The Chinese Communist Party (Yes, you, you evil motherfuckers, I know you’re watching. Get back to your fucking bat soup) deserve a serious, weapons grade cunting. Not content with trying to wipe out as much of the world’s population as possible, they’ve recently taking to threatening sovereign nations with sanctions if they dare to start an investigation into their pathetic of the Kung Flu. First they told Canada there would be “serious consequence” if they started an investigation and now their threatening Australia.

In an interview in the Australian Financial Review, the Chinese Ambassador to Australia “refused to accept that the virus had started in a Wuhan wet market”. He also called Australia’s push for an inquiry into it “dangerous”, and claimed that “the Chinese public is frustrated, dismayed and disappointed with what Australia is doing now”. The Communist ambassador went on to threaten consumer boycotts and less tourism for Australia.

First of all, I seriously doubt that most of the Chinese public gives a fuck about what Australia doing. Second, I’m pretty sure that most Australians won’t give a fuck about fewer Chinese tourists visiting Australia. I have first hand experience of Chinese tourists during my early days in the army, when I was based in London and helped to guard royal buildings such as Kensington palace. They are scum. They are rude, entitled, arrogant and firmly believe that the fact they have chosen to grace a particular country with their presence means they own certain people, like British army soldiers.Trust me, the world will not lose out on Chinese tourists choosing to boycott countries.

The US and UK are also carrying out investigations, but to my knowledge they have either ignored the threats or told the CCP where to shove them. The EU very courageously bowed to pressure from the CCP and heavily edited a report they recently published into China’s handling of this crisis.

Changes are coming. When this crisis has passed, nations all over the world will be taking a long, hard look at our relationship with China. Some will take action, some won’t. The US are already looking at bringing back some of the manufacturing they outsourced to China. And Japan are offering money to the many big businesses who have factories in China to bring that work back to Japan. Of course, China are already simultaneously trying to play the victim card and flexing their military muscle. Unfortunately for them, while they may have the world’s largest army, the world’s largest air force is the United States Air Force. The world’s second largest air force belongs to the United States Navy.

And here’s a simple question. If the CCP is so firm in its belief that its handling of the Kung Flu was unimpeachable, why are they so afraid of being investigated?

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw