“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee. I’m speaking to you from the House of Commons, where I’ve been invited to meet Layla Moran MP. It’s nice to be here, Miz. Moran”.

‘Well I’ve graciously granted you two minutes from my extremely hectic schedule. As a highly relevant Liberal Democrat MP, I’ve got a hugely important message to state once more to the nation. BREXIT HAS YET TO BE DONE’.

“Er, excuse me, but I’m confused. You’re aware, are you not, that the UK formally left the European Union on 31st January, and we’re now starting the process of negotiating a trade deal”.

‘You’re not listening, so I’ll say it again. Brexit. Has. Still. To. Be. Done. I reiterate what I said recently on “The Andrew Neil Show”. The government must realise that the UK’s future lies firmly in continuing membership of the EU’s customs union and single market. This means that we now have to align ourselves as closely as we possibly can, so that to all intents and purposes, we’ll still be a member. Is that clear enough for you?’.

“Is this some kind of joke? We’ve just endured four years of trench warfare about this, and the nation has now voted conclusively on the issue. Your party has been reduced to a rump in the Commons, and the people have given a huge mandate to the government to enable it to get Brexit done. After all of that, you expect us tamely to hand our destiny back to Brussels again?. The PM and other ministers have made it crystal clear that we won’t be rule-takers from Brussels any more. You seem, if I may say so, completely delusional in your inability to accept that the UK really has left the EU.”.

‘Absolutely not. It’s the people who are in fact deluded. They’ve been brainwashed by vile, disgusting anti-EU lies, and by the terrible smears made against poor, victimised Remain supporters’.

“Hold on! That’s tantamount to calling Leave voters stupid yet again”.

‘Well so they are; peasants who don’t know what’s in their own best interests. I, on the other hand, am doubly blessed. As both a Londoner and a Lib Dem, I possess that superior Metropolitan intellect that is sadly denied to mere provincials. It falls to myself and my comrades to pick up the cross. The UK will always be a star on that glorious blue and gold banner, and it is our task to rid the little people of their misapprehensions and phobias, and lead them back to the glorious sunlit uplands where stands the new Jerusalem!’.

“But-”

‘That’s your two minutes. I’m off to meet the girlfriend for a soy latté. Ode an die Freude, anstimmen und freudenvollere…’ *trips away*

“Wait! You’ve dropped your bottle of pills… Oh dear, she’s gone. Well that was short and not very sweet. This Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Nominated by Ron Knee