You’re researching something on the interweb and find a web page that looks like it might have the information you’re looking for. You click to it and start reading.
Then about 5 seconds in or if you scroll down, a fucking great rectangle of shit appears over what you’re reading. Often inviting you to sign up for their newsletter or some other irrelevant shit you’re not interested in.
To add to the annoyance, the usual X in the top right hand corner to close the fucker isn’t there. They’ve put it in a different corner so you have to go looking for it.
Sometimes it’ll be a faint colour on a faint background making it almost impossible to see, so you spend even longer having to deal with their cuntitude and not reading what you went there for in the first place.
Web developers who implement this kind of feature are cunts. Stop doing it. It’s extremely annoying and makes it very unlikely I will ever visit your cunt website in the future. Thus reducing your traffic. So counter-productive then.
Cunts.
Nominated by: Imitation Yank
…and this from Norman
Clickbait is a load of cunt.
Those annoying as fuck pop ups that appear on the screen. Totally made up shite like
‘The Tragedy of Richard Branson’. The only real tragedy being that he isn’t dead.
‘Jeremy Clarkson loses all his money’. Only thing is, he hasn’t.
‘Susan Boyle is unrecognisable now and looks gorgeous’. But she doesn’t and she never fucking will.
These things are usually links to some scam or another and anyone with any sense just ignores them. But they don’y half irritate the fuck out of me.
You follow them and get clippets of info on to the next page……. all bollocks. Must be a cunt to even look at them. Fuck em all.
6
Totally off the topic in question but I think cunters might enjoy this little ditty:
https://vimeo.com/349649184
5
These are frustrating as fuck.
Also if anyone puts a link on ISAC and to see it loads of ads first or cookie settings.☹️
Popups are a waste of time,
Surely they don’t influence anyone?
If anything they alienate people.
11
The internet didn’t stay wild and free for long. The ad men and corporations soon moved in and filled it with fucking advertising.
@admin. Are we having Dead Pool 184 ? Me Luke Rhinehart gone cold, and rigor mortis has set in.
Good afternoon.
7
Apparently Mr Rhinehart snuffed it on the 6th of November, Jack.
2
Bugger me ! I should have been a winner weeks ago.
Ah well.
Read ‘The Dice Man ‘, good stuff.
Cheers.
3
I read that too, Jack. It’s a good read. I distinctly remember the part about throwing the dice to decide if he should fuck his wife up the arse. Hahaha.
4
Not a book that would go down well with wimminz today.
Rolling the dice to determine whether or not to rape …… there’d be a major meltdown.
Good evening.
4
I know you’re not very religious Jack but your achievement might never be recognised. By the time Admin get round to it the General Resurrection will have happened. And he will be alive again!
5
I’m bitterly disappointed ….😀
Good evening, Miles.
3
Youve been robbed Jack!
Seek legal advice.
Theyre all in it together,
Plotters!!!
4
Ho ho ho ! Maybe I’ll get Rudy Giuliani on the case.
What could possibly go wrong ?
I’m drowning me sorrows with red wine.
:o)
Evening MNC.
4
Drowning your sorrows with red wine?
Like the Liza Minelli song?
‘life is a cabernet old chum,
Come to the Cabernet”…
Ouch!!
5
Debbie ! Get MNC’s coat. Now pour me another glass and come and sit on me knee, good girl, oooooo ! look at that !
We’ve got a couple of bottles, sat on the sideboard …… Parallel Wines,
Wahey !!!!
4
Oh well,another roll of the dice Jack
2
I can seriously recommend Parallele 45 by Paul Jaboulet Aîné et fils. A nice, chewy grenache/syrah Côtes du Rhône from a decent house. A touch of class for under a tenner. Get the 2015 if you can, but its tariff may be a touch higher than more recent vinifications.
1
On a related theme: much of YouTube used to be ad-free. Then there was a surge of ads taking 5secs to tell you you could ‘skip ad’ These were followed, and lately accompanied, by ads which you couldn’t skip and which lasted a bit longer than 5 seconds. These told you that ‘your’ (ie the advertiser’s wholly owned) video would play after the ad. IOW: “Hang on sucker, you wanted to watch something else, but here are our thoughts on a wimminz sanitary product/unaffordable bling/a scam” The standard format is now, typically,
1. One five-seconds-until-it’s-optional ad for a tool for getting stuck screws out.
2. One unavoidable ad for a bank which pays 0% interest on deposits and requires your soul as security on loans. Maintaining the ‘screw’ theme. The video starts.
3. Aha. Every five minutes ‘your’ video interrupts itself to advertise Microsoft for 10 non-optional seconds or more.
I would be interested to know what percentage of punters see these ads and thereafter want any further contact with the product. Does smearing everything with your brand image actually achieve any better sales than letting online reviews speak for you? Is there anyone in its sphere of influence who has not heard of (I’m not advertising the fucker by naming it)’s Bank, black horse and all-BAME actors and all?
Burn it all down. Start again. And make advertising a criminal offence this time.
15
I get those fucking adverts every few minutes.
Does anyone know how to stop them?
2
Ublock Origin if you’re using a laptop or phone browser is superb. Haven’t found anything for the YouTube app though.
5
As for how you can get Ublock or any other ad blocker for that matter it should be available as a browser extension
5
I don’t think there is anything for YouTube which doesn’t involve downloading the video and editing it yourself!
Adblock Plus is good for popup ads, I’ve found.
5
The YouTube problem is easily fixed.
We all know the excruciatingly annoying ads help pay for the infrastructure which runs the site. Fine. That money has to come from somewhere. Google – are massive cunts as they are – is a business and therefore seeks to make money.
We also know there is an awful lot of absolute crap on YT. Stuff that really should not be there (because it’s puerile rubbish) or because it’s copyrighted. How people get away with uploading whole albums is beyond me.
To reduce the crap and to raise revenue, all Google needs to do is to switch to a pay-as-you-upload pricing model. The longer the video, the more you pay to upload it. Simple.
5
Simple, logical, and conforms with free market principles. Many YouTubers are simply promoting themselves or their bizarre activities, and should be paying to do so.
Now convince the greedy cunts at Google!
5
Lately Youtube has been pushing it’s ‘premium’ service (marketing lingo for you pay for it).
One of the ‘benefits’ of paying for premium is that you don’t get ads YT tells us. So in a bid to push people to buy premium, they fucking spam the shit out of every video.
As an aside, I hate the one with that Ginger Twat and his whiny, nasal voice when he drops his phone – “still works!”
A problem that immediately springs to mind.
If you’ve been getting something for free for a long time and then suddenly someone decides you now have to pay for it, what happens?
Many people will simply cough up.
In contrast, many people will just not bother anymore and look for an alternative – Vimeo, dailymotion, BitChute, MediaGoblin, etc.
A personal gripe is the web pages with an embedded video for some crap that I don’t give a fuck about that plays automatically. I click on pause and then scroll down the page as I’m reading the article, only for the video to appear on a small window on the bottom right hand corner of my screen and play anyway. That makes me fucking incandescent with fury and in real life I’m actually a very calm person.
3
Komodo, it’s 0% of me. Never knowingly ‘positively’ influenced by an online advertisement, not denying the possibility of their achieving subliminal success.
I just get sick of “its better in the app” Bollix. Which I found with a search combination not unlike how I found isac.
https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/idontwantyourfuckingapp.tumblr.com/post/50259453814/flickr-you-fuckr-i-want-to-view-a-fucking/amp
1
Exactly!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerugh! Aureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Horrid! Nasty! Fuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrughghghggggggggggggg!
Hate them all.
It’s enough to send one to a proper library to research things. It proper libraries existed.
9
What boils my piss is looking at a newspaper website in the middle of the night, and some silly cunt starts singing – usually BAME trumpet tongues singing as if they were in the church choir in Detroit. Fuck all to do with what I am reading.
5
Newspaper websites are the worst for this. They can crash your phone and computer within seconds with the amount of utter shite they try to flog. Pop up videos that auto play (even if your browser settings are set to not let auto play work) and animated ads all over the place.
Forget just reading a fiucking article. You’ll be trying to find it among all the shit on there once they stop popping shit up and moving the screen all over the place. Worst thing is when you try to click the side of the screen to scroll down and then a lagged pop up appears and you accidentally click it and end up in internet hell.
I cunted newspaper websites once upon a time for all this, I think?
Upshot is I never click on their links if they’re sent to me. They deserve to go bust anyway for being woke anti white cunts. Fuck off.
9
My local newspaper’s website is the worst, and not just for all the pop-ups that you can never get rid of. The whole page continually moves up and down, when you try to click on something you find that it shifted a split second before and you’re looking at something you didn’t want. Fucking annoying.
10
Mine too. You can’t even get to read the poorly written article culled from social media. Straight to hys and call the paper useless cunts.
4
The Manchester Evening News website is pop up and clickbait central. A once great paper ruined by a bunch of cunts and corporate monsters.
4
It is Norman.
Although enjoyed reading about Hattersleys rat epidemic on there yesterday!
‘Rats as big as cats!’
Hehehe😀
5
I have an ad blocker – I do not want to see things I will not be buying.
9
Vernon, how did you get the ad blocker, what’s the website?
3
TTMM@ – just type Adblock into Google and then add it as an extension 👍😃
1
Very annoying on porn sites. Message Pop Up: “Do you want a bigger nob?”. Me: “No, I’m fine at the moment”.
5
Well cunted. I’m fed up with the ‘Tina Turner is 90 grab a tissue before you see her picture ‘
‘Petula Clarke is unrecognisable at 90, grab a tissue before you see her’
Why would I want to wank over pictures of 90 yr olds? …again.
10
That’s the funniest one.
‘Susan Boyle looks like a model now’.
A model what? A display model oven ready chicken? An Airfix battleship?
13
Susan Boyle us the living embodiment of “lipstick on a pig”😳
7
When I saw Susan Boyle in my newspaper after her Britain’s Got Cunts appearance, I thought it was the late Eddie Large in drag.
A bit unfair on Eddie really. Even he didn’t look that bad…
5
And she’s still alive, gives the lie to “it ain’t over until…”
1
It’s all so fucking irritating. Advertising has ruined – and I mean ruined – the internet. If I see another Trading 212 or Plus 500 advert on youtube I’m gonna have seizure. The thing is, advertising is supposed to endear me to products I’d not normally see. But, with the same advert constantly thrown into your face you actually feel anger towards the companies.
And the surveillance Capitalism algorithms…ie targeted advertising.
The other day, perhaps because I’d been on kindle and searched for old religious texts, I presume, I started getting adverts targeted at Muslims. The fuck…”you as a Muslim, on your spiritual journey…” I didn’t hang around before I pressed skip. But, this happened a few more times on various videos before the algorithm changed tac.
It’s like living with Ms Doyle from Father Ted, constantly harassing you to drink tea until you finally relent no matter how much resistance or insistence you dont want something.
Take me back to about 2009-2010 went the internet wasn’t this invasive and cunty.
10
Anyone remember those adverts in comics yesteryear?
Charles Atlas telling you youll never have sand kicked in your face, sea monkeys,
And my favourite,
The deadliest man alive Count Dante and his Black Dragon Fighting Society!!
Best ad ever.
Cant do links but the deadly count looks like Peter Sutcliffe in his pyjamas!!😀😀
3
Here you are.
https://thesearchforcountdante.com/blog/deadliest-comic-book-ad/
Deffo looks like Ripper but with arthritic fingers.
4
Cheers mr Dribbler!
Turns out he wasnt a martial arts master but a pornographer, drug addict and all round bad egg.
Lots like such a nice boy as well…
2
Brine shrimp. They were fucking brine shrimp. One of my siblings got seamonkeys for a present, they were dead by 3:30 that afternoon
2
Too right, after a bit of surfing last week I’ve been deluged with ads for MILFs and amputee dwárf porn.
1
Certainly did it for John “two Jags” Prescott in the case of the Thai brides / Grant Shapps
0
The newspaper ones are the fucking worst, they came up from hell and they took a while to get here so they are determined to annoy you.
Full screen ads, half screen ads that follow you around the page, clickbait crap about people making houses out of dogshit or you won’t believe what some nobody cunt looks like now…you know what, I couldn’t give a fuck what they look like unless the cunt is dead with maggots crawling out of their eye sockets.
You tube fucking curses you every few mins and god help you if you dare to pause the thing, you’ll get to suffer thirty more seconds of some trainee architect droning on about local businesses or something about wasting all your money on shares in yank land…..get to fuck.
Thing is, all these advertisers who bombard me don’t get any of my business on purpose.
Turn to TV instead and you’d think we live in fucking rum baba land or something with sheer quantity of mixed race couples, it’s like something from Silent Hill or Middle Earth and DOES NOT represent the UK…not where I live anyway.
Eat my shit and die advertising cunts.
11
Bill Hicks once said on stage “if you work in advertising, please kill yourself…you are the ruiner of all things good”.
2
Internet pop up things annoy me. As well as those things that have ‘This website functions better with cookies. Please enable cookies’.
Bullocks to that. Until you call them biscuits I might enable them. Into my tummy.
3
I bet Sister Dolly doesn’t ‘bake cookies’ Spoons. I bet it’s always a traditional oatmeal biscuit for high tea.
5
Cor, Miles. Making me hungry! 😀
2
Good evening Spoonington, hope you’ve had a smashing day.
My lovely wife has baked a big chocolate cake today, it has a thick layer of cream in the middle, cream on the top, and big chocolate buttons around the edge. It’s in the fridge, and we’ll be cutting into it tomorrow, can’t wait !
My wife loves lots of cream squirted on the top. She loves to lick it off.
Does Dolly ?
I bet she does.
4
Agree with the cookies thing. Councils and the .gov.uk sites are a pain in the ar@e for that. Spying cnuts. And they wonder why some people refuse to deal with them online.
4
Does Sister Dolly ever bake flapjacks Spoony?
I’d love some freshly made flapjack with a hot cuppa’
3
I do like a nice flapjack and cup of tea as well, Harold. 🙂
They’re so easy to make. I have a go making them sometimes.
2
Parkin as well. The longer you leave it in the tin, the tastier it gets. 🙂
2
Well cunters, if you’re all tired of adverts then I know of a certain corporation that doesn’t show any…😁
4
Cupid, I reckon it won’t be long when BBC start allowing adverts. Probably because lots of people no longer pay the television licence.
4
They show plenty, for all the woke shit coming up, or available on iplayer. Almost as irritating as Russian fucking meerkats. Who the fuck would trust a Russian anything?
4
Adblock Plus is the best download to remove unwanted shite from your laptop or phone.
It has successfully intercepted over 700,000 ads/pop-ups and other crap I don’t need to look at, since March this year.
8
Yes, ABP’s fine. Unfortunately, this last year or two there’s been a lot more of the unblockable “We’ve detected that you are using an adblocker” popup followed by some passive-aggressiveness about what a cunt you are for not reading their filthy ads to pay for their shitty site, with or without a flat-out refusal to let you in.
It remains to be seen how well that works; there are signs of some realisation that all that particular wheeze does is puts the punters off visiting the site at all, as they speedily get pissed off with switching their adblocker off and on.
7
Asda have the annoying passive/aggressive
“You know what to do. Accept all cookies across Asda and George sites, or check and change settings to do your own thing”.
Your own thing meaning f-off unless we can monitor you and try to place products you don’t need or want with our poxy adverts or increase prices on stuff that is most searched for / in demand.
Hopefully the new Asda owners, the Issa brothers, have enough business sense to realise that inviting potential customers to go to Tesco, Morrisons, Lidl etc will end up with people doing just that and give their advertising department a kick up the jacksie to get it changed.
5
And it seems to do fuck all to stop ads on YouTube.
If I see a longish video I want to watch, I use Firefox and a download video extension to download the video and watch it on VLC a few minutes later. It downloads ad free. Ad block is good, but it also doesn’t block a lot of the shit on newspaper sites.
Yes, YouTube are cunts. As if they aren’t making enough fucking money anyway.
1
There’s fucking loads of hot Russian women that are apparently dying to meet me. How they know about me, I’ve no idea, someone must have been gossiping.
I’m very flattered, but not surprised.
I mentioned it to Ethel.
She went to her mother’s.
So I did some DIY.
8
I use ad blocker plus, if the dreaded sign comes up, you are using an ad blocker. Blah blah often if you keep refreshing the page it gives up. If it doesn’t on your phone, please do not call me a cunt.
2
The Opera browser has an inbuilt adblocker which you can turn on or off and manage exceptions.
Also if you use the website http://www.genyt.net it will connect to 99% of youtube pages and you will be ad free AND you can down load the videos !!!!
1