Santa Woke

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Here’s a festive one for you all. The miserable cunt of a Santa at the Harlem Irving Plaza shopping mall in Norridge, Illinois. On December 6th, a woman took her young son to see Santa, as many do. I did with my brood, and they loved it. Unfortunately for the young boy concerned, he encountered woke Santa.

When asked what he wanted for Christmas, the boy asked for a nerf gun. A perfectly reasonable request. My youngest had a nerf gun, and although she drove me insane with it, it’s a perfectly harmless, foam projectile shooting toy. But woke Santa said no. His actual words were, “No, I-nope, no guns”. The boys mother then stepped in to make it clear that he was asking for a nerf gun, not a Heckler & Koch MP7, and woke Santa replied “No, not even a nerf gun”. He then added, “If your dad wants to get it for you, that’s fine, but I can’t bring it to you. What else would you like? Lots of other toys. Lego. There’s bicycles. There’s cars and trucks. What do you think?” Well, personally, I think you’re a miserable cunt, who should not be allowed within five square miles of a child.

Naturally, the boy sat there, on the other side of the plexiglass screen (current era means they can’t sit on Santa’s knee), and promptly broke down in tears. Understandable really, considering Santa had just beaten his Christmas to death right in front of him (plus his mother and dozens of other parents and children) then pissed on the corpse and shit in its face. Be against guns by all means. But for fuck’s sake, when your one and only job is to make children happy, leave your politics the fuck out of it.

I hope the real Santa climbs down this jerk’s chimney on Christmas night, shags his wife while she’s lying next to him and then shoves Rudolph’s carrot right up his miserable, woke ass.

This is why I despise the far left. They are completely incapable of doing ANYTHING with putting their warped political beliefs into it. And to do it with a boy, while playing the role of Santa, is fucking despicable. But it’s Christmas, so this story has a happy ending. Woke Santa is now woke unemployed, and the owners of the mall and the company that woke Santa used to work for sent the boy a nerf gun.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

(More here – DA https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/michael-berry/content/2020-12-08-woke-mall-santa-reduces-boy-to-tears-over-nerf-gun/)

43 thoughts on “Santa Woke”

  2. Santa’s evidently changed his tune since the Seventies, when he had no qualms about stuffing my stocking with a Spud Gun that I used to terrorise the locals tits.

    • I got a toy cap rifle from the Santa at Dad’s work Christmas barbecue at the Mackay rugby fields in 1973. I was so disappointed as it had the look and sound, but not the actual function of a gun. I studied it for a long while trying to see any redeeming feature in it, alas I could not. How could anyone who knew me have selected this toy for me?
      Yes scarred for life!

      • On reflection my feeling was one of impersonality. There had been no effort made to match the child to the gift, it was put kids names on wrapped presents and hope the match didn’t traumatise too many!

        An actual air rifle or serious slingshot would have been much more appropriate.

        Hmmm I think I’m processing through this trailing issue quite well.

  3. “Sorry son no nerf gun for you, but I do have some BLM stickers for your trike, a gender neutral barbie doll of colour or the latest Mr Men books, Mr Woke and Mr White Privilege”.

    • The modern lefty parent abhors toy guns, why their kids are little puffs.
      My dad collected militaria and practically forced toy guns on me as a kid,
      But really all I wanted was the
      Larry Grayson sewing kit for Christmas.

  4. Good for Santa….teach the whining little whelp that you can’t always get what you want.

    More parents should adopt his attitude.

  5. SATAN not Santa. He was sacked, and Steven Crowder hilariously made it up to the boy in question, calling out “Communist Santa”.

  6. Parents concerned about this should have waited for wokeman’s shift to finish and follow him to the car park for some festive re-education.
    Try eating your Christmas Dinner through a straw.
    Ho Ho Ho.

  7. Maybe Santa can bring him a box of tampons for when this incident inevitably leads him to tell people he is a woman in 10 years or so

    Fat cunt.

    The bloke expects us to believe he is not a paedo whilst telling kids to make sure you’re not awake when I come in your room at night

    (WordFence doesn’t like certain words, including “paedo”, hence the mod Q. If possible abbreviate or use alternatives in future. Thanks – DA)

    • You are a typical privileged Admin – using the word paêdo when others can’t. I bet you’re white!
      😂

  8. Just wait till Dame Kweer gets into power in the UK and we get Mummy Christmas a.k.a. Eddie Izzard. Each boy will get a pink beret, lipstick and nail varnish (and if he lucky that is ALL he will get). The girls will get a Jess Phillips/Kate Green strap-on.

    • It’ll be Nancy Pelosi’s favourite shade of lippy, ‘Khmer’ Rouge.

    • That’s not going to happen because Liebore have gone against the electorate too many times now. Just like the LimpDums they’re irrelevant now. I will spoil my ballot before giving my vote to a bunch of woke appeasers who hate the fact that people like me voted overwhelmingly for Brexit.

  9. When boys were men, I had a Johnny Seven for xmas. Santa didn’t give a fuck back in the day. No mentally I’ll kids then, we were all brought up on wars and violence. So fuck off woke Santa, hope you get mugged by your ex elves.

    • When I was a kid, I had an Action Man as used it to simulate missions shooting provos in Bandit Country.

      I went onto the Marines and I predict that this kid will go on to be a massive bumlord.

      QED

      • Fuck every element of Woke and its baleful feminisation mission – 6th birthday, the old man took me down to the local paper shop (old school – they did bait and tackle too) and told me to pick a penknife off the display board full of ’em! Picked the froggy classic The 3″ Opinel. Chippie by tradw so he showed me how to sharpen it properly an an oil stone and you could put a “slice a Rizla” razor edge on the fucker good enough for field surgery.

        Eldest lad’s an absolute firearms nerd so for a Crimbo I’ve got him a £200 airsoft rifle and as a stocking filler I’ve got him a repro of the 1943 Sten gun field manual!!

        Woke Santa should stick to sucking Rudolph’s dick end!

  10. This is why there are so many professional Soy Warriors and Puffs mincing about.
    Set fire to his beard.

    • We’ll have no talk of beard fires thank you Terence.
      Im already walking on pins with the bleeding candles the girls have going.

      • TT MNC@ – Found an antique gothic candle holder in an charity shop recently, lit it up with some candles, it looks marvellously ethereal!
        No nerf gun fron Santa? Mean – I would have told the kid to run round the store sobbing “Santa touched my privates”! 😲 – or Soyta would have received a broken nose which I would blame on an elf he had allegedly been molesting! 😀

      • Foxy@
        Keep your eye out for anything from churches!
        Candlestick, crucifix, anything from a church fetches good money!£££
        From pews, masonry, stained glass etc

      • Mnc bet you Nick the lead of churches at night😉 good money , if a little dangerous on them aisles and naves

  12. If you really want to go woke you should have a Mother Xmas, with preferably a trannie of colour playing the part. Just the sort of thing any “Modern Parent” would queue for hours for. Fuck the kids, they’ll do as they’re told and be grateful for a Greta Thunderpants poster.
    Go woke or get choked.

  13. The kid was only crying because his mates told him that when you visit Santa you get your bum fondled. How disappointed must he have been to see the pervespex screen ?

  16. These lefty, virtue signalling, cockroach cunts are everywhere. They have reached pandemic proportions, Quick Draw. You poor bastards on the States are going to have this shit rammed into every orifice by decrepit Joe and his commie, China loving snot gobblers.

    If I had my way cunts like the Woke Santa of Illinois would be drowned in a swimming pool filled with Joe and Kamala’s shit. There should be plenty of it to go around.

    Good morning, all. Enjoy your Christmas – but only in Tiers one and two. And remember, always shop alone, wear a mask, stand in line, track and trace, take the vaccine, always self isolate, social distance, let the covids out, wash your hands, never enter or leave Tier four….You know it makes sense.

  17. There was a woke family where I used to live, long before woke was a formal annoyance; the son was not allowed toy guns, and the hippy mother made much of this, to the bafflement of the largely normal locals. What she did not know was that the son had a roughly pistol-shaped stick with which he ‘shot’ passengers on the bus every morning…

    I believe he is now working in the Deniable Takeout Division of QinetiQ.

  18. SS Stormtrooper Action Man, The Sweeney annual, a talking Dalek, Admiral Man United away shirt and a proper football (a leather casey). Those were the days.

    A couple of years down the line the Father Christmas in Kendalls on Deansgate laughed when I told him I wanted Legs and Co for Christmas. He winked and told me ‘We get a lot of requests for that one’. Those really were the days. What has happened to my beloved Blighty?

  20. My Dad’s attitude to toy and replica weaponry was much to same to that of Lemmy Kilmister.

    Albeit without the money….

    Or the warts.

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