Cunts that walk along the fucking road
Now I live in Scotland, which is a bit cunty at the best of times, and I don’t see this when I travel down to England in search of semi attractive women and to get away from the god awful ex mining wanker communities, where everyone has a chip on their shoulder as big as their big fat chip butty cunt bellies.
Anyhow, most town planners up here seem to think it’s a wizard idea to only put pavements in ‘here and there’, because obviously, with rain the consistency of COVID-19 diarrhoea most of the year, it’s great to have to walk across a veritable assault cause of bottles and marshland just to get to fucking Ladbrokes.
However, when in the name of Allah did it become a great idea for every sour faced wannabee businesswoman, fat tracky-bottom bag of chips wanker and hipster-beardo-jogger-cunt to walk along the fucking road?.
Every day I toot my horn and shout abuse at the cunts, as they defiantly march along the gutter side of the road risking life and limb from cunts like me, still half cut from the night before and weaving from side to side with all the sober dexterity of an EU commissioner, filling their lungs up with enough rancid fumes to get Greta’s down syndrome snatch lathered up and for what? So they don’t get their fucking Primark shoes Muddy? WTF?
Don’t get me started on the cunts in the snow up here either, then they walk in the middle of the fucking road, because there’s what 2 cm of snow on the side of the road and then look at you like a cunt when you dare revv your 1.2 litre engine up so hard the axles start vibrating.
Get out the fucking road you stupid fucking cunts. There’s enough stupid cunts in cars as it is, without you adding another unnecessary kamikaze dimension to the whole god awful fucking experience of driving in this awful fucking country.
Nominated by Nickelcunt
Your Jeremy Clarkson and I claim my £5!!
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Don’t worry when Wee Jimmy gets independent Scotland into the EU there’ll be plenty of money for pavements……….and mosques, obviously.
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Apologies Nicklecunt but I need to give an update. Update: RE: Romanian. Yes, perhaps the finest pair of huge naturals I’ve ever had the absolute pleasure of wrapping my (now strained) tongue around. Croist! Fellow cunters should be informed that I did, indeed, get an insignificunt portion last night. I’m sorry Daz, no photography was had (David Bailey is currently in isolation), I seem to recall that police were involved at one point, half a cow, enough wine to fully submerse Keith Lloyd (dog rest his soul) and a completely shorn under carriage! What a bloody fine evening 🙂
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Very well done.What a lovely evening and a smashing lass.
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Apparently I’m to release my ‘tell all’ story, according to my brother.
A take of love, lust, huge naturals and an unsolved crime in the woods. There’s going to be several release formats. Original release on Penguin Books, serial release in The Sun, Blue Ray and 3D directors cut, adult version for Pornhub Premium ( that’s the directors cut addition) and there’s also plans for a Theatre version but there’s issues with work visas on that one…
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Floyd* bloody phone!
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Glad to hear you have got rid of the poison, too much of that clogging up the blocks can drive a man mad.
I can sense the happiness in your writing.
Now it’s time to get serious and give her bumhole a good tonguing… she’ll love it.
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Clogging up the Bollocks.
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Youll have to marry her now.
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A Penguin Classic obviously.
3
There was a penguin involved? Should we inform the RSPCA? Any stampeding cattle through the Vatican? (kinky, according to Hedley!) 😀
I keep asking the good lady to sent me some tit pictures (they are a jolly impressive pair – if she turns around too quickly she’ll have some buggers eye out!) so she sent a snap of me – cheeky little mare! 🤣
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Just don’t marry her, or you’ll never see those big naturals again or the contents of your current account….
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Good things come to those who wait . Enjoy!
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Well done but your breathless report reminds me of an old joke
Q: why do Australian blokes suffer from premature ejaculation?
A: because they can’t wait to get down the pub to tell their mates!
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The only Romanian woman with big tits that I know of is the ancient hag who sells “Beeeg Isssuee” in town….did yours try and sell you a copy when you were done?
🙂 .
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So how was she and is there an option for seconds another time?
Well played sir. Score one for the Brits!
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Outstanding behaviour! Any use of flunitrazepam or did she submit willingly?🤣🤣🤣
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I’m yet to see a pavement that doesn’t have a pile of shit on it.
Fuck off.
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From just having a look out of my front window it seems the worst road wanderers are The Pensioners.
Most confusing.
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It’s fuckin’ cyclists who started this by riding on pavements and driving pedestrians in to the road! Fuckin’ cyclists are the route of all evil.
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I have a robust attitude towards pavement cyclists Bertie – bikes are for the road, no time for idiot cyclists on paths, I refuse to move, glare at them and say “do they work on the road as well then”? They move.
Cunts – we need Sir Fiddler patrolling with his trusty twelve bore and the hounds! 😀
No path? walk facing oncoming traffic, and step onto the verge when they approach – good manners, and saves potentially being bounced off a vehicle bonnet!
But, no, not for fat Tracy in her brand new dole financed JD Sports pink tracksuit (evening Adidas wear also available for the more discerning chav) waddling all over the road drowning in sweat holding up traffic – because she owns the road, innit! 😄
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I blame the dog, but I have a gippy tummy.
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Take the dog off cooking duties MNC! 🤣
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I find pedestrians around roads are cunts, Almost as bad as cyclist’s.
They are obviously jealous that they can’t afford to be driving around and feel inferior when they see a nice motor.
Listen you cunts…it’s not my fault your best made plans didn’t work aaaaht and your skint.
Go fuck yourselves.
6
We have similar problem up here in the Lake District National Park – most of the country roads lack any pavements of any description, so you have to walk on the road.
but of course in the old days of public information films (and even the Highway Fucking Code), you were always told to walk on the right side of the road facing oncoming traffic, and to generally to avoid walking anywhere near the centre line – simple really!
However, I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve seen twats walking in the middle of the road, full loaded with bikes, pushchairs, brats, the odd shopping trolley, skateboard etc. All of them total oblivious to all the other traffic on the road, and get suitably irate when someone toots their horn at them!
It’s bad enough with horse riders, cyclists, fucking tourists with their massive rucksacks perched precariously on their backs, Sedgeway cunts, learner drivers, joggers, farmers herding their sheep/cows and fuck knows what else!
Just being on an A road is like a breath of fresh air; but now the dipshit Boris has said you can do you exercise anywhere you want, it will mean we’ll get more daft cunts driving up from the Smoke to stretch their skinny legs up here in the Fells, and just generally getting in the fucking way.
If only we had something like “Death Race 2000” rules up here – earning points for running down as many twatty pedestrians walking in the middle of the road as possible.
6
I nearly hit a young lass the other evening. It had clouded over, she was walking in dark clothes Under trees, not facing oncoming traffic, a yard or two from the kerb and on the Fucking phone. I saw her just in time , It shook me up a bit but not half as much as it shook her up.
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These cunts never seen roadkill? Dumb cunts, the same cunts who stroll across roads yards from a dedicated crossing!
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I nearly hit a coconut on a dessicated crossing!
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I got pecked brutally at a pelican crossing recently MNC! (I think Percy arranged the hit as payback for grassing him up!) 😁
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I was somewhat shocked to an large African animal being shagged on the road the other day. It was a humped zebra crossing.
I’ll get my coat.
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Scotland has roads?
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Plenty of tram lines..
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They built them so that people could escape.
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I blame the Tory’s.
In fact I blame Thatcher, everything that’s wrong in Scotland is Thatcher’s fault and don’t give me any of that she’s out of power for 30 years and dead for 6 shit.
Tory bastards.
7
The Romans bricked the doorway shut.
Many lessons to be learned from history…….
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Not only walkers in the road.
Fucking joggers running up the BUSY! high street this morning.
There were several buses heading their way and they had to get on the pavement and barge into the queue outside the supermarket.
Utter CUNTS!
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Good hard smack in the face normally sorts that one!
Obviously as a Man of peace I would never advocate such ruffianly action! 😀
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Or a good hard whack across the kneecaps with an Irish blackthorn walking stick.
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A dirty look and a stern tut.
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I’ve done more walking in the road these last few weeks than I’ve ever done in my life, due to fucking gormless bastards spreading themselves across the pavement and walking straight at me.
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Oh yes.
And those couples with a huge pram and dog in tow.
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On the bright side, with all that puffing and panting around strangers, they’ll be dead wiithin a month.
4
Somewhat off topic but it still concerns Scortland and cunts.
How come, every single fucking year, without fail, stupid cunts decide that they have to go climbing those big pointy bits in Scortland in the middle of fucking Winter or at least when it is absolutely bollocking it down with God’s dandruff? Do they think that those poor fuckers in the Mountain Rescue Team’s have got fuck all better to do? If I worked for the Mountain Rescue and I got told to go up a mountain in the middle of a blizzard then some cunt is gonna get chucked off the top of a fucking mountain when I get there. Fuck em! ………. Cunts!
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🎶
Why don’t we do it in the road?
Why don’t we do it in the road?
Why don’t we do it in the road?
Why don’t we do it in the road?
Nickelcunt will be hacked off
Why don’t we do it in the road? 🎶
1
If I see someone walking along engrossed in their phone or wearing earphones, I like to quietly coast up behind them and then rev the pick-up like fuck while putting my hand on the horn…sometimes I even have to half-drive onto the pavement to get the Fuckers if they aren’t actually on the road….. I also like to drive through kerb-side puddles as I pass them….particularly if they have brats with them…teach the buggers to spend a bit of the child-benefit on a sensible Gannex raincoat instead of some chavvy anorak from SportsDirect.
Fuck Off.
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Proper miserable responses you’ve been submitting lately Squire Fiddler, keep up the good work, it doesn’t do to have too much brevity online.
Oh, and whoever uses the pavements or roads in the incorrect manner needs to be shot with shit from a rubber gun.
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Aye,must admit that I’ve been feeling a bit low lately….not a pushbiker or rambler to abuse for weeks now…..I’ve even taken to driving the deserted roads in the tractor to try and track one down…to no avail…..had to make do with driving along at 5mph down a single lane road holding up the tesco delivery vans…but it’s just not the same.
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Now you’re allowed to travel in search of exercise, why not come down here for a bit? People who hadn’t walked 20 yards in the last ten years throng the field headlands and back roads; jogging, pushbiking, walking dogs which have never been walked since they were bought for Christmas decorations, but now provide something to do. Pugs. Bichons frises. Chihuahuas.
Bring the hounds – should be fun.
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Afternoon,K.
I have heard a few motorbikes screaming up the valley this morning….not be long ’til I hear the ambulance screaming along to pick them up.
I know that you’re a keen biker (along with others on here) but the noise from some of them is fucking deafening. I had a bike when I was younger but genuinely don’t remember any bikes then that were so fucking loud…or seemed to backfire so much.
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Afternoon Dick,
There is a mistaken belief among younger bikers that fucking about with the silencer and timing can significantly improve the performance. There is rather a lot of it about just now. The principal offenders are 125 cc rat bikes – the cure for the inadequacies of these being to do the test and buy a bigger bike – and Hardley-Ablesons, which have to be spectacularly inefficient mechanically as this is their USP. Though if there are corners on your local roads, you won’t be seeing much of them.
I can’t claim that my steed is particularly silent, but it at least guarantees that the tractor-and wurzel-mangler rig I am stcuk behind on a single track is aware of my presence and at least it gives the cunt a good laugh.
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Lol!
”That was a public information film, brought to you by the ”Fostering community spirit campaign.”
3
An esoteric cunting this, but it resonates. When living in the W. Highlands I learned that the pedestrian on the road sans pavement should walk on the right, facing the driver best positioned to kill him while presenting a worse target for the cunt approaching for the rear. Courtesy also demands that if there is a grassy refuge on which to scramble off a single track road, get scrambling when traffic is oncoming. If you are not a deaf or bolshy cunt pedestrian there is little potential conflict. I walk on roads as I have every right to do, and neither motor vehicles nor I have a problem with this.
OTOH, MAMILS on their pushbikes will either get resentful at being obliged to divert round you or spray you with their sweated and gasped virus particles regardless. I mean you, you ferrety little shit with the Col Sanders beard who mumbled something offensive as you took great care to distance yourself…
3
Agree 100%. I walk on the road, on the right, as per your method, where and when it benefits me.
If a car or lizard on a motorbike approaches, I step off to the side sharpish. It’s not fucking rocket science.
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I used to go to Brockham bonfire when I was a kid, massive bonfire and fire work display.
Well one time everyone was walking down the road to the village when a car approached us blinding me, I stepped on to the foot path, as I did so I noticed bars like hurdles set up down the path? and promptly disappeared down a ditch.
seems the hurdles were hand rails of peoples bridges on to the road.
I felt a right cunt.
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I read the nom then skipped the comments so sorry if this has been said before
“ now that I live in Scotland “
NO NO It’s ok feel free to FUCK OFF back down south
Back to all the peacefuls and absolute fucking loony bins in Londonistan
Cunt
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LOL. I guess…at least in Scotland the ‘natives’ dont drive aggresively on the pavement.
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The peak pedestrian pissants are the groups who take up all the available room all the time because none of the four of them lives in the same household but they feel the need for company when walking. Oh, and the cunts who cross from their right to their left for no apparent reason when they see you coming, forcing you either to do the same or batter them out of the way with your seasoned oak cudgel (preferred).
0
If you’re looking for attractive women, the UK, in general, is not the best location…
1
Middle class enclaves of London aren’t bad…lots of yoga leggings and bubble butts. It’s nice (Borat voice) 👍
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