Take yourselves in hand gentlemen, for a cunting for ISACs favourite pop tart, Lily Allen. Ms Allen beseeches the world to become more open legged as she launches her very own sex toy:
Yes, a new member of the team for Ann Summers customers everywhere, the Liberty is a device for wimmins self-abuse. I am sure Anal-ease Dodds, that Moran sort from the Lib-Dems and Jess Phillips will be setting off to the sex shop hot foot (if somebody can set fire to their feet).
All this dry fanny celebrity sex is getting too much for an old man like me. The Allen bombshell the same week as Jenni Murray has proudly announced she is going to appear on TV stark bollock naked. These old bags become real old scrubbers when they fear the limelight is off them.
Nominated by: W. C. Boggs
and added to by…..W. C. Boggs
You didn’t think I was going to let you off that lightly did you?
A “It-Must-Be-Jelly-Cos-Jam-Don’t-Shake-Like-That” cunting please for hoity-toity Mistress of Wireless 4 Dame Jenni (“there is nothing like a Dame”) for the roly-poly ex presenter who is going to “bare all” in the cause of entertainment and self advertisement:
In my day you would never have caught Katie Boyle or Lady Isobell Barnett naked – no too damn fast for me, but where is the old bag’s self respect?. She is 70 for Christ’s sake. No woman over 35 should ever be seen topless in public. I can only assume that the old age pension isn’t enough for her now she has left her safe radio job, sneering at the male sex. The only men who want to see shrivelled up old tarts are masochists like Mr. Jess Phillips and Mr. Dodds, and God knows they deserve the George Cross for bravery.
Plus this late entry from Fuglyucker
I would like to nominate Lilly Fucking Allen again.
This brain dead spunk trumpet has decided to launch a range of sex toys, yes you hear me right im sure its going to be Lillies idea of 100 best things to stick in your snatch, in her case im sure its going to be vibrating road cones and 240 volt pumping fists and im sure im not far wrong, first is an item called the womanizer, can you picture the scene your all pumped up about to have a good trunking and the Lilly the musical mongs face pops into your mind and instant soft on.
Lilly ruins sex for the masses what a cunt…
…and another from W.C.Boggs (clearly besotted by Allen)
LADY WANKERS – LILY ALLEN:
Keep your hand on your halfpenny as we pay homage to the rat faced songster, who, with the help of the BBC (who else?) is hawking round her sex toys – JML for perverts.
In what amounts to connivence in her adertising campaign Ms. Allen has been on the BBC in her faux “serious” mood, has given a deeply sincere interview about female masturbation:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-54712504
I suppose with a face like hers, and her wedding breakfast ideas of biting into an outsize burger, she needs all the self help she can get. Still, the BBC website is becoming a source of ribald humour, much like Labourlist.
Will Lily give upm “singing” tom become the new Lady Moane? We she mount (forgive the term) a takeover bid for Ann Summers?
Who knows? – who cares?
It didn’t take her long to get fed up with her new husband.
17
It does seem that she shoved a big diilldo up her snatch just as she said, ‘I do.’
2
Yuk. Throwing up now. Go somewhere quiet and die you pair of wankbucketshitites. Fucking turdmonkeymoneyhungry cunts.
10
Some people will do anything for money.
No deed to embarrassing or hard faced.
You have fingers dont you?
Then use them!!
Or dig out the rolling pin and pretend its MNC.
No need for overpriced sex toys.
All you need girls and boys is a jar of Nutella and a greedy dog.
Miserablessexualhealthtips.com
8
Every time I think of Jenni doing this, I get visions of the Hindenburg crash – ‘Oh, the humanity!’
6
Or this –
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VKcAYMb5uk4
2
Is that was what he kept saying as Jenni was lowering her arse onto his face?
1
There’s something wrong about Lily’s sex toy as it seems to be some sort of vaginal stimulator, whereas I’m sure that I read somewhere that other than to have kids, she only ever takes it up the arse …mainly in shop doorways
9
Thats quite a bit shes had then the old slapper/her arse must be like an overused spacehopper not to mention her festering rancid snatch after god knows how many calais gimmegrants shes had up there.the fuck ugly monkey
4
She’d need to be hosed inside and out with an industrial jet to rid herself of ancient Syrian smëgma plaque. It must’ve hardened like a piece of old ccoconut.
4
Put me right off me Bounty bar
10
Fucking Hell. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any lower. What next, Flabbot and Butler doing a 69?
8
FFS, couldn’t you have just thought that, not put it in print? I’m going to spend the next 3 days thinking of manatees.
8
Bloody hell. What an image. Cheers (barf)
0
At first I thought this was a spoof. I mean ……
Chief Liberation Officer
“the womanizer changed my life”
You don’t expect me to swallow this bullshit surely? However, my extensive research shows it is all true. The desperate old skank is flogging dildoes!! Fucking hell! Is there nothing La Slagheap won’t do for money and attention? I wonder what her peaceful friends, whom she loves so much, think of this behaviour? She can ask the next dinghy load who are kipping down at her mansion. I’ll leave it to her to explain you are not supposed to fuck chickens and goats with it.
8
I bet you could fit Lily’s head right up Squadron-Leader Murray’s slop-bucket……
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=4e26da6877f8f1dce8d0
2
Dick@
Nowadays sex toys arent just for slags and nuns,
Men use them too!
Not just the ducky darlings either!
Single blokes spend £8million annually on sex toys in the UK.
Know your a bit “Hasidic around the wallet’
So why not kill two birds with one stone?
Next time you have a Fray Bentos pie cut a hole in the top, leave to cool slightly,
Then its hot romance!!!
Followed by a hearty meal!
Careful you dont get ‘pastry winky’ though
The doctor will suspect your kneading the dough.😁
5
In all honesty, the though of Lily the musical mong hammering away at her cavernous fandango with something resembling a Tomahawk missile trumps the thought of her creating another gargoyle child any day.
I think the nicest thing anyone had to say about her offspring the last time she let it out of the cellar was TtCE with this gem.
‘Tis more forehead than child.
Pissed myself for days over that one. Well done Thomas. 😁
11
Ho ho, thanks OB!
7
Remember that too. Fucking hilarious.
0
Why are these sort of stunts always done to “raise awareness”or somehow for the benefit of the rest of us? I don’t want my awareness raised by attention seeking fuckwits thanks very much. If they want to do something for the good of humanity,take a vow of silence or go and play on the motorway during rush hour.
8
The Mong should start posting on here, would definitely get an open and in depth discussion on where to stick her vibrator.
I am not surprised she has launched a range of sex toys, she is a cunt after all so well qualified in the field.
Put her through a sheep dip, a good shower and I would give it a go 😂
4
She should team up with that other daft bat, Gwyneth Paltrow and her vagina-scented candles.
A perfect pair of soggy old cunts way past their sell-by-dates
4
Good idea.
Tie them together and put them in a skip.
White phosphorus surprise.
Cunts.
2
Lily went with a couple of female friends to a sex shop, to check out the opposition’s goods. The first friend admires a large gold vibrator with a black top and buys it. The second woman, similarly, purchases an even larger silver vibrator with a pink top.
Lily says to the guy behind the desk “How much is that big tartan one with the white top, on the shelf behind you?”
“Madam” says the bloke, “That’s my vacuum flask”
13
Is “Dame” Lard Bucket hiring out a life sized billboard for her self promotion?
1
Sex toys? You what?
P.s. this made me laugh.
https://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/toys-in-bed.htm
1
p.p.s this made me laugh as well
https://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/masturbation.htm
0
Spoons-you have rendered me speechless.
Almost.
Go and rinse your mouth out with soap and water, this instance!
Whatever would Sister Dolly think?😢
3
Sorry, CG.
She’d probably laugh as well then we both wash our mouths out with soap. 🙂
3
Spoons:
Think of the tender scene at the end of Star Wars episode vI “Return of the Jedi (shit film).
As Luke Skywalker cradles the dying head of his Father, Darth Vader, in his arms, Vader says to Luke, something I will plagiarise now:
“Spoons…it’s too late for me son…I’m a cunt…save yourself…”
👍
4
This bit, CG?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RaXhYy0Sz_w
It’s so sad 🙁
1
That’s the one😢
What would have pepped him up no end, is a nice brew and a slice if your Sister Dolly’s jam sponge👍👍👍
2
Oh my god I don’t know who’s cunt would be worse tbh I feel sorry for the plastic dildo being thrust up there crusty putrid , fetid cunts oh god I’m going to have nightmares
4
#plasticdildosmatter
3
Hate to imagine what lilly hasn’t had up her ginormous cunt. so she is always looking over the fence for something bigger,The mind boggles at the thought.Stupid evil cunt that she is.
3
Why doesn’t she get one of her beloved Calais ‘Migrants’ to shove it up her arse, sideways.
2
What pissed me off most about this is this was featured on the BBC. Basically a free ad for the old slags plastic cocks. And I’ve paid for some second rate hack to stick it on the “advertising free” BBC.
1
Will this grim cunt be giving the profits from her sex toys to asylum seekers? Or will she spend them on live mice to feed her child?
0
Stick a hedgehog on the end and shove it down her entitled, empath throat..
Cunt.
0