Toilet roll tubes……

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Bog roll centre cardboard tubes. Or really their manufacturers.
Yes those things that have served children for decades as binoculars and were essential for every Blue Peter project.
The sneaky cunts have been getting shorter and fatter.
Now this has implications greater than just giving your binoculars a wider field of view.
It also forced the bog roll manufacturers to reduce the width of their sheets and put fewer sheets on each roll. Obviously they do not like doing this so, to protect the mugs (reverse strike -through) customers from this knowledge they continue to have the same size package, plastic wrapping as before. Result – fewer sheets for your money.
You know, just like Pringles – smaller, fewer edibles, same old tube.
So I nominate bog-roll-cardboard-centre-tube (do you know a shorter name?) manufacturers. They are cunts.

Nominated by, Fud-man

31 thoughts on “Toilet roll tubes……”

  1. They’ll get their come-uppance once the wider world learns about coreless toilet rolls.
    Penny pinching cunts.
    Just wait until the fuckers realise that they can get away with not scoring between sheets. They’ll be saving yet more millions whilst the rest of us try desperately to tear off a decent strip without reducing the roll to ribbons.
    Quite amusing that someone gets paid to come up with these “cost benefit” ideas.
    Morning all.

  2. The government must be hoarding them for infrastructure projects like HS2, since we are facing a financial black hole and a deep recession.

  3. Apparently the toilet roll tubes were made wider following intense lobbying by The Gay Celebrity Community….because of global warming hamsters have been getting bigger and could no longer fit comfortably up the toilet-roll- tube-tunnels constructed by The Gays to guide the hamsters up their shite-trumpets.

    Dame Elton actually wanted them made 15 inches wide to accommodate the spiny-anteater (the Cunt has to go one better,no common hamster for him) that he and husband David Furnish employ to decoke their shit-pipes. Luckily someone pointed out to Dame Elton that a 15 inch wide tube would leave no room for any actual toilet-paper. Elton said that he didn’t care about that because his arsehole is so wide that the shit never even makes contact with the sides anyhow…he just pulls his bin-lid anal bung and out it drops…clean as a whistle.

    In defence of Dame Elton I have read that he plans to show his disapproval of the Chinese who caused Wuhan Flu by boycotting all Chinese Fudge-Nudgers and releasing an updated version of another of his classic hits…..I expect ” Goodbye Yellow Prick Load” will be a massive hit.

      • I’m thinking of becoming a Wickipedia editor just so that under
        ” Echidna habitat” I can change it from “forests and woodlands” to “Elton John’s arsehole”.

        Morning CS.
        Morning All

      • I edited Wikipedia some years past. 15 minutes later they took my work down.
        I was right though, I just happened to get there before the ‘official’ narrative was released.

      • Good morning.
        Gotta dash, the third coffee is starting to take effect and that bog roll mountain I’ve accumulated won’t defile itself.
        Turd world problems.

  4. They are getting narrower: I can barely get my cock through one!

    Much the same for the even narrower kitchen foil tubes – which are still sufficiently long enough to accommodate my ample length, but far too narrow

    Can’t even have a tube-wank in peace these days.

    Cunts

    • I can still get one up the old japseye, it makes for a kind of sniper experience. In one ear out the other for dear old Rapunzel, the air head goon.

    • I find that a visit to Mrs Palm and her five daughters is a more pleasurable experience.

  5. There must have been a lot of toilet rolls used by those coppers yesterday after they shit themselves and ran away from the libtards. Especially the little fat bird at the back who could hardly put one foot in front of the other. Still, at least all the snowflakes were nice and safe.

  6. Those dung-rag disguising dolls with the big skirts will have to dilate themselves even wider to accommodate this increased girth of ring-piece polisher.
    The poor plastic tarts.

  7. Cunts! So are sweet manufacturers, there would be little point in a mars bar party nowadays. Recently creme eggs were reduced at the garage so I got 3. They all fitted in my mouth with very little choking and gagging. I remember a time when I could barely squeeze one in! Good nomination.Fud.

    • I feel your pain. I had a bit of trouble squeezing one out this morning.

  8. In a bid to gain maximum net expendable income pre C-19, II had an efficiency drive in ‘Chez Daz’ and banned toilet rolls, issuing every member of the Daz clan with a guitar plectrum.

    One simply wipes one’s arse with the left hand and then pick the shite out of one’s finger nails with said guitar pick. Cue Jimmy Page guitar solo!..CUNTS!

    (wrong user name on that one hence moderation all fixed now)

  9. Toilet roll is too bourgeois for me. If I had the choice, it would be squares of Daily Mail newspaper cut from the political section. I can think of nothing better than having a relaxing cack then wiping my arsehole against a piece of newspaper with a picture of Diane Abbott on it.

    • You need a Master of the Stool. A flunkey with a sponge on a stick. Jug Ears has two, but with 2 metre sticks nowadays to observe the social distance.
      Gawd blessim.

    • I’ve never understood why these are called ‘toilet’ rolls (soooo common🙄), when they are for use on the lavatory. The general use of the term ‘toilet’ is factually incorrect. Historically your “toilet” was your appearance, your makeup; hence your “toiletries bag”. The porcelain thing you use is the lavatory. Apparently it’s a big no no to use the T word in posh company….

      “Scuse me Guv, can oye use yer toylitt”

      “Er, dernt you min the lefftreh?”

      “Nah, oye nade ter splash me boots”

      “Ohh rriiight, well there’s a large puddle by the peddocks, yaw ken doe it there”

      “Aww fanks mate, nice one”

      See how Important it is to use the correct words in good company.🤣🤣

  10. I still have a good stock from the Covid panic buying, they are now at a discount price, down from £5 per roll to 50p

  11. Good Morning Everyone,

    I sat next to a bloke coming back from Barcelona on the last EasyJet of the day. He had been out there for a couple of days with his print designers and embossing company designing new toilet paper prints. If you get it right, apparently, it is worth a lot of money.

    The other thing I have noticed during lockdown is that Cushelle, which used to be known as the plumber’s friend for the amount of blocked toilets it caused, has been considerably down graded , the fingers are definitely liable to go through at the critical moment unless doubled up. Andrew is now back at No. 1 for a number 2. The bastards don’t think we notice these things.

    • Are you suggesting one wipes one’s arse on a royal diddler?
      How scurrilous!!

      • Sorry Andrex, maybe the spell checker on my I-pad has a better sense of humour than me.

  12. No idea where you get your pithouse shaper from, Fud man but Tesco (I think) were bleating on about having made the centre roll smaller so bog rolls take up less space on an artic, thus “saving the environment” blah blah blah

  13. As long as my finger doesn’t go through I’m happy.

    If it does, you should scrape the shite on your finger into an envelope and send it to them.

  14. Fuck all wrong with a slab of Izel, you can get a decent polish off with fine grit sandpaper and I’m sure B&WC will attest to that as he french polishes the results.

  15. In a bid to gain maximum net expendable income pre C-19, II had an efficiency drive in ‘Chez Daz’ and banned toilet rolls, issuing every member of the Daz clan with a guitar plectrum.

    One simply wipes one’s arse with the left hand and then pick the shite out of one’s finger nails with said guitar pick. Cue Jimmy Page guitar solo!..CUNTS!

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