The French (6)

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Ces Chattes Francaises
(Those French Pussies….this CSE French (Grade U) admin had to Goggle Translate it)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Negotiations on a post Brexit trade deal with our EU ‘friends’ have barely gotten past the non-handshaking (Coronavirus alert!!) introductions and ‘Les Cunts’ are throwing a strop. We’re being ‘warned’ (that’s Diplospeak for ‘threatened’) by the French that their fishing boats will block cross-Channel ports if their fishermen are denied unfettered access to UK territorial waters after the transition period ends.

Now on the face of it, it’s the Frog fishermen who are directly threatening us, but I think that we can safely assume that the conniving French government is complicit in the threat. President Emmanuel Microbe has apparently advised EU leaders through ‘diplomatic channels’ that restricted access to UK waters ‘would spark protests on the streets of France and cause civil unrest’ (oh the irony!). The jumped up little cunt has also had the gall to state ‘if we do not get the same access as today, we will seek compensation’ (try going to Brussels with that sunshine!). Looks like Micron will clutch at any straw to deflect attention away from his own domestic disasters by trying to funnel hostility our way.

Now admittedly, this would be very dodgy for us, given the fact that about 17% of the UK’s trade in goods (worth about £100 billion annually) goes between Dover and Calais. A blockade across the Channel could cause a load of trouble with our exports, and no mistake. But hang on a sec; won’t those goods that the Frogs want to export to US be stuck too? Piles of cheese, fruit and vegetables all rotting away, all those cars and bottles of wine unable to get through…

Strangely enough, the idea that a ports blockade works both ways doesn’t seem to factor into French thinking; either that, or they’re too barmy to care. Perhaps they’re ready and willing to cut off their noses to spite their faces. It’s a funny thing too, but I’d wager that no Frenchman has given a thought (make that a flying fuck) about the welfare of fishermen when it’s been BRITISH fishing communities being sold down the river and left to rot all these years.

Go on then, you tosspots. Spit out your Gauloises, throw your berets out of the pram, and find some tyres to burn on the quayside. It’ll hurt us, but it’ll hurt you just as much, if not more. You can no longer plunder UK waters as though you own them. Boris says ‘NON!’ and he knows he’ll be strung up if he goes back on that now. So as we say around here, ‘ALLEZ VOUS FAIRE FOUTRE!’ (Screw You!) avec fucking knobs on.

Nominated by Ron Knee

152 thoughts on “The French (6)”

  1. Good cunting Ron Knee,
    The French are cunts who won’t fuck off…a bit like some other cunts.
    Like the Porridge stuck on your bowl…it won’t fuck off.

    • But in a way it is ,in these uncertain times, lovely to have a constant, the fucking French being cunts.

  2. We’re gonna need some more naval frigates to defend our waters and the EU will pay us to have access. I anticipate the Euro fishermen taking the piss and some trouble ahead.

    • Putin is a cunt but no one dare fuck with him; perhaps it is time we adopted some of his approaches to international relations.

      • Damn straight, Putin acts ‘like a boss’! I have hopes Boris will step up when the time comes.

        Imagine the drips and shitweazels like the Corbynated Chicken, Jo Tena Swinson, Rebecca Weird Eyebrows Doo Lally in charge. Might as well rename Britain on the map and call it ‘attack here’.

    • A simple plan :
      A) Tariffs on French wine and cars at 50% at the merest hint of any fucking about.
      B) If they don’t get the message sink the cunts.

    • Where’s the Royal Navy when you need it ?

      Oh…that’s right, the short sighted (couldn’t look forward beyond next week) twat’s at the M.O.D scrapped all our old ships, so we could build 2 Super Euro Aircraft carriers, identical to the one France has.

      Under the Euro co-operation plan, all the escort ships (frigates, destroyers, etc) that the carriers need were to be provided by other European countries.

      Guess now we’ve left the EU we can kiss that idea goodbye.

      Plus, as half the parts for the Carriers are French, the’ll probably be broken down.

  3. Don’t I remember a time when selling the cunts our lamb “spark(ed) protests on the streets of France and cause(d) civil unrest?” Oh the irony indeed. Fuck them, if they can’t get our haddock, there’s always snails.

    • They’ve always been ungrateful cunts

      Next time Herman the German & his army ‘wander’ across their border, tell the snail sucking cunts to Fuck Off

  4. Hard to find something worse than the BBC but Ron’s scored a direct hit with his choice of the French, useless cunts up their own arses with a barbarian tongue.

    France please take the BBC of our hands and we promise never to interfere with the Germans war games again.

  5. Right hold me back lads!
    Can barely speak wi anger, french?
    Fuckin french?
    Our old enemies, garlic smelling effete, dead 8n the agincourt mud, snail molesters?
    War!!
    Over anything, war .
    Hate these greasy Bryan ferry fucks, as much as i hate pakis?…nearly.

    • French? Enemy. Sly, arrogant, smelly, lazy – and those are the good bits!
      Individually very sound people, as a Country they are, hmm, what’s the word – oh yes – c*nts!
      A message to micro Macron the corpse shagger – try it you twat!

      • On the other hand I doubt if you would make a good diplomat VF. Certainly better than our very own B&WC but that is hardly an accolade.

      • Many thanks GG – I spent a long time being diplomatic in the Civil Service, gritting my teeth but managing it!
        Now I’m just awful! 😀
        And I think B&WC’s negotiating style would be a winner – “Why have our beautiful French cars been dumped in ze Channel outside Brest Monsieur B&WC”?
        “I know naaafink abaaaht it”!

  6. Dirty Cunts. The old joke about where do you hide your money from a Frenchman , ? Under a bar of soap is very true to life.

    Years ago we had foreign students stay.
    The French were always arrogant and NEVER washed for month. After one left we went in her room to clean it.. Christ, I thought someone had died in there. Under the bed we’re a pile of used Jam Rags.

    • Agreed FF – some of them do have a “passing acquaintance” with personal hygiene!
      Used to have a French barman at my local – top guy but got sacked for continually helping himself to the red and sitting outside with the customers getting p*ssed!

      • They will be fucked with the Corona Virus if they don’t know what a bar of soap is for.

    • Why have they got a reputation as stylish?
      Its bollocks.
      Shit at music too, cant sing, cant play.
      My missus said could we go Paris, said “can we fuck”.
      Normally give her anything but not going france unless im on a boat with other Englishmen clutching longbows.

      • Not missing much. Last time I went to Paris, 50 yards behind any tourist area you’d think you were in north Africa.

      • I have been to Paris once .Being known as a hard bastard the art department asked me to go along as ‘shotgun’ . Of course The Louvre was on strike so we had to mooch around ‘Gay Paris ‘ . Fuck me, get a quarter of a mile outside the admittedly pleasant centre and it was being in the worst parts of Bradford, Rochdale, Birmingham etc.
        I was paid to go to Paris and hated it. Why would anyone pay to go there?

      • Stick Blackpool tower in Bradford? Exact replica of Paris.
        I wont even eat a baguette from Sainsbury’s because of the french connection.
        No not the film with popeye Doyle!
        Mean anything remotely french.
        Napoleon? Hes their national hero?
        Haha, Bumboy.

  7. From what I have seen it is the French who are being the biggest cunts in the negotiations. Well fuck them.
    It seems that under EU rules and quotas the French, among others, have more access to our waters than we do. How the fuck did that happen?
    Fishing must be a red line for us. Let’s see whether Boris is up to it. The cunt.

    • And did you see that the cunts are demanding COMPENSAYSHUN if they don’t get continued access to OUR waters! Who the fuck is going to compensate the Froganese?

      • Are the cunts paying compensation to the Germans for their loss of access to France in 1945?

  8. Blockade the vessels containing Renault, Peugeot and Citroen cars, all French cat p*ss, er, sorry “wine”, all foul frog food, all their sh*t badly made overpriced junk, float around the channel in perpetuity you cheese eating surrender monkeys – see how your failing economy likes that one.
    Push us about? F*CKING TRY IT!
    Boris needs to grow and keep a pair on this one and tell the Gallig gimps to go f*ck themselves!
    Glad I got that gunboat now.
    Grrrrrr.

    • Never really been a fan French wine. Overpriced pretentious white. I’m currently drinking a South Australian red by GN (down from £7 to £5 in Asda), a company named after its chief winemaker Graham Norton. The wine is, rather appropriately, a fruity Shiraz and at least as good as anything the smelly cunts across the channel can come up with. I like Brie but there’s a nice Cornish one I buy.

      • …pretentious shite, not white…..fucking hate predictive text, it’s yet to accurately predict what I actually want to write.

      • With you all the way. currently supping a nice Chardonay from …..Chile! Makes the Froganese stuff taste like piss, which it normally is!

      • I must agree with you mickey C, whilst I am more of an ale man , when buying wine it is always the stuff from Chile that ends up at Chateau Guzziguy.

      • Predictive text requires a first letter to be typed, so surely you must have pressed W instead of S? Predictive text defaulted to ON pisses me off, it should be default OFF and turned on if you want it. Phone companies are cunts!

      • Casillero Del Diablo (pigeonhole of the devil) has a lovely white wine. Not tried the red.

      • The CDD Cabernet is perfectly drinkable. They also do a Malbec. Here Argentina is strong; this from the Co-op is terrific:

        https://www.coop.co.uk/products/las-moras-barrel-select-malbec-793246

        Don’t want to seem like a wine cunt, but this reminded me strangely of a ’95 or so Bulgarian Cabernet – really intense blackcurrant, for red meat only, and would take on a mild curry and win.

        (ABV13.5. The barman’s name was Pedro.)

  9. Odd, lazy, monkey-looking bunch of cunts, devoid of manners and modesty. We only joined the bloody Common Market to ruin their party.

    I agree with Mark Twain that France has usually been governed by prostitutes.

      • [extract from Huckleberry Finn]

        It was all very calm. Sometimes we’d have the whole river all to ourselves for the longest time; sometimes you could hear a fiddle or a song coming over from one of them crafts. Then alls of a sudden Shania Twain’s ‘That Don’t Impress Me Much’ comes spurting out from round the river bend.

        I bets it was that runaway slave, Jim. What a useless cunt.

  10. ‘The Frenchman’s legs are thin, his soul little; he is as fickle as the wind’.
    Old Russian proverb.

    Or as we say on here, cunts.

      • I do enjoy a good anti-Frog jibe Mickey! Here’s another favourite;
        ‘France is a country where the money falls apart in your hands and you can’t tear the toilet paper’.
        Billy Wilder

      • “France? – a land without seasons or morals”.
        France? “We want a fight”!
        “OK, let’s go”.
        “We want a longer lunch”..

  11. The French cunts have been doing it for years, blockading the roads to the ports and port strikes, fuck them….
    We are about 50/50 on trade so if they fuck us over they are equally fucking themselves over, but the French are bit thick!

    CUNTS!

    • What really made me laugh about Microbe’s comments was the bit about there being civil unrest on the streets if their fishermen can’t get access to OUR fish.
      Where has Microbe been for months while his people have been rioting?
      Maybe we can do a ‘quid pro quo’ and let our farmers go and steal some of their crops; see how their farmers like that idea.
      It really gets my piss boling that no-one in the EU has ever given a skinned fart for all these years about the wreckage of the BRITISH fishing industry as a result of the CFP.
      I think that Boris can kiss his arse goodbye if he gives an inch on this to the EU.

      • Boris speaks froganese, he isn’t one. Don’t worry Ron, Boris can see which side his bread is buttered. (That’s British butter of course – none of that frog muck!)

      • And exactly why should we give a fuck if his smelly minions have a strop because they can’t get their own way?

      • Mangledbum has a very…simian appearance.
        Just saying…
        I reckon the monkey’s gaoler took pity on him the night before his execution, showed him the delights of the fair town after dark…and the monkey had it away with the wench at the tavern.

      • The monkey would be appalled if it knew what a sleazy, dishonest, shirt lifting CUNT he had spawned

  13. Class cunting Ron. Personally, apart from some rugby-playing frogs I’ve had the GOOD fortune to know, I’ve never found one I’d trust with anything. And keeping one’s word? Non! You see there is a basic problem here – they FUCKING HATE US!. They’ve NEVER won a fucking war against us, they’ve ALWAYS had to thank us for pulling them out of the shit, and now, they’re truly fucked with Boris in charge.
    It’s wonderful isn’t it!!

    • With any luck it might be Trafalgar all over again, this time in the North Sea, if any of their boats turn up without permission or payment after the end of this year.
      The jumped up cunts need another arse-kicking to remind them whose side history is on around these shores.

    • To correct you there mickey C ,the French have fought every other European power and lost.

      On that note I have a genuine WW2 French MAS 36 rifle for sale, never fired, dropped once.

  14. you see this is where you need to be glad that 1, I am on our side. 2, I am not a french diplomat.
    my negotiation.
    “what we can not fish in these waters? it will be a catastrophe for us both!”
    “Just think, what will my little fish catching friends do? hmm probably have to turn their hands to smuggling “Les misarebels” across le maunche”

    instant British U turn.

  15. Relax folks the French are weasels. There are only 3or4 countries reliant on access to our waters for fishing and Germain is not one. There is no way Germany will let anything hinder trade with us as we are the krauts biggest export market and other countries like Poland and Italy need access to us.
    The French are the most cowardly untrustworthy little rats ever.
    No backbone and whinny little girls. Lazy pompous buffoons who think they mean something with their shity subsidised farmers who are unproductive and years behind the US in terms of farming methods and technology.
    They are truly cunts.
    As one Japanese businesses man said “French is a failed language” .
    Sums up the frogs in general. Shit stain country populated by ungrateful cheese eaters.
    Cunts.

  16. “Chatte” is generally used to refer to a “big hairy cunt”. Strangely, “con”, (as in “quand on est con”) which is more literally “cunt”, is rarely used as such.

    I mean, what fucking use is a language you can’t really swear in properly ?

    So much easier in English : Macron is a cunt and the French are cunts.

    .

    • Most froggie women are Chattes – they avoid both soap & razors.

      Micron is shit-scared & he’s losing control: les gilets jaunes won’t give up, the EU will struggle without Britain’s huge “contribution”, all those indolent farmers will be (even more) revolting if the huge CAP subsidies are reduced and, not least, his Muslims are out of control (burning churches throughout the country without prosecution, shitting on the streets, etc.).
      A failed state full of Gimme, Gimme, Gimmigrants and no fish – ha ha ha!

      • I wouldn’t entirely rule out civil war in France sometime soon : we need to be ready to ship our peacefuls over there “to help” if it does break out.

  17. OK, what have the filthy Frogs been up to now? If it’s not one thing it’s something else!

    My dad hated the French. And the Welsh. And the Irish. And the Scotch. And the….

    He quite liked the Germans though, ironically. Said they were more like us. Apart from their predilection for mass murdering millions of innocent men, women and children, that is. 😃

    Great nom Ron. 👍.

      • My Grandad Rtc hated all other nationalities, anyone not English, apart from the Nepalese!
        Loved the Ghurkas, couldnt praise them enough!!
        Oh an he liked Idi Amin?
        Thiught he was a comedian of the highest calibre!
        Couldnt breath for laughing when Idi was on tv full of medals.☺

      • Your grandad sounds an awful lot like my dad. Maybe we’re related Miserable? I could be your idiot bastard half-uncle!

        My dad got around a bit. Joked about my mum that he took the cunt out of Scunthorpe.

      • We found out we had a aunt in Italy, my grandad sampled the local nightlife after Mussolini failed at bungee jumping.
        Family scandal, he was a ‘rum cunt’ as we say here, he served in Burma an India too, bet ive family there too.

      • Miserable@7.06
        When you said your grandad served in India, you were not really being straight up with us were you?
        You meant he was chief pastry chef in the ‘Jewel of India’ Mumbai.

      • Hehe, evening Bertie, dont be cheeky!
        Got a sepia photo of grandad in India wearing a light cotton suit, had been measured up for a fitting & it was made same day!
        Dissapointingly not wearing a pith helmet😣
        All Englishmen abroad should wear pith helmets.

      • Indeed Miserable , Great Uncle Fiddler wouldn’t have been seen dead without being photographed stood over a dead tiger in full colonial regalia.

      • Macron the corpse shagger knows France will take a massive financial hit in the next five Years and knows they will (f*cking finally) be screwed without our massive EU tax.
        Macron is facing a domestic crisis regarding pension entitlements which are in danger of bankrupting the Country, a rebellion from the less affluent EU Countries (I refuse on principle to call them member states) who are digging in their heels and refusing to pay the huge uplift the war cowards are demanding and is incredibly unpopular with French voters – I think he will be out at the next election and Marine Le Pens’ party is gaining support with every day.
        Shifty sneaky gutless lazy fish pinching buggers – I will have those swarthy stinkers in my sights when I am patrolling OUR Channel in the Black Pig!
        Grrrr.

      • Evening Ruff one. I think it’s incredible, that despite your old man, you turned out to be such a nice boy!
        😀

      • ******** breaking news. **********

        Nadine Dories, health minister tests positive for virus. Boris and other MP’s have met her so testing will start on others. How will we manage if Boris tests positive?

      • When Nadine Dories walked through the House of Commons, she breathed over any Labour MP’s she could find. Expect Boris’s majority to increase.

      • Boris should sell kisses for £1 in the Lords, and then piss in the BBC’s water supply.

    • Technically the Germans are RTCP, as I’m sure you know.
      The Angles (Angleland became England), Saxons and Jutes were all from northern Germany and the Jutland peninsula.
      I am an Afro Saxon. 😁

  18. Went Paris in the mid 70’s , it was a filthy shit house in those days. Fuckin dog shit everywhere, blokes pissing in the street.
    Watneys red barrel cost a fortune.
    Does anybody know if it’s changed much ?
    Oh , and don’t get me started on French films. The Mrs wanted to go and see this film about a boy obsessed with a hat.

    Fucking Shite !!!!

    • But the n*zis awarded them the Nobel Peace Prize, about 30 seconds after they were invaded.

  20. If the Frogs ty to fuck us around with trade negotiations, all we need to do is wait six months till they’ve been decimated by the chinavirus and then invade. It would take them all of half an hour to surrender and then we’d be knocking on the Krauts’ door. We’re an island and we can turn our perceived weakness into a strength.
    Rule Britannia!

  21. Marine Le Pen…….I wonder if b&wc would stick his 👅 up her derriere…..

    • Id pay anything to see the faces of the le pen family if Marine brought Bwc home an announced
      Impending pregnancy!😁

  22. I must admit that I have met many a nice French person, outside of Paris that is, though I haven’t been there since the early 2000s. However, many of these nice French must have voted for the ex-socialist and miraculous overnight centrist that is Macron the Granny Shagger with the Napoleon Bonaparte hair do.

  23. We should’ve let the brownshirts rape their women and children to their hearts content. Absolutely no respect the cunts.

  24. I’m getting sick to the back teeth of the UK being ‘threatened’ by the fucking garlic munchers. Next time I see a frog in my garden I’m going to stamp on it. Here’s another one ‘warning’ us the cunt. Fucking cunt though I doubt very much if her toilet region would be safe from a certain esteemed cunter’s rampant tongue.

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-51678900

  25. NEWSFLASH

    Yippee! Thanks to Coronavirus the banks are saying we don’t have to make our mortgage payments anymore!

    Hey… wait a minute… I don’t have a fucking mortgage….

    Which probably means I’ll be paying for all you feckless cunts who do have one.

    Well you can get fucked. 😡

    • Ha ha! Did you hear that idiot Ian Dale on LBC announce that Daniel Radcliffe had the virus and then had to withdraw it when he found out he’d been had.

      • Evening Bertie.

        No, I missed that. I was probably preoccupied trying to defend myself on the nominations page, to no avail.

      • Defend yourself? Are you allowed to say why?

        Read the rules, do not comment on nominations you can comment on them when they are published, simple enough

      • Yeah Bertie what you were saying on the Nom page it will be ‘BRING OUT YOUR DEAD’ with a red cross on the door soon. RT and the Captain smiting their breasts with ‘”Lord have mercy upon us”.

      • Get that Miles? Do not comment on the nominations page. Especially scurrilous accusations regarding my religious non beliefs.

    • French joke No 1
      If lightning allows follows the path of least resistance, how come it doesn’t always strike France?
      No 2
      Why do French tanks have a rear view mirror? So they can see the battle…

      I’ll get me coat…

  27. We’ve kicked their arse, we’ve saved their arse…..they hate us for both….

  28. I’m a big fish fan but it’s fucking unnecessarily expensive thanks to successive weak British governments allowing these cunts to take the piss. It’s not just these cunts either, it’s also the Spanish and Dutch, the dirty bastards. I agree this is a big test for Boris, he’s got to grow a pair and tell these wankers to get their thieving hands off our fish. I don’t mind a war, the French soldier is well known to be fucking useless. He needs two hours for lunch and another two to sleep it off the pisshead wankstain.
    PS can we stop all this derogatory talk about “Frogs”.
    Thankyou.

  29. Corona virus won’t get past the French with their halitosis and Garlic.

    Dirty cunts.

  30. That spazzy non gender cunt got told to fuck off by the court of appeal over non binary passports.

    At last………

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