Mr Kipling Mincing Pies

Posted on by

Why?

Well i was just doing an online shop at Tesco (because like a lot of cunters I detest the company of most humans unless friends or family) when a box of ‘6 SNOWFLAKE mince pies’ appeared in front of my binos.

‘Fuck me’ thinks yours truly. ‘M.K has now given the woke bastards their own range of treats’.

Well what can we say? The supermarkets now only advertise with various tanned hues and browning levels from the Human Toaster and now the woke brigade have their own box of pies.

Now I know it’s a tongue in cheek cunting, but it begs the question that if a true Snowflake objects to the term being used by Mr Kipling, in how many hours will the product be pulled from the shelves and remarketed as ‘non binary gender fluid holiday pies’?

Anyway, you can be assured the snowflake pies are nowhere to be seen in my trolley.

Cunts.

Nominated by: BendyDick CùmInYaSnatch

77 thoughts on “Mr Kipling Mincing Pies”

  1. Maybe Mr Kipling’s range of snowflake mince pies is his way of making amends for previously using the word “excéedîngly” in his advertising?

    … excéedîngly being a trigger word for moderation.

  3. The use of the word “mince” is, of course, offensive to gaylords.
    Fuck’s sake, how has it come to this?! Bunch of (Brains) faggots!

    • I love mince pies ,
      Like homemade ones best!
      Sorry to mr Krippling but his are shite.
      Bit synthetic tasting, not baked properly .
      Snowflake cakes? I wouldn’t worry about it just get the ale flowing, get them down your neck, dont worry about the name, just eat the little cunts.
      Lovely!!
      👍👍

      • My auntie Mary did the best mince pies in the world.
        And I agree, Kipling mincers are overpriced overrated shite.

  4. Who hides around in their bakery at Christmas….

    ….Mince Spies

    Mr Kiplings is mass produced, overly synthetic tasting, additive and ‘E’number ridden shite.

  5. I’ve already had to buy LBGT mince pies from Asda. They come with extra mince,
    as that supposed cunt of a ‘comedian’ Tom Allen has his photo on the box.
    Charlton football club has welcomed all “quayers” to their games in the interests of making football more inclusive.
    Yesterday Tom shared a spot giving reports throughout the game alongside a commentator. It was clear he’d never been to a game in his life. It was toe curling and I felt really sorry for the commentator. All Tom could do was complain about being in the cold for the afternoon. Still, there was no chance of him freezing any balls off.

    • They sell Ducky tarts now too.
      Put on a cravat or neckerchief,
      Preferably pink,
      Grab your handbag and shut that door!
      To be eaten while reclining on a chaise lounge.

      • I like it Ruff! I get the lettuce, bacon, tomato bit but what do you think G is? – gerbils?
        😀

      • Gherkins, Bertie. Fat, veiny and firmly tumescent ones with just the correct amount of bend in them.

      • Apologies ahead of time (as Autie might have it) Mr Cunt Engine.

        firmly tumescent

        is a grotesque example of that solecism which trumps all such gaucherie, videlicet tautology.

        Oops

    • I’d challenge that bald cunt Allen to be funny, for five minutes without alluding to his sexuality. He’s one of those cunts that think he’s funny because he’s gay, like some of them think they are stylish for the same reason.
      He ticks the mandatory overblown mincer for TV panel shows, so will never run out of work.

  7. That bloke who used to voiceover the Mr Kipling adverts always sounded like a right dirty old cunt.

    Kipling mincers are shite anyway. I am fortunate to live near a bakery (no, not Greggs or any other of those corporate fucks) that has been there since the war. They do their own delicious mince pies and barmcakes and we pre-order every year. It’s quite an oddity in 2020 Britain. An English bakers next to an English chippy next to an English pub. Contrast this to a few yards up the road and its pak!s and ‘Turks’ selling crap and overpricing everything.

  8. Mr Kippling wouldn’t be invented now. Not one armed black lesbian whatever gender enough.

    • Like when Captain Birdseye got abolished, and was replaced by some woke tart.

      And woe betide putting a black bloke on a packet of shit microwave rice. That – according to the liberal cuntmangles and woke psychopaths – was a ‘crime’ on a par with the night of the long knives.

  9. My old adversary Kravdaft said he had some special mince pies with a extra ingredient in the mince…I declined eating them but Ruff Tuff Creampuff liked them apparently.

      • Oh they were well pooved up Norman. That fat cunt Luke Shaw would have loved them.

      • There should be a Man United Fat Cunts six a side team, B&WC.

        It could include Luke Shaw, Anderson, Neil Webb, Choccy McClair, Wayne Rooney, and that fat Aussie cunt Bosnich in goal.

      • Covid has curtailed Wayne’s trawling of North West England care homes as a story teller, he has been waiting since March to find out the ending to ‘Spots Lost Bone’.

    • Oh they were well pooved up Norman. That fat cunt Luke Shaw would have loved them. 😁

      • Was that in the back of the Ambulance DCI? I bet you laughed at Mr Kipling when he was clapping you with Mrs Kipling on the door step?

      • For balance-I got shitfaced at a house party back in the early 90’s-woke up in bed with one of the tennants-an older blonde-so smashed the granny out of here before making my escape.
        Turns out she was a paramedic 👍

        Banged a few doctors too-one a right blonde milf who was mid 40’s and really posh divorcee, who was “adventurous”.
        The other was a 20’s something student doctor who was the most boring duck I have ever had. Just shows the value of experience 😉

      • There’s a consultant at our local ED who terrifies me when I give her a handover. Looks like absolute filth and wouldn’t surprise me if she’s a dominatrix!! She’s absolutely lovely, though but I wouldn’t want to get on her wrong side.

      • Treat yourself Gene-worse case scenario-she fucks you into a seizure, she is the right person to revive you👍

      • Far too professional for those shenanigans! Besides, thete’s CCTV in the back! This was a long time ago, before I was married. Took me in as a potato and spat me out as chips!

      • Blimey CG, you have proper experience with the fairer sex. You should write a book old chap with things to look and watch aaaht for when it comes to different types of ladies.
        In the local western Union I use the Indian lady is abaaaaaht 45-50 and likes me, she asks me loads of questions and always smiles and looks like she want a bit of the good stuff. I’ll be making a move over the next few weeks, I might let her cook me a curry. 😁

      • As a Single, London cunter, with ample funds, a nice car and a flat in a nice area, I fully expect you to “pin a flag” on pretty much every nation in the map😉

        Confidence.
        It’s no secret🙂

  11. The insides of the mincers pies is the right colour for the Blek Mitherers and their type.
    Mr Kipling is obviously a cunt as he doesn’t make a festive Rule Brittania cake with a picture of Lord Nelson knocking fuck out of our European chums.
    Oh well,cider.

  12. Mr Kipling is shite these days, maybe I enjoyed them more when I was younger and hadn’t eaten at some of the finest restaurants.
    Go fuck yourselves.

  13. Mr Kipling Cherry Bakewells are very nice, you can eat them at Christmas.

    ‘Would you like a mince pie’
    ‘No, I don’t like them’
    ‘But it’s Christmas’

    😂😂😂

  14. According to that bender cunt Sam Smith Mr Kipling should be renamed ‘They Kipling’.
    You know it makes sense this day and age.
    Go fuck yourselves.

  15. All this talk abaaaaaht Mince pies reminded me of Mince pie guy…he was alright for bender.

  16. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. And mince pies taste like shit. None for me thanks.

    Yeah what happened to Minced pie guy? He must have found some tasty cock that’s keeping him quiet.

    • Dick Fiddler scared him off Allan, with all his homeophobic rhetoric. I felt sorry for him, I was always polite to the gays on is a cunt.

    • Sir Fiddler tricked him with his cunning ploy of serving French Fancies at one of his Eyes Wide Shut parties – sorry ‘Banquets’.
      He’s never been heard from since.

      • Hmmm.. Fiddler’s craftier than that.
        I imagine he’d feed a cadaver to pigs. They eat everything I’m told .

        Either that or MPG’s being held captive in Krav’s basement like Boy George did that time to that Scando Model.

  17. Whenever I hear the word Mince, Monty Python Gay Drill Squad always comes to mind. And it is still on Utube. BBC at it’s best. Cunts.

  18. On a related note, I was in Tesco yesterday and noticed an aisle called ‘Feminine Hygiene’. Outrageous! How do they get away with it?

    • I used to love cunting people with secret santa. Femfresh is your friend for all the older womens fannies in the office which stunk of rotten mackrel. No HR to deal with either.

  19. Btw, if like me, you don’t like shop bought mince pies because the filling is gross, I recommend making your own with actual lamb mince and gently spice it anyway you like. Merry Christmas.

  20. Get off your backside and go to shops. Fucking Tesco’s little helpers clogging up the fucking isles putting any old shite into baskets for cunts to lazy to shop..

    • Its like they are all looking for dale winton, only to be replaced by a shitter gay version.

  21. Mr Kipling was a colonialist and a raaay-sist , everyone knows that. He can stick his mince pies and his Gunga Din up his Nazi arse.

    • Where is Mr Kipling’s statue? Probs Bristol. Must tear it down or alternatively write ‘Waaaycist’ in icing.

  22. This momination is making me hungry.
    I love mince pies with hot custard.

    I can’t remember if my nan or my mum made it, but I remember they used to make a big mince pie. We’d all dig in.

    • Another good one I like after scoffing like a fat cunt at Christmas is warm mince pies with loads of ice cream. 👍🏽

  23. Anyone who buys shop-bought mince pies deserves every misfortune that life throws at them. My mum used to make ours a couple of weeks in advance, then hide them in the closet in my room. Many was the time my dad would sneak in in the middle of the night for a covert bit of mince.

Comments are closed.