The F-Bomb

Posted on by

The F-Bomb…used in classical drama.

After it was ‘dropped’ in “A Christmas Carol”, it is reported that there is cluster bombing of the word in an Agatha Christie drama. I wonder what was said?

‘Fuck me Hastings, you’re a thick cunt that you didn’t see that, you stupid twat?’, or
‘You’re a clever cunt Miss Marple, and no mistake..’

Where will it end?

“Jane Eyre” – ‘Reader, I fucked him’.
“Pride and Prejudice” – ‘It is a truth universally acknowledged, that some rich cunt must be in want of some slapper to fuck’.
“Hamlet” – ‘To be of not to be: that is the fucking question: whether it is nobler in the mind to top yourself…’

“Rebecca” – ‘Last night I dreamt I fucked off to Manderley again’.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

78 thoughts on “The F-Bomb”

  3. Perhaps Miss Marple will become her true self during tea at the vicarage – the prototype Vicky Pollard. “Cor blimey vicar, your tea is as weak as piss. Let’s have a real drink – fuck the elderberry wine, its as flat as a witches tit, gin, Scotch don’t care what it is but be quick – my mouth’s as dry as a spinsters gusset”,

    Exit Miss Marple, belching and farting as she leaves the library.

  4. Hahhahaahah! In the Christie (The Pale Horse) they just re-wrote the whole thing with a different plot but using the names of her characters. No Marple or Poirot, though just a bloke who these things happened to, (amazingly this was the same as in the actual book) other than that it was all from the weird imagination of that daft cow Sarah Phelps who thinks she knows better than the real author. This woman is obsessed with putting dead animals in her re-writes, from stuffed Polar bears to dead rats (neither of course in the book) plus the ‘hero’ making up something about running over a cat to cover having some blood on his suit. Craptosserwankstuff.

    Oh, and one of the ‘witches’ was a person of colour, so was the hero’s dead wife, well a tiny bit of colour.

    The Agatha Christie story was good enough as it was and needed none of this rubbish Phelps wrote. Her ending made no sense. None of it made any sense.

    The only decent bit was one woman smashing a leg of lamb (or a huge ham, sorry, I am not very au fait with meat) across the head of this other woman who’d flicked some fag ash onto a plate of vol-au-vents (or something) at a dinner party and nearly braining the silly cunt.

    Anyway, Miles, the fucks were from the hero, can’t remember the exact bits, but seemed to fit in with the general really-really-(honest)-60s dialogue. Would have been good if they’d have shoe-horned some fucks into the proper story instead.

    In my humble, needless to say.

    • Agatha Christie for a ‘modern sensibility’ I suppose it was. Didn’t see it of course LC. I suppose dear old DH (Lawrence) could be pointed to as the first literary person brining swear words into Literature.

      • The first recorded use of the word ‘fuck’ in literature occurred in a 1790 poem by George Tucker where he used the phrase “I don’t give a fuck”.

        The first use in a music album was by Frank Zappa on his 1969 masterpiece Uncle Meat.

      • You having pancakes Rtc?
        You Miles?
        I am.
        Wonderful life, pancakes for Tea!😁🇬🇧

      • No Miserable. I wasn’t aware it was pancake day until the wife mentioned it a couple hours ago, and we don’t have any milk or plain flour…😭

        Used to love them with Golden Syrup. Don’t have any of that either. 🙄

      • Im quite religious really Rtc, i honour all the christian holidays
        Pancake day
        Easter egg weekend
        An selection box month.
        Devout in my own way!😁

      • Am pretty pious in my own way too. Bought a pack of 5 creme eggs this afternoon. 😊

      • What a load of twaddle Ruff one! You’re supposed to confess your sins on Shrove Tuesday. You’ve got a lot of sins to confess! You can start with those bestial websites you keep looking at!
        😂

      • Pancakes are tasty but they cool down too quickly. This time of year in Scotland it’s piping hot food only for me.

      • Im prepared to suffer for religious reasons Shagga.
        Very brave i was, had quite a few.
        Felt like jesus.

      • St miserables day?
        Everyone off work,
        Massive roast dinners
        Ale traditionally drunk,
        And welldressing and indecent exposure .
        Holy day.

      • After the flagons of ale, there is the traditional streak across the Fiddler Estate evading an arse full of buckshot and the hounds before rousing patriotic songs about funny foreigners in the alehouse.

      • Ah bracing buckshot from a angry Geordie landowner!
        And festive dogbites!
        Better than Christmas.
        You well LL?
        You dissapeared for a bit,
        Thought the ISAC serial killer had done for ya!😁

      • To become a saint Miserable you have to have shown ‘heroic virtue’ throughout your life. And a ‘cult’ has to have grown up around you. Then a zealous follower gets in touch with local church authorities and if a Bishop agrees a :cause’ is opened. Then many years of investigation takes place. There used to be somebody called ‘The Devil’s Advocate’ assigned to find any moral faults. If you clear that hurdle and have been found to have indeed displayed ‘heroic virtue’ you are declared Venerable. If there is evidence of one person praying to you and a miracle occurs then (after further investigation) you are declarer Blessed. To be canonised a saint you must have two miracles attributed to you. If that happens as I say you are declared a Saint by the Pope in Rome.
        You can be named for something or somewhere. Saint Blaise the saint of sore throats because she had hers slit open. Or a place Saint Brigitta of Sweden. Maybe for you Saint Miserable of Cheshire. Or Miserable the patron Saint of Removal men.

      • Is that how it works?
        So your saying its a foregone conclusion?
        Hey, an they said id never amount to anything at school!
        The miracles might be a stumbling block, but i do a few magic tricks, to amuse people in the boozer, sure i can blag that bit.
        Pull a coin from the bishops ear its in the bag!

      • The dear man! But would a new version of any of his book need to add more swear words? Or perhaps it could be re-written with a tranz lead. Call for Sarah Phelps! Get your fucking septic claws into that, you thieving twat.

  5. Gotta liven up these things for da yoof, innit bruv? Anything to be “edgy” or “modern”….how so very tedious.

    • Forsooth! – Who is paying for the f*cking leccy? Turn off that light yonder, ‘twud save a boot in yon arse!
      Shifty vaping leccy wasting hipsters!

  8. When the sum of a persons education is obtained from the Moron Mirror, and the Box Set, you can see how our ever dumber population are tampons to soak up the shit for the indoctrinators.

    Recently, the Movie ( BBC of course ) Mary Queen of Scots sucked the living shit out of true history, and produced a story specifically for the market of flat capped ginger beards who would never turn a page in a book.

    Excellent cunting Miles, fucking truly excellent !

  10. I went to the National Theatre LIVE last week, there were no English/British actors on stage, it was all coloured and foreign Yoofs wearing tracksuits and speaking with London Urban accents, and plenty of colourful foul language into the mix.

    Modernisation be fucked !!!!

    In other news, apparently this is a new normality. Jason Mohammed quite possibly my least favourite “Welshman” EVER is in dire and and urgent need of a hardcore triple cunting.

    I fail to understand who gives him all the work, he’s an absolute bastard, a right shit, a talentless cunt, and I don’t like him. After all the friendlies chicken shop rapists and pedos etc. I don’t rightly like anyone called Mohammed whether it’s their first or last name.

    https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/islam-uk-seminar-series-2020-jason-mohammad-tickets-84716255601?aff=ebdssbdestsearch

    • Fuck me. Where did you find this cunt. It’s bad enough being Welsh (as people keep reminding me) But a parking Stanley Welsh cunt?
      Burn the fucker.

    • Any cunt called muhammed should be shot, it would save us no end of bother.

  11. It was the best of fucking times
    It was the worst of fucking times.

    Charles Dickhead A tale of two titties

    A fucking handbag!! Lady Fuckwell, The importance of being Profane.

    If music be the food of love, arsehole tonguing is the dessert

    B&W Cunt, Royal Shakespeare Co.

  12. I learnt Serbo Croat in a war zone on the front line, I spoke it very well and had no problems until I returned to civilisation.
    I noticed that in conversation with some people that they raised their eyebrows and others avoided me after our first conversation.
    It was not until later that I was challenged on my vocabulary (when people realised I meant no harm).
    so pizdo lizac is not actually a small dog, it means cunt liker and is slang for small dog.
    Likewise ne seri does not mean “I do not believe you” it means “stop bullshiting”
    My profanities were involuntary and many.
    Although I recall one incident when a man turned round to me and said “What does, Fuck Fucker, Bollocks, Cunt mean?” rather taken back I asked where he learnt these words he said “You”.
    So it was a two way street.

  13. Venus and Lord Adonis. A poem by Shakespeare.

    Venus : Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry,
    . . . . . . . . Stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

    Lord Adonis : Fuck me, duckie, I’m not that type of man.

  14. Mr.Agreeable was the spiritual father of this site. I remember his abusing/cunting of Franz Beckenbaur after the 1990 World Cup.

  15. Is this a fucking dagger which I see before me?
    The fucking handle toward my fucking hand come, let me clutch thee.
    I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
    Bollocks.
    Fuckin chattin shi bru.

    • “Bah, is youz disrepectin’ me an my bro’s, Humbuz, you old ass 19th century cracker mothafucker”.

  19. “I have in my hand a piece of fucking paper”….

    “We’ll fight the cunts on the beaches”….

  20. Priceless post Miles. I love it and was inspired to make a few minor changes to one of my favourite poems “The Lady of Shalott” when Sir Lancelot appears. Read on poetry lovers:

    A bow-shot from her bower-eaves,
    He rode between the barley-sheaves,
    The sun came dazzling thro’ the leaves,
    And flamed upon the enormous cock
    Of bold Sir Fuckalot.
    A red-cross knight for ever kneel’d
    To a lady in his shield,
    Who he then fucked on the yellow field,
    Beside remote Shalott.

  21. Tanganyika Africa 1871
    ‘You that cunt Livingstone?”

    Nelson dramatically dying,
    ‘Kiss my arse Hardy!”

  23. I’m not a prude. It cheeses me off when the F word is used when it shouldn’t be.
    Specifically on that show Star Trek Picard.
    Also, violence, gore. It’s so depressing and NOT star trek.

  25. On a serious note. History, literature and biology has been hijacked for the forces of fucking stupidity. Twatter is now the benchmark for truth. Everything must now be judged by moronic woke values. Yeah even unto fucking up shite Agatha Christie bollocks.

  27. Strange really. We have

    The “F” bomb
    The “S” word
    The “N” word (weally, weally naughty and well waaacist)

    But no “C” word. Just CUNT

  28. I am still waiting for my nomination on “Dave the Rapper” (Dave the Cunt ) to be published????
    Many thanks, great website

  30. Who else saw that woke remake of Wuthering Heights, when Heathcliff was a choccy drop shouting ‘Fucking cunt’ every other scene? It was fucking shite….l

Comments are closed.