Fond memories of Sean Connery (2)

Posted on by

Jesus H Christ – Connery the oirish jocko cunt was a mean grim humourless bastard to everyone, not just wimmin.

My wife was an Assistant Director (one of those endless credits that wizzes past at warp speed) on some crap film (name escapes me) in which Connery played some Victorian detective chappie – deer stalker, tweeds, Inverness cape ect ect.

Because such shit shoots late into the night/early am and was behind schedule I went along as her minder and for all the free 24/7 catering and doggy bags. That little slap head half Indian cunt was in it (wassisname?), another mean luvvie bastard as some sort of Dr Watson character.

Connery totally and deliberately to screw his fellow thesps only came out of his caravan for his shot then fucked off back into it again. You could see the cunt in there with a calculator and a spreadsheet talking to his agent about money and how they could screw more out of the production company.

Now Yours Truly is universally known for being a mild easy going sort of chap, a breaker of ice during tense situations always ready with a gag to pop to bring the world back to a state of Peace and Love. Made to order situation presented itself when Connery (another slap head cunt) eventually re-emerged to have his hair piece sprayed down and adjusted. Immediately surrounded by hangers-on.

Location a fox infested graveyard and crematorium in South London. Filming intermittently halted by the screaming of foxes during mating.

Yours Truly: Whato Seano! What’s worn beneath your kilt now you’re getting on a bit?

Admittedly not the snappiest gag but had the rest of the cast and crew in splutters.

Connery (you can do the accent): I want that cunt removed from the set. Fooking banned.

Yours Truly: Sorry Seano, they can’t do that, this is a public place and I happen to know that they have no permit from the Council to shoot tonight.

Background laughter from cast and crew.

Connery was so hated that no one would take my money that night – free Turbot Creole (a bit spicy) with some luxury jocko pudding ( Connery’s favourite) from the catering people and a decent single malt whiskey on tap courtesy from wassissname. Heard a while later that the production had been pulled due to Connery’s constant demands for cash.

Biggest horse laugh is that early next morning there were queues for the portable khazis, Yours Truly and wife included. Fucking Connery and his Turbot Creole. Connery remained glued to the khazi in his own caravan.

Fond memories. Very.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke 

76 thoughts on “Fond memories of Sean Connery (2)”

  1. Some old Bond films and a load of tax dodging.

    The only good idea he had was to get the fuck out of Scotland before the second coming of Hitler.

    May he toast in the fire of Hades the old cunt.

  2. Apparently Connery saw every part he ever did as a business transaction. One actress who he worked with said ‘He’s not an actor. He’s a businessman. It’s all about money for him’.

    I know actors like to get paid and all that. But for Connery that was all it was ever about. Not unlike that other cunt, Marlon Brando. Who demanded ridiculous amounts for parts in Apocalypse Now and Superman. Both had an immense sense of greed and a huge lot of self importance.

    • Seems fair enough.
      He should of chinned her for getting cheeky.
      Im with Bond on this,
      Moneypenny gets mouthy?
      Rattle her teeth with a uppercut!
      Love it the little minxes!!😀

    • I recently said Connery was a shit actor, then watched him in Time Bandits, Robin & Marian, and The man who would be king.
      What a fuckin hypocrite!
      If I had any sense of self awareness id be embarrassed!!

      Maybe he was a cunt? Dunno, dont care, he was entertaining though, the tax dodging old cunt.

  5. He looks like he’s been dead for two weeks on that picture. I did like Connery as Bond but always preferred Roger Moore. I think it was the cockney villain Dave Courtney who worked as an extra on a film with Roger and Michael Caine in about 1989. Said both Roger and Michael were proper gents, talking to all the extras and very approachable. Get Carter is still one of my favourites. Plus Michael Caine loves Brexit.

      • On the subject of affable legends of the silver screen, I stood next to Christopher Lee in the bogs at Pinewood once. What a gent – asked me if I was having a good day. Didn’t even glance at my manservant. I would have asked for his autograph but it seemed inappropriate.

      • Now Christopher Lee, I would be impressed to meet!
        Dracula in the bogs having a gypsy next to me?
        Id of asked for a ‘selfie’ Twenty!
        Swords drawn or not!

        Fuck Bond, never into that shite, but fuckin Dracula!!👍👍

      • Totally agree, MNC. ‘Taste the Blood of Dracula’ is a good one. Loads of tits on show and Dracula into the bargain. Nothing woke about Hammer. Will probably be banned soon.

      • Christopher Lee was the basis and inspiration of Ian Flemings James Bond books apparently. Think Christopher served in the SAS in Greece during WW2.

      • Hes ace,
        Proper star he is!
        If Christopher walked in the pub Id buy him a drink.
        Given me loads of pleasure.
        Cheers Drac!👍

      • If he walked into my local pub I’d shit myself, he’s been dead for 5yrs 🙂

      • Love Christopher Lee but there have been strong and persist rumours that he “embellished” his war record. I hope it’s not true.

        Mind you, if it got Ingrid Pitt into my bed I’d make up any old tosh to impress her!!

      • Speaking to another man you don’t know in a public toilet is a sign of the gayness.

        You almost got bummed off a vampire. Lucky escape.

      • Naw, its Christopher Lee!
        Prince of darkness,
        Just being friendly,
        Nowt to worry about .
        I like to think he was in ful Dracula, cape on and that,
        Stood at the piss stone chatting amiably to Twenty.

      • Women loved Christopher Lee-and gay men-it’s all in his voice👍
        Wonderful timbre-lord Summerisle-I bet old Chris was an avid IsAC’er, maybe ever a contributor 👍

        I have a similar timbre in my voice-I bet even ardent heterosexuals like Mis & B&W would get a tingle, in my company👍

      • Countess Dracula starring the magnificent Ingrid Pitt has been restored and re-released on DVD and Bluray.

      • Norm: for years I used the euphemism “Ingrids” for a decent set of whammies😀👍

  6. He was decent as Bond, and very good in “The Hill” and “The Offence”

    Also good performances in “The Man who would be a Cunt” and “The Name of the Rose”

    Other than that – total cunt.

    “Do you want me to talk?”
    “No Mr Bond, I want you to fuck off!”

  7. Worst Bond ever only the old gits like this dinosaur as 007 👎👎
    As already been said he looks half dead in the picture The lights on but no ones in absolutely fucked 👍👍
    People like Connery are ruled by money that’s all they think about themselves selfish hypocrites 👎👎
    Connery was a one trick pony playing himself and getting paid over the odds for the privilege Not in the same League as Micheal Caine and Roger Moore 👍👍
    Steve Coogan is an absolute cunt of the highest order don’t care what his Connery impersonating is like pay your staff don’t let the tax payer fund your lifestyle you commie bastard👎👎

  8. It’s safe to say he didn’t give a fuck what anybody thought.
    A valuable asset for any chap.
    Never Say Never Again?
    Never Vote Again more like.

    • Oh and in an alternative universe I would like to have seen Oliver Reed as 007.
      Tremendous 🍺

      • Kenneth Williams would have been a fabulous Bond.

        “Ooooooo Goldfinger, you wotter. You’ve got me all shaken and Not stirred! Na ha ha ha ha ha!”

  10. I want a Northern Bond,
    Not some ducky cocktail drinking, aftershave wearing tart.
    A bit Fred Dibbnah, a bit Tyson Fury,..
    Not a gyppo I hasten to add!
    Bond shouldn’t drive round in a tarmac lorry or with a fuckin caravan,
    Maybe a old LR defender or something?
    Sean Bean maybe?
    Always some old puff,
    I cant get into it, northern Bonds time has come.

    “Pint of Boddies, an dont shake it or stir it luv”…

      • It never occurred to me Techno!😀
        But if your throwing my hat in the ring, yes!
        Id make a great Bond.
        Id be more beleivable, a anti hero Bond,
        Wouldnt fuck about with gadgets, and the bond birds would have more curves, bit more tit,
        Not them starving marvins that they normally use!
        An I want a proper gun
        Not those peashooter things,
        Two sawn off shotguns!!
        Be the best Bond ever!!👍

      • Sorry for generalising but I see you as that old Hovis advert, of some young boy in a cloth cap pushing his bike up a cobbled street, and going “Ayyyyeeeee”

        Not quite the vodka martini (not stirred) and Aston Martin look I had in mind, lol

    • Sean Bean nearly was Bond, then Brosnan became available for Goldeneye so he was given the baddie part as a consolation prize.

      “Eeh oop, Pet. Pint of best, shaken not stirred…”

  11. My vote goes to Christopher Lee. Met him during his last film the Scorsese (little cunt but pays lovely money) thingy about the mechanical manikin which also had the half indian wasissname in it. Lee suddenly appears being walked down the corridor by a coven of minders from dressing room to set and brushes past me.
    Bejesus that was one tall cunt – head and shoulders above everyone. Looked every inch the undead – peeling translucent skin, dark sunken dead fish eyes, whiff of death about him. Still had that voice though, deep rich baritone travelling up from the depths. Old cunt could not walk unaided despite two canes. Minders sat him in a huge chair that was part of a Bookseller set and left him there. Every so often the camara crew and AD came over to check if he was still alive and do a take.
    Wonderful well paid experience with a golden egg finish. As a matter of respect and love immediately got in me nom for the Dead Pool and bingo within weeks a result though much resented by some cunters for the speed of turnaround.
    Classy old gent.

    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cWjOXWFHxQ
      Got the old brain box ticking over now. Film called Hugo and wasissname was Ben Kingsley. Now if you want a super league cunt then none better than Slasher Baron Cohen. Acting ability zero, mirth making ability minus zero. Resented my attempts to polish his lines for him.
      If you look closely you may spot Yours Truly in there trying not to stand out in any way. Spent three months on that fillum, lovely money and all went through the books, tax taken off the top, you cunts.
      PS – very little of the set looked like that in the studio at Shepperton, all Green Screen.

      • Sir Limply, my customer yesterday was some London cunt from the film industry,
        Knows that ducky Kenneth Branagh.
        A right mirthless, prissy, little cunt, fuck knows why hes moved up here, he’ll come unstuck due to his manners,
        He told me he was running out of money with my van still half full!
        Cheeky cunt meant he wanted a hours work for nowt,
        Asked him wherabouts in his garden I should put his furniture,
        He paid the hour.
        Not film extras up here,
        The little cunt comes that sort of behaviour he’ll need the makeup department on standby!

      • Jesus Mis-first lesson on rich Southern cunts:

        The more they have, the tighter they are.
        The stories I could tell you….

      • Cheeky fucker wasnt as smart as he thought he was CG.
        I have work done I pay, dont see why he should be any different?
        I meant it too,
        See the ducky cunt carry a wardrobe up two flight of stairs on his own,
        Pay or fuck off.
        Rule of thumb anywhere in the British isles that is!!

  14. Great as 007, even when bored shitless, as he was in every Bond film after Thunderball…

    • Conner-cunt? He made maybe half a dozen barely ok films in an entire long career and three of them were Bonds. I don’t think I’ve read any sort of heartfelt sorrow from anyone at the news of his death; just numerous stories of his lifetime of parsimony, greed and being a cunt to every minion he encountered. Adored by Krankie (for political reasons only). Says it all.

      Sir Michael Caine is the last of the greats. Had his spell in tax exile; came home; born raconteur; pro-Brexit….. and outstanding in numerous different types of film. The Harry Palmers; California Suite; Italian Job; Educating Rita; Get Carter and countless others.

      Caine is a leg-end
      Connery was a bell-end

  18. I do like the James Bond films. I reckon after Daniel Craig, the next James Bond will be a non smoker, teetotal, and possibly vegetarian. Nothing wrong with either of those things.
    I just hope he still kicks are.

    • The new Bond will be James/Jane and will identify as a fish on Tuesdays.

      Haaa ha ha we have been expecting you Mr/Mrs/Symbol Bond

    • Charlie Sheen will fuck anyone up, toxic as fuck.
      Puddled, druggy, and bummed that kid from the Lost Boys.
      An has Aids.
      Dont invite him round for tea.

      • Back in the day I’d have happily bummed Denise Richards.
        She’s supposed to like it up the arse I heard. Although it was on Howard Stern’s radio show she said it, so it’s probably bullshit.

      • Denise Richards appears in the recent two series of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on ITVBe. Mrs Hunt watches this crap. It’s utter shite redeemed by Ms Richards who seems an amazingly grounded person compared to the others and given her back-story.

        Unlike the others she seems to be reasonably poor (rented house, completely destroyed by the Malibu fire). Which is pretty obscene given she had two kids by that fuckface multi-millionaire Charlie Sheen. I bet that cunt made Johnny Depp look like an amateur when it came to dividing the marital spoils.

    • Last photo of the failing cunt. The old harpie is his missus. Every photo tells a story. Ms Harpie is about to get her talons on Seano’s tax exile stash (she hopes) and Seano knows there is nothing he can do about it, literally staring death in the face through a haze of propofol.
      It’s a wrap.

      • He was the sort of fella that I’d expect would have the last laugh by bequeathing it all to something so she couldn’t get her hands on it.

    • Can I mention Caroline Munroe? She was in a Bond film and my grubby mind many years ago.
      Phwoar, not ‘arf, fnar fnar etc.

      • You certainly CAN ‘Skin!

        She was very, very easy on the eye!

        PS I wonder if Ursula Andress and Connery got it on? She was probably the hottest of them all which is some compliment. Check her out in “The Blue Max”. At her prime!!

  20. What oh Limpers. Jolly good tales dontcha know. Put me in mind of the old Equalizer shappie Edward Slaphead Woodward.

    Seems everyone knew the old cunt wore a syrup to hide his shining cranium but the only person allowed to see him without it was his personal dresser in the privacy of his caravan.

    Woodie had three lengths which he would use to make out it was growing. Once in a while he’d pop off in a break to the “barber” for a “haircut” then come back with the short one telling everybody how pleased he was with his new haircut.

    Unfortunately he reckoned without one lippy continuity girl who screamed at him top of her voice “Fer fuck sake Woody fuck off and come back with the long syrup. You never heard of fucking contuinity ya cunt!?”

    • As you might expect had his son in one of me shows in praise of the female form (he worked cheap). Another slap head cunt but a decent sort (as actors go) but completely fucked up my his old man. Living in the shadow off ect ect. Also as you might devine from some of WW senior’s performances he was a proper martinet, a right authoritarian cunt. Lost track of the son rather but wish him well.

    • Dio,
      I’m usually able to work out Cockerny Rhyming Slang, but you’ve stumped me with ‘syrup’.
      New one on me.
      Pray explain it to a thicko

  21. All round Wanker and abysmal Actor, typical British hating,tight Jock cunt, his career high was the shitfest in which he flopped out his tiny knob (Zardoz).

Comments are closed.