Coronavirus Do-Gooders

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A preemptive cunting for the Corona virus do gooders. Not the hoards of people who will do good deeds in the background. No, this cunting is for the Millennial cunts who will see this episode as a chance to get their stupid faces on TV and social meedyah. So, prepare for earnest young men with beards and squeaky-voiced posh girls telling us of their daring goodness, because they set up a Whatscunt group.

Guess what, you cunts? The lonely old lady that you never noticed because you never look up from your smartphone will continue to be lonely, because she doesn’t have a smartphone, let alone a Whatscunt account.

So Millenial cunts, stay out of our faces and quietly go about doing good in your neighbourhood – knocking on doors and getting to know that old dear or veteran whom you’ve never noticed. And it’ll be hard because you’ll have to learn knew skills – selflessness, conversation and making eye contact. But you’ll not be heroes. It’s called being a good person.

Finally, as much as we slag off the mud slime community, they’ll be good at this self-help. Not just because they’re close knit and insular, but because the local Inman always has a copy of the Electoral Register….

Nominated by Sgt Maj Cunt

83 thoughts on “Coronavirus Do-Gooders”

  3. Susanna Reid is a cunt. The gmtv narcissist is self isolating as one of her fanny rats had developed mild symptoms.
    Did the little cunt not eat all his babaganash or couscous. Or was his venison ravioli over cooked.
    Anyways said narcissist tang gmtv and let piers the cock and his lovely assistant know that so far she isn’t dead.
    Worth having a look at the article on the daily fail. Believe it or not she hasn’t made.many friends. She’ll still get her thousands of pounds per week.wage as the pubs go out of business and low wage / zero hours workers probs die from starvation and homelessness

  4. Don’t get me wrong the Coronavirus is serious but the way the media are going on it’s the Bubonic Plague, AIDS, The Clap and the shits all rolled into one. Call me a selfish cunt but I’m still going to the pub this Friday. I just sit in the corner anyway with my brother and we both don’t mingle with most of the cunts in there because where quite antisocial already. For one, enough boozers are shutting already. And this working at home bollocks. What about the other 50% of the time you’ve got to go to the shops, bookies and visit prostitutes for your weekly hand job mixing with the great unwashed? Ill conceived by the government at best.

  5. ***********. Breaking News ***********
    Scientists have just discovered a variant of the virus which can swim and eats soap. We are well and truly fucked.

  7. Mum is fuming here in the House of Cunty.

    BBCunt have cancelled ‘Escape to the Cuntry’ and replaced it with ‘Ready, Steady, Mince’ (presented by Rylan ‘Teeth’ Clark Neal’) because of a Coronavirus update special……..

    I believe the words from her mouth were, ‘Not another fucking thing about fucking Coronavirus’.

    I have to agree with her. What more is there to say, for fuck’s sake?

    • I don’t know what your mum will think of it when the first case of the virus turns up in Eastenders!
      It’s at that point that Bobby Beale will probably blow the virus and the Square to oblivion!

      • Thank Gawd she doesn’t watch EastEnders, Bertie. ‘That programme is fucking depressing’, are the words. (My Mum’s language is perpetually fruity, to say the least)

        Yours truly does though! Funny you should mention it though, Bertie, as I was only thinking last night when I was watching it exactly WHEN the Corona plague is going to enter the storyline.

        Give ’em time……Here’s hoping ‘Ben Mitchell’ gets a nasty dose of it….that bloke gets on my wick.

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