single shouty Eastern European anywhere on the programme so not truly representative of the local population.

    • I think that’s all dance music is good for at our age, working out, unless you’re 18 full of hormones.

  23. Ibiza is full of chavslags and scrag ends. Australian beaches have better birds. Much fitter and dental floss bikinis.

    • Cant say ive ever been Austrialia, but the minority over here do love a cunting.

  24. Viz did a pisstake a few years back. The resident DJ called ‘DJ Phat Kunt’. Based on some overweight American DJ whose name I’ve long since forgotten.

  25. A mate of mine, a composer and musician, did a series of ibiza style “chill out mixes” for Sony, back in the day. From memory, three volumes.
    He made enough money to pay off his ex-wifes mortgage and by himself a Ducati 916 SPS.
    For a weeks work.
    I actually played a few “widdly-widdly” guitar parts on a few of the tracks, purely to have the satisfaction of committing something to a big selling disc.
    Shortly after doing these, his wife (20 years younger), fucked off with a bloke her own age, resulting in me letting him live at mine for 18 months, rent free.
    I didn’t find out how much he made until after he moved out.
    The fucking cunt😒

  26. Loved Ibiza when I went in 2008. Didn’t appreiciate it enough. Stayed in Ibiza Rocks and some Scottish Lads left the tap on and their matresses were floating on water in their room. The year when Katie Price went on a mad one and got fingered by Chris Fountain in Eden. Seen it all but didn’t hit the papers. Twats knocking on your door every morning “want any pills mate” and you mate saying “oh fuck it” when never done a drug in life and then crying on the phone to his mother he has sunstroke… well thats what ten days of Ibiza does to you.

    It might have its faults, for example the extortion that happens at nighclubs for the Mafia owners, however you just cant fault it so I disagree with this cunting. I even seen people in wheelchairs in clubs so it can’t be that bad.

  27. Pssssshhhhttt!

    Ibiza indeed.

    Nowt wrong with a weekend in Colwyn Bay, winkles, greasy chips and far Welsh ho’s👍

    If it’s dancing your after, walk barefoot in some freshly washed up jellyfish-you’ll have moves like Michael Jackson, to impress the locals 😚

      • Not me CC-fucking Apple predicative text😢.

        Nowt wrong with Fat Welsh Ho’s-perfect for weeding the veg patch👍

  29. First time I went was in 1989. I went to see The Stone Roses in Valencia and after the gig I went to Ibiza with some mates, but the look at me exclusive cunts were there already. All yattering on about Oakenfold and some cunt called Pete Tong. An old pal of mine, Stu Allan who was a Manchester authority on the house scene and a Piccadilly Radio DJ warned me that Ibiza was ‘full of cunts’. And Stu was right. It was like Studio 54 with chavs and suntan oil.

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