Internet Porn is a cunt and a prick and tits and ‘milfs’ and and blowjobs and GET A GRIP MAN but the only thing I’m gripping is my knob. And ‘Licking Pussy’ and ‘Doggiestyle’ ‘Cougars’ but what am I saying you know the terminology cunters veterans as you are of this ‘pastime’.
There us no doubt in my mind Internet porn is a bummer. Poor choice of word there. Let’s start again.
Sex is a cunt. I’m knocking on 60! And still wracked by this insane desire. I thought it would have left me now. Or at least abated somewhat. But no I have my fortnightly drink and the next day I am randy as I ever was. And days can go by (as it just has) and the intense urge is still there. And there is the phone and it only a click away.
You see cunters I want to concentrate on the higher things not in an arse or a tit.
Yes, that’s it,-it is an addiction. There you are scrolling down in a frenzy and trying to get the picture the video that excites you but it is never quite as exciting as you would like. And you’re looking and looking for something you will never find in a sense. That can never satisfy. Her arse isn’t in the right position or she’s doing it too fast or that’s not how I like it exactly.
You know cunters this thing is really terrible. Mrs Plastic (who I’ll pass over quickly) reads to me posts on Mumsnet and very many of them are about their MAN losing all interest in sex. That’s because he’s watching sexy young things on Internet Porn! And the poor older women cannot compete and they are left feeling loveless, unattractive. It really is a destructive fucker.
Nominated by Miles Plastic
Admin note, tricky subject Miles, I stopped buying condoms on offer years ago because they time expired!, so continue I will quit Isac and join the Mums net admin team and offer personal services.
Another Admin: Nothing wrong with a bit of IP once in awhile. Certainly beats the old days back in the 70s and 80s when you had to enter a newsagents for your topshelf goodies, and then wait at the counter to pay, only to find a nubile young wench giving you a very disapproving “look” when she gives you your change! (So I’m told anyway)
I agree with all but Nothing quite like a five knuckle shuffle over some old hag with big juggs.
5
I agree with all but Nothing quite like a five knuckle shuffle over some old hag with big juggs.
3
Thank god for Amsterdam, and all who sail in her! On a side note, at least you like conventional porn, I have to hunt out weird stuff XD
2
Back in 1988, I was on the bus to Halifax, two blokes sat in front of us. In true Yorkshire style , said” me and t lads got a bluey vid. t’other naaght’ it was a shit copy, you couldn’t tell one t’end from the other’…
5
Remember the early days of video rental shops? Remember the 3 or 4 “Electric Blue” titles they stocked? You always wanted to rent them but never had the bottle to take the box up to the counter and pay for it. Most of those places were a members only deal, so they’d know your name and address and would know for certain that you’re a raging perv. Too much pressure!
Remember the early days of the internet when a 9600 baud modem over a dial up connection seemed like lightening? The nudie picture slowly rendering on your screen, only to reveal something not that exciting so you’d try the next link. And the next. And the next, hoping for something way naughtier than top shelf newsagent fodder. No thumbnails in those days. More like click-then-wait-and-see.
These days it’s too easy and completely over the top. Some of us have lived through the golden era of hedgerow porn finds. I haven’t been in a newsagent for so long. Do they even have printed jazz mags anymore? When I was old enough, brave enough and flush enough, my go to titles were Knave and Men Only. Probably the reason I’ve worn glasses for years.
6
True story….I made some stupid bet with a girl I was dating years ago (early 90s would be my guess). Can’t remember what the bet was, but the forfeit was a classic. The loser had to buy a jazz mag while the winner got to watch them do it. She lost. She was fucking mortified!!
Since she lost, she got to decide where she bought it from. What did she do? She dragged me to Gatwick fucking airport. She figured it was far enough away from where she lived so she wouldn’t be recognised. Being an airport she also figured the person behind the till wouldn’t care due to the sea of faceless people who move through an airport each day. Good thinking.
So we parked, made our way into the shopping/mall area and located a W H Smiths. I took up a position where I could observe the relevant (top) shelf, enjoy her selection process and then watch her carry the mag to the till and pay for it. I insisted she use a £10 note so she HAD to wait for change . Hahaha. Poor lass was bricking herself. She made a few false starts because someone would block the shelf area or a small queue would form at the till and she didn’t want to have to wait. The plan was walk straight to the shelf, grab the mag, get to the till pronto, pay for it, get change, then disappear onto the concourse and into the crowd. It took ages for all the right conditions to come together, but she pulled it off. When I caught up with her on the concourse her face was like beetroot and she was out of breath from stress. The mag was obviously rolled up to disguise what it was. Fuck it was funny.
5
Can I post?
0
Is the Pope a paèdo?
0