A pebble dashed, burning ring cunting for that diabolical malady with the Medical term of “Gastric Upset ” but better described as “a dose of the Screaming Shits. ”
For two days now I have not been able to be more than a few steps away from the throne as the bubbling volcano in my guts keeps erupting without warning. All I have had to eat is dry toast and am trying to keep hydrated.
I suspect it all started from a dodgy seafood Pizza. I have never had it as bad as this before. My freckle is red raw from all the scouring and blotting.
Any fellow cunters know of a quick cure? Immodium has done fuck all and the antibiotics have not kicked in.
Nominated by: Grumpy Old Cunt
(Enjoy your breakfast! – Admin)
Try cisapride next time you spatter up the underside of your toilet seat. Although now withdrawn due to worries involving torsades de pointes, long QT Intervals, arrhythmia and rarely death… it’s still an excellent drug for Gerd and worth a try for a man in your predicament.
A top tip for getting your hands on this excellent drug involves buying a pet rabbit. It is still approved and available for veterinary use in rabbits (and cats). I leave to your imagination the necessary chicanery.
Also, I’d advise avoidance of seafood as a pizza topping (unless it be tinned anchovy) and under no circumstances choose pineapple, specifically in conjunction with York ham. No specific gastrointestinal risk factor that I’m aware of but that it would mark you out as a man of low breeding, poor taste and defective judgment.
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NB
After the rabbit secures for you a supply of cisapride (try to score some metaclopromide while your at it) you could always skin and gut it and incorporate it into a delicious pie with some mushrooms and a thickened chicken stock.
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Food poisoning is a bastard. Don’t eat at buffets, they’re pretty bad for that.
I saw aTV Travelogue afew years ago, where abloke ate at the most highly recommended buffet in Las Vegas at Caesar’s Palace. 500 different dishes blah blah. The bloke got food poisoning.
Obese Americans slurping and coughing and seafood probably kept hanging around probably doesnt help.
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A piles suppository will cure the soreness of your tea towel holder.
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