People With No Table Manners

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I recently watched a family eating a bar meal and was fucking outraged.

There they sat, the Common-Pleb family in all their glory. They’d obviously gone to a lot of trouble in order to dress for dinner…Dad had his finest market stall joggers and Hawaiian shirt, Mum, some truly hideous lurid pink “leisure suit” straining at the stitches over her bloated form, child dressed identically to the Mother ( and even appeared to have an identical number of blubber rolls…well,I suppose imitation is the sincerest form of flattery).

After ordering their burgers and chips, (“No Salad….we don’t eat that muck”) they sat and played with their phones until their food arrived. No need for cutlery..in their snouts went, elbows on the table, chewing with their mouths open, wiping their greasy mouths with sleeves and the back of hands, slurping their drinks, stuffing their mouths ( I did laugh when the child burned it’s mouth on the hot cheese in the middle of the burger).

Now, I’m no snob, but really. Fair enough if they chose to eat like animals in their own appalling home, sat on the sofa in front of the telly no doubt, but you’d think that in public they’d make some kind of effort.

P.S. I bet if they ever did use a knife while dining, they would hold it like a pen. I’ve noticed that is a sure sign of ill-breeding. If I noticed a guest at one of my exclusive dinner parties holding a knife like a pen, I would order them to leave immediately. It would be the kindest thing for them. That type would obviously feel more at home dining at “Maccy D’s” than at my silver service, haute cuisine table.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

103 thoughts on “People With No Table Manners”

  1. It doesn’t how proper they eat their food, if they are a noisy eater, it makes me gag. Fuck up, for fucks sake, some people sound like they are trying to unblock a toilet with a plunger. Noisy minging cunts.

  2. Carlsberg don’t do noms…… but if they did! Looks like I’ve been moderated for my last efforts of commenting on this one. Here in Asia, the women are stunning, but put them at a table, and they are like pigs at a trough! Mouths that resemble cement mixers and voices that could out shout a 747! Sat in a coffee house one day, some disgusting slanty eyed fucker decided to noisily clear his throat while I was eating. I put up with it for a nano second, then slammed my fighting irons on the table, than stood up and fixed him with my most indignant, public school educated stare, as only we British can do! ! It boils my piss, and is the thing I abhor most in life, with the exception of that fucking yank quadroon, or ‘trailer park Racheal’ as she is better known! Vile cunt of cunts that she undoubtedly is! Anyway, watching these ill mannered cunts at the table is a real erection killer. Well nominated, and I am happy to discuss well into the wee small hours!

    It is nothing personal, the noms are reviewed and either go to archive or the big hole in the sky

    • The manners displayed at the table by most Asiatics is well observed in UK Detention Centres, and I often thought a Galvanised Metal Pig Trough with Canvass for the floor, was far more appropriate to their dining style. As for the noise, I find it curious that anyone would want to make such sounds, unless of course , due to rectal impalement by Rhino !
      Good cunting sir !

    • None taken, admin! Still love you, lots. Throughout my entire career, my comments have always resulted in a ‘Please Explain’ or an interview without coffee!

      last one I had went wrong, last of 3 interviews meet the co worker……. The bloke was a fucking idiot, and I told him.

  3. Mr Fiddler, it sounds like you went to the dining equivalent of Primark – also known as a Wetherspoons.

    • “Fraid not,Mr. Steptoe. It was a local Pub/restaurant.

      I can’t go to the local Wetherspoons since some unpleasantness when a few of us had a “works-outing” there one Christmas. Some of he regulars didn’t appreciate being given advice on how to make their benefits stretch further by getting a job.

      • Good form Sir Fiddler! But, how does one lower the tone at Wetherspoons? Invite Terry Christian perhaps!😀

  5. I like a nice posh restaurant now and then (excuse to dress up) but i don’t mind the odd burger from mcdonald’s or the like . I try to not go inside of Mcdonalds simply because there is too many kids with shit all over the tables and them stupid tablets they now have in to keep the families in there for the day. I used to like going into Frankie and Bennie’s but i avoid that now as every time i have gone in lately there is always kids bloody parties in there with balloons all over the place. Eating out used to be a luxury but now everywhere you go seems to be jam packed because lazy parents can’t be arsed to cook for there kids.

  6. The only thing you can sumise from this really is white trash councils estate, chavvvvvvy cunts, Rentokill would be the best bet, but im sure one of them will bite their own han and give themselves clamidha…..natural selection wins again …. Thank god.

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