Hip Arthritis

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I want to cunt a personal issue, hip arthritis.

It started about 3 years ago with a simple walk across the office, a bit of pain occurred. Six months later it still hurt, so off I toddled to see the quack. X-rays later and yup, arthritis it is. Gradually the pain became stronger. I had cortisone injections, but eventually it’s fucked. It varies, sometimes it just hurts, sometimes it is fucking unreal.

I’m wobbling around like a fucking weeble, but I do fall down. Today I stumbled down a couple of stairs at work, ironically on the way to hospital for pre-surgery assessment. Providing I’m clear of MRSI, I’m having a shiny new one on Tuesday. Pain is a cunt, constant pain is beyond cunt, if there is such a thing.

Fingers crossed I won’t cark it on Tuesday and I’ll dance on for a few more years.

Nominated by Bertram Cuntatious. DCO

51 thoughts on “Hip Arthritis”

  1. Good luck on Tuesday Bertram. I have been lucky so far and haven’t needed it doing but I have a few friends who have and they have been transformed.

    Hope you are out in time for Christmas.

    • Short term pain – long term gain, hopefully. 🤞
      Good luck & all the best to you Bertram. Hope you’ll be line-dancing again soon 👍

    • Very sorry for your pain.

      My great Aunt swore by Devils Claw and my elderly Mum likes that and Turmeric supplements. Hope this helps.

  2. I’m out! Only in two days. In pain, hobbling on crutches, terrible constipation with opiate painkillers but I survived.

  3. You have my sympathies. This happened to my Dad. You should’ve pretended to be a new arrival from the Eastern Europe. They would’ve seen you within a fortnight, surrounded you with nurses, given you “extra” satisfaction, then paid for your taxi home.

    • Yes, indeed…
      #I would have said I’m rooting for you…
      But you know what I mean.
      Don’t let it slow you down, keep gently on the move. Kicking a few puddled Trots, Stalinists and snowflakes should keep you in fine fettle.

  8. In and out in two days? That must be a record. And your operation wasn’t postponed to a later date. You’re having all the luck.
    My mum had new hips done, new knees as well. I’ve had arthritis for the last twenty five years but it only affects my lower back and my thumbs, so I’ll probably be dead before I need an op.
    Glad it’s worked out for you and remember, the best thing for constipation is a skinful of ale.

    • Yup, two days. And, get this, only waited 3 weeks for the operation as I got a cancellation. It meant being 20 miles away from home in another town but we’ll worth it. Constipation is under control, no beer though, staying dry until my meds are reduced. Onwards and upwards.

  10. Bertram, my best wishes to you. Have you any home help? If you do, ask for a sponge bath. 😀

  11. I’ve been getting terrifying sudden stabbing pains in my hands for 2-3 years now. No predicting when it’s going to happen. Might just be sitting watching some shit on the telly; might’ve just picked up a pint. All of a sudden I’m like fucking Jack Douglas as the pain takes me by surprise, causing my face to contort in agony and inevitably meaning I drop anything I’m holding. Pretty sure it’s some kind of arthritic-based misery. Went to see the doc (our medical centre has just been awarded an “inadequate” appraisal) where I was advised to “take paracetamol when it hurts. Point is, I can’t predict these excruciating shooting pains; and they’re gone in a couple of minutes. But by FUCK, they hurt!
    Thanks doc. Cunt.

    • can you use your hands properly? do you get pain in arms and shoulders? are you losing strength in your wrists? – all legitimate questions – could be carpal tunnel syndrome – if its nerve pain paracetamol will not work to ease things – may need scan and nerve conduction studies then possible injection into median nerve or possible surgery to ‘free the nerve’ in your wrist – get it checked out thoroughly as it could be more serious nerve issue

      • Well that’s far more interest in my condition than the cunts at the medical centre had. Thanks Lana. I’ll get back up there and see if I can find a doctor who isn’t asleep when I walk in… (that ACTUALLY HAPPENED!)
        Cunts.

    • Go back until they take you seriously. Fucking quacks. I’d camp out in the floor until it was dealt with.

      • They wouldn’t notice me there… Or if I was asleep, they’d just assume I was one of them.
        Cunts.

  12. Stay off Co-codamol – the fuckers’ll bung you right up. Take Dynarod to clear your bowells.

    • I find a big plateful of chicken, stuffing, carrots and turnips, with a generous slug of onion gravy gives the drains a good workout.
      You’re right about the Co – codamol, the wife was on them and our bum fodder requirements dropped like a stone.
      I could call her a shitbag with complete justification !
      Evening Gene.

  13. Chin up Bertram, the missus had hers done a couple of years ago, after three years of pain. She’s transformed now, good as new !
    Still a Cunt though.
    Good evening.

  14. I’ve just watched the 1972 Till Death Us Do Part , Christmas special. Fucking hilarious, could never be broadcast today, there’d be a Snowflake Apocalypse.
    Telly used to be so much better back then.
    Happy days ……. ( I think Christmas nostalgia is setting in ).
    Ho ho ho !
    Get To Fuck.

  15. Just listening to an interview with the leave ex MP Caroline Flint who lost her seat in Don Valley (68.5% leave)
    She said that Thornberry approached her before the election and said “I’m glad my constituents are not as stupid as yours”.
    Just about sums it up doesn’t it?

    • Evening Bertie, according to the Metro British people who are of believers in a certain religious persuasion are leaving the UK due to Boris winning the election.

      It’s all part of the progressive attack on Boris, fuck me the momentum loving cunts need to shut up and look at themselves.

      We know Thornberry hates the working class. Flint lost because people rejected the manifesto she stood on. If Labour had won she wouldn’t of been complaining.

      Greta Fartberg does a Corbyn on a train and gets exposed by the German train company who said they would of expected her to raise any issues with her first class seat.

      The battle will go on and get even more underhanded.

      Hope the OP has a swift painless recovery.

      • I haven’t had an op Sixdog!
        God knows I should do though! Why is it only God knows these things? Is there not an atheist alternative?
        Seasonal Greetings to you and Mrs Sixdog.

    • I have warmed to Caroline Flint overthe last year or so. Definitely one of the more intelligent ones in the last Parliament.

      Meanwhile Lady Nugee’s sole job is to make Dianne Abbott look good. Almost impossible I know. She is one of the favourites to take over from Magic Grandpa if they can ever get him to leave.

  16. Good luck fellow cunter. Luckily you live in a world in which has developed enough that means we have a society where these operations are now routine.

    I don’t know who you should thank for that level of development but I think we all know,

    Anyhow hopefully you will be back on the banjo ASAP

  17. My hips are fine but my knee’s fucked – no golf this summer at all. Got fucking gout which is painful as well but the Allopurinol is working. No need for Co-codamol though, so shitting like a trooper.

    • My aunt just had a new knee, as did a mates mum. They’re both on the mend and one’s 80 odd the other 74. Get a new one!

    • What an a la carte feast of cunt. As one commenter remarks –

      “Oppressed.”
      These SJWs wouldn’t know oppression if it gave them oral sex.

  19. Hey lads, article online about Boris threatening the BBC with decriminalization of non payment if license fee!
    Seems Boris isnt happy with the beeb,
    Hope he fucks them right up!
    Coogan having to do his own makeup,
    Lineker bringing his own chair from home!

  20. Bbc hysterical saying theyd lose 200million in revenue!
    Well sorry , but back to basics will help you understand the plight of the proletariat comrades.

  22. The last time I had an operation, I was prescribed paracetamol (those little liquorice torpedo shaped pills) and codeine (little round pills looking like artificial sweetener tablets for coffee and tea) for the pain.
    The codeine blocked me right up.

    Always talk to your doctor. Get well soon chap.

    • Spoons, you do realise the liquorice torpedos were suppositories dont you?
      Meant to stick them up your bum!
      Not eat them watching cartoons!

  23. Am I the only cunter who thought this was Monsieur Knee at first? Anyway, good to hear you’re OK Bertram.

  25. Bertram Cuntatious. DCO, you have my sympathy’s, as they say you don’t know what you have got till you loose it.
    Any issues with lower locomotion normally have a knock on effect on other parts of the body, My back is very painful but the cause is my foot, great isnt it, however the repairs offered nowadays are top notch

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