Mathematicians

Posted on by

Fucking Mathematicians are cunts.

I studied this shit as a second subject at university along with PE. (pissing about running with bats and balls).

One of the most boring two hours of my entire life was spend proving root 2 to be an irrational number a little of this surmise rational follows :-

Because √2 is not an integer (2 is not a perfect square), √2 must therefore be irrational. This proof can be generalized to show that any square root of any natural number that is not the square of a natural number is irrational. WTF. 2 fucking hours of equations and conflicting statements.

The lecturer and at least half the class (males mostly) were creaming their pants eulogising this wondrous phenomenon. I was praying for the lunch bell to fucking ring, as were most of the girls/women.

Now lets get a grip here numbers are man made and as a result we can create multiples of rules with which to make these numbers create all kinds of equations, formula, quadrilaterals, and even rude shaped graphs that look like a pair of tits.

Now I do not disrespect the way mathematics as helped the modern world shape many things that we now take for granted, buildings/flight/computers etc., However, I just don’t respect any cunt that gets wet/moist by just proving that something created by man can be rational, irrational or anything else. Utter bullshit.

Maths is a tool for developing mankind and not something you jizz in your pants about.

There fore my equation is Mathematicians = Cunts.

Nominated by: Everyonesacunt

(A great nomination, not least for being a bit different from the norm. However, most cunts on here are still having to use Google to work out how many of the 10 beans Jack had left over after he gave 3 away to Abdul Bomber, 2 to Mizz Lezmuncher and gave 1 to Greta Thundercunt! – DA)

113 thoughts on “Mathematicians”

  1. Mathematicians ruined a lot of things with their fucking dorky tunnel vision, 2″ thick bottle glasses, spastic pocket protectors, and bowties.

    Way too much emphasis on it in science. Three examples of their unfalsifiable dogmatic horseshit that has led modern science into a deadend:

    1. Blackholes/Singularities.
    2. Relativity.
    3. Modern Particle Theory.

    “Today’s scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality.” – Nikola Tesla.

    • Dianne Abbott is so thick that Jeremy Corbyn told her “If my Dick is Pi, and your minge is mouth, they my Pi goes in your mouth”……….. the rest is history – just ask his mates from “uni”.

      • Diane, if I have three Nando’s in my left hand and two family KFC buckets in my right hand, what do I have?

        Diane: A meagre first course.

  4. I remember having a long drawn out argument with a maths teacher at school about the pointlessness of spherical trigonometry. Her claim was that it was in the syllabus and my claim was that knowing and understanding it would have no value to me in my life. Turns out we were both right.

    In another argument with a different maths teacher during the period we learned about probability, she claimed the toss of a coin landing on heads or tails is 1 in 2 or a 50% chance. I disagreed. I pointed out a coin has a third side – its edge. It’s possible to flip a coin and have it land on its edge. Thus, heads or tails is not a 50% chance. She stuck to her guns which then prompted me to ask her if she considered the probability of a coin toss landing on its edge is always 0%. It was at this point I got ‘the stare’. Healthy debate wasn’t encouraged at my school, but she did have lovely tits.

    • If I’d been your teacher I’d have given you a sound thrashing for being cheeky…and ogling my tits.

      • There’s more to this story, Dick….

        Sometimes she wore this brown pencil skirt and a cream coloured knitted sweater. So large were her mammories that they stretched the sweater such that you could partially see her bra and at the right angle, catch a glimpse of top breast and cleavage. On the days she wore that to school and we had maths that day, I have no fucking idea what she was talking about. It was like a hypnotists watch!

  5. Maths needn’t be like this if it’s taught properly. Having taught it in Primary school, kids are generally very interested and carry out plenty of practical work to see it’s application.
    Then secondary schools and further education take over and fuck up, turning it into a cold, clinical subject which many people understandably perceive as being irrelevant to their lives.

    • Evening Bertie, I think you are right and depends on the teachers ability and passion for the subject, any subject in fact. Maybe in secondary schools there is more pressure to get students exam ready and thus something is lost?

    • Bertie@
      Mid 70s we had a teacher, bit of a cruel cunt, he used to make this lad stand up and read infront of the class knowing full well this lad ( 8yrs old) couldn’t read properly,
      He also used to on a Friday have a “times table test”.
      I fuckin dreaded this, on a Thursday id feel sick,
      Hed make you stand on a chair
      And fire at you “9×8? 7×12? Come on!!”
      I feared and hated this teacher,
      But more importantly it gave me a life long dislike of mathematics.
      I can count money and no one ever gets away with a penny in business 😆
      But looking back he was a shite teacher, I learnt fuck all off him..
      If I knew he was in a carehome id go make the cunt stand on a chair and bellow questions at him.

    • They never actually told me what matrix maths was for, or why we did titrations in chemistry. So it was boring and pointless, yet I was too thick to envisage it for myself. I spent years thinking the periodic table was spelt ‘penodic’ because I left my specs at home one day.

  6. Mathematics is hardly man-made. It’s the universal language of……… well…….. the universe. I don’t understand how a language that is universally true and always consistent can be man-made.

    Man-made expressions of mathematics are man-made so if that is what you are saying I will agree with you.

    I actually quite enjoyed maths during my last 2 years of school but was only because my maths teacher Mr Smith was eccentric, entertaining and engaging.

      • No they’re not! Man’s representation of them could be construed that way but the concept of numbers is fundamental to the discipline.

      • And base ten numbers are monkey/man-made because we have two hands with (usually) 5 fingers each.

      • Base ten numbers are mathematically consistent because that’s how the universe seems to function.
        This is why the metric system is more mathematically elegant that the imperial.

        Mathematics works consistently on multiples and sub multiples like milli, micro, nano, pico, femto, yotta, mega etc………. all multiples of ten……… not a coincidence.

        What you said is like saying “binary state/law of excluded middle” are monkey/man-made concepts because I have a dick and my missus has a chuff.

      • Sure but if we were camels we’d use base four, and a centimetre would be four millimeters, and a kg 4x4x4 = 64 grams. And the maths would still work

    • I think maths is a derivative of a more fundamental universal language, not the root itself. It comes after ‘form’ and the relation between forms, but not before.

      Geometry precedes mathematics, in my opinion. I’m not an expert on tge history of mathematics but I think the ancient Greeks/Pythagoreans were of this vain.

      • I’m fairly cetain that isn’t correct. From what I understand even geometry is dependent on certain mathematical proofs/presuppositions without which, maths would be impossible.

      • My understanding is that man has always yearned for an intimacy with the seemingly remote and mysterious symmetries of the universe that he inhabits. Mathematics is one of the tools he has armed himself with for that most noble of pursuits.

        That may just be a load of shit. You pays your money and all that.

      • You are right, that does sound like a load of wishy washy, touchy feely, namby pamby, pretentious bollocks to be fair.

        Are you a subscriber of Spirit Science on Youtube by Jordan per chance? I only ask because I was expecting you to start talking about energy, quantum frequencies and Space Jews.

      • Just taken a peek. Not my scene. Looks like cunty bollocks. Euclid of Alexandria was the man.

      • @Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

        Yes Euclid of Alexandria was indeed the man (except to Flat Earthers I hasten to add).

        Anything else to add or are you just going to go all Pseud’s corner on us?

  7. Between O and A levels, I studied a festering turd called Applied Mathematics. Bear with me on this. Even at that age my brain was preparing for a career in IT where everything is black and white. Something is either this or that. No gray. Ever! All very logical. IT peeps on here will know what I mean.

    Anyway, we studied force and opposing force for a while. I recall there was a calculation you could perform to determine the amount of opposing force a table would exert to keep a weight placed upon it in a stead state (i.e. not moving). Put a 50 lb weight on a table and its opposing force (taking into account gravity) is X. Put a 100 lb weight on a table….etc. etc. I called bullshit. My point was that the table is not intelligent in the sense it can change the amount of opposing force depending upon how much weight was placed upon it. Not like someone’s arms which would need to work harder the more weight you placed on them in order to keep the weight motionless at a given height. A table (or any structure) has a predetermined strength factor which allows it to withstand (oppose) a certain about of force (weight). Put 200 lbs on a table and it’s fine. Put 210 lbs on the table and it breaks. The point being, its inherent strength is a constant and doesn’t change based upon the amount of weight you place on it.

    The maths teacher was so up his arse, he couldn’t understand my point so devoted was he to his equations and calculations. Later in life you learn about things like ‘tensile strength’ which is what I was trying to argue back in school. Maths teachers, huh?

    • I would assume that the maths question in question would have you presume that the table was equadistant, atomically balanced and unbreakable but the people who write these sorts of questions tend not to think that deeply or analytically about it (which you would think was the whole point).

  8. Using applied mathematics, I managed to prove to a lady that my knob is 8 inches, when it’s actually only 3.

    • From the SouthPark episode TMI. According to Randy Marsh, you can calculate your Adjusted Penis Size (or TMI) with the following formula:
      ((L*D)+(W/G))/(A^2)
      Length times Diameter plus Weight over Girth divided by Angle of the tip squared
      Randy Marsh has a penis that is 4.4 inches in length. Its angle is 32 degrees. It’s flaccid girth is 1 inch in diameter. His balls are 7 cm from the base. Randy notes that the drift of his penis is 4 cm to penis right and its dead weight is 4.5 Kg. Therefore, Randy’s adjusted penis size is 6.3 inches

      • That sounds like a volume function for a tree which is of course more fusiform than conic thus a form factor rather more than 0.3333. My boss will be amazed.
        “Nice figures”
        “Yes it’s the truncated frustum of a elephants cock”

      • Don’t take this the wrong way but you are an utter idiot and undoubtedly an undoubtedly intelligent troll (kind of like the 4D chess-playing idiotic God Emperor).

  9. Maths is not man-made…it is the work of God….The argument is that mathematical laws, in order to be properly relied upon, must have attributes which indicate an origin in God. They are true everywhere (omnipresent), true always (eternal), cannot be defied or defeated (omnipotent), and are rational and have language characteristics (which makes them personal). Omnipresent, omnipotent, eternal, personal… Sounds like God. Math is an expression of the mind of God. Sound strange? It isn’t. Modern natural science was created by people who said that they were trying to “think God’s thoughts after Him.”

    (Btw, Dick. We have a nomination regarding your latest nubile and intellectually-challenged ladyfriend lined up for tomorrow afternoon. We have the discriminating emails, photos and parchments, and we’re speechless! – DA)

      • I didn’t realise that I was logged in as “Fiddler” until it was too late…
        🙂 .

      • Evening Dick. I think I’ve just about recovered from my water infection. Never been bothered with em before but apparently more common with advancing years!

    • You”ve mentioned god a couple of times over the last few days, Mr F…should we be concerned?
      Have the only pair of jehova’s witnesses in Northumberland broken through your tough outer shell with their simpering smiles?
      MNC, can you pop round Mr Fiddler’s gaff to check on him?
      I’d go myself but it’s about 300 miles and by the time I got there he might look like Lady Whiteadder:
      https://images.app.goo.gl/JAm917soMNjPYtkY6

      • Churches are not classed as businesses and are exempt from paying tax under the Charities Act 2006. Furthermore, as with all charities, they are able to claim back 25% in gift aid from donations. The Church of England brings in almost £1billion a year through donations, investments and reserves…..

        Prepare yourself for The Church Of Fiddler….I rather fancy myself as a Rev. Ian Paisley type God-botherer…spitting Hellfire and Damnation at anyone who offends my sensibilities.

      • True enough but I’ll just claim religious persecution when the Police next accuse me of being a foul-mouthed,aggressive old Cunt.

      • You won’t be able to enter the church at this stage of your life unless you can supply evidence to the senior clergy that you’re “one of them” and you’ve spent the last several decades abusing unfortunate children.

      • Ho ho, there’s so much material to draw upon with yourself as a man of the cloth!
        Will the sexy panties you’ll undoubtedly have on under your cassock be regular or crotchless?

      • Get thee behind me..you Satan in a cheap polyester Hawaiian shirt…come The Day Of Judgement I’ll make fucking sure that I’m sat at God’s side telling him all about your dissolute lifestyle.

        Best get yourself some asbestos y-fronts before Satan tries to stick his red hot poker up your blaspheming hoop.

    • “Maths is not man-made…it is the work of God”
      1) – Citation needed/proof of God needed (Maths is not proof of God, that would be circular reasoning).

      “The argument is that mathematical laws, in order to be properly relied upon, must have attributes which indicate an origin in God”
      2) – citation needed. (Attrtibutes which indicate an origin in God cannot be used as proof, that would be circular reasoning).

      “They are true everywhere (omnipresent)”
      3) – citation needed. THEY are true everywhere but they can be proven extant through observation and experimentation……. (God cannot be and thus cannot be used as proof, that would be circular reasoning).

      “true always (eternal)”
      4) – This is true but the word eternal first needs to be defined in a way which is logically, physically, existentially and epistemically consistent – not theological as theology has no method of consistency or falsifiability and no way of being known without the knower being omniscient.

      “cannot be defied or defeated (omnipotent)”
      5) – The law of non-contradiction cannot be defeated but an omnipotent God by definition cannot be consistent with the law of non-contradiction. For example: Is it possible for God to create an object which is so heavy that he is incapable of lifting it?

      “and are rational and have language characteristics (which makes them personal)”
      6) – Mathematical laws are rational and have language characteristics but this is a bad analogy as most human languages are mutually unintelligible to people of other languages whereas mathematics is universally, linguistically intelligible to anybody who is of sound mind and can count without using fingers and/or toes.

      “Omnipresent, omnipotent, eternal, personal… Sounds like God”.
      7) – No it doesn’t. It sounds entirely incoherent and clumsily-manmade:
      – Omnipresent. Mathematics is omnipresent as it can be demonstrated to be so. God cannot be demonstrated to exist so that is a stretch.
      – Omnipotent. See the heavy object thought experiment at the end of point 5.
      – Eternal. The universe including energy, matter, space, the laws of physics and even time are currently theorised by physicists to have begun at the moment of the sudden expansion from a super hot dense state (known colloquially as the Big Bang). Modern physicists don’t even know if there was anything prior to the Big Bang as time bagan AT the moment of the Big Bang so asking what came before the Big Bang is like asking what is North of the North Pole.
      – Personal. Couldn’t be any less relevant. Your personal belief in God has no bearing on the accuracy and universality of mathematics.
      Gratned some people are retards when it comes to Maths….. that doesn’t mean that Maths is wrong, just like some people believe in God, that doesn’t mean that God exists.
      Just like some people don’t understand heliocentrism, that doesn’t mean that the Earth is flat.

      “Sounds like God. Math is an expression of the mind of God. Sound strange?”
      8) – No, it just sounds like bullshit.

      “It isn’t.”
      9) – It most certainly is.

      “Modern natural science was created by people who said that they were trying to “think God’s thoughts after Him.”
      10) – Firstly I would ask for citation. I would then add that it would be more accurate to say that “modern natural science was created by people”.
      As for the remainder (including your Cosmic Sky Fairy), it would be more accurate to say that “God was created by people who said that they were trying to “think God’s thoughts after Him”, after the people who thought God into existence had thought Him into existence rather than Him thinking them into existence.”

      • If I get drunk as fuck and wake up in a puddle of vomit and don’t remember a thing, my last assumption is that God is what done it.

      • Woman came from the rib of a Man, Man was made in the image of God.

        If this is the case….. what does Man need with nipples? More importantly, what does God need with nipples?

  10. Sin (×) walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The barman says “sorry, we don’t cater for functions”

  11. Add 2 dinghies times 56 peaceful migration wanderers of The Sands equals?
    Cunts x 10,000.
    Fuck Off.
    Squared.

  12. Found a note book from the mid 70’s, full of calculus in my hand writing. WTF might as well be hieroglyphics….. Surprising what beer does to you.

  13. Someone do the maths….

    How can people who are on the bread line, no money for food but weigh 20 stone plus.

    • You can buy a lot of Farm Stores microwaveable pizza for £2, SOI!
      10 years ago, any food you bought from Iceland came with a free blow job from Kerry Katona.

      • I used to work at Iceland between the year 2000 and the year 2003 and here is an interesting fact for you. Iceland were really pushing the loss-leaders back then with BOGOF (Buy One Get One Free) being the main loss leader………… and even then, the Kerry Catona Blowjob BOGOF offer still had the most returns of any product.

      • Hahahaha!!
        FFS, Thomas that made me cry with laughter😀
        Hats off to you
        Your the wickedest man alive!
        👍👍

      • I reckon the bloke who owns Iceland could give a ice blow job, seems like a nice boy 😂

      • That would have worked so much better if you’d said “an ice blow job”……….. never mind.

  14. I recall trying to impress a lass at a party in the 1970s by mentioning that I had a PhD in econometrics. ‘What is that ?’she asked in a sexy voice. ‘Mathematics for perverts’. I replied.
    O.K. You cunters , I do not need anything pointing out to me.

  15. Phillip Hammond and Annealese Dodds both suffer from terrible constipation. They have a problem – so they work it out with a pencil.

    I’ll get my coat……

  16. Mathematics is being used to provide evidence that the country should go into a full lockdown. It’s also used to counter argue to stay out of lockdown
    It’s also the basis of evidence for climate change, and again to counter that argument.
    It depends on what model you use see. If you want to make 4, you just pluck some figures out of someone’s arse, apply a factor of something, adjust that to account for X, and hey presto, you have 4.
    It’s the same when politicunts say there’s not enough housing, but that doesn’t mean there is too many people. That’s like saying if there’s twenty migrants in a dinghy, it’s not that there are too many migrants, there’s just not enough dinghy.
    Maths, like bullshit, baffles brains.

    • It’s based on multiple variables so it pretty much depends on what factor the “expert” in question chooses to ignore. It’s not the fault of maths.

  17. I know little of mathmatics. But what I do know is that if everybody in the world caught covid, then the percentage and the victims would fall within the same perameters. 0.6-0.8 % which ( I believe ) is the normal morbidity of vulnerable persons. Not much when the numbers are crunched. BTW, in the UK, we have approximately 5 million unregistered guests. So what does that do to your numbers Prof Whitty ?

  18. Always hated maths – one of the teachers was a bullying fat bitch who once smacked me round the head, no reason, just waddling by and cracked me one.
    At which point I lost my legendary temper, jumped on the desk and shouted at full volume “do that again and I’ll knock your fucking teeth out”.
    She didn’t do it again.
    And after school I did some maths courses because I was determined it would not beat me (I am a stubborn fker) and then went on to work in Civil Service finance controlling budgets of multi millions.
    Still hate maths though.

    • Do you send the bitch Christmas cards?
      I only say this because I know that, like most of the contributors, you are a sensitive soul.

      • Didn’t have her address GG!
        (Probably best TBH! 😃)
        And I am glad you at least realise that under my psychopathic and violent exterior I am a deeply sensitive soul – some of the people on this site are unmitigated cads! 😢

  19. In Math class I learned that if you take a calculator and type 58008 35007 and the turn it upside down it spells LOOSE BOOBS. Good times.

      • My maths teachers were always miserable bastards and smug cunts. But I had a science teacher (Scottish lady name of Miss Durie) who was as sexy as fuck. She must have inspired more wanking in Newton Heath and Moston schools than any other person. She looked like Rachel Ward with big tits. Magnificent, she was.

      • We had a girls PE teacher called Miss Bacon who was beautiful – unfortunately she spent most of the time fending off aggressive and unwanted attention from the bulldyke who ran the wimminz PE department.
        Miss Bacon would have got my pork!

      • Considering that unfortunate surname, nowadays she’d probably have to fend off the angry Snackbars!

  20. I know it’s the way Yanks say it, but I loathe it when British people – usually millennials or wimmin – who say ‘You do the math’.

    There’s an ‘s’ on the end of it, you fucking hipster knobhead cunts.

    • It’s a fucking irritating, condescending phrase whether it’s got an s on the end or not. Anyone who uses it is a total cunt.

      • True but it’s also lazy.

        “Go Figure” pretty much means “Go away and figure it out”……… which is basically like saying “That’s so fucking stupid, I can’t be arsed to answer it so fuck off and do some research you dumb cunt”.

        Anybody who says that is basically saying admitting that they can’t be bothered to articulate their point so it can be understood………… just as long as they can be heard whilst saying it.

      • Evening VF, same old shite different day I guess. Are you in ‘Tier 3’ yet or whatever the latest bollocks is?

      • Nothing round here B&WC – it is predominantly a peaceful free zone, but I am ignoring any of the nazi rules they make up by the day – I am a free Man in a supposedly democratic Country and there is no legal, medical or moral reason for this third reich behaviour.

  22. Didn’t have her address GG!
    (Probably best TBH! 😃)
    And I am glad you at least realise that under my psychopathic and violent exterior I am a deeply sensitive soul – some of the people on this site are unmitigated cads! 😢

  23. Teacher:
    “Dick has a house worth 500k.
    Dick marries Jane. Who has a flat worth 200k.
    If Dick marries Jane, then Jane fucks off with Harry and marries him, how much will Dick have left?”

    Boy student 1:
    “500k?”
    Teacher:
    “Wrong”

    Boy student 2:
    “350k?”
    Teacher:
    “Wrong”

    Girl student:
    “The shirt on his back?”
    Teacher:
    “Is the right answer”

    😂😂😂😂😂

  24. Mathematics is used everyday.

    Sister Dolly uses maths when working out how much more ingredients is needed for a recipe if extra guests are coming round for tea.
    The same with less ingredients if fewer people are coming.

    Recipe serves 4 but there will be 8 people in total so double the the amount of ingredients etc.

    Or they can just bring their own food.

      • You kept this covid rule breaking party quiet Spoons?
        Dont seem to of received my invitation?
        Just what is Dolly baking thats so secret?

        Ps
        Mrs Miserable bought me some jam, Chuckleberry!!
        I kid you not, didnt know there was such a thing.

      • MNC, it was just an example. What would you like to eat? 🙂
        What’s chuckleberry? Is it a make of jam made by the Chuckle Brothers?

        Paul: “Pass the strawberries. To me”.
        Barry: “Ro you!” 🙂

        Indeedly, CG, beware Dolly’s space cakes. 🙂

        Everyone is invited but you must wear suitable protection.

      • Is that some sort of medicated cream?

        I meant those disposable gloves and aprons just in case. I’m sure everything will be clean. 🙂

  25. Maths (not Math, you ignorant Yanks!) is a perfect language, applicable throughout the known (4-dimensional, i.e. xyz & time) universe. What you guys learnt, or perhaps not, at skool, was just a starter to the greatest intellectual structure ever!
    Just consider: any civilisation anywhere in the entire (4-dimensional) universe will be bound by the same laws of mathematics are we are here on this tiny rock on the outer spiral arm of an average galaxy. 2 + 2 in base 10 = 4 everywhere (except in the Flabbot’s bran tub, or in room 101).
    You can diss most things, but respect mathematics as the universal language it most certainly is!

    • I agree with pretty much everything you say but not in the way you say it.
      I would say that you need to respect the English language. I am not perfect but I at least try.

  26. Oh god your all cunts commenting on mathematics like this , you all sound like any maths teachers I come across now all do a 2 thousand lines saying maths is for cunts , and if you don’t do the lines it’s the headmasters office

    • I would say the same thing to you about English language, grammar, capitalisation, punctuation etc ……….. your spelling seems okay though so you get a free pass there.

      Still a trolling cunt though. I thought you pricks had been banned.

  27. I loathe maths because I am crap at it. Something failed to connect between age 9 and age 11 – probably lost my naive childish enthusiasm for the magic of numbers – and after scraping O-level, lost all connection with the subject. Which is of course why my dear late papa insisted I do pure and applied maths plus physics at A-level. Yup. he was a cunt too. Nope. I never finished the course. I was expelled, as it happens.

    I did an access course many years later, the maths part of which went to slightly past old O-level. I got exactly the same mark I’d had at school, despite my motivation being much better (money was involved).

    I find I can still pretend to be a scientist, given access to Excel, so not all is lost. Graphs work for me but algebra is a dead loss beyond basic calculus.

    Note to those intending to teach maths to unreconstructed cunts like me: FFS at least TRY to make it interesting and relevant to the cunt!

Comments are closed.