Doomsday Preppers

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Bit of a niche one this:

Doomsday preppers/ the survivalist types.

I think this is more of an American thing, but seems to be slowly creeping over here.
The survivalist thing has been around for some time, but it seemed to increase in the late 90s/early 00s whether that was due to 9/11 and the Y2K thing I don’t know. These lot have been preparing for an “I am legend” or “The Road” type scenario for years. The worlds been going to end for the last 40 years. I don’t know if they think one day they’ll be right and have the last laugh and be able to say I told you so. Right before they end up carking it with the rest of us.

They seem to spend all of their time focussing on buying equipment and accumulating weird and wonderful gadgets and gear, but they’re generally fat fucks, who don’t look like they’d be capable of walking upstairs without having a stroke, never mind trekking across country for 100s of miles. There seem to be a lot of what I call “neckbeards” that have adopted this “hobby”.

Many of them look like they couldn’t go a day without a couple of packs of Mars Bars and several 3 litre bottles of cola, never mind forage for food and water in the wilderness.

Always seem to have a bit of a weird Josef Fritzl/Jeffrey Dahmer vibe about them too.

(There’s actually a TV show about these loons. Click here for the deets. – NA)

Nominated by: Harold Steptoe

126 thoughts on “Doomsday Preppers”

  1. From memory these types were quite the “in thing” during the Cold War years. But now I really don’t know what they’re fearful of other than the BLMs and the XRs.

    Straight out of Deliverance no doubt,

    Anyway, am currently listening to some Rush and “Earthshine”, so in the words of B&WC, these dipshits can go fuck themselves!

    • Watched a few prepper shows and they’re scared of things like financial collapse, EMP, nuclear war, pandemic.

      • Yep, normally some crosseyed bloke in camo,
        Electrical magnetic pulse
        The Gov’mint
        The Rothschild’s
        Zombie apocalypse
        THEY
        All of concern to a backwoods prepper

    • Love rush, seen them lots of times live, miss neil, the cancer that killed him was a cunt of undiscribale proportions

  2. Well if there’s one thing you can be sure of it’s that the government is unlikely to help you personally in event of catastrophe.

    I got one of those small water filter systems you can use on any water. There’s a lot I can survive without, but I’ll never place all my faith in a foreign owned water utility company. Hopefully I’ll never have to use it.

    • Preppers?
      Guessing a few on here, but mainly a yank thing,
      Im looking forward to this one!!😀

    • That’s one thing worth buying IMO Chunky, I spend nights out dangling and water weighs a lot if you need 5 days worth at a time.
      The best are in the region of 350 nicker.
      I like the idea of the auto load crossbow too, them zombies/ Billy Ealish fans better watch out.
      Failing all that, smearing ketchup on your face and running at them with a film prop severed arm between the teeth looks promising.
      What would B&WC do? 🤔

  3. Some of them spend hundreds of thousands on bunkers, food, weapons. Never ceases to amaze me!

    After close consideration of whether or not to bother prepping, I decided that I don’t want to be around ‘when shit hits the fan’. Save money and buy an exit bag. Simples!

  5. Depends what you mean by doomsday. The Home Guard were “doomsday preppers” Luckily they were not called upon. Is buying gold prepping. Maybe maybe not, the future is obscured. Thank Fuck.

  6. I still have a healthy supply of pretty much everything I need tucked away from when Brexit was first mentioned. I wouldn’t say I’m a prepper so much is just well prepared 💪

    • Hopefully condoms and plenty of water based lubricants, based in your previous “banjo string” shenanigans 😗

      • Hahaha there are probably a couple of condoms kicking around, should be alright as long as they don’t have a use by date 😉

        Worst case prepper scenario just cut the corner off a supermarket bag for life and use hairy string to tie it around the base of your shaft 👍

      • Doomsday Prostitute: Do you need a bag?
        Punter: Yes
        Doomsday Prostitute: That’ll be 10p.

      • Checkout lady: “Gave you got a bag for life?”

        Me: “Yeah-she’s in the car”

        👍

  7. The original Tremors film contains a pair of preppers, a right couple of weird ones. A very enjoyable film though.

    • There’s a recent film called ’10 Cloverfield Lane’ which is worth a look at. Its got John Goodman in and is about….. I won’t spoil it but if you’ve got 90 minutes to spare/waste have a look.

      • That’s a pretty damn good film Rob.
        Big John Goodman plays the part to perfection. Well written imo.

      • I’m glad someone else has seen it KC, I stuck it on one evening when Mrs K and I were trawling the depths trying to find something decent to watch. Thought it was an ok film. Not something I would have chosen but sometimes they are the better ones!

      • Me and Mrs Kiwi actually saw the film at the local cinema. A small theatre anyway, we were the only 2 in there. Apparently no one else thought it worth the price of admission. Fucking excellent….a private screening of a film we both thoroughly enjoyed. 🙂

  8. New Zealand and other sparsely populated areas are now hot spots for “super bunkers”-rich, powerful people.
    Maybe they knew/know what’s coming😳

    The laughable thing is, the people who build these bunkers could very easily overise any security protocols and remove the owners, moving their own families in😉

    As an outdoorsman, I would fancy a world devoid of most people and covered in woodland and wildlife.
    Bring on the apocalypse 😃👍

    • I’m currently working my way through ‘The Walking Dead’ series General, apart from the undead, the biggest cunts out there are unsurprisingly, other people.

      • I’m a big fan of TWD, LL. Fear the Walking Dead is great too. However I’m struggling with The Walking Dead World Beyond which is basically a horrendously woke version set the generation after the first outbreak, with gaylords, lezzas and a don’t know! I’m just waiting for a fucking tranny to turn up and that will be me done with it…. unless it’s a tranny zombie 🧟‍♂️ 🧟‍♀️ in which case I’ll stick with it.

      • Cheers Cool that’ll be next on my list. The first series was only just over ten years ago but the casting is so different to what it would be if it was being made today. And Andrew Lincoln sounds way posher than I thought he would sound in interviews, maybe its because I always think of him as Mancunian Egg from This Life.

      • It’s great for about 6 or 7 seasons. Brilliant, even.

        Then it becomes absolute shite. Not giving too much away here (don’t look it up), but after the ‘Lucille’ incident, it is not worth watching.

      • I thought Negan give it the series a great angle and he was an excellent bad guy played without fault by Jeffrey Dean Morgan with his absolutely evil grin and sense of humour. It was following the comic book story too although I didn’t even know series came from a comic until it was mentioned. There are a few episodes that fall pretty flat but that’s the same in any long-running series, even the Sopranos had a few dull episodes.

    • We have those bunker building fruit-loops over here? Never ceases to amaze me what one can learn on IsaC. Although quite what they’re afraid of in NZ…..unless the sheep come back all zombiefied, there’s no cunt here to reanimate, should everyone cark it.

      Population: 12.

      • Hahaha!! Yeah, I forgot about that film Cuntle. It could actually be very prophetic regarding the Zombie Apocalypse down here 🤣

      • Agreed KC. There are times when IsaC is a goldmine of information. Some knowledgeable people on here…in amongst all the swearing, lewd sexual deviants and everything else.

  9. Not necessarily prepping, I would like to move to a more remote property-ideally a small holding with 10 plus acres including woodland.
    Spring fed water supply with filtration, biomass system for heating and hot water and mains electric, supplemented with solar arrays and a back up generator.
    An acre of orchards, enclosed vegetable garden, 3x polytunnels-two for growing, one for drying wood, a large glasshouse.
    I would be in my element.

    A sloping paddock with a river running through it for salmon and trout would be the icing on the cake👍

    • Sounds lovely CG, I’ve always wanted to live in the countryside and love growing my own. However if the country folk are all like Mr Fiddler and outrageous racists I’ll have to stay away.

      • From my experience of country folk, Mr Fiddler would be one of the less unwelcoming creatures that you’d encounter. However, once your esoteric sexual practices were revealed I am sure that all prejudices would evaporate.

      • I could bring sexual enlightenment to the good country folk Guzziguy. I would be the toast of many a country pub…if they were open that is. 😁

      • Maybe you could do a lifestyle swap B&W. Fiddler strutting through Notting Hill in full Witchfinder General garb, swatting Romanian beggars away with his swordstick and glaring at anyone with a foreign accent while you tickle Northumbrian barmaids bumholes in his local.

      • Fuck me-do the same on a Caribbean island-land is chePer and baring hurricanes, the weather better.

        Can’t you just picture yourself lazing in a hammock, the sea lapping on a golden beach, a large joint merrily blazing and a large glass of proper rum.👍

        Perchance a dusky young beauty in the sea, giving her arse a thorough scrubbing prior to your afternoon tongue in 🤔👍

      • Sounds appealing LL, I have to say I quite like a soft geordie accent on a lady. True story…I once rang BA to book a flight to Jamaica and got chatting to the geordie lass on the phone…no shit I ended up getting her number etc but she wasn’t all that to be honest and due to the distance it would never have worked.

      • Building my house as we speak CG, plenty of fit women aaaaht there and I live like a King. I have a large bit of land with a massive mango tree, and breadfruit and ackee trees.
        Going to get 4-5 proper dogs for security and everyone knows Jamaica has the best Coffee and Rum in the world without doubt (two of my favourite things. Considering I am semi retired I’ll be spending a couple of months a year aaaaht there from now on. 👍🏽

      • Lucky, lucky bastard!!!

        That’s settled then:

        Christmas at Fiddler Towers
        Overwinter at B&W estates
        Nine months living like a pikey in rural Shropshire.

        Sorted😃👍

      • B@W – I think you’re aksing for trouble moving to Jamaica.
        First of all, you’ll have to change your name to Black and Black.
        Seriously though, secluded houses seem to be a target for crime. There seems to have been many retirement couples who have been targets there.

      • I hear ya Bertie, but the land has been in my family for over a hundred years and I have been going there since 1993 and they all know me or of me and I have a lit of people I trust. I also have some other land I’ll be building a house in to sell but the family land will always be family land. It’s not really secluded and I have family next door, they call me English aaaaht there and to be honest the majority Jamaicans (especially rural) are polite and we’ll mannered unlike some of the arrivals here in the 2000s. Cheers mate. 👍🏽

  10. Maybe these guys are right.

    ‘Joe Biden has chosen transgender woman Rachel Levine to be assistant secretary of health.’

    Off to a flyer Joe.

    (Was s-he once Rick Moranis btw Joe?)

    Get me some of that there protein gel and bottled water.

  11. Good Cunting HS and I am already one step ahead of you lot…
    I’m have built a roof extension on my Notting Hill and Bristol flats, complete with machine guns and rpg’s to keep back the masses who try to kill the non vaccinated when Bill Gates presses the button and the chips turn them into human robots. I have had whale blubber attached to my skin so they cannot vaccinate me, and I have told a few of my bitches to move in to keep me entertained.
    Go fuck yourselves.

    • They are just selfish Idiots mentally deranged. The only thing i use these sites for is camping equipment. However I do like demolitionranch on youtube its a slightly better version of greek plate smashing.

  14. I think these guys are onto something. If this lockdown shit goes on much longer the economy will completely collapse and it will become a total free-for-all. Survival of the fittest, or best prepared, will be the name of the game. Looking around the high street just today, there were a lot of highly suspicious unwashed weirdos and desperadoes shuffling around. One thing was for sure, they weren’t shopping for “essentials” or taking daily exercise.

    I have large stocks of alcohol and bog roll, tins of sardines, jumpers, boots, knives and forks, cups and hats. You never know what you might need when it all goes south. It is fucking coming, not sure what exactly but whatever it is we need to be ready. Maybe Biden is the Antichrist.

    • “Maybe Biden is the Antichrist.”

      What a let down that would be.

      “I am erm you know and I am in an eternal war with erm Tuesday, is it lunch time yet? I’m just going to sniff this child…..can you smell shit mother?”

    • Not sure, RTC, the Drivel has many faces. He certainly looks as though he could have been born sometime around the mid 18th century!

  15. Looks like the fat cunt on right has eaten a LOT of pies recently so she would survive a while – I’d put my money on her.

    However, you’d need to roll her in flour to find the wet patch, if you get me drift…

    • To be fair, every single one of the cunts in the header pic look like they belong in a “special” institution😳

  16. Excuse the slight change of topic but that cunt Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury has jumped the queue by having his jab at the age of 65.
    Fuckin’ corruption everywhere with even the great man above being open to a bung.

    • I bet some cunt came around to Lambeth Palace to give it him as well, they sent my old dear nearly 30 miles away.

      • Evening me old cock sparra.
        Join in now . . .. . .
        🎶 We play the Lambeth way,
        Not like you but a bit more gay
        And when we have a bit of fun
        Oh, Boy.
        Anytime you’re Lambeth way
        Any evening, any day,
        You’ll find us all doin’ the Lambeth walk. 🎶

  17. Sleepy Joe Bedridden, an incoming President that is so popular he needs fifteen thousand National Guard troops to protect him….

    • 25,000 National guard in DC to ensure the smooth transition of power.

      Such is creepy uncle Joe’s popularity.

  18. I’d rather face the Zombie Apocalypse/Nuclear Fallout/ Talking Chimps on Horses/Pandemic/Flood/Volcano Eruption etc. than he locked in a fucking cellar for hours with any of you lot.

    LOL,
    LOL

    • I’m surprised you haven’t got a lead and marble panic room under Fiddler Towers? Then again you’ve always come across as a noble gent who is prepared to stand and fight. I can see sharing with commoners would be an issue too ! 🤣

      • My cellars are vast and stocked to the gills with the necessities for civilised life…Bushmills,Port and Fray Bentos Pies….lots and lots of Fray Bentos Pies. I could probably feed and water 100 people for 100 years with what I have stored….but I won’t…the sponging buggers can take their chances and Fuck Off.

      • They have increased there meat content aswell, im a sucker for a Fray Bentos me.

      • Are these the more robust older tins of Frey Bentos Fiddler? I did see they were changing the design because stupid and weak millennials couldn’t open them.

      • I like the old-style tins,of course. I’m currently wearing a full suit of armour and bowler hat that I cunningly fashioned out of my empty pie-tins….Bill Gates won’t get me…the Cunt.

        PS…I have also fashioned a trebuchet capable of launching the pie-filling a vast distance..if that doesn’t deter the Forces of Darkness nothing will.
        #ArmedResistancePieFlinging.

      • I had a Fray Bentos pie once.
        Once.
        Waitrose steak and kidney pudding on the other hand…. 😃

      • @Cuntlestiltskin

        I used to sometimes have a steak and kidney pudding where chopped leek had been added to the suet casing and plenty of black-pudding in the gravy….my mouth’s watering just remembering it.
        Beautiful stuff it was washed down with a few tins of Guinness.

      • Cuntleskiltskin….if you haven’t tried it I would suggest Waitrose Pieminister Kate & Sidney pie 🥧 apart from the poor comedy name It really is the Rolls Royce of pies and because it is Waitrose, overweight, angry, tattooed, chavy fish wives and single mothers are few and far between 🐽 which makes the slightly higher prices worth every penny 👍

      • @ Coolforcunts, ta for the heads up, I shall sally forth in my ferret armoured car and investigate, One can’t trust the other half to do this properly, she’d probably return with a jar of marmalade and a squeegee mop.
        I totally agree with your comments regarding the public dross out there-hence the ferret.

    • In all honesty id rather have a dose of novichok because this is where this is heading.

  19. The ones I’ve seen on those documentaries usually seem to have one gun and intend to live alone with their supplies. Some have families and a few guns, but most are single blokes named ‘Billy Bob’ or similar with an old rifle.

    Some of the bunkers are really impressive. Years worth of canned food, water, medical supplies, mechanical or solar powered generators…all sorts of clever shit to see out an apocalypse.

    Just one problem.

    In the event of an apocalypse, those with large food supplies will be hunted down by armed gangs. Gangs that will probably be ex military and turn up with rocket launchers, tanks, machine guns and all kinds of shite.

    It’s only then when Billy Bob will say to himself, “Dagnammit. Now why I gone did that Teeeeveeee show for all the world ta see mah preppin’ seeeplies. Sassafras!”

    • My intended modus operandi when the wokeness descends. Thought it would be obvious if you were into prepping that you keep bloody quiet about the fact; or you may as well walk around with a big sign saying come and get it and have a signposted road to your bunker/stash. Appearing on tv is a bit arse in the circumstances

    • We used to do this when we were little lads. We called it ‘playing soldiers’. Got bored with it by the time I was ten.

    • Here’s a cunt that I doubt still has six fingers …. it says it all.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qth1k962_9A

      I remember seeing this on Discovery or somewhere a few years back. The only cunt that this guy should live in fear of is himself.
      Had the ‘Go, go, go’ .. load up the pick up with the family on a mock excercise … got them out to a mountain back road quarry somewhere, to show them how to ‘defend themselves’ / in a rapid response fashion if need be. Daft cunt shot the top of his thumb off.

      He probably still shags his sister though …

  22. Sat in a bunker eating out of date dry noodles watching Jimmy Ray swat imaginary flies.
    Still alive though!
    When the moon men come to put electrodes in our heads,
    And take our freedom they wont find me in a bunker!
    Ill greet them with a two fingered salute and my cock out.🖕.

    • MNC, you know they will all be batty boys so you will be fine, but having your cock out will give you special privileges

      #bigbears 😂

  23. The internet has accelerated over the last 10 years, the world has already ended, prepare to welcome SkyNet.

    These rednecks won’t know what has hit them.

  24. In all seriousness…what the fuck do they think’ll be left when they do emerge? Why bother surviving if there’s fuck-all left to enjoy?

    • Precisely. Like those government cunts in the 1980s with their secret underground nuclear bunkers.

      • The main one was decommissioned because the bedrock was chalk and groundwater contaminated with radioactive material could ingress, with ease.
        The stupid, stupid fucking cunts😂

    • When I emerge, blinking in the radiation sunrise I’ll know that the world and all in it is mine, my son.
      Gertcha.

      • I have been consulting the Domesday Book.. And there is mention if a Mr Fiddler. The entry reads ‘Although we could see his vast estate before us with oxen grazing and deer in the woodlands when we approached the land owner to make an account he sharply refused ‘Fuck off’ he said.

  25. A new Eden Dick.
    Theyre destined to inherit a new world!
    No Gov’mint
    No revenue sniffing round the moonshine still,
    No pesky social services
    No goddam accusations about touching Bobby sue,
    A paranoid paradise🌲🌲🌲🌞

  26. Forewarned is forearmed. When lockdown
    Came about I bought a large amount of Thai weed. Spent my time since march fully stoned and on 80% pay for watching Netflix and hammering pornhub. Living the Apocalyptic dream fellow cunters…

  27. I bet those cunts in the picture take it in turns to ride that overstuffed couch with the shotgun. Or sister as she’s known locally.

  28. Back in the eighties, when The Cold War was getting very cold indeed, what with the Yanks talking seriously about winning a ‘ limited nuclear exchange ‘ in Europe. Why not Nebraska ? …….. cunts. There was much talk in my boozer ( long gone, now a housing development full of societal dregs, a criminal fraternity displaced from its traditional home, doomed to seek solace in a soulless Wetherspoons, a crying shame, but I digress ).
    Anyway, the talk revolved around the best strategy for surviving a nuclear war, many inventive but barmy theories were put forward. My take on it was, that I’d like to be right underneath a fuck off huge megaton blast, in the first minutes of the conflagration, as there would be fuck all point in surviving, only to die in a radioactive wasteland, whilst waiting for the post apocalyptic economic upturn to arrive.
    This view was generally viewed to be un British, almost to the point of cowardice, whereas the idea of surviving in the local sewerage system, put forward by a very shifty looking local petty criminal, was deemed to have merit. A sorry state of affairs, prepping for that scenario, is bollocks.
    However, possibly the finest motto ever to be coined, is ‘ Be Prepared ‘, which of course, is used by the Scouting Movement. It’s simple and self explanatory.
    That is why, here in the rookery, me and Ethel have plentiful provisions of food, torches, candles, matches, first aid kit, and a host of other essential items.
    Including a fuel dump and generator.
    Just in case the weather turns nasty.
    Good evening.

    • It was all over the place back then. Threads, Two Tribes, The Day After, Greenham Common, The Doomsday Clock being put a minute to midnight. I recall one of those infamous Protect and Survive films with Patrick Allen was shown one night on Granada TV in the mid 80s. I still don’t know if it was a test or some joker at Granada taking the piss. But I remember my old man spitting his beer out and saying ‘Fucking hell’.

      It was later on Piccadilly Radio that it was a mistake, but at the time we thought we were buggered. I also saw a nuclear submarine appear off the beach at Falmouth in 1984 when that FGTH track was at Number One. The threat was very real, but it was still a bloody sight better then than it is now in 2021.

      Evening, Jack.

      • Apparently the original idea for the nuclear war drama Threads was to show Coronation Street in the event of a nuclear attack (seriously). But Granada and the show’s stars vetoed the idea and it was took to the BBC.

        I’d have preferred to see EastEnders and Walford nuked anyway.

      • I don’t know a sewer’s not such a bad place to hide out. Harry Lime escapes down there in The Third Man.

        https://images.app.goo.gl/LaSeyj9ZgzRGPhW39

        Mind you that was Vienna just after the war.

        Can you actually get through some parts of the sewerage system because of all the huge fatbergs now? I’m not so sure.

        Fuck me the nuclear holocaust erupts and we cannot find shelter even in the sewer.

      • I recall 4 minute warning sirens being tested in the distance during the night around ’84.

        I was just a kid but it scared the shite out of me. Others have said they were probably just old factory sirens going off. Fuck knows, but after watching threads and the news saying there was a good chance of being nuked, I was shitting myself.

        Local paper even ran a front page saying they knew where nukes were aimed. The said the local park was a target as it was central. About a mile away so I doubt we would’ve even had a bunker left had we made one!

        Sounded like bollocks to me now though. How the fuck would the local paper know where Russian nukes were aimed?

  29. I reckon inside Katy Price’s minge could be the place to hide-many thousands of men men have been in there and lived to tell the tale😯.

    That “Threads” film was grim-Sheffield is depressing at the best of times 😉

    Raymond Briggs “When the wind blows-the animation voiced by the awesome Sue John Mills and I think, Dame Peggy Ashcroft(?), had more I’d an effect on me, as a lad. *

    *still not as depressing as the ducking awful “Snowman”☹️

  30. Did you know that Russia has 13,000 nuclear warheads and the US have 9,000.

    This is enough to turn the entire planet into radioactive glass several times over.

    In the UK, we have 120 nuclear warheads. Which by my rockoning is enough to destroy Paris 120 times over.

    Just saying.

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