The use of the word “Artisan” when referring to food or crafts.
It seems that not a day goes by without some wannabe, oh-so-hip and trendy, faux nerd hipster using the word “artisan” when referring to a café, restaurant or some sort of arts and crafts.
I don’t really watch television much on account of it being a load of consumerist, propagandist bollocks, but anyway, I distinctly remember flicking through the channels one night to some programme in ‘Murica where some pretentious hipster cunt had opened an “artisan vegan gelato parlour”. Not really sure how you can get vegan ice-cream unless they use coconut milk or soy milk (bleurgh).
Ever since then, all I keep seeing about the place is “artisan baker”, “artisan crafts”, “artisan” everything. I don’t know if it’s a case of because I’ve seen it I’m primed to keep seeing it everywhere, or whether it is actually everywhere.
It seems that when the word “artisan” is used, it means you can add £££ to the price of everything. To add to my argument please see link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=XUv7NQelex0&feature=emb_logo
I’m not sure if this is a piss take or deadly serious.
So here you go – have an “artisan” crafted cunting from me. That’ll be £15.50 please! (only joking)
Nominated by Harold Steptoe
It’ll be some cunt with a wanky beard, one of those wax twirled cunt moustaches, a check shirt, tight trousers, sleeve tattoos and a middle class groovy hipster accent who infuses his gin with his own vile tofu farts
20
Tofu fart gin reminds me of Dutch gin, though the artisanal stuff would cost twice as much. Middle class wankers that will never have or want a job fleecing other middle class wankers with a trust fund.
10
Tee hee! Anal. Tee hee.
5
Art is anal…
3
What a couple of anal retentive cunts!!
Anybody buying it needs a fucking “ check up from the neck up”
Maybe they could diversify the business model and start selling small bottles of air to compliment the water ?
Imagine drinking Mississippi River water whilst inhaling air from the inside of my rubbish bin
Couple of jokers………..
6
“What is Wetness?” – It’s what’s left when you melt, you snowflake twat!
1
A fellow lumberjack beardy Miserable, although this one looks like he drinks Himalayan mountain water out of a jam jar, purified through the arse crack of a meditating Sherpa and uses hand moisturiser. Do you use artisan beard oil?
11
I do use beard oil LL, otherwise itd be like dreadlocks, but Aldi or Sainsbury’s rather than ‘artisan’.
Was at some outdoor craft thing with mrs miserable in cheshire during the summer, and was 2 crusties selling honey, an I like honey, its good for you,
Anyway it was £25 a fuckin Jar!!
6
Regular or artisan bees?
7
9ct solid gold un- Bee-livable, money bees.
7
This artisan bollocks has even crept into the custom motorcycle scene, dragging miles of exhaust bandage with it.
Hipster cunts…
11
It has!! You’ve got Keanu Reeves now and his Arch bikes which are a hipster cunt’s wet dream (to be fair they do use some fucking trick Ohlins and stuff though)
5
Yes it has, to be fair though some of the hipster builders are turning out decent builds. Some not all.
4
I don’t mind the bikes as much as the artisan bollocks that comes with it and, in fairness, they make a change from rows of chopped up Harleys and worn out old Brit bikes held together with Chemical Metal and thread inserts…
3
Same for me. I think at least Arch are making their own motors instead of the usual shitty Harley crate jobs (still all fuck-awful v-twin tractors though). Its more the cunts that will be riding them….
2
I say riding – more buying to put on display in their living rooms, cunts
1
I’ve owned all sorts, jap 4s and twins, Brit twins and singles, 3 Harley big twins. With a couple of exceptions all customised, majority hard tailed.
My last will be another shovelhead, mostly because it is old and archaic and smelly and noisy. If I had the money and the know how I’d love an early knuckle.
Each to their own, personally there’s nothing as fun as riding an old Brit or yank twin, you know you’re on a bike.
A nice 77 Shovel with open pipes, FTW.
2
Artisan is posh for hand made. So technically you could go and knock one out in the street, call it Artisan and get a round of applause.
Some cunt just used duct tape to stick a banana to a wall and got 120k for their trouble. That was art or an artisan one fruit salad? Who knows?
Trouble is with artisan food anything hand made is artisan, a bacon roll at great Joe’s is as artisan as a hand made organic yoghurt or semen as I call it.
Hey ho cunters, verily we have too many cunts with too few problems, the lack of real life issues allows these cunts to indulge themselves and each other in weapons grade cuntery.
9
For me, the word is an instant turn-off and wallet locker.
10
Artisan is a word that Tarquin and Jemima use to describe their latest waste of time product or idea.
Tarquin and Jemima coming from wealthy families are expected to do something and when they are 25 and can’t go on anymore gap ‘yahs’ they think ‘Dear me, I must do some work’.
Realising that they have no real talent and lack any common sense they think ‘I remember Farquar loved my snake-bite cocktail at Uni, I must have a talent for making beer’.
Daddy will put some money in to set up my new Brewery and girlfriend Jemima can open a vegan deli next door.
Have to say admin nailed the type of cunt I’m on abaaaht in the picture.
What a load of fuckers.
18
I suspect Grandad Trotsky, John McDonald practices Artisan Economics, all piss and wind with enormous bills at the end of it and fuck all to show for it. It will break within a fortnight.
7
I found out that a lot of these artisan gins are made by buying pure ethyl alcohol and adding ‘botanicals’ or flavours to you and me. No fermentation of base vegetable product, just fucking mixing shit in and labelling as ‘craft’ Utter bollocks and fuck all to do with real spirits, more to do with the chemical industry.
I, on the other hand, am a craft, artisan brewer of fine ales.
And a cunt.
13
Ooh er Cuntstable, that’s the artisan gin industry rumbled. And the beardy wankers have been getting away with it for far too long. Proper gin is Dry London Gin, not all the wank shite that’s produced these days.
3
“Sipsmiths” is a feckin cuuunty name, AND it’s made up…
I knew that before I made the decision to avoid their stuff like the plague.
0
Sipsmiths is a total cunt name, and it’s made up.
I just knew that, even before I decided never to drink a drop of their stuff.
1
I’ve had a thought…Artisan lady arsehole tonguing.
You open an artisan beer pub in Shoreditch and only allow the female staff to drink artisan beer…
At the end of the night you charge the male (female also if they want) 20 paaaahnd for a few minutes of tongue up the Artisan female arsehole.
Don’t you lot be thinking ‘revolting’ either as I have been truly shocked by the popularity of this most debauched of practices amongst you all after I was brave enough to admit to it.
You filthy bastard’s, your wives would be shocked if they knew.
11
The Japanese have beaten you to it BWC with their bizarre wall porn.
4
Yeah the old Hentai gets a bit fruity 😯
1
Surely a risky enterprise after the ladies have been at the artisan ales? After a few pints of my own brew – Golden Gusset, I fart like a walrus.
6
Fart like a walrus? That will be £5 extra.
6
This ties in with fucking so called farmers markets. Old wank they are, overpriced shite made by cunts that can’t get a real job. Tarquin, will you pass me those packets of Tesco Basic Cheddar, we’ll wrap in some artisanal wax wrapping and the proles will lap it up. Do you think I should leave my armpit hair unshaven? Cressida darling, we can add a couple of quid if you don’t shave! Ok Tarquin, you need to wax your beard though. Cunts, all of them. We were due to visit Lincoln Christmas market today, thankfully I had a hip replacement on Tuesday so I’ve got away with it!
6
Rather drastic way to avoid something, couldn’t you have just said no?
8
I suppose lol
3
Farmers’ markets cater to cunts and are run by cunts. You should see them in Shropshire. Farmer cunts selling over priced olives to over-rich fuckwits and flogging up the town. They’re like posh pi-kees.
5
Clogging up the town. Fucking hangover.
3
Is there a better cheese than Shropshire Blue? I think not.
6
Obviously you haven’t tasted Lancashire crumbly. Can’t say I’ve spotted the ‘artisan’ variety in Morrisons. I expect it’ll cost twice as much. How we pay through the nose for items with the latest trendy buzz word attached. The last one was ‘organic’.
4
Mildly ironic is that all those dastardly chemicals are the product of organic chemistry
1
I prefer the full fat cheese’s Allan. I’ve been known to eat a whole lump of it with bread. Lovely.
2
Shropshire Blue cheese is magnificent.
4
Dairylea triangles?
7
Our favourite protesters, those scamps from Extinction Rebellion are blocking the A4 to Heathrow with bicycles today.
I hope at least one of the smelly cunts get educated about blocking people’s right of way on the Queens Highway. Cyclists and climate protesters, a combination that’s sure to push at least one Mr Average trapped in the car with whining kids and a stroppy Mrs over the edge.
9
Let’s hope none of them get dragged under an HGV and get smeared a hundred yards along the road
8
Yes, err, let’s all hope not.
5
Oh yes that should be interesting extinction rebellion arsehole beaten to death with his own pedal cycle by angry parent of 3 and a shit load of blocked trafficl
7
As a footnote to the nom the other day on the Turner Prize, some cunt peeled the banana off the wall that was held by duct tape and ate it!
No action was taken against him and the banana was simply replaced by another.
WTF! People are going to start snacking on “works of art” everywhere.
I must get my Lowry insured.
5
I wouldn’t mind munching on La Gioconda, that’d make her ‘enigmatic’ look fully justified.
3
Get mrs Blunt to fry it with artisan onions,
Amazeballs!😀
2
Blur bassist Alex James has branched out into artisan cheese making.
Never been a fan really but quite liked his R&Brie stuff….
11
Words to do with food.
Artisan, rustic, fusion, mélange etc.
The sort of food served on a plank of wood, or a sooty-faced chimneysweep urchin.
1
Mrs Moat took her watch (a fairly expensive one) in for a repair. Shortly after she received an email saying her watch was now in the care of an artisan.
3
Good cunting.
I had a recent example of such bollocks.
Went into an “artisan” bakery.
Got a ham and cheese panini – no prices listed, bit odd i thought, but eh itll only be a couple of quid. I had no cash on me so used card, didnt hear her tell me the price.
Checked my online banking next day out of interest.
Fucking £5.20.
For ham and cheese…on a bit of fucking bread.
Could have had two of the same from Greggs for the same price.
I was bent over royally.
“Artisan”
Cunt off.
6
A ham and cheese sticker album?
2
Edible versions of Raheem Sterling.
A slight banana taste.
2
Nice cunting.
Sounds like very average stuff fluffed up a bit by poncy twats with a Harrods price tag.
Made by cunts for cunts.
Cram it up your artisan and fuck off.
1
If it’s shoved up by hand , it will be appreciated more than by using mechanical means one assumes
3
Got the milkmans christmas promotional offers through the letter box this week offering ”Percy’s salted caramel honey and bee pollen fanciful thins” a mere £14 for 120g ( about 3 mouthfuls) not likely to be tempted away from my Tesco’s rich tea at 30 pence for 300g,
Might drop a line to John McDonnell he hasn’t promised us any posh biscuits yet
3
I fought Artisans in Yugoslavia, undisciplined, thuggish, criminal, smelly unwashed cunts and easy pickings, could normaly smell or hear them before we saw them.
Big beards, home made sausages, smell of garlic and home made brandy
Artisans are cunts.
6
I am so sorry I thought you meant partisans.
10
Maybe its time to offer the trendy hippy girls a good suck of my cock and taste some interesting artisan cheese with a creamy finish.
Ooh errh missus.
4
Artisan means craftsman.
Its one of those words thats trendy at the moment.
I meet loads of these in summer whem out with my missus,
Craft fairs, farmers markets, etc
She loves it, some of them are truly talented artists making one off unique products!
Others are full of shite, selling shite.
No way id pay £25 for honey, because despite appearances im not a fucking mòng.
But ill be honest ducky darlings, i do like a wander round these markets.
2
You must forgive me, they all had bush beards and thought they were something special and brewed their own farts, I am mistaken they must have been artisans. (we traded in Lead)
2
Problem is the supermarkets have jumped on this bandwagon now, selling coke cans of “artisan” beer for the children with beards. This is pushing out the decent bottled beers like Theakstons OP. And the cunts pay the same price for these cans as you would a bottle. Cunts.
2
As a child my beard was patchy an thin.
Could still outdrink these little hipster bandits though.
2
The proper term for this phenomena is artisanal.. . . . . . .
ART- IS- ANAL which just about sums it up. Stick it up yer arse.
3
Percy got a bit pretentious with his ‘artisan bird seed’ then Blunty? Not that he’ll need to worry about that in a few weeks time.
1
Greetings LL. I’ve given him a slight stay of execution as he’s recently taken an interest in amateur dramatics.
He’s joined a local Somalian group of players and is appearing over the holiday at the village hall in “The Parrots
Of Penzance.”
5
Apologies Cuntflap. Only just seen your similar comment above.
0
The artsan makes stuff for other people to enjoy. Ed Sheeran is an artisan. The artist creates or composes art for himself.
It’s not something people should aspire to be.
1
My few friends and I enjoy a few cans of wife beater now and again,
That must mean that the brewers of wife beater are artisans. The fucking hangover is very definitely artisanal.
3
The word ‘Artisan’ means that some cunt, not too far removed from the profile image, has given you a piece of shit and charged you £20 for the privilege.
I’d love to see them literally shitting their kecks when they get moose limb terror attacked. Does that make me a bad person? Well tough fuck. The father of last Friday’s moose limb victim couldn’t wait to tell us all how he was so sorry for the mindset of the killer. These absolutely deluded brainwashed cunts need to be deleted from our society if we’ve any hope of continuing it.
0
How about ‘ artisan porn’ ?….
2
Spot on cunting. “ Artisanal” is a top word in the Modern Cunt’s lexicon. Another cunt word is “ curated”. When I see sentences on products like “our carefully curated range of artisanal LGBT sandwiches”, Mrs Cunting Machine has to physically restrain me from going on a rampage.
Fuck off and give me a bacon butty.
2
“Artisan” is where craft fucking beer started. It all tastes if fucking grapefruit or fruit salad chews; and it all costs twice as much as proper real ale! But the cunt kids love it. So all the brewers now make their previously proper beer now taste of cunting grapefruit; and charge twice the fucking price; and we’re supposed to lap it up.
If I wanted to drink fucking grapefruit juice, I’d BUY fucking grapefruit juice.
CUNTS!
3
It’s so refreshing coming here and realising you’re not the only one who is utterly fucked off with nob-ends appropriating trendy words and smearing them liberally over their re-hashed ideas regardless of relevance.
We aren’t too keen on Americanisms either
1
Hipsters and their “hand-crafted” beer which is ironic seeing as how hipsters couldn’t hand-craft a wank. Beardy cunts.
0