Hermes – Lost in the Post (2)

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I’d like to nominated those fucking tosser cunts at Hermes.

I’m not going to call them a courier company because they’re not capable of delivering a fucking smartie !

What a bunch of fucking cunts they are….after losing 7 of my ebay parcels over a 2 year period they’ve now started placing my address label on other people’s orders. ……that’s right….I’m not receiving my orders but getting shit that I don’t want and belongs to someone else.

I wish some invisible force would vaporize this company into oblivion!

Nominated by: Ralph whiteman

31 thoughts on “Hermes – Lost in the Post (2)”

  1. Nice surname Ralph.👍
    Hermes has a habit of fuckin up peoples parcels.
    They have ‘multi drops’ and are on strict time constraints.
    Hence a frazzled driver making mistakes.
    Doesnt help the customer much though.
    Ive been lucky, always get my parcels, nowt gone astray, but then I dont deal with fuckin Hermes.

    • Blame the greedy skank Hermes managers who overload the drivers with impossible delivery schedules to make the managers more bonus. (Got a mate who drove for Hermes – he hates them).
      They are all as bad, but UPS are the worst.

  3. You think that’s bad-I have family that seem have spent the duration of lockdown ordering shit off Amazon, fucking constantly☹️
    I don’t mind the expense at all ( I’m not a tight cunt), what I do mind is the numerous daily drops (seriously😢) from Eastern European cults who use my driveway as a fucking race track-the swarthy, greasy, dirty fuckers☹️.
    The final straw came last week when a fucking grotesque female Romanian or Bulgarian wheel span 30 yards of the gravel drive-the fucking fat cunt.
    Fortunately I managed to photograph the number plate and the cctv system recorded the bastard on 5 separate garden cameras.

    Please, please, please-include sending these fuckers back on you next manifesto, Sir Nige and Foxy(x2).
    Oven the cunts!!!

    • Your comment General has confirmed to me that you are indeed related to the Fid and have a ‘pile’ somewhere out in the cuntry.
      Cuntfinder Towers appears as though it could be an impregnable fortress. Five CCTV cameras sounds very impressive, especially the one that’s trained on the bathroom window of that attractive widow next door.

      • Hes doing alright isnt he Bertie?
        Im lucky to have him as my secret Santa in this years ISAC xmas do!
        Bet hes really generous too?
        Hope whatever it is he doesnt send it via bleedin Hermes!!

      • Long gravel drive, cameras everywhere,,,
        Bertie, you dont think hes in a secure hospital do you?😀

      • Aaaah.
        So they are there to keep me in.
        It all makes sense now.
        So are all those young ladies in blue uniforms not my girlfriends then? I thought they took my temperature to check for covid.
        Arse😢

      • Bertie-shhhhh.
        Beneath his gruff exterior, I believe Sir Fidler is actually a prince amongst men-a modern day saint.
        Sadly, I am a cunt☹️.

    • I very rarely get a delivery from these people, but last week someone knocked hard on my door, when I opened it he’d left a small package on the mat and was halfway up my driveway. “For number 6!” he shouted. “This isn’t number 6” I said. “Number six is that house there with the white door.” He came back and took the package. Both houses are clearly numbered.

  5. Right bunch of clowns anyone who uses Hemes as there courier company I dont order far to many rag ups in the past utter cunts

  6. Fortunately have never had a problem with any of the usual couriers since moving to the Lakes, and that includes Yodel and DPD.

    Back in Brum it was a complete lottery if my stuff would arrive on the right day, on the right address and totally undamaged. But back then the worst offender was Yodel and Royal Wank. Hermes were pretty decent.

    But I recall having a convo with one DPD guy, who delivered my parcel in good time, but he said he hated working for DPD and his managers back at the office sitting on their fat arses trying tp dump as many parcels onto his van along with a totally unrealistic manifest of drop-offs.

    He was saying for a place like Brum most drivers work in particular zones, but some managers felt this wasn’t profitable, so they merged somes areas into bigger zones while also getting rid of drivers as a cost cutting measure. Meaning the existing drivers had more drop-offs over a wide area of the city, but still had to keep within unrealistic time windows. And woe betide the poor cunts who were behind schedule and had to travel through the centre of the city at peak times!

    So its no wonder some drivers do what they do. Totally wrong from a customer’s pov of course, but I guess drivers get pissed off with not only their bosses, their cheap satnavs, rush hour traffic, customers who aren’t in, and a host of other daily shite that can drive a driver mental!

  7. I stopped using them for all but the heaviest and cheapest stuff.

    They are crooks and run by crooks and if you’ve ever tried to claim for a lost parcel you’ll see that their business practices border on the illegal.

    Overcharging for parcels that they claim are over the limit is their favourite scam which is why I have gone back to Royal Mail for all but the ones I can afford to lose.

    Hermes you can go fuck yourselves.

  8. By far the best service is The Post office. If you want to send larger items the “the Britishshop” sends big items worldwide. If you have a large parcel that you can carry to a post office they are by far the best option. If you cannot be bothered to do that prepared to be ripped off. The British Post Office created delivery and is still a fantastic service world wide. The thieving cunts have been stopped with insurance and signed for delivery. The thieving cunts were dominant when bullshit unions ruled the roost.

    • Whatever you do if sending a parcel via Royal Mail, dont lose the postage receipt or your fucked.
      Also dont just put it in your pants with other shite,
      The ink its printed on fades fast.
      Toptipsforpostage@miserable uk

  9. Remember back in the ’70s and’ 80s the kids who liked to knock on people’s doors and then run away before the people inside had a chance to answer?

    All of them are now Hermes drivers.

  10. I told the delivery driver who screeched into the yard, nearly hitting one of the hounds, that if he’d hit the dog he’d discover the next vehicle that he was piloting would be a cripple-chariot….I meant it and he knew that I meant it. He has always driven carefully up the track and into the yard since.

    • Afternoon Fiddler, quite rare to see a British diver for these companies, all grim looking Euro trash although at work I saw a sooty coming up the drive the other week and was just about to raise the alarm when I saw the parcel and he asked for the householder. I see Boris has curtailed your fraternising at the pub for different households, I know what a social butterfly you are.

      • Afternoon LL.

        I read about some Pubs and restaurants refusing entry to people who don’t have the Govt, “app.” on their phone…utter Cunts. My phone is just a basic fucking phone…it doesn’t download apps (whatever they may be) and due to the poor signal some people don’t even have a mobile.
        I’ll be going into town on Thursday…no doubt my regular haunts won’t demand the “app” but I may try a couple of the fucking bistro/wine-bar places to see if I can find one that does,…they will get to hear my views on the matter.

      • Evening Dick.
        I recieved a Government email telling me to download the app. fuck that , i just reported it as Spam and junked it.

      • Evening Fenton….must admit that even if I could download it…I wouldn’t. The nosy Cunts can Fuck Off.

        I don’t trust most modern technology at the best of times and I certainly don’t trust the Govt. at any fucking time.

  11. Never used Hermes but P-arsehole-Farce managed to totally demolish a vintage tape recorder that I sold to a collector last month.
    “Inadequately packaged” my arse, cunts…

  12. Careful, given there’s a Jamaican character called Hermes in Futurama the wokes deem this post racist.

  13. Herpes are a fucking shower. whenever i order something i tell them to send it by a more reputable courier even if i have to pay more.
    The worst though has to be ebay’s own postal service.

  14. I’ve had parcels lost and crushed by these cunts.
    DX are worse in my opinion. I get beer delivered from Beer 52. One delivery had been on and off the van so many times, according to the tracking app, that by the time it arrived the bottom had worn out the box.
    Last one said your parcel has been delivered. Nothing on the door step. Checked the app and it had been delivered 165 miles away in Birmingham. Cunts.

  15. Hermes. The Winged Messenger. Hermes has the power to make people fall asleep. (usually at the wheel ) and is the Protector of Orators, Merchants and Thieves. ( Factual ) Says it all really. Damned good choice for a business.

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