Christmas Charity Appeals

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It’s that time of fucking year again….”Charidee Season”

“Wacky”,attention-seeking trouts getting their floppy dugs out for some calendar that nobody wants but their family and friends are obliged to buy to spare the auld bitches’ feelings.

Unsolicited Christmas cards for you to buy and inflict on your unfortunate friends…mind,the ones painted by some Raspberry-gang that turned up were worth buying just for the comedy value alone…if I had anyone to send one to,I may well have bought them,as it was I just chucked them straight on the fire.

“Celebrity” songs…tasteless shite produced by some greedy Cunt looking to cash in on his waning career and raise funds for his Operation Yew Tree defence team. ( Has Cliff released his eagerly anticipated single yet?)

TV appeals for fucking bone-idle Sooties,”deprived” obese children,benefits-rich foodbank customers and,for some bizarre reason,snow fucking leopards.

Supermarket scrounging…apparently some supermarket has a scheme where customers are asked if they want to round-up their checkout total to the nearest Pound with the extra going to help the “disadvantaged”…if any check-out biddy has the temerity to ask me,she’ll sharp hear my views on the “disadvantaged”

Cunts selling raffle-tickets to pay for the local children and pensioners to have a Christmas meal….I probably would donate to this if they’d lump both groups into the village hall at the same time…the thought of a bunch of screaming brats battling it out with a load of walking-stick wielding coffin-dodgers is grand… the prospect of the ambulances turning up to cart off a few bruised and traumatised whelps and several “do not resuscitate” old farts would be worth the admission money.

I wouldn’t give the skin off my shite to most charities (I do give something to a couple of local animal charities) and can’t understand why, particularly considering the upcoming financial disaster,anyone would even consider giving to fund the lavish salaries enjoyed by so many charity employees.

They’ll get nowt off me bar a Season’s Greetings “Fuck Off”

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler 

100 thoughts on “Christmas Charity Appeals”

  1. If I give to any charity, especially African ones, I would be displaying my wealth and of course white privilege. And in any case, according to Lammy it would be patronizing an racist to give to the dark key brotherhood

    So fuck ’em

    • “No more white saviours” wasn’t it? Well have some black ones then, Beyonce, Jay Z, Oprah, Michael Jordan, all rich black billionaires.

      • Maybe Tiger Woods too? A relative pauper with only $900 million, but perhaps he could spare a few dollars to help the brothers in the ghetto?

    • Strange isn’t it how he finds charity to africa patronising, yet he’s quite happy to accept affirmative action and diversity quotas….

  3. 2020 was not only shit with closed pubs but also the 1st year I didn’t wear a poppy.

    I’m ex forces not a fucking snowflake but the cunts behind this once great charity are hoarding over £30M and closing the 5 UK hotels for ex forces and their families.

    With the exception of the Salvation Army all the big charities are run by cunts on 6 figures so give to local one or your local pub – it’s had a cunt of year. Such a cunt that in future 2020 may be referred to by this trade as ‘ The Piers Morgan Year ‘

  4. Let’s be honest here – Dock only gives to animal charities to assuage his guilt, in order to pay for the treatments the animals need after the jolly good thrashing he has given them!

  5. At last a cunting in the true spirit of Christmas…I agree DF these charities are a total scam where most of the ones who advertise on TV waste loads of your money on advertising and pay the top cunt 100,000 paaahnd a year.
    I give directly to the homeless these days, well when I say homeless I mean a 18-50 year old women who I then ask for a blowjob behind the bins in exchange for my charitable donation.
    Go fuck yourselves.

  6. After Christmas, I’m running a a marathon for charity.

    I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.

    • Good for you Bertie, I did one last year for mute children and the bastards didn’t get a word of thanks.

      • I did one for partially sighted children and they didn’t take a blind bit of notice!
        Afternoon LL, mon ami. I had an eye exam yesterday and found out I need an operation for cataracts in both eyes. Has anyone had an op for a cateract? I’m hoping it might restore 20/20 vision so I can throw away my white stick!

      • My brother in law and his eldest son had genetic problems with their eyes. They both had cateract operations about 5-6 years ago, and now both have perfect sight, neither needing the glasses they wore for years.

        I hope it works out for you Bertie👍

  7. When they say ‘children’ do they mean 35 year old Dave Clark/Alan Partridge look-alikes from the Calais shitheap?

    Anyone else remember that cunt?

  8. I hope they show some on TV while I’m tucking into my Christmas dinner! A fucking good laugh helps the digestion.

      • And why the fuck do they want money for water? Every time I seen an advert they’re always sitting by a puddle.

  9. There’s more charities than there is money. I won’t generalise but does charities are jo creation schemes. I worked for a company supplying services to a charity and I happen to know that the lowest paid member of staff who was a glorified tea boy was on 22k a year and the next lowest paid was on 26k, the figures went north from there with the CEO pulling just under 6 figures plus expenses. There were around 25 employees so even if you averaged the wages it wasn’t a cheap operation.

    Charity is a good thing but charity and charities are often different things. I prefer to give to local causes that I can see an end result from.

  10. Never got that shite ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ and its lyrics are bollocks.

    ‘And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time’.

    Of course there fucking won’t. It’s a flyblown sunburnt Equatorial craphole. It’s like some cunt singing ‘And there won’t be sun in Manchester in February’.

    ‘Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you’.

    Basically implying that all working people who were spending their hard earned on Christmas and their families were ‘I’m all right, Jack’ cunts. ‘You’re enjoying yourselves. Feel guilty’. Well fuck you, Bonio, yer cunt!

    ‘Do they know it’s Christmas time at all?’

    Errr… The peaceful types in shitholes like the Sudan don’t celebrate Christmas. In fact, it’s probably punishable by death.

    It was and still is utter fucking tripe.

  11. Just saw one appeal for something called ‘Crisis’. Burly black Afro type apparently indoors and in any case adequately clad but not in possession of a Park Lane apartment. Almost certainly Nigerian. Hint: it’s warmer in Lagos, and there are no planning restrictions on a packing case on the rubbish dump there. Fuck off.

    This Christmas, I’m going to buy a pensioner a turkey dinner with all the trimmings (pheasant if I can surprise one, but they seem to have been shot out this year), with a nice bottle of wine, and, who knows, a newish motorcycle. Thanks, K. No bother, K, you’re welcome.

    Charity begins at home.

  12. Talking abaaaaaht Christmas, everyone must have seen that Asda advert with that inbred looking peaceful cunt in it? Said cunt was talking abaaaaaht Christmas being everyone’s favourite meal…yeah right how many peacefuls sit down for Christmas dinner? Also I ain’t heard the cunt promote pork in any adverts yet. What a cunt he is.

    • He’s a special needs looking fucker for sure B&W, he will be sad to hear that black hearted old Fiddler burnt his charity Christmas cards that he spent all day making.

      • LL, I am certain the Fiddler will take umbrage at being referred to as ‘black hearted’.
        I trust that Admin ( whichever’s less drunk) sees fit to admonish you.

    • His name is Muzz Kahn. Like he’s going to celebrate Christmas with a name like that. Cheeky foreign cunt.

  13. I just searched for ‘Jenni Murray naked for charity’ and something horrific showed up in the results courtesy of imagefap.com. I really wish I hadn’t seen it. Apparently Murray is going to strip down to her underwear for charity. This should come with one of those warnings ‘The images you are about to see may be distressing for some’.

  14. The thing that winds me up most is those cunts in supermarkets offering to pack your bags for a donation. I pack my own shit all year round, I don’t need your help at Christmas.

    Charity begins at home they can all get to fuck.

    No doubt st marcus will pop up looking for free Xmas gifts for the children of the feckless.

    Most charities build up a large amount of money then give only the interest to causes.

    • Your a tight bunch of bastards.
      Ill be giving this Christmas to the poor.
      Ive done a naked photo shoot on the moors,
      Im doing a calendar for charity,
      “Flashing for Food”
      Obviously its tasteful, keep the wellies on.
      Im looking to raise 3k of which some goes towards food for dark keys in bongobongo land.
      After costs, admin, my fee, I reckon theyd be tucking into sardine butties this Christmas.
      (Some jars may contain glass)
      MNCregistered charity can not be held responsible for out of date or moldy food.
      Or if it never arrives)🖕

  15. Won’t even get the steam off my piss, my family comes first – charity in my house…

  19. A hearty and quite festive “Fuck Off” to all such mithering cunts is one of the highlights of my calendar.
    That and drinking massive amounts of delicious rum and scotch.
    Fuck Africa.
    Fuck beggars.
    Fuck starving cunts.
    Fuck needy whining everyone on Satan’s Lantern.
    Another double please!
    Good health!

  20. Johnny Mathis is once again releasing his Christmas hit, this time with a topical twist….

    ‘When A Mask Is Worn’….

    • Chris Rea is also releasing a new version of his Christmas song, entitled ‘Staying Home for Christmas. Mainly because his car failed its MOT.

  21. Our air ambulance is the only charity I buy charity christmas cards from. It must be how the Yanks felt in Vietnam when we hear the rotors of the aircraft approaching when we need them. Top notch guys and gals.

    Rest of charities can fuck right off.

    • Good idea. Will follow your example this year, even though it will dilute my credibility as a cunt. Thanks!

  22. A cunting of stupendously acerbic and for once entirely authentic, apposite and wholly well-met vituperation and bile.

    Mr Scrooge can, from my elevated standpoint, go and sell some more chestnuts. Whatever next – kilts, salmon fishing rights on the Tay and devolution from the ’45? Whatever next indeed?

    Interestingly, I’ve just ascertained a detail of something I always thought I understood. Girlfriend on phone broke of my exposition

  23. Where nothing ever grows, no rain or river flows.

    Well……..apart from the longest river in the world you dozy cunt , Bono.

    And things were quite ably grown by farmers in Zimbabwe until they were all kicked out or.murdered .

    Those farms are fucked now

  24. Those Ethiopian dieters in the 80s wonder what they think of Bono and Geldof?
    Some died, but then lots of people die around Geldof,
    Hes like the Angel of Death on dress down Friday.
    Bet they forgot him within the hour.
    Think posh spice and Celine Dion were Ethiopian.

    • Are any of the Boomtown Twats dead? The worst band to ever come out of Potatoland. Even U2 have more talent than Geldof’s mob.

      • Crap weren’t they Norm?
        Cant understand how they did so well when at the same time some really great bands were putting out?

      • They really were shite, Geldick must have made a deal with Old Nick. Cannot think of any other way that pack of cunts could have made money.

  25. I wouldn’t give to charity at the best of times for several reasons. They are usually a con, with staff and especially management taking the majority of the cash, they are mostly causes I couldn’t give a dry fuck about, dirty water and famines in backwards overpopulated war torn shiteholes, and I’m rarely that flush that I could afford to spunk a couple of quid away on something so unrewarding.
    Then they expect you to step up a gear at Christmas, a time when even a godless spouseless heathen like me needs extra bunce. Git fucked.

  26. The is little ( if any ) real charity. Charity today is the “solicitation by unfair means ”
    Trust me….the church are masters in the game.

  27. I never give to human charities. Too many of them and humans can ask for help.

    Fuck ’em.

    I give monthly to the ASPCA and have for many years. Our little furry friends can’t ask for help and need it more than cunting people. Plus cats are brilliant. Especially mine.

    • Cats are cunts but have the built in excuse that they are programmed that way. Love ’em though. Have several of the cunts.

  28. You miserable cunts!

    I have always supported local charities- this year I have launched FUMSAH.

    Frustrated
    Undersexed
    Milfs
    Stuck
    At
    Home
    Lockdown has played havoc with the mental health of attractive, mature ladies, who are literally climbing the walls with sexual frustration.
    Thanks to the generous support of companies, including Durex I will be filling the Defender and Jerry cans and heading on a nationwide tour, emptying my sack and spreading comfort and joy (not std’s) to lovely ladies, this Christmas.

    If successful, I intend to expand the charity and appoint regional directors and operatives-for a, “cough”, small admin fee.
    These prestigious and “lucrative” positions will obviously be offered to my esteemed fellow IsAC cunters, first.

    Charity begins “at home” chaps😉
    Merry Christmas😀👍

    • Evening CG, wasting your time with this bunch of Ebenezer’s.
      Youd have more luck in the jewish council of Scotland.

      Some of these ISACs types squeeze a penny that hard its copper wire.

      • Leave it to me CG,
        You need men of virtuous character and honesty.
        Failing that ill step in.
        Ive not many faults,
        Apart from im easily bribed and slightest bit of power goes to my head.

      • Sound like you should fit in well as mayor of Liverpool when da bizzies throw dat fat cunt in jail for corruption.

      • With Degzy and honest Joe?
        Pair of piranhas arent they!!
        I once bumped into Joe at Lime street station LL.
        When I sat down I realised my shoelaces were missing and the hands off my watch!!

      • Liberal-I have asked Boris and chums to appoint me as emergency Mayor of “da pool”.

        He wasn’t keen at first, then I explained all the details of my new Charity and offered him the position of Director if Chelsea & Kensington.
        I start next week😀👍

        My agenda as follows:

        -Juergen Klopp to be repatriated

        -Liverpool FC to play the rest of the season in the glorious Man U treble season shirt 😃

        -The liver Birds to be torn down and tossed into the Mersey and replaced with Red Devils👍

        -All benefits to be replaced with back to work grants

        -BLM and Marxism to be made a criminal offence-offenders to be bound and thrown into the Mersey, off the side of the Wallasey ferry, Whilst that fucking awful cunting song by Jerry and the pacemakers plays👍

        -The maritime museum to rename the slavery exhibition:
        “The hands that built Liverpool”, the hypocritical cunts😉

        -The CSS Shenandoah to be the official symbol of Liverpool for 2021 (Google it fellow cunters, my Great …….:.grandad was second-in-command 😀👍)

        -City to be renamed Thieving Cuntsville👍

      • Oi cuntfinder! Might want to change that city name. I will never cope with being in anyway connected with those vermin.

      • A worthy successor General, he is even leaving you the dartboard in his office with a picture of Maggie Thatcher pinned to it.

  29. I always give to these charidees. Just knowing that the London based CEO earns (?) a few 100k a year makes me feel for the poor kaffirs.
    I give until it hurts. Or as the jocks might say. – the very idea hurrrts.

    • Interesting sentiments, Chas C. I noticed a peculiar disconnect toward the end. The transcript of the lyrics has it as

      It’s serialed [sic] in the Sundays

      whereas you¹ unmistakably (but mistakenly) sing:

      It’s serialised on Sundays

      I suppose “It’s serialised in the Sundays” might be the correct, hybrid, variant – although I think that serialisation pretty much went out of fashion after Dickens and Conan Doyle.

      ¹ I’m assuming you’re the singer/writer/performer. Here’s one in return. Purely synths (some rather “legacy” models, too!) and rudimentary sampling, I’m afraid:

      https://youtu.be/ppysW2ZvQJQ

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