Perfume Adverts

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Perfume adverts…we are inundated with the fuckers.

But: they all look and sound the same. They all think they are showing us wonderful glamour to aspire to. And the truth is, not a single of them differentiates. Which makes the whole point of the huge expenditure wasted entirely. Spoofed up the wall by some pretentious, artistic cunts. Paid for by other pretentious artistic cunts.

It might just be me, but I cant recall a single product. Not one. And when I am reluctantly pushed into buying this overpriced shit, I get what I am told to get, which Mrs C has worn for years. So she isn’t influenced either.

What a load of wank, put out by poncy cunts and not having any effect whatsoever.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

73 thoughts on “Perfume Adverts”

  1. I can’t stand that foreign tart who says after some putrid song for a Marc Jacobs perfume….. “by Marrrcckk accobs”.

    Sounds like the daft cunt had to be woken up from a Mogadon inspired drunken stupor to say it. Broken English at it’s worst.

  2. What I think is funny is all these posh tarts and ponce’s splash there expensive cat’s piss on themselves but in reality the porcine women that buy it can hardly open the bottle with there trotters, and the men probably drink the piss.
    Over priced ancient cat’s piss.
    Cunts!

    • Spray it on your feet, do you ? I tend to remedy my smelly trotters with Eau de Rita’s…

      Evening Blunters

      • Seasons greetings Seymour! 🎄
        No, it’s not ringworm. It’s just the Cuntstable is acquainted with a place called Ringland.

  4. How the fuck can you convey, via a television commercial, what the fucking stuff whangs like ?

    On a scale from 1 to 10, how similar is it to fox shit ?

    • Don’t even go there. Are you trying to compare it with ‘Fragrance de Fiddler? ‘

      • Call me a coward but I’m not about to start baiting our Mr. Fiddler – He’s a master at that, I believe…

      • I’d sooner leave it up to certain others to do that!
        They’re far more experienced at pressing the right buttons!

  5. I asked my mate, “What the fuck is that smell..?”

    He said, “That’s my new aftershave.”

    I said, “But you stink of curry, shit and B.O….Who’s it made by?”

    “P@ki Rabanne”….

      • The beauty is they’re originals! Unlike me, JR hasn’t got a well thumbed, semen stained joke book like me!

      • because he got over-excited wrestling it off Duncan “Chase Me” Norvelle.

      • I’ve had this terrible affliction since I was a teenager – I can only cûm if I’m laughing. I’m really desperate for laughs. It can get a bit messy at times. I think I’d better make that my last glass of wine. I wish you’d not asked that question now Moggie.

  6. The recent Gucci Memoire TV ad, comically (unintentionally) played part of Roxy Music’s “In Every Dream Home a Heartache”, which was Bryan Ferry’s ode to a saucy, vinyl sex doll.

    I wonder if the bespectacled advertising exec cunt who put the ad together knew this.

  7. “It might just be me, but I cant recall a single product. Not one.”….you’re fucking lucky in that case…I can. It was some kind of perfume that Jennie Eclair said covered up the rotten mackerel stench wafting from her itchy fanny…must have been a powerful drop of stuff…probably some kind of concentrate extracted from a skunk’s anal glands mixed with dog-fox piss….still be preferable to having to sniff that old bag’s constantly suppurating love-slot.

    Buy Vagisil…..for the lady with a rancid minge.

    • Evening Mr F.

      Bloke in Newton Aycliffe told me last week, that dogs (like my JRTs) grind fox shit into their fur because it helps disguise their own scent if chasing the fox ? Was he talking bollocks ?

      • I honestly don’t know why they do it but you’ve never lived until you get the waft of a fox/badger shit covered dog wafting in your nostrils…only thing that I ever smelled worse was when I persuaded a youngster to use a pitch-fork to pop a dead cow that had gassed up after lying in the sun for a few days waiting for the kennels came and remove it.
        Evening,SG.

      • My Staffie bitch loves fox shit. But, given that foxes don’t roll it, what the fuck is the advantage? She stinks like a sack full of arseholes to warn every fucking furry feathery fucker for miles around.

      • “smelled worse” than fox shit ?

        I worked in a cash ‘n’ carry back in the 80s and among the cans of Winalot Prime dogfood was one which had blown up to the shape of a cricket ball – stretching the tin-opener seams to bursting point. Obviously curious, we lobbed it up in the air and ran. Fuck me deftly, after a loud bang, during which the off-white contents spattered liberally around the depot, the smell was such that the premises had to be closed all afternoon. Utterly gut-wrenching – similar to your dead cow, I’ll wager !

      • You have presumably never smelled roadkill skunk after a few days of a Midwestern summer. Approach too closely, and your stomach contents are on the road too.
        I speak as one whose mongrel, having previously eaten and rolled in a long-dead sheep, had the inevitable bowel accident, in the caravan in which we then lived. The display commenced with a crack like a 12-bore, accompanied by a loud yelp and all apertures opening. Fortunately the preliminary rumblings had alerted me and I’d kicked her out just in time.

        But skunk is worse.

    • Wasn’t the ad for a product to relieve a dry, flaky pastry-like clam as opposed to disguising a rotten cod head type of odour?

      • I hope not. I’ve sent a tub of it to the landlady of the Pub who barred me. I even put a card in with it..” For when those little blue urinal-cakes keep dropping out of your floppy old minge xxx” and signed it . If you’re right she might think that I’m implying that she merely has a slight skin problem… and that would never do.

  10. The mark up on these products is phenomenal, and dull cunts queue up to pay it. Fuck them, haven’t they heard of Lynx? Talking of rolling around in badger shit, I might give that a go. Anything to repel women might well be on the agenda, because if there isn’t one in your life, they can’t fuck it up. Horsecocks.

  11. The ones by low-rent slappers like Jordan crack me up, who wants to smell like a crusted-up black man’s wank sock? Like these vacuous fuckwits have any input into the stuff outside of being paid to slap their gormless faces on the box; saw one the other day by Stacey Solomon for fuck’s sake, I’d be amazed if she could even spell the word perfume never mind concoct one

      • Cuntan, watching ‘once upon a time in Hollywood’ its good👍
        But that Margot Robbie?…fit as fuck!!!
        Shes playing Sharon Tate.

      • Had that on my laptop for a while mate but not got round to it yet, yes Margot Robbie is well worth a punt. Old Quenters got in bother with the PC woke mob over it! Might watch over Crimble

      • My mates a massive Bruce Lee fan an refused to watch it.
        I heard Bruce could be a bit of a cunt,
        And it shows that side of him.
        Tarantino to his credit refused to edit or apologise, but hes obviously a Bruce Lee fan hence the yellow costume in kill Bill.

      • I like Bruce (and son Brandon, tragic death that was) but it’s only a film ain’t it!! Lighten up you nutters

      • I know I’m stealing B&WC’s thunder, but I’d stick my tongue in Margot Robbie’s balloon knot.

  12. Well fuck me! I was only saying yesterday on one of these ‘ere freds that I’d be fucked if I’d waste my money on Armani these days due to being a tight cunt. Well I’ll be dark keys uncle if my mother didn’t turn up today with a bottle of Armani Code for my 50th on Saturday. Daft cunt really spunking money on that, but still, her fucking cash I suppose.

  13. Well deserved cunting, the worst excesses of western civilisation is encapsulated in every perfume advert.

    Shallow for him and superficial for her.

    Male models, what sort of job is that for a man?

  14. They’re all farcical situations in these ads. and bear no resemblence to reality.
    Johnny Depp burying his jewellery in the desert. What the fuck is that about ?

    The only one worth watching is the one for Jadore, that’s the one with the tall blonde with the well upholstered arse.

    Merry Christmas Cunters.

    • Wonder why Johnny Depps burying his jewellery anyway?
      Just few rosary beads and tat from Top Man.
      He should bury his makeup as well,
      Wearing eyeliners a bit bandit.

      • Ah that explains it.
        Think shes a bit mcVicar LL as johnnys hard as nails! He used to be a pirate you know? But yeah she bitchslapped him unconscious!
        Crying mascara everywhere, made a right mess of his hair too!😳

  16. Actually, all I need is a pair of his unwashed boxer shorts… Sniff and come.

      • Other half is in Ssssaaaarrrrffff Affffrrriiiikkkkaa so I work,wank and eat lots of gefilte fish and chopped herring.
        Happy Hanukah!

  17. The so called high end perfume market sponsored almost exclusively by the French in order to attach to attach exclusivity and provenance on the product. just like they do with their cheeses and wines, all to justify the higher price, so the French can drink their perfume , rub their cheese under their armpit and shove their wine bottles up their arse and tell me if it was worth paying the premium price for it all.
    Perfume adverts aren’t all bad nice to see some totty flaunting some leg or decolletage without enduring some feminist lecture

    • Perfume is made from whale vomit; Mr Fiddler should exploit the essence of badger CUNT after a hard day gassing. Merry Christmas Minge aficionados!

  18. Don’t know who’s got Phil the Greek in the dead pool but I saw a photo of him coming out of hospital and he looks fucked. Looks like a bloke who’s been on a two week bender (the alcohol type not the Graham Norton type).

    • I thought it was a poster for the new Hammer Horror film, ” Count Cunt Sucker Rides Again ”
      He looks undead.
      The Cunt.

  19. “Snatch” by Emily Thornberry is a favourite with cat lovers.

    “Castle Nine of Shite” is Anna Sourberries nod to the famous French wine: overpriced and you can get better for a fiver.

    “Jeremy’s Fingers Pour Femme” Diane Abbott’s offering.

    “Jeremy’s Fingers Pour Homme” John McDonnell’s offering.

    “John’s Fingers” Rebecca Long-Bailey’s offering.

    “Tears of a Clown” the new fragrance by Owen Jones.

    The above I wouldn’t buy but a video of Charlize Theron’s perfume advert outtakes I would!

  20. A merry Christmas to all who are up and about and reading this! Time for tea then rum, start the day with a wobble.

  21. Every time I switch on the TV I’m assailed by that anorexic cow from the Pirate movies and Balls Like Beckham ( or whatever it was called) trying to show how chic she is by attending pretentious wanky parties in Paris and laughing as she abandons her moon struck cretin of a boyfriend. This utter shite is accompanied by weird disjointed music and is on at least a thousand times a day. I want to hurl my wife’s bottles of Channel at the screen when this tosh comes on.

    All this for a substance which smells like a weird mixture of my old chemistry class and the more obscure regions of an Arab’s ass.

    No thank you and fuck off.

    Ann by the way, merry Xmas! May your dreams come true and all your favourite cunts slowly die of asphyxiation!

  23. I started writing a nomination for this. But I found myself entirely drained just trying think down to the level utterly vacuousity required and hoped someone else would.

    Thank you and Thank fuck.

    Merry Christmas Cunts.

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