British Ham Sandwich

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The British Ham Sandwich is a massive Cunt.

Just try taking one to Holland, the border cunts will impound it immediately.

They are high on drugs and have the munchies. Take one laced with Marmite, one bite and the cunts will escort you to the next border.

Nominated by: Germancunt 

77 thoughts on “British Ham Sandwich”

  1. I’m finding some of these nominations difficult to believe. Very often they are from new posters who have never even posted comments before.
    What the fuck is being counted and why?
    Give a link if it’s that interesting.

    • It should be the Dutch border officials and their officious jobsworth attitude that needs cunting really. The ham sandwich fiasco was just a ridiculous example the media jumped all over.

      • It may be a vaccine side effect Jack. We’ll know more if Bertie’s puns become more smutty.

      • Jack and Libs – have you two got nothing better to do than fuck about with the tickie count?
        😅
        Germancunt- it’s your aliarse isn’t it Jack?

      • No your right Jack, it’ll be Miserable leading him astray like a ham to the slaughter.

    • I simply can’t agree with this one, like you say. Especially when toasted with cheese and pickles. The OP can fuck right off.

    • Some cunters have multiple accounts with different IDs. Pathetic but true. As to the new posters thing it has gone on for years and we have never received an answer from admins various. Could be admins posting to increase site ratings or even the ghosts of admins past using their passwords to bypass the system. Lose no sleep.

  2. That sandwich looks suspiciously like pastrami, kapusta and ogorki. (Peppered corn beef, pickled cabbage and gherkins). It’s an EU fit up.

  3. Some so called comedian bitch on BBC Radio 4 the other evening was saying she thought they were doing us a favour as British ham was rubbish and we should be embarrassed by it compared to the amazing wonderful cooked meats on the continent.

    I’m going to try get a job on BBC doing comedy.

    Leave voters, Boris, the government, Trump and some more Boris, that’s my entire act.

    • Typical ‘Beeb’ woke skank. I bet the foreign meat she loves so much includes cocks and all. If she’s not yet another rank and file BBC dyke, that is.

      • British ham sandwich is the best ham sandwich in the world.
        🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
        Its like Excalibur.
        Only those worthy, true men of the British isles can eat it.
        Mud slimes run screaming from it.
        The vegans recoil with a hiss
        It should be in every British soldiers kit,
        Jewish types scuttle away from it,
        All fear the deadly British ham sandwich.
        And rightfully so
        Every year the ham sandwich kills more people than influenza and smoking,
        Fact.
        Traditionally worn in a sock like the Scottish dirk,
        Once drawn it must taste blood before being resheathed.
        Similar to the now rare 2handed bacon long butty.

      • Nice one Miserable, I got a bit teary over that patriotic rant.
        Its like Kryptonite to so-called BBC comedians.

      • MNC, You sound sound like the chef Anthony Bourdain who did that great show, No Reservations. He loved anything full of porky goodness.

    • These odious BBC types probably hold ghastly middle class “dinner parties” where everyone has to converse in French to appear sophisticated.
      Force feed the fuckers a fried breakfast at gunpoint 🥓🥓🥓🍳🍳🍳

    • @MNC A proper British ham sandwich certainly sorts the men from the boys. It should be generously plastered with English mustard and contain a generous portion of sliced onion.
      If you haven’t got tears and snot running down your mush and a big smile on your chops, it’s not a proper butty.
      Get it right !
      Good evening.

      • Quite right Jack. British honey roast ham on the bone with Coleman’s English mustard and none of that Dijon shite.

        Never tried it with sliced onion though.

        Something new to try over the weekend.

      • Colman’s English mustard is the bollocks.
        And if any frouzophile disagrees, the city of Dijon produces a bright-green wax-topped crock which contains an even stronger mustard.
        I would drown the EU cunts in it, watch their heads implode.

    • Someone should tell the cunt that is was EU regulations that contributed to the demise of British ham.

  4. Welcome to rising sea levels, you low lying, tulip growing, shit cheese producing ( Edam ? Edam ? fucking shite ), clog wearing cunts.
    You’re gonna need a bigger boat.
    Get To Fuck.

    • I tried that Edam Jack.
      Its fuckin rubbish.
      Can tell its made by a nation of drug addicts.
      I didnt eat the holes though.

  5. You want the British vaccine?

    Return the lorry drivers sarnies you daft Dutch surrender monkeys and remember who fished you out of the grasp of the Gestapo and starvation.

    No? Then time for tariffs,lovely high as a kite tariffs.
    Snivelling weak cunts.

  6. I bet they weren’t checking the sandwiches when the British dropped on Arnhem in a bid to liberate the place, and got massacred for our troubles. Or were they worried about foreign food when we were air dropping food on them because the krauts had starved the population, and we were heavily rationed at home, so it wasn’t stuff we had lying about.
    I expected some of this behaviour, but not from the Dutch. Ultimately we are going to see more and more, as the EU treat us like shit in a warning to other member states in case they want to leave too.

    • ‘bully beef’ my old grandad used to go all wistful about it.
      Think the yanks had decent ration packs during WW2?
      Us not so much.
      Made us tough though!
      Whatever the fuck bully beef is (corned beef?) it feed heroes and beat the nazis.
      My poor old grandad,
      Never had a pot to piss in,
      Travelled the world and all he had to show for it was malaria.☹️

  7. In nearly five years of visiting this fine website, this is the first cunting that has actually made me hungry.
    I’m off to the kitchen, fucking starving now…

    • Mrs Norman does a magnificent lamb and fried onions barmcake. Any fuckflake vegan fanny who blubbers ‘But… But it’s a lamb’ is a cunt and usually has double standards anyway in their sweatshop clothes and child labour phones.

  8. Any country that yields Golden Earring, Focus and Gruppo Sportivo can’t be all bad.

    • And Arnold Muhren, Johann Cruyff, Marco Van Basten, Johan Neeskens, Johnny Rep, Edwin Van Der Saar, Ruud Van Nisterlrooy.

      Ruud Gullit is a cunt though.

    • Imagine if City had got Van Dijk There wouldn’t even have been any title races. Thank fuck they didn’t.

    • Well said Ruff –

      Focus! Thijs van Leer – possessed possibly the uppermost range of the Human voice, this skill then followed by great heavy Prog rock guitar – marvelous.

  9. Ham sandwich eh. I’m certain there’s an Abbott and Corbyn joke in there somewhere, but my mind refuses to go looking for it.

  13. We ought to design a bespoke sandwich for our EU “friends” – something they couldn’t be offended by and which they might actually like.

    I’d suggest a cheese based sandwich. Stinking Bishop maybe. This would have a lot of synergy with the stinking (unts in the EU. Let’s go the extra UK mile for them as well. Seasoned with some top notch cyanide. The Krauts used to like a bit of that, when their last project went tits up, if memory serves. Maybe we should start stockpiling supplies for when the EU disappears up its own backside.

    In the meantime we could, maybe, test the efficacy of the design on Guy Verhofstadt. I’d bet he’d gobble it down quicker than a bratwurst at an EU sausage party.

      • I doubt its Robin Cuntle.
        He rarely got double figures when tickies were handed out,
        Doubt he knew what they were.

      • Possibly Ruff?
        He wasn’t a good bloke when he was tearing into Nurse Cunty once.
        I stuck up for her and me and him got into it, then admin bollocked him.
        He was tenacious and thought for himself, I’ll give him that though.

  16. Two thick granary slices
    Thick slices of ham on the bone (none of that reformed shit)
    Juicy sweet sliced tomatoes
    A smear of English Mustard (Colmans)

    A sandwich for a fucking King!

  17. Germancunt, sind Sie Deutsche? Ich glaube dass Sie ein Englischer sind. Keine Problemer damit, ob oder nicht.

    You make a good point about the Dutch. The biggest surprise is that the French didn’t do it earlier.

    I am also suspicious about the fisherman being fucked, given that most of the stories seem to emanate from Freedomland.

      • Tonight, Dark Key, this site has become Dark Key Cunt.com. 😀
        How’s things going?
        Are you doing any teaching in school or is it all online?

    • Hi Bertie. All teaching is online at the mo. It’s working to an extent but that’s more because my students are at a FE college and a little bit more studious that a bunch of Year 8s!

  18. Rest assured fellow cunters, if ever you strayed into the homestead, a sandwich would be thickly sliced bread with English butter, fillings as follow:

    -roast beef, Coleman’s mustard and horseradish.

    -chicken, bacon and Stilton cheese.

    -cheese, ham and tomato

    -Cheese and Branstons pickle or pickled onion

    -ham and mustard

    All served with a pint of good British ale or cider 👍

    • Potted beef CG.
      I like potted beef butties.
      On crusty cob bread.
      Can be Binghams, im not bothered, but its lovely.
      That thing where kinky types lick chocolate off each others bodies?
      I use potted beef.

      • Mis, I once walked 15 miles along a coastal path, with a four season jacket and a daysack, in wet and windy Autumn weather.
        I was in my thirties and taking a well deserved long weekend break from work.
        Eventually, slightly demoralised I spotted the pub I was booked into and hurried inside
        The bar staff served me one of the nicest pub bar meals I have ever had:

        Proper hand cut chips, including some with the skins on and a toasted granary bun filled with roast beef, crispy bacon and Melton Stilton-it was fucking manna from heaven😍.
        Washed down with 3 pints of the local real ale😋
        🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

      • Shrimp paste is very alluring.
        But you can’t beat liquidised pork pies.
        I have a sudden yearning for a potted beef butty.
        Unfortunately, not got any.
        However, there is the emergency years supply of corned beef under the stairs …………. hmmmmm

      • Gone forever now. Enjoy the memory until it’s brainwashed out of you.

  19. A perfect dinner party would be a pig spitted over a open fire and a few barrels of ales.
    No need for a dicky bow,
    Dress casual!
    And some philosophical discussion while we have a axe throwing competition.
    Then a wet t shirt competition for the wives.
    Ive never been a dinner party.

    • I’d have thought the pigs have enough trouble harassing innocent flashers without you spitting at them Miserable.

      • Dont be rude about police officers.
        Thats homophobic.
        And they dont just harass flashers!
        They harass duck feeders too.

    • I’d quite happily stage an outdoor party. I’d hire a hog roast team, and if any pigs ventured along, they could get slung on it.

    • In my early twenties, I used to visit a country pub that did rock night once a month on a Friday-really nice beer garden and good food.
      I always thought it would be a great place to take a girl on a first or second date, nice relaxing environment, etc…

      I had just met this stunning girl who was a business woman and was as sexy as fook.
      On the second date. I dressed up in smart jeans and a shirt and jacket and we headed out to the sticks.
      When we turned up, I was surprised to see rows of Harley’s and other choppers parked up outside-it was a Saturday night so not “rock night”.
      As we went around the side into the beer garden, I realised I had dropped a bollock😢

      Tents in the paddock, live stage, hog roast and fucking hundreds of bikers-even the women looked like they wanted to batter me. The girl I was with insisted we stay for one drink-after 20 minutes of being ignored by the bar staff, we beat a retreat.
      I am sure that if we had stayed, I would have witnessed the axe throwing😗
      Made me remember it, Mis 👍

  20. A nomination to cunt the British rail sandwich, Or whatever traditional British named guise is appears as now, Azuma/Avanti/Albelio etc, May have been more appropriate.

    That said, Stopping truck drivers from taking their packed lunches in cabs into the EU is a little pedantic given truck drivers with famous appetites are hardly likely to go using ham as a bioweapon (unless its Farmfoods or Iceland ham maybe) or get up to any other mischeif with it.

    Fuck off with the pettiness and get trucks flowing freely to benefit both sides of the channel.

  21. 200= likes???? didn’t realise that many cunters looked on here. Maybe we have ham bots? – Sorry.

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