Weak as shit, ineffective modern fly spray

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I’d like to nominate modern fly spray for a cunting. I’d also love to know how up upload a fucking pic also.. Anyway :-

Modern fly spray is an absolute cunt, I’m certain that the health and safety freaks ‘ave been diluting and making fly and wasp sprays so harmless that these days you can’t even “kill a fly ” with it.

Last few days have been really rather pleasant ensuring that the kitchen door has been left open for many hours. this of course tends to let the fucking flies in.

We have had one particular little fucker come in and make its home here now for 3 day’s. It loves to come and sit on the table begging for food. Even given the cunt a name “flick”. I’m certain it has fucking adopted me as it’s owner.

I have sprayed Flick many many times (sure the cunt likes to shower in it) to no determent at all to it’s health. I reckon that if my eyesight was like a superheroes the fucker would be smiling and saying thank you every time I’ve sprayed it. Image it scrubbing it’s little back each time with a miniature shower brush: bless him.

Try a different brand of spray! Been there done that still the same. Therefore modern fly spray is diluted pile of shite a total waste of money. Fucking useless total Cunt…

Please not that nothing was harmed by this cunting;not even a fly.

Nominated  by everyonesacunt

57 thoughts on “Weak as shit, ineffective modern fly spray”

  1. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to use a spritzy bottle full of bleach and drain cleaner? The resulting concoction would get your lungs sparkling clean too, were you to breathe it in.
    The easiest way to get a fly is any bottle with a wide spray. This gets on the little fucker’s wings and it drops faster than a sausage in a m0sque, leaving you to finish the filthy cunt off at your leisure.

  2. Perhaps you should borrow a pair of Emily Thornberry’s unwashed pants Mr EAC?

    Although the stench would probably render your kitchen uninhabitable.

      • No they don’t ! They’re flies, not humans.

        4 or 5 of the little sods always make for the middle of my lounge and dogfight beneath the ceiling light.
        It’s like watching Michael Bentine doing a flea circus re-enactment of the Battle of Britain.

        They don’t like brake cleaner (but don’t spray it on your furniture !)

        Spray Starch used to work well – they freeze mid-flight and glide into the curtains …..

    • Emily Thornberry’s unwashed pants double yuk. omg Ineed to be sick would sooner live in a sewer than be within 100yrds of said items …

  3. Get a bug-a-salt. Seriously good fun for shooting flies with table salt.

    The Israelis have a series of fly sprays for different applications.

    Starts at K100 for your standard ‘Raid’ strength fly spray, all the way up to K1000 for an all out nuclear assault on six (and eight) legged nuisances.

    I had K400, which would be used as a two second long burst into my room, close the door, go out for a few beers and come back to a sea of dead things on the floor.

    Really good stuff.

    Keep away from kids, animals and anything else that you don’t want to see dead.

  4. Used to go home from the pub, in my younger daze. Roll up the Daily Telegraph and smash the fuckers all over the walls. Next mornings job, clean off the splats. Anger management…….

  7. A simple regular fly swat provides hours of harmless fun. Except for the flies, of course. I suspect the mesh of the swatter confuses their eyes and makes it much easier to whack ’em.

    • I must be getting slow in my older years. Wasp’s they are easy to swat probably because they think there are hard they strut about slowly. Bang wasp tennis is good fun, but fucking flies they just move too fast for me.

      • For those big dunny-budgies that buzz around the room and won’t land, my dad used to whack em out of the sky with his squash racket. That sorted the little fuckers

  8. Great Nom this – I think it applies to most modern hazard sprays and products. Just two examples are:

    Rat poison – this is virtually ineffective now.

    Gloss paint – this has no oil base and is weak and not as glossy.

    There must be many more…

  9. Not that long ago I sprayed this fucking huge bluebottle and down it came after about 3 minutes of banging itself into every window wall and door
    As it lay on the coffee table I saw it twitch and for some inexplicable reason due to thinking that I thought fly sprays were not being effective lately I trapped it by placing a pint mug on it.
    Low and behold this fucker comes back to life in front of me.
    Right I thought. Captive audience. Got the fly spray and emptied half a can under the glass till you couldn’t see fuck all and went to bed.
    Fucking fly was right as rain the next day. I should have recorded it and sent the cunt to the labs of Raid.
    So after 65 billion years of evolution this cunt still eats and sits on shit and now is immune to fly spray.

  10. You need one of those taser tennis rackets. We’ve got one, they’re great. The bigger flies get stunned for awhile and the smaller ones get eviscerated by the spark.

    • I bought one a few years ago and, come summer, I’m swinging the fucker like Nadal after he’s been connected to the National Grid. I only know I’ve hit it (very rare occasion) if there’s a bang but sometimes the fly just suddenly vanishes and you find it 3 months later, cleaning a remote part of the room. I have no idea where our fly spray comes from as my wife buys it but mostly it works.

      • Mate of mine bought one of those, wasn’t sure it was working. So to test it the silly fucker stuck his nose on it!!
        Worked just fine!

  11. Get the cheap stuff from Poundland or summat.
    That still works and smells like a Russian chemical factory disaster.

    • I’ll give those shops a look over the weekend probably Import some fly spray from Chernobyl

  12. An open jar of half (or even quarter) consumed runny honey will entice and trap them in its luscious viscosity. A 2″ layer of cooking oil in an unwashed frying pan also works but is visually less attractive in the kitchen environment.

  14. Nude pics of Flabbott and Abbott in your garden will distract flies, wasps, spiders and other creepy crawly cunts well away from your household.

    Afterall, they are attracted to any old shite!

  15. I tend to buy chemical stuff like this and drain cleaner from those unbranded shops lurking on the less salubrious high streets. Probably banned by the Geneva Convention though.

  16. I’ve got a resident spider the size of a fuckin’ dinner plate that you’re welcome to hire out. Ron Knee used it last year to frighten his Missus.
    😀

  18. It’ll have been diluted cos of some fucking EU environmental regulation.
    Remova week killer’s now as weak as water for the same reason, I suspect.

  19. ******** Breaking news **********
    A giant fly has attacked IsAC HQ.
    Police have called in the SWAT team.

  20. Flies you say? I have an unnatural hatred of these filthy things – if one comes in I open all the windows and chase it out – if it does not go then it’s gone, I detest the vile beasts!
    A few years ago one of my neighbours died – he had not been seen out for a few days and as he was vulnerable and alcohol dependant I called the Police and social services to check on him, he had died peacefully in his sleep but his entire home was black with flies when the coppers got the door in – unpleasant.
    I miss Pete – he was a good lad.
    And a can of gas and a lighter make a topping fly spray!

  22. I’ve plugged this before, I have no shares in the company, but I really like mine:
    ‘The Executioner Pro’
    Similar tennis rackets don’t begin to compare. This one’s rugged, the batteries last a long time (mine, 4 years with frequent deployment during the summers) and if it doesn’t kill outright, it delivers a fulfilling ‘crack’ and visible lightning bolt which will at least knock the dipterid cunt down long enough to tread on it.

    Ebay, £20 to £30, worth every penny, you decide who’s selling the genuine article.

    Incidentally Raid’s never disappointed me. Takes a little while to work, listen for the frenzied buzzing from a corner of the room as the downed insect fails to deal with the fly equivalent of Novichok, and if you are a kind person put it out of its misery. Maybe your aim’s off, or you got the spray from a pound shop?

    • That’s the one we’ve got too. Definitely recommend it.

      If you hit the bigger flies hard enough they sometimes get lodged inbetween the wires, and then you can make them dance by applying current until they start smoking haha.

      • You probably have learned that flies aren’t nearly as fast climbing as in horizontal flight. The best shot is usually an upward sweep. Correctly executed, the fly returns and returns to the grid, its reflexes firing it up again. It’s as satisfying as skipping stones.

    • Once it’s down buzzing in its back I do put it out of its misery- by coating it at point blank range with a 3-second burst

  24. You can buy rentokill spray it drops wasps in seconds. I keep getting stung by the fuckers so when I see one it’s toast.

  25. It’s like everything. Weedkller that doesn’t work, flea killer that doesn’t work, insecticide that doesn’t work. It’s just another extension of the woke lunacy.

  26. Raid? Used to be ok but now rebranded Snowflake. If used in large amounts still good for entertainment – brings the fuckers down if you lock the spray on the bastards arse and Top Gun ’em until they drop then – best bit – they buzz and Stuka around like Catherine wheels and play dead. Then they wake up and we play the game again. Great fun. Heel of me boot and play time is over. Snowflake Advisory – never touch by hand, the bastards could well have been feasting on my shite.

    Flitt in the old hand pump used to be ace and very satisfying but use of flying goggles mandatory. In the eye experience not too clever, contained large volumes of DDT. Have stockpiled a few large drums of the magic DDT about me farm and still rely upon it for infestations various. Bastard neighbours object to the smell but fuck ’em. All Health and Safety observed – never touch the stuff meself, leave it to the migrants and before any cunt objects you would have no farm produce without ’em….or cheap whores or drug deals or theft of unwanted items ect ect.

  27. First shit on the floor. Two hours later drop a baby grand piano on the fuckers. Works every time.

  29. Croist I hate the bastards! Bane of my day flying all over my computer monitors, fucking brazen! I use some of this stuff on a cloth and wipe it over the screens, seemed to help for a bit but they seem to just get used to the stuff. Bought a load of dangly fly paper catchers and the bastards just started walking up and down them! So I ended getting some serious industrial strength ones (basically anything from GB and not Chyna) put the entire box up all along my beams. My mate walked in and said “fuck me! Who are you trying to catch? Jeff fucking Goldblum!??”
    Thought that was rather good 😂

    Another thing is the pet food that they’ll lay their eggs in, turn into maggots pretty sharpish in the heat. Not nice!!

  30. Wimminz hair spray works good, it sets the little fuckers wings solid in flight or if the bastards are on the wall they can’t open their wings to buzz off, fucking hilarious when I give them to my cat to play with.

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