I want to nominate people who press the button at a pedestrian crossing, even though there are no cars in sight in either direction.
Then they cross the clear road and the lights always turn red just when I get there. A waste of my fuel and brake pads.
Cunts.
Nominated by: mystic maven
We have a crossing round the corner which is a cunt. You press the button, stand there like a twat for what seems like 20 minutes and once all the traffic has vanished and you start to cross, it fucking goes red.
9
The crossing near my Nanna’s is a cunt.
You press it and then it waits until there is about a half a mile clearance in either direction.
And when it does go red a bmw driver screeches up and hurls abuse.
3
Loads of these cunts in Stockport!
They’re on the increase; what’s wrong with them?
Some are fit; healthy young lads.
Just jog across; I could be across in 5 seconds and I’m twice your age you little puff.
No common sense; timid.
World’s full of timid little crybaby mardarses.
Human rabbits; be vegans probably.
14
Yep, qualified agreement Mystic.
Another of life’s absurdities: Lycra Cunts on bikes who refuse to use expensively (and unnecessarily) built dedicated cycle lanes and instead clutter up public highways are a close second. Not forgetting to pull off the highway back onto the cycle lane to use the fucking pelican!!
I know a cunt who lives in a once-quiet village that has in the last 10 years become a stupendously busy holiday* route / rat-run in the SW. When he feels like it he spends the odd Saturday morning in August deliberately stopping the traffic and walking backwards and forwards across the pelican crossing. The tailbacks pretty soon assume monstrous proportions.
Funnily enough I can’t bring myself to deplore this. If I lived in a village that had been blighted by Mr & Mrs Entitled London Cunt and their perfect spoilt kids Sebastian and Tara zooming past in their 4x4s to get to their 2nd homes I’d do the same.
* holiday = March to November these days
8
Walk across the road on a green traffic light , and you can guarantee some twat will run you over.
My accident lawyers would have a difficult time , and prolong proceedings to an agonising degree – but eventually they would give up , and I would be left with court costs and a fucked-up future.
So I press the fucking button.
Get fucked.
13
No this is about cunts who press the button and then cross anyway. If you press the button and wait, no problem. It’s cunts who push it, Then cross Immediately and are halfway down the road whenthey can just about hear the beep tone of the crossing
1
Yes. But my part in all this is pushing the fucking button – whatever happens next.
No-one is suggesting not pushing the fucking button are they?
2
I dont know whats worse pressing the button to get the traffic to stop when it aint needed or just walking out like a bellend thinking every motorist is gonna stop 4 ya!
No as many motorists know the only one with due authority to make mr stop by law is a cop
Ya fucking arseholes
5
I would stop for the Queen as well.
At least I would now anyway – the 15 years I got for driving the wrong way down The Mall during the Jubilee parade – was enough for me.
I also stop for women in distress. You’ll often find they are pre-lubed – which is quite convenient.
6
Were you advertising Alan’s Snack Bar at the time?
2
Funnily enough – no.
2
I remember once getting pulled over by the Police after shooting over a Zebra crossing. The Copper asked if I hadn’t seen the people about to cross…I said that I had but as they weren’t actually on it,I thought that I was OK…He replied that nobody would ever dare set as much as a foot on one if every driver was barrelling towards them like I’d just done.
Cheeky Cunt.
12
Didn’t Spoons have an accident at a pedestrian crossing?
5
He did; but it wasn’t Fiddler driving.😆
6
His diarrhoea nomination made me laugh.
I didn’t laugh about his misfortune in being afflicted with the runs. I laughed because it was like reading an Alan Bennett monologue.
7
Me too Harold.
Spoons is the best of us!!
He’s innocent and nice.
He reminds me of me.
6
I agree MNC.
He’s a better man than I am. He’s polite, good natured and gent.
I like to think of him as being like Cleggy from Last of the Summer Wine
3
No; he’s private Godfrey from Dad’s Army.
He’s everything I wish I was;
Polite; mild mannered;
Nice etc.
I’m better at crossing roads though.
3
Funnily enough it took me until late middle age to appreciate the full genius of Arnold Ridley amongst the great Dads Army ensemble.
The “Dolly serves a cream tea episode“ was a gentle classic.
BBC : THIS is comedy; not some sneeringly superior cunt from Metropolitana.
4
Isaac@
I Love Dad’s Army.
Massive fan, Arnold’s Ridley’s character being a big favourite along with John leMesurier ,
And Arthur Lowe.
Cleverly crafted and from a time when the BBC made quality viewing.
4
Sorry Mia, et al: I am determined to take Spoons under my “wing” and educate him in the “ways of the world “.
First up, a trip to The West End of Londanistab, meeting up with B&W Cunt to take in a few “sights”.😉
Not Madame Tussaud’s spoons.
Sorry.👍
3
MNC it’s nice that you are looking out for Spoons, a bit like an older brother.
I wish I’d had that as a lad.
1
It’s funny Harold but I DO feel protective of him,
Wouldn’t like any other cunter taking the piss,
Or advantage of his polite nature.
And when Spoons hands round sister Dolly’s upside down cakes I get the largest!😊
1
You’ve spoilt it now MNC.
It was all just a ploy to get your mitts on Dolly’s cakes. 😁
1
Dog bless you all. 🙂
Being run over by a car was a right can of can’t. I’m not sure what is worse. Getting the runs or being run over. Both are not very nice.
2
You’d regret getting up in the morning if you were run over AND had the runs at the same time Spoons?. That wouldn’t be the best day if your life.
@Issac
I remember a great ‘serious’ episode when they found out that Godfrey was a conscientious objector in the first world war. I can’t remember the full details but I do remember Captain Manwaring ‘he was a damn conshy’. But it was brought to light that he had risked his life…can’t remember. Anyway Captain Mainwaring and the rest all visiting his home and very beautiful and touching scene where they realised they had misjudged him.
You could wait a million years for writers now to get that into a comedy.
In once saw him in a pub when I was on London.
3
Indeed, Miles. Having the runs AND being run over the same day not very nice.
Being polite I’d probably apologise for the mess I made of the driver’s car bonnet.
0
I’ve always noticed how WOMEN will press the pedestrian button regardless of whether or not there’s a car coming half a mile away, just because ‘it’s there to press’.
And the attitude of said women has got us are where we currently are.
So glad I biologically turned out to not allow the temptation of the tuna-pot to overrule my basic sanity.
9
Your last paragraph is so brilliantly succinct !
3
I despise these cunts. I also despise teenage chav cunts who cross the road in front of me deliberately slowly in their ridiculous monkey-like gait as if to say “fuck you mate”.
Fuck me, eh? Well if my foot “accidentally” slips off the clutch it’s you in your filthy puffa jacket v me in 2.5 tonnes of Ford Transit. Good luck.
6
One PR problem that our dark coloured associates have is some of them deliberately bait the rest of us. I see this often in the seedier parts of town where a Dark Key will cross the road, nowhere near a designated crossing and stroll across at a leisurely pace knowing drivers will have to slow and stop to avoid running the cunt down. This is accompanied with that sneering look they have which just reeks of ‘F you, you white mutha fucka’. They really are a joy. And they wonder why the rest of us cop a ‘tude in their general direction.
Still, must be tricky getting a wiggle on when your stupid fucking jeans are at knee height.
This also works the other way around. I have personally almost been run down by a suntanned driver while crossing on a designated crossing with the lights in my favour, but apparently said driver thought it OK to just keep going and make me run for my life. Turning to give him a ‘WTF?’ made the occupants of said vehicle all motion as if they were about to jump out of their cunt wagon and murder me. They really are a joy.
8
Ex copper mate if mine once well said, if not on a crossing if you want to hit the cunt just don’t leave a skid mark. Skid mark says you saw the cunt lack of is too hard to prove.
1
A favorite past time of mine at 10 years old.
2
I see Wales has gone into lockdown. They should remain in lockdown permanently, imo.
4
I feel sorry for those Welsh trying to earn a living Ruff.
Some this will finish off, it’s a shame.
They knew this was coming someone ‘leek’ed it.
We’ll be next, the Northwest.
What a cluster fuck.☹️
2
The Northwest is indeed in trouble Miserable, fat ex Corrie butcher Fred Elliot in Liverpool and Max Factor Burnham in Manchester, we haven’t even mentioned Londonistan and King Khunt Khan.
4
A hard rain is gonna fall…
Dunno who said that?
Maybe it was me?
But it’s true.
Lot of bad feeling in the Northwest towards government, and it’s growing!!
Wales wanted to go ‘full lockdown’ or their political cunts did.
It’s the working men who get the shitty end of the stick.
As always…
1
Wales in lockdown, huh?
How will we notice the difference?
4
Sieg Heil! Heil Drakeford, Heil Victory! 😂
2
Land of song and a lukewarm welcome. They should turn the whole place into a bloody great theme park where all the locals have to, by law, wear traditional national dress.
4
When I went to Germany years ago, I was surprised that the Hun waited for the green man to show before crossing the traffic free road.
Was given the evil eye for daring to cross the empty strasse.
I suppose they only follow orders!
7
As one of the people who has done this before, I can assure you that most of the time it isn’t to be a cunt. With me it so happens that sometimes I’ll eventually get sick of waiting an age and cross as soon as there is a gap.
4
Here are some Red Sea Pedestrians-
https://images.app.goo.gl/JGwEUdcV63jCHWXK9
2
My (goy) grandparents lived just up the road from an orthodox synagogue. They would take their window seats in the front room on Saturday mornings to watch a very similar procession. They had apt nicknames for each of the black-clad worshippers, and I think it was the highlight of their week.
2
They reenacting the album cover for Abbey Road?
😆
Miles you’ve got a another nom pending haven’t you?
2
Oh, hell, Miz. You reminded me of my youth when a mate and I gatecrashed a Jewish wedding. The band was of course Jewish, in suits and yarmulkes. I have never seen or heard a weirder performance of ‘Yellow Submarine’. The bouncers were also Jewish, and rather large. We left without arguing…
2
Hehehe!😊
Evening Komodo,
Remember working near prestwich in Manchester which has a large Jewish population.
This bloke was stood at his gate in the biggest fur hat I’ve ever seen!
Looked like a Kenny Everett prop or something?
Massive!!
I couldn’t stop staring it probably had it’s own postcode.
1
I lived in Prestwich, Salford7, a long time ago. I had a lot of Jewish mates. We all detested the Hassidic cunts.
0
How come CC?
Don’t know much about them really.
0
Less religiously insane Jews feel for the Hassidics and (especially) Haredis something which could well be called antisemitism. The popular picture is that they don’t work or serve in the IDF, breed like rabbits, and are comic stereotype Jews who attract unpleasantness from the gentiles. There’s some basis in fact for this.
Don’t get into the various divisions of Judaism: it’s a huge and complicated topic. Each tribe looks down on the others, rather like Christianity.
3
Equally as annoying are the gormless cunts that continually press the buttons on the Traffic Lights like a spaz typing on a keyboard until the green man finally appears. Also, quite often, the time it takes for the green light to appear is either too short or too long; when you’re waiting ages you feel like a right pratt and plus every driver is peering over and looking at you as if you have committed a fucking crime for pressing the button! Cunts!
2
In my ‘Yoof’ I used to drive a FV432 armoured personnel carrier in Germany quite a few moons ago now……..
Coming in at 15 Tons for the vehicle, I must say that traffic lights, stop signs, zebra crossings, Railway crossings, Kraut civilians, livestock, wildlife, other British soldiers, wimminz, trees, were least of our worries…….. Pedestrian Crossing Button Pressing Bastards included!
Great Cunting by the way!
1
Some cunt once gave me dog’s abuse at one of those crossings one time. Rolled the window down and proceeded to give me vitriol. Felt like double the cunt that I already did whilst waiting on that wee pesky green fella. I’m quite a cool & cocky cunt, though, so it mattered not a jot.
2
In the words of John Pertwee a.k.a Doctor Who, Worzel Gummidge, “SPLINK!” 🙂
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=slo3EHicLHY
1
I think it is maybe Australia where the pedestrian crossing only works so long as the pedestrian keeps finger on button.
They also make a clacking noise every couple of seconds to let blind know where the crossing is. This changes to a rapid clack when it is safe to cross.
The Aussies have a lot of sensible traffic things. Except for crazy speed limits.
2
put your hand up if you didn’t press these buttons and run away when you were a 10 year old?
i still do it now and i’m 107 years of age
1
I just do the old ‘look right, look left, look right again’ thing.
I don’t generally need a light to tell me it’s OK to cross.
1
I use these for pulling my car out of a junction near me. No cunt lets you out but there is a crossing. I just get out my car, press the button, wait for the lights on the empty crossing to turn red. I know I am a cunt for doing it, it gives me great pleasure.
2