Idiot Neighbours

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I need to get this off my chest before my piss boils over.

My neighbour and her daughter are stupid stupid stupid cunts. I’ve reported the daughter before for repeatedly breaking lockdown and the police were going to have a work (like fuck they did!). The silly bitch has just rolled up outside my house in her motor, fucked about with her phone for the obligatory ten minutes, then leapt out Costa cup in hand, unloaded a rucksack and overnight bag from the boot and merrily trotted off home. FOUR FUCKING NIGHTS she’s been gone!! Ive just had two holidays cancelled and am not allowed to go to the cottage I have on the coast, but this bitch can ignore all that do just what she fucking well likes.

Now, she might be a stupid fucking airheaded snowflake millenial cunt, but what the fuck is it with her parents allowing her to do this??

<Censored here>

What the fuck is it with these people…..?????

Nominated by Dioclese

My neighbours.

It’s bad enough that I’m working from home (at least I’m working, unlike many) but, as a teacher, I’m happy that children have somewhere to go during the day where they can waste my time while I get paid.

However, with the lockdown, my neighbours’ two kids are driving me up the wall. The previous tenants (I live in a flat in Leicester which I own) were a lovely French couple who collected my parcels when I wasn’t in and said hello when I passed them in the corridor.

This lot (I’m assuming a couple with two littl’uns plus a pet elephant – I’ll explain later) I have never seen since before Xmas apart from when I knocked on their door at the start of lockdown to say, if they need anything, to give me a shout. At that time, I met the father and the two kids (before the door was opened, I heard one of the kids say, in Hindi, there’s someone speaking English at the door – now you know what hue of dark I am, if you didn’t before).

Why am I so upset, you may ask. Well, it’s just happened again. I only have one adjoining wall with the cunts but it’s next to my living room and their must be a hallway on their side. The kids are bouncing around all fucking day long, rolling balls (I’m a Physics teacher, I fahkin’ know) and then there’s the elephant. There’s someone in that flat who stomps about (abaaaht) like a fucking burger-eating mother fucker. It can’t be one of the kids (I’ve seen them, primary school at best) so it must be a fucking fat relative – the fifth Joe Daki who DOES eat beef.

Nominated by Dark Key Cunt

145 thoughts on “Idiot Neighbours”

  1. Oh good nom boys!👍
    I hate my neighbours, nosey cunts.
    They dont understand why I refuse to socialise with them, Awol for VE day, not out clapping on a Thursday, hes antisocial!!
    But 2 doors down was a old lady a widow, they were popping in at night dropping her a meal off, hoping when she peggs it theyll be left the house probably.
    Anyway the old womans croaked, but one of the neighbours has gone in an emptied her fridge!
    The others gone in and noticed lost her rag and put it on facebook “robbing the dead”
    Now theyre like the Hatfields & mcCoys feuding!! Hehe.
    My neighbours on the other side are great and we get on fine, the rest are mitmots, keep neighbours at arms lenth till you can weigh them up I say.

    • I know Miserable, neighbourly relations can be unpredictable. That Sunday morning standing on the back doorstep in my dressing gown listening to the birdsong with a brew and the unfortunate gust of wind was totally unforeseen but I will not repent . Fiddler is lucky being at the Towers with nobody overlooking his garden or noisy kids, otherwise he’d be on one of those Channel 5 shows, ‘Neighbours From Hell’ or ‘The Old Cunt Next Door’.

      • I thought you were a happy chappy Miserable. In fact I imagined you merrily singing as you trip along-

        🎶Neighbours,
        Everybody needs good neighbours
        Just a friendly wave each morning
        Helps to make a better day

        Neighbours,
        Need to get to know eachother
        Next door is only a footstep away

        Neighbours,
        Everybody needs good neighbours
        With a little understanding
        You can find the perfect blend

        Neighbours,
        Should be there for one another
        That’s when good neighbours become good friends

        Neighbours,
        Need to get to know eachother
        Next door is only a footstep away

        Neighbours,
        Everybody needs good neighbours
        With a little understanding
        You can find the perfect blend

        Neighbours,
        Should be there for one another

        That’s when good neighbours become good friends
        That’s when good neighbours become good friends🎶

      • I am quite a happy chirpy bloke Miles, thats why they dont understand why I wont join in, but I believe in never shitting on my own doorstep.
        Be polite, say hello, thats it.
        Tell them nowt
        Ask them nowt.
        Arms lenth, remember the 2metre rule☺

      • Methinks I’ll have one of those guitars if that fetching young lady comes with them! 😀👍

      • P.s. I loved watching Country Practice, Young Doctors, and Sons and Daughters as well.

        I wasn’t much keen on Home and Away.

      • You’ve got me waltzing down Memory Lane here Spoons. Forgot about ‘A Country Practice’. Yes watched it many times with my mother. Quickliy- My mother (always in bad health) was a soft touch if any of us (usually me) didn’t want to go to school. Company for her. So many afternoons watching telly with her. Another that comes to mind is ‘Take The High Road’.

  2. Cottage on the coast you say….excellent nom. I hope she overdosed on her putrid coffee slipping in to a catatonic state of shock…..how many does said cottage sleep?

    • No, ‘cottaging” on the coast.
      And stop trying to get free holidays Daz.
      😀

    • Admin gave me an appropriate bollocking. I am chastised. Nice little chat though! Take care, you blunt cunt!

      • 👍🏼😃 I think it was more likely me that buggered it up!

      • I was wankered and responded. Also, I asked to cut the last two lines. They weren’t happy. Sent an apology via the messaging they have. I will behave properly from now on. I want to be a good citizen.

      • Well I’m fucked if I will apokogize. I object to being censored when I was the one who wrote the fucking rules!

        I read your post carefully and given that you are obviously non white I don’t see how you could be criticized for slagging off other non whites.

        Anyway, it’s a well known fact that racism only comes from white people. I know that for a fact because I watch the BBC…

      • Dio, there was no racism. I asked them to remove a couple of lines where I suggested I would visit my neighbours with a Glock!

  4. I feel for you here, I cannot abide by noisy neighbours. I live in a little cottage down here in cider country, the place next to me is rented out by an entertainments company. Some months ago five Spanish lads moved in, it’s only two bedrooms for christ’s sake. The fucking noise was unbearable, playing on the bloody fifa xbox thing till 2am, shouting and screaming, loud music, rubbish left all out the front, fag ends everywhere, you could actually hear them doing coke. A week of this and I phoned their employers, 48 hours later and they were gone. A week after and these two Romanian females turned up and I thought, “uh oh, here we go”. First thing they did was to thank me for getting the lads fired! Nasty bunch apparently at work. These girls couldn’t be nicer, not a bloody peep out of them, even bring me round plates of food and an odd bottle something called polinca occasionally (blows yer bloody head off)! A younger one and an older one. Anyway, been having a fire in the wood at the weekends during lockdown, few beers, cook up some meat type thing. The older busty one joins me a few weeks ago (attractive), struck up a nice relationship and most definitely wants an insignificunt portion! Not sure I should risk the covaids though? Not been laid in over two years, probably worth it…

    • Do it. Then report back. It’s like a shit novel but I’m now intrigued…..please fuck her !

      • I better put some practice in before then. She wanted to come on my run with me today, waiting for me, knew the time I go over the hills, wearing all tight lycra, croist! Busty lass, I had to turn her down because I don’t think you can run very well with a lob on?

      • Are you fucking mental mate? I want her shagged and I want to hear all about it. Photos are optional, but would be nice.

      • I’d say photo’s are compulsory, in fact film it, looking forward to seeing the huge naturals swinging away👍👍

    • Are you a fucking poofter? Double away and get back here with a report.

      Fuck me, some people🤣🤣🤣

      • Bloody hell DCI, is there any woman who’d feel safe in your green chariot? Or do you make a clear distinction between your professional and personal life? 😅

      • Clear distinction, mate. Clear😉

        ‘Now have bit more of that Entonox, luv’.😅

    • Do it for us…. think of us all cheering you on as you deploy your English sausage about her person.

    • Smash her doors in Insignificunt. Knock one out beforehand so you don’t arrive too early at the party. Double bag for safety and ice the sloshpot’s face for a finale, that way if it goes sour she can’t say you’ve got her knocked up. Keep us all posted though. Good Luck. 👍

    • Insignificunt, there is a theme here. You’re in a position to do what B&WC can only dream of. Live your dream. And then tell us what happened, you filthy cunt.

      • Do what B&WC can only dream of? He’s had them both. And he didn’t enjoy it!

    • It’s absolutely vital that you give the lass a good seeing to.
      Otherwise she might stop fetching the free booze.
      Who Dares Wins!

    • Intrigued as I am and despite the encouragement by fellow excitable cunters, really feel you should probably listen to the voice of reason Insignificunt, and resist the temptation of some carnal activities certainly until such time it is safe to do so without risk to your future being.

      It would be a shame to lose you and your invaluable contributions to this site at such a time.

      Willie Stroker aka Party Pooper

    • Poor Insignificunt innocently writes a “Dear Deirdrie” post asking advice on a “matter of the heart”…only to be subjected to a barrage of vile and lewd suggestions from a bunch of sexual reprobates.
      All we need now is for B+WC to offer his thoughts and the job will be complete ( and probably reportable to the Vice Squad).

      It’s a fucking disgrace.

      • C’mon fiddler…. discharging your barrel at a fox is a great English tradition.

      • I would never shoot a fox DtS…..it’s not sporting….I would however undoubtedly pork some tart who was frothing at the gash….another great English tradition.

        How goes the “crisis” with you ?…..managing to work or shut down?

      • Ha ha… yea smashing a tart is no doubt one of the fundamental foundations of englishness.
        Been back at work for 2 weeks now. Got furloughed for 3 weeks, made loads of plans to use the time constructively, then sat in my pants drinking beer for 3 weeks…. glad to be back tbh.
        How about you? I presume all is well at fiddler towers…. any trespassers to castigate in the lockdown?

    • Be good. If you can’t be good, be careful.
      If you can’t be careful, buy a pram.

  5. Dark key, I think you need to invest in a Spiderman suit (not off Amazon), knock on her door whilst wanking off and “spiderman” her wrists to the door frame so she cant move, the threaten beef eater (but not the kids) with the same fate.

    • Daz, I’m one for dark fantasies but I suspect you might want some help. 😉

  6. Admittedly, some of the cunts breaking lockdown have taken things too far. However, I’m absolutely fuckin’ livid at these curtain twitchers we’ve all mentioned who have been reporting people for breaking lockdown. A few days ago, I was innocently celebrating VE Day by joining in a street Conga. Fuckin’ hell, we didn’t half have some fun. I then find out today my picture has appeared in the papers!
    Just look at this short clip. It’s only seconds long.

    https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/grappenhall-conga-social-distancing-warrington-ve-day-a4436201.html

    That’s me in the red t- shirt! You can see my wheelchair parked on the pavement.
    Anyways, the cunt that filmed this (it wasn’t you Jack, was it? ) is responsible for what happened next. Some cunt this morning knocked on my door and told me they’re taking away my disability benefit! Fuckin’ cunts.

    Andy Pipkin. Warrington.

    • The bastard Bertie, probably some clip board desk riding bean counter when they are not being furloughed. Glad you enjoyed the day though, did it make you misty eyed from remembering VE Day the first time round as a young 20 something?

      • To raise money for the Legion LL, I’ve invited Colonel Tom around to my garden for next years VE Day. We’re doing joint laps around my garden, both taking shifts. He’s on the nighttime one. I’m hoping he won’t make it till then and I can take all the glory. I’m sure Liz will hang on long enough to give me my Knighthood.

      • Your in luck for a replacement, I saw a one hundred year old peaceful on the news last night who is shamelessly ripping off Colonel Tom and doing laps around his garden in East Londonistan. Some fools had already donated 100K at time of reporting.

      • Captain /Colonel Tom (soon to be Commander in Chief Tom) was awarded the ‘Freedom of the City of Londonistan’ today.

        Apparently that means he’s allowed to drive sheep over London Bridge. Nowt said about goats though…

    • I don’t see anything wrong with that at all, you were all social distancing…..
      I fucking hate the media, they’re just self righteous, professional snitches. Cunts.

    • The country needs to do everything it can to balance the books, in these desperate times.
      As a Responsible Citizen, I’m afraid I can’t turn a blind eye.
      Behave yourself. 😀

      • I’ll tell you what Jack, if you’re ever short of work, MI6 have just advertised vacancies. ( I kid you not! )

      • The name’s Cunter, Jack Cunter. I’ll have a pint of mild, warm, not chilled.
        For Queen and Country !

      • Your first mission, should you wish to accept it, is an undercover job to visit the Bradley public house in Widnes to investigate the possible illegal trade in drugs😀

    • Wish we’d thought of that now…we have had a spike in the village of C-19 cases since the ‘Big VE Day Hokey Cokey”…..I’m not feeling 100%..

  7. Neighbours are a sign of poverty, I demand the government gives me enough money to buy a house with land and high fences.

  8. My neighbours are fantastic. Couldn’t ask for better. Must be fucking murder having bad ones. Mind you, everyone keeps on my right side as they know they can knock my door for medical help/advice. Mind you, I tell ’em to ‘Fuck off’ when Starsky and Hutch is on.

    • You should buy an ice cream man out fit with “cuntilinis’ written on the back of the shirt like a dart player for when you are relaxing. Bing bong! On the door……..Grrensleaves tune….”What is it that you think I do for a job exactly?…I dont care if he’s bleeding out!”

      • ‘Fuck off and jump up and down on his chest for a bit. Huggy Bear’s got the word from the street about the big drug deal. I’ll be over in a minute’.

      • Ha! I fucking loathe with a passion modern PC tv with mixed race couples at every turn, etc, so I mostly watch the Forces TV channel. Fucking belting! All the classics!

  9. Great nom and I suspect many on here are now au fait with my garden hedge/neighbour woes, so this nom is a great cue for an update…

    Last Saturday we placed the remainder of the alloy fenceposts in the ground – these were behind my garage. It was hard work as there was no access for the mini digger. We were cutting roots with saws and an axe. Partway through our work, one of the neighbours who lived opposite came out and started shouting at me through a gap in the hedge. The fucking old hag of a cadaver accused me of killing the lovely hedge they look out on and called me a bully!

    These cunts, with a combined age of over 300, have some brass neck. Firstly the hedge is dead – the hawthorn is long dead, being full of woodworm flight holes. Brambles and wild ivy had choked everything. But that doesn’t matter to these cunts – they ‘adore a view of nature’, but they wouldn’t want the same shit in their garden. The biggest pisstake being that I am trimming hedge and roots around 10″ my side of the boundary. None of their fucking business!

    Anyway, I told the old granny to cease and desist her harrassment and if it happens again I will file a police complaint. She scarpered sharpish as I said it like I meant it genuinely. She then went round to her immediate neighbour to tell her what had happened (loudly so I could hear). These fucking silly old farts have nothing better to do than to wind one another up.

    This Saturday will be D Day. A further heavy cutback of the hedge will be in order so that we can easily slide the alloy panels in place. The new fence is powder coated green and looks very pleasant. If the cast of the George A Romero film stumble out of their twee 70s bungalows to fire more shit at me then I have two choices:

    1. I report the cunts to the rozzers.
    2. The trusty Stihl comes out and I cut that motherfucking hedge to within a picometre of the boundary hedges so that it resembles the moth-eaten minge of the old bag who had a go at me. Then they will have something to moan about.

    Oh and 3. Splash the industrial Roundup over the fucking lot – this stuff can’t be bought over the counter, but I have a supply.

    Cunts.

    • make sure next time you keep coughing the whole time, that’ll keep the old cunt away….
      (Not AT her of course, that would be illegal. And a bit cuntish)

    • I did warn you at the time though Paul, that no good would come from moving in to Royston Vasey!
      😀

    • All 3 options should be in play. Sounds like the old cunts deserve it.
      Neighbours are cunts.

    • Let the Cunts winge…I’ve felled trees while neighbours and protesters shouted abuse and filmed me…had the Police called on me several times but they wisely always just say that they are only attending to make sure that there isn’t a breach of the peace.
      Only once have I been stopped and that was when they locked hands around the stem…I fucked off and went back later when the Cunts were too busy celebrating their victory to realise that I had parked the van away from the job and the climbers were up the tree stripping it out….went back the next day and felled the stem while tearful children,hippies and menopausal old bags watched…I loved every minute of it,especially when they put those silly little candle things on the stump as if it was one of those tacky memorials that you see on the side of the road.

      Fuck them

      • Evening Fiddler, that smelly hippy Swampy would have been winkled out in half the time with a few revs on the chainsaw.

      • I never understood why they didn’t just smoke that Cunt out….. set a fire away with a few old tyres and some black oil…the fumes alone would have shifted the idle Cunt.

        Evening LL.

  10. your neighbours probably are utter cunts but I can’t condone grassing…..

    • Not really grassing Sausage, more ” Hedging” his bets!!
      😀

  12. I live in a semi in Thurmaston, great place for stomping, otherwise I would have said I was the fucking fat elephant next door.

  14. I now live in relatively good area in a semi detached and have absolutely brilliant neighbours each side of me but do have experience of a bad neighbour from about 35 years ago.

    Remember however when I lived in London (at number 3) there was a neighbour (Frank, at number 7) who two doors away on occasion used to play his music so loudy that I could hear it clearly and quite loudly in our terraced house. On one occasion the neighbour (John, at number 5) living in between us had the audacity to complain by going round to his house. Frank responded by going to his kitchen and returning to the front door with a knife!

    To be honest I didn’t mind Frank too much but he was a selfish cunt, and a lazy fucker to boot. He loved cats, however his house stank so much with cat shut/piss it made my eyes water whenever I was invited in. Asked several time in for a drink or meal but never ever accepted.

    His house was a complete fucking mess both inside and out, and the fabric of the house was not maintained with leaks and bits falling off. Many years later after we had moved away I noticed that someone had bought the house and turned in a £100k profit only three months later.

    • Semi-detached = completely attached. Stop trying to propagate the value of you assets!

  15. I wouldn’t give my neighbours the time of day. Fuck the cunts. Nothing to do with chinky pox just normal English disdain for the fuckers.

  16. If the hedge comes over your side of the garden, I believe it’s yours and you can do what you like with the shit that comes over your property line. Used to own a house with a garden in a previous life and am fairly sure that’s the rule. If it overhangs, cut the cunt.

    And fuck the cunts next door.

    • Not quite. You can cut back anything that comes over a fence, but you have to have fun chucking the stuff back over to them.

      • Yeah. You’ll have to dispose of it yourself. Doesn’t mean you can’t flytip it on their front yard. May not help neighbourly relations though. But if they’re cunts, fuck ’em. ‘This is your shit, you cunts!’

      • I believe the saying is ‘strong fences make good neighbours’. I once asked if I could cut off branches of a fuck-off tree overhanging a fence in the back garden and was told to go ahead, telling me he appreciated me following the law by asking. He wasn’t so happy when I dumped all the cuttings in his back garden ‘following the law’. I asked him why the fuck he thought that I was not only going to do the work he should have done himself, but also get rid of his fucking rubbish? He couldn’t think of an answer to that one.

  17. My nearest neighbours (incomers) are two fields away. I fell out with the snooty woman when she expected me to get off the road to let her through because she was taking her kids to school. I didn’t get off the road but I did go up the Fell later and turn their water off…stupid Cunt hadn’t realised that the source of their private water supply was on my land.There are a few houses that share it….we split equally any costs for maintenance…however the main holding tank in on my ground as is the stopcock which branches off the line for their supply. Sure enough the next day I saw a plumber’s van pull up at their house….didn’t take him long to diagnose the problem apparently because the man of the house came up and very politely asked if he and the plumber could come onto my ground to try and find the leak. He was actually nice enough so I told him not to bother,I’d make sure that there wasn’t just a problem with the stopcock on his branch….he knew exactly what I meant. Never had a bit of bother off them since,,,in fact the fella is actually a sound bloke….the snotty wife doesn’t speak but I really couldn’t give a fuck about her anyhow.

    • Lord de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler,

      I, Dark Key Cunt, am your humble servant.

      Where you lead, I shall follow.

      Ever yours.

  18. Idiot neighbours I could handle (maybe) but the cunts I’ve got are:

    Unbearably Scouse couple with pick-axe-to-the-eardrum accents (or “Scüm and Scümmer)

    Vindictive fat, bald, Brummy cunt, with mouthy Irish gobshite missus (or Blob and Job)

    I, myself, however, am faultless. Obviously…

  19. The Other Sidevby Seamus Heaney

    I
    Thigh-deep in sedge and marigolds,
    a neighbour laid his shadow
    on the stream, vouching

    ‘It’s as poor as Lazarus, that ground,’
    and brushed away
    among the shaken leafage.

    I lay where his lea sloped
    to meet our fallow,
    nested on moss and rushes,

    my ear swallowing
    his fabulous, biblical dismissal,
    that tongue of chosen people.

    When he would stand like that
    on the other side, white-haired,
    swinging his blackthorn

    at the marsh weeds,
    he prophesied above our scraggy acres,
    then turned away

    towards his promised furrows
    on the hill, a wake of pollen
    drifting to our bank, next season’s tares.

    II

    For days we would rehearse
    each patriarchal dictum:
    Lazarus, the Pharaoh, Solomon
    and David and Goliath rolled
    magnificently, like loads of hay
    too big for our small lanes,

    or faltered on a rut —
    ‘Your side of the house, I believe,
    hardly rule by the Book at all.’

    His brain was a whitewashed kitchen
    hung with texts, swept tidy
    as the body o’ the kirk.

    III

    Then sometimes when the rosary was dragging
    mournfully on in the kitchen
    we would hear his step round the gable

    though not until after the litany
    would the knock come to the door
    and the casual whistle strike up

    on the doorstep. ‘A right-looking night,’
    he might say, ‘I was dandering by
    and says I, I might as well call.’

    But now I stand behind him
    in the dark yard, in the moan of prayers.
    He puts a hand in a pocket

    or taps a little tune with the blackthorn
    shyly, as if he were a party to
    lovemaking or a stranger’s weeping.

    Should I slip away, I wonder,
    or go up and touch his shoulder
    and talk about the weather

    or the price of grass-seed?

    • Miles – have you never considered that you might be on the wrong website? Have you tried “Poets R Us” ?

      • Deplorable lack of literary appreciation on your part Bertie. I was under the impression you were an English teacher as well?

      • No, Mainly maths but being ex primary, I can turn my hand to many areas! I’m jesting, keep them coming!

      • Keep them coming Miles, I like them.
        Sometimes the vulgarity, uncouth ribaldry, and xenophobia wears thin.
        I like some higher culture once in a while.

      • Is it right Miserable that they refer to you as the Bard of the North?
        You’ve been barred from the local mosque, The Red Lion and the local Women’s Institute?
        😅

      • Too right Bertie!
        Bard to the bone, bbbbbard, Bard to the bone..😎

  20. I would seem to have fallen out with the chap upstairs.
    I do not own my flat it is a council flat and I live amongst the soon to be departed and the never worked a day in my life.
    I do work (did) so subsidise them.
    Any way for some bizare reason, the twat kicked off on me yesterday, started shouting at me about noise and banging at 6am, I politely explained that I now rise at 9am, He carried on, again I pointed out the 3 hour difference, this did not seem to calculate.
    I suggested to him that he might want to go home to bed, he persisted and then took the hint, Have not seen him all day today.
    This is the chap who needed 8 police officers to remove a knife crime suspect from his flat two weeks ago (they strapped him and carried him out) a person who let us face it would not walk the face of the earth without the NHS or the DHS and has an aray of do gooders dropping food of to him .
    I do not hate the Cunt, but I am pissed off that he decided that it might be ok to declare a war that he would not win.

    • Make him a chillie con carni laced with paraquat and some rice. Enough for two helpings then watch the cunt get taken to hospital in a fucking bin bag…..

    • If its a council place your neighbour can be legally evicted for using/permitting drug use – have a word with the council, tell them you want something done.
      And complain to the Police and tell them he has been threatening you, that way when it does go off (unfortunately it always does with scratters like this) you can give him a fucking good whacking and the plod won’t do squat as it’s on record he threatened you.
      Fight dirty, it sounds like this one deserves all he gets.

      • To be honest he is harmless, he has brittle bones due to a diet of cider (Keeps on falling over and breaking his wrists).
        I can only assume he was having a bad day and chose to lash out at the nearest target, unfortunately the wright/ wrong one.
        Wright because I generally do fuck all and ignore this sort of shit, Wrong because when I do get upset, well I get upset.
        He just pushed me into the red, hence me telling him to go home and go to bed (not fuck off) he then went that inch further and I think he realised that it was best to stop.
        Not heard from him for 3 days now, I imagine he is a little embarrassed.

  21. I’d arranged to meet an estate agent at a property I was interested in, just before the lockdown.
    When I got there he gave it the usual spiel and mentioned the house was grade two listed.
    I said, “I wish you’d told me that on the phone this morning, I wouldn’t have bothered coming. I can’t play the fucking piano”….

  22. We peacefully coexist with most of our neighbours except for the set directly next door. Back in 2010 they instigated what amounted to an 18 month campaign of harassment against us by the police and Stasi Services by making very serious allegations about my father (which will not be repeated here) in an attempt to break up our family. All because my severely autistic brother, being attracted by shiny things, touched their car. Needless to say we have been on extremely bad terms ever since.

    • Put a freezer bag of gloss paint on the car bonnet by the wipers and let the paint run down into the engine for five minutes…go have a brew. Return and light the bag. Go have another brew and wait to tell the fire brigade. Cunts!

      • The most ironic thing is that the man drives disabled people around for a living the hypocritical fat fuck. I have genuinely thought about filing perjury charges in the past – only reason I haven’t done is because quite understandably my parents just want to forget it and don’t want to make a big deal out of it again.

  23. Since the stay-at-home order came into force, this is some of what I’ve personally witnessed in my street:

    – a large gathering of adults, children & dogs (about 20 people I’d estimate) outside the house of the cunt who lives opposite and 2 houses to the left; they were out there for perhaps 45 mins to an hour just standing around, chatting and being cunts all just a couple of feet apart; no idea what that was all about;

    – an ice cream van (non-essential business) with the usual crap tune blaring out like it’s OK to inflict that fucking noise on everyone, attracted a group of customers all huddling around the serving window;

    – one of the cunt sons of next door (right) came back home (doesn’t live with the cunt parents), stayed a while, washed its wanky Yank pööfy car, then fucked off again;

    – neighbour to the left carried on with some kind of home improvement project and had contractors round (non-essential business), sawing, hammering, etc. 3 cunt contractors, none of them wearing masks, in and out of the cunt neighbour’s house all day, every day for a fucking week;

    – cunt kids yelling and screaming at each other in packs as they make their way down the street on foot, on bikes and skateboards – very obviously not all from the same family and not an adult in sight;

    – the old biddy who lives opposite and 1 house to the left goes for a walk with her biddy friend each evening; the friend drives over from wherever she lives in a cunting pickup truck; did they curtail this ritual during the stay-at-home? did they fuck and they’re both in the high risk category due to age;

    It’s been like nothing has happened in my street. The think-as-pig-shit behaviour of these backward cunts has been jaw dropping and continues to this day. Absolutely disgraceful.

    • IY your not a curtain twitcher are you?
      Get some night vision goggles bet theyre breaking rules in the dark too!
      😁

      • I twitch when I need to, but as you can tell from the examples many of these infractions are so bloody loud you couldn’t miss ’em.

        It’s the mega ball lotto drawing tonight. Mrs Yank got us a ticket the other day when it was already $200M. Please, please, please oh lord let me win. I mean us win.

    • Fact is the default mode of behaviour in my street is basically inconsiderate, disrespectful, selfish cuntitude.

      The problem is I honestly don’t think it’s done maliciously or with intent. They’re just ignorant, low intelligence, thick-as-pig-shit trash who absolutely and completely don’t get it. We were gearing up to move away, but thanks to the Chinese……

  24. Neighbours ? Is that that shite on the television every fucking afternoon ??

  25. One of my neighbours is a complete lunatic – when she first moved in she was in the habit of hammering on my door and windows around 8PM every night demanding I turn music I was not playing! I tried to explain this to her nicely which did not work, and her cunt Husband decided to come onto my property, steal my bike and throw it into the road – in my book touching my machine is a an offence punishable by beating!
    Cue the red mist, and this bullying benefits scrounging pair were told “in no uncertain terms” that unless this behaviour stopped there would be repercussions of a physical nature. Think that’s how I worded it..
    Must have worked, for the last three Years they have gone out of their way to be nice to me. (They must have heard the story about me allegedly chasing a would be burglar down the street at 3AM with an axe!) 🤣🏃‍♂️
    Another neighbour claims to be a frontline worker when she is actually a part time admin assistant, nasty alcoholic old bully she is, but words have been had. (I can be rather firm when necessary and this drunken old bitch is genuinely evil).
    With regard to the rest I could genuinely not ask for better neighbours, lovely people who will do anything for you.

  26. I see Admin edited out the bit where I said…

    “I hope she gets infected and the virus spreads through her house like the black death and kills the lot of them because that’s what they fucking well deserve. But no. They’ll just fucking infect the rest of us”

    Well that’s how I honestly feel so fuck ’em

    • There was an understanding Dio, at the beginning of all this, that we were not going to wish death by virus on anyone. 😅

      • Too fucking bad. I don’t wish it on them. These cunts have wishing it on themselves.

        The world thrives on irony…

  27. I agree with Sixdog, what I want is a house built to my design on its own land. No neighbours is my idea of heaven. I’ll only need about £10 million. I must check tonight’s lottery.

    • I agree too.

      Mrs Yank and I made a most terrible mistake when buying our current house. We moved from a decent split-level 3 bedroom house on 2.5 acres, mostly woodland. Semi-rural and on a cul-de-sac. We moved to a rented house in the town we’re in now and it was quite OK. Comes to find out, it was a small pocket of civility because when we bought our current house just 10 minutes up the road from the rental, little did we know we were moving into cuntville on steroids.

      It took my barber to tell me that once you’ve had land, you can’t go back. He’s dead right. We thought we’d be happy and settled on a quiet, civilised residential street, but no. It’s a fucking hell hole. We’re partly to blame – I must admit that – but we were lied to, coerced and grossly misled by the estate agents and the previous owners. We’re talking huge whoppers here. We just didn’t know, took too much on trust and hoped for the best. It’s backfired big time.

      Lesson learned – owners and estate agents will say anything to sell a house. Cunts.

  28. Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right. Hardly see ’em though so that’s alright.

    I had a friend once in Uni who was so wankered she went to enter the neighbors house when coming to visit me. When no-one answered the door, (This was in Dunedin New Zealand in the 90’s and it got dark early so everyone got off their chops or went to bed early to shove icecream in their faces and watch Friends), so she squatted on the doorstep and took a dump.
    The portly gent who went out to get the paper in the morning stepped square into it. The neighbours t’other side of him got blamed.
    One small step for mankind, one big squidge between the toes.

    • Quality – but not not half as classy as the “laydeeze” where I live – some of them have their tattoos spelt correctly and everything! 😀👍
      And I got told one of them has a job, seems to be stretching credibility a bit too far that one though!

    • Quality post there Cali 😂😂

      Dunedin hasn’t changed much in the years since so a good shit on the doorstep is par for the course. 💩

  29. @Dioclese by the sounds of it your neighbour and daughter are most definitely cunts but (and I make no apologies for saying this even though it will probably get me banned) you Sir, are a curtain-twitching, spiteful, snitching, snivelling cunt so fuck you, mind your own business, get a fucking life and most importantly – get stitches. Prick. I fucking hate snitches.

    • Fuck you too. Want to put some facts and reasoning behind that outburst of vitriol or are you just being an idiot?

      I am minding my own business. I don’t want to be killed because some fucking idiot thinks rules don’t apply to them. If you don’t want to be caught out then don’t park your fucking car in front of my house and rub my nose in it…

    • I’d grass the cunts up without breaking stride. It’s either that or adding to the NHS work load for little boy cunt and to the prison service for my own actions. At least the police would leave his face intact.

  30. Tell you what. Because I’m ‘G’ out of LGBTXYZQ123./, I’ll write to your council adn say, “These people are cunts. Please delete them. And if you don’t, I’ll sue you because I’m ‘G’.”

    I would genuinely do it if you want to play along.

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