Social distancing

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Fella at work invaded my personal space yesterday. No problem to me. Thing is, he started going on about “social distancing” (cunt, I didn’t invite him over!) even though he was wearing a mask. Why is he even wearing a mask? And why does the mask sometimes dangle round his neck, or sit on top of his head like a party hat? If you think I’m riddled with the pox, stay away pillock.

He’s a fucking covidiot, is why. Yes, I’m re-purposing that term. It now refers to idiots like him who are quite content to chew the cud while the media and Bojo tell him what to think.

The WHO (cunts) guidelines recommend 1 metre, not 2. So that’s pretty much your normal personal space. No need for all the queuing. No need to shut everything down. No need to practically cross the road to get away from the postman, you cunts. No need to let your elderly mother go months without a visit, which is what’s happened to my mother in law because her other daughters are too thick to pop round and take precautions. If *we* were closer, it would be a different story.

Supposedly, I’m not supposed to have been visiting my mum or aunties. But it’s perfectly OK for me to visit OTHER PEOPLES mums and aunties, as their postman.

How am I supposed to take any of these “rules” seriously when they are so fucking stupid? The fact is, if you take appropriate precautions you can go anywhere and visit anyone.

The latest thing I’ve heard is that from Monday (not Sunday though!!) we can gather in groups of 6. And then presumably go off and join a different group of 6, and so on. So why not groups of 36, or 72 or whatever? What’s the farking point?

I’m sure that a lot of people are keeping their distance because they don’t know that that other people also think it’s bullshit. I’m going to start wearing a badge that says “hug me”. If you are scared of the virus, wear a mask and feel safe. If you are not scared, wear the badge instead. If we are ever going to get back to normal, WE have to be the ones to do it.

Nominated by Paul McCuntley

49 thoughts on “Social distancing”

  2. Nut the fucker! I want a t shirt that says “come too close and I will kick your bollocks up into your throat” but I would have to buy 50 of them in different languages! 😄
    I am a twitchy fucker and I HATE people in my personal space, Covid or not.

    • 6ft apart, happier with 20ft.
      Not arsed about covid just dislike people in general.
      Dont even like our posts being so close together.

  4. I quite like all the daft rules.
    It keeps annoying cunts away from me at work.
    Other than that,bollocks.

  5. Ed Davey is apparently delighted at the news that it is now ok to meet up in groups of six people and is drawing up plans for the Lib Dem party conference….

    • And they can both stretch out and get comfortable on the four spare seats JRC! 😄👍

  6. Social distancing rocks! No irritating relatives or friends visiting causing the wife to become hysterical that we haven’t done any hoovering or cleaning for the last 3 months.’Stop & Chat’ in the street severely curtailed. No fucking wedding invitations to have to wriggle out of. No funerals to have to sit through pretending you gave a shit about the dearly departed. Sainsbury’s open between 8am & 9am exclusively for old cunts like me. No sport on TV. No Archers on the radio.

    • I would like to add to that no dawdlers on the roads but fuck that.

      The Gin Mums are still out in force in their fake 4x4s and the old cunts are still doddering around….I was behind a couple of old crumbles this morning and they were doing 15mph…fucking 15mph and they even slowed down further for the fucking speed camera.

      I live quite near a large and popular garden centre and every day the roads are fucking clogged with old cunts (I mean proper old uns….80+) actually QUEUING to get in there…I thought they were all dead or dying but no, there they are, blocking people who are still working and risking what’s left of their time on earth to buy some fucking bedding plants.

      This whole thing is rancid dog shit.

      • I feel your pain Spanky. If it’s any consolation to you I neither drive nor do I frequent garden centres. 😎

      • As an oldish cunt I ride a motorcycle at never less than the local speed limit (and never more, of course, of course), and do not frequent garden centres.
        There seems to be a trend for very slowly-driven convertibles in addition to the annoyances you mention. Manbun male or WAG-styled wimminz, generally. They are at risk of tinnitus after I have overtaken them. Even at 2m distance.

    • RTC I regret to say The Archers is back in business “in a changed landscape” as the pompous and precious trails on Wireless 4 keep telling us. The BBC keep pissing me off telling me about their new reading “Girl, Woman, Other” (about race and gender as if you couldn’t guess) which starts tonight. I have heard that trail 4 times today and I have only had the radio on at 0530, 0830, 1000 and 1100 for news updates – not that there are many.

      • Thanks for the heads up Mr Boggs.

        The only time I catch Radio4 is when the analogue radio/alarm clock wakes me at 6:30am. I let it run until 7am and that’s it. Except on Saturdays when I sometimes listen to Any Questions /Answers. The rest of the day I have LBC burbling in the background on the various digital radios dotted about the house.

        As for the Archers, It’s the wife who tunes into that dross. That and only that – she doesn’t listen to anything else, not even Wimmins Hour! It’s been lovely not having to endure the sound of that horrendous Archers theme emanating from her room. I wonder if she’s aware they’re back in business? No way will I be volunteering any information!

      • Your wife has a room? I wonder how long it will be before the police break in and find a whole cellar full of ‘wives?’ Afternoon Ruff one.
        😅

      • Afternoon Bertie.

        She has two rooms! A study and a bedroom. The neighbours call her Lady ‘Two Rooms’ Creampuff. 😀

      • The Archers was always wank and I understand it is now stream-of-consciousness wank. Should I inexplicably wish to update myself on this truly turgid, PC, now-wimminzcentric pool of ji-z, there is a fanbase site called Mustardland which is a lot more entertaining.

        Radio 4 is strictly for the sort of cunt who turns out during a pandemic to protest against thuggish policing 3000 miles away, in the process infecting dog knows how many fellow-idiots with a potentially fatal disease. Floyd’s placarded last words being hideously appropriate to the disease: “I can’t breathe”. LO fucking L

    • You’ve bleeding loved it havent you Ruff?
      Like all your Christmas has come at once!!
      Over the moon about lockdown.
      Well spare a thought for people like me!
      Cant ‘accidently’ brush my cock against some young birds arse in the supermarket,
      If out flashing, they cant see my winky without binoculars.
      And this fuckin orrible heat wave we’ve had makes me sweaty in my mackintosh.

      • Exactly MNC! Just like when you see a busty young lady and a wasp lands on her chest – you gallantly “brush it off” for her a bit too vigorously and next thing you know there’s all sorts of despicable allegations flying around, a baying mob chasing you and some awful Policemen throwing you to the floor and tazering you!
        Bad form I say, and worse than than that, the mobile phone reception here in the Police cells is terr..

  7. Fuck! Who are you supposed to believe with so many knobheads all contradicting each other? I’ll let some other cunts be the guinea pigs not yours truly.
    Bollocks.

    • Quite so. No way will I be putting myself forward for a Darwin Award.

  8. I have always maintained a safe social distance from the underclass. Nothing new….move on.

  9. There was something about when the pubs open there’ll be no sitting at the bar and the tables will be spaced far apart.

    Sounds fucking brilliant. No stupid boring cunts clogging the bar up and no fuckwits trying to talk at me.

    • It’s about time Saddick Khunt was given a place in a care home – the old shitstain clearly hs dementia as he seems to have forgotten June 2016 and even January this year.

      • It’s about time he was given a place in an urn.

        One without a lid, and placed inside one of their ‘hole in the ground’ squatter shitters.

    • The froth of Khan is pure, unadulterated shit.
      And should be immediately removed from his undeserved and overpaid position – I have no truck with UK hating traitors.
      That is all.

  11. “social distancing” is yet another of those twee, effette terms I loathe, like those who say toilet when they mean lavatory. SD is yet another word for control, of telling people what to do, giving orders, obeying rules. Halfwits who think they know best – I had enough of that between 17 and 25 to last me a lifetime.

    It seems especially irritating when you hear the expression on Wireless 4 – that and “going forward” and “the new normal” are mouthed a thousand times a day.

    Apparently if you decide to stop SDing and decide to fuck your neighbours wife that is illegal – I heard this horsehit on the radio in the night – illegal?. If my neighbour wanted to have a go with Mrs. Boggs he would earn my respect – as well as a Bonio for his guide dog.

    • “social distancing” is yet another of those twee, effette terms I loathe, like those who say toilet when they mean lavatory”
      You don´t strike me as a “lavatory” man WC. Don´t you say “bog”? I´m strictly a “shithouse” man myself although I occasionally use “crapper”.

  12. On a positive note social distancing has resulted in office space being essentially chopped in half, hopefully never to return. No more inane coffee shit breath business pep talks from overly eager office wankstains. It’s just me, birdsong outside, and a solitary cup of tea.

    • It must only be a matter of time until it penetrates that not only does three quarters of the management not need to be in the office, but it’s completely superfluous and can be paid off. Reducing office overheads en route.

  13. I find it hard to understand why people don’t understand.

    Take the press/paparazzi, the number of clips of these cunts ignoring anything which resembles social distancing, stupid phrase, physical distancing is better and these cunts were given the special status of essential workers.

    Wide open spaces, now anyone with a minimum of intelligence must realise that being outside reduces the rate of catching chinky flu, you don’t need to be a scientist to understand this very obvious concept.

    Crowding together, anyone with half a brain must realise that if you are jammed into an enclosed space with masses of other people then the chance of catching anything is much more likely.

    Washing hands, obvious you would think, basic fucking hygiene!

    • Wait for the Government announcing in a couple of Months that any pleb refusing to download the backdoor ID card, er, sorry – I mean Covid tracing app may have their benefits stopped and no access to NHS treatment.
      This is bullshit, and if this is genuinely the best the feckless clowns masquerading as figures of authority can do then I’m afraid to say they have to go.
      Oh well, back to painting my miniature stormtrooper figure! 😄

      • I won’t be downloading any fucking government app and there is no way I would have Bluetooth enabled at anytime.
        There wouldn’t be any point, I am not going to be in close contact with anyone for any length of time.

        The government/scientific advisors haven’t given a proper answer to track and trace, if some devious bastard decided to call random numbers to say they have been in contact with a chinky flu carrying cunt how the fuck does someone receiving the call know if it’s genuine. I think I would say ok thank you for your call , goodbye.

      • Also, if some cunt with a grudge decides it would be fun to lock you down and just calls in every time your fortnight expires?

        This has all the signs of being a whizzo initiative from the mobile phone industry anyway. Which is already set to fill its boots by replacing face-to face physical transactions. Go, as they say, figure.

    • Because they have absolutely no comprehension whatsoever!
      Sheeple don’t think they are far too busy head down grazing……..

  14. I’m a huge fan of social distancing and have enjoyed lockdown as I don’t have to make excuses to cunts I don’t want to socialise with , personally I would like the 2mtr rule to be extended to a 100 mtrs and all those utter fucking muppets on the beach to fuck back to Croydon ( ya cunts) we’ve already got enough cretins down here to fill our beaches .
    Wait for the bleating and finger pointing when the second wave smashes into the UK like a tsunami…..

  15. New normal, social distancing, stay alert. All mind control for us sheep.
    You vill do exactly what ve tell you.
    It’s for YOUR OWN GOOD!

  16. If the average person had any fucking sense, they wouldn’t need to be told what to do. They’d think ‘deadly virus – don’t want to catch it – steer clear of people’.
    I think the government issue these regulations because they know there are so many inhabitants of this county who need guidance because they’re as thick as pig shit. You only have to walk down a street or go in a shop to realize this.

    • True ……
      it’s difficult to ask people to use common sense when many haven’t got any, some never take any responsibility for their own actions , it’s far easier to blame something or someone else , it’s a shame covid 19 doesn’t just target stupid cunts as we could do with a cull….

      • Afternoon Q.

        As you probably know, common sense was outlawed in 1997. Fortunately I had a stockpile which should see me out. Regarding a cull, approximately 20 million would be a good start.

      • Hi RTCP
        20 mill ? Barely scratch’s the surface, yesterday not only did we appear to have the population of Croydon and Crawley all sitting Side by side on the beach we had ANTIFA ( Brighton uni/ Waitrose twats ) marching thru the city telling us what cunts the American police are ? Obviously no thought for the local population regarding social distancing, obviously “ White lives don’t matter “
        Idiots……

  17. Good cunting. I live in the Netherlands and as of today face masks become effective in preventing the spread of the kung-flu, although up until now they didn’t work. Oddly, we are not supposed to use medical grade ones but a homemade one is fine.

    So now that face masks work the bars and restaurants are opening up again, but you don’t have to wear a face mask at bars and restaurants because they don’t work there.

    It’s all rather confusing.

      • A medical expert and well known Walter the Softy impersonator told me the best way to avoid infection is to get a couple of well disinfected footmen to wash your hands while you whistle Rule Britannia, get your head down and feet up for a quick lounge about at work and count your dirty Russian money.
        And bollocks to Vera Lynn and her screeching – where’s Dominic Grieve with his Hammond organ and sparkly jacket banging out “we’re gonna hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line” when we need him?
        Bad form I say!

    • Apparently they are best worn around the neck or on your head like a party hat
      The choice is yours RC ……..

      • Having witnessed a cuntmeister remove his “dentists” jam rag from his face, every time he sneezed at Cuntbury’s , whilst shopping for lockdown juice, one can only assume that this disease really is killing “All the right CUNTS”.
        Darwinism. Cuntism more likely!
        Ps-thank you cunts for all the cuntdown belly laughs. No, sincerely. You cunts.
        Be gentle, my cunt is almost virginal.
        Almost.

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