Breaking News

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We have news in from the Republic of Ireland after a standoff at Dublin Zoo the SDU have been deployed, they have killed 3 Gorillas and freed 12 ostriches!

other news, the Cessna plane crash in Deansgrange, Dublin police have removed over 300 bodies

 

Oh come on they are shit jokes But We get to read yours every day !

 

Pissed and bored admin waiting for a change over# tag, you are fucking late sniff before you touch

 

and you need to change the flowers too.

52 thoughts on “Breaking News”

    • You need to say what wit and wisdom Admin shows. Then you might get a cunting. It’s called creeping.

      No the criteria is current, whit and accuracy.pretty much in that order

    • You havin’ a laugh, Shagga?!!

      You’ve submitted loads of noms lately that have been scheduled and published or are waiting to be publlshed. Bear in mind that they can take a while to appear as there is a queue.

      Moaning Minnie. I’ve just checked…..there are three of your noms waiting to be published.

      • I was just trying to make the genuine rejects feel more included by showing solidarity with them. I think they feel a bit intimidated by my greatness so wanted to say, ‘hey man, we all got rejected sometimes, even me’.

  4. Any news on how the gorillas are doing?
    This is terrible news.

    Dead I am afraid

  5. Christ is that it?

    I thought for a minute that the news was about Barrymore committing suicide by ramming a Thermos Flask full of nitro-glycerine up into his capacious anal cavity.

    Or Schofield being caught in a London public toilet in some bukkake tryst with Jimmy Somerville and Graham Norton.

  7. Breaking news… I’m thinking abaaaht asking that Trivago lady if she wants to get a room with me… I’d stick my tongue up her arsehole.
    Go fuck yourselves.

    look at the air BB scam in london its quite a money maker

    • Those fucking Trivago ads make my fucking piss steam. Smug looking cunts, especially that older bint with her gold fucking card. Having said that, I’d still do the pair of ’em.

  8. I think they were bored, but it did get you all talking so it worked to an extent, bit of fox and sour grapes going on in the answers though.
    Do you really think that the “news” is the “News”?
    From my experience it is filed whilst someone else shouts “Look at this!”
    Just saying.

  9. Breaking news …. ISAC trending on Twitter!

    Time for my Cocoa and bed 😁

    or write up a good nom for archives?

  10. Breaking news….Peter Sutcliffe released half way through his sentence and murders 3 more prostitutes. Jeremy Corbin questions government over better rehabilitation for serial killers.

  12. The letter box look is decidedly rare over here. Rare enough that it still draws a lot of attention when one is spotted. Strangely enough, full on black folk are rare too. Our poison of choice for immigrants are the Chinks/Japs and South Africans and by fuck can the latter complain! Forever waxing lyrical about SA itself and bagging NZ, which begs the question, why the fuck leave? Plus their accent makes them sound like they’re all snot filled and mumbly.

  15. Breaking news: Greta Thunberg found dead after sticking her head up her own ass!

  17. I’m sulking a bit because my little ditty nomination about a certain industrial washing machine salesman seems to have ended up on the cunting room floor.
    😒

  18. I’ve got another one that I’m working on about a different MP and I’m going to try and do it in the style of the John Cooper Clarke poem “Twat”.

  19. Breaking News….

    Hank Marvin admits to being baffled by fame, after spending most of his life standing in the shadows….

  20. Watching Newsnight and the Labour leadership debate.
    What a motley crew.
    Labour look dead in the water, useless fucking cunts, listening to them they don’t seem to have learnt a thing, dozy socialist fuckwits.

  24. For whatever reason a most disturbing thought went through my head earlier this morning, whereby Theresa Maybot was being gangbanged by John Major, Heseltine, Blair, Cameron and Bercunt in the House of Cunts!

    Fuck knows where that came from!

  25. Quick nomination.
    I’m in such a forking bad mood for instance the Grenfelll bullocks.
    I don’t hate old people, I love them. Apart from the gossiping and laughing cans of can’t grannies whilst I’m trying to enjoy a quiet drink in the pub.
    Hold on… some have just left the group. *Bye Sheila, see you again “. They’re still fooking standing there talking. Fork sake! Peace off ya cans of can’t. Hurry up and die.
    Arggh!!!!

  27. Yesterday one of those country store outfits got a flyer through my door. Horse stuff, dog stuff, garden stuff, ‘country’ clothing. Modelled by two extremely urban-looking Afro-Caribbean men and a white woman. Only. I think I am beginning to get the message, but I don’t bloody like it.

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