Early Christmas Decorations

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People that put their Christmas decorations up 6 weeks before Christmas.

I feel these monumental bell-ends need a gargantuan cunting!

If it’s not bad enough that all the tit-squeezing retailers get their festive tat in store in fucking September, or you’re having to listen to Xmas ditties played across their tannoys from the 1st of November (I swear if I hear John Lennon sing “So this is Christmas…..” that early again in ASDA I’ll scream at the top of my lungs “NO ITS NOT, ITS NOT EVER FUCKING FIREWORKS NIGHT YET!”) then you have to contend with the seemingly competitive field of attempting to become the most annoying retard on social media by getting your Crimbo decorations up before everyone else. What is wrong with these pricks? I like Christmas as much as most people, but these twats are just the epitome of the type of attention seeking cockwombles I despise for reminding me that I am in no way, shape or form prepared for the oncoming onslaught of bankrupting consumerist madness that is the festive season!

Let’s get to Boxing Day so we can all buy an Easter Egg! CUNTS!

Nominated by SecretCuntBag

183 thoughts on “Early Christmas Decorations”

  1. The stores begin filling with Xmas shite as soon as the kids go back to school at he beginning of September.

    There is a fortnight hiatus for Halloween and Bonfire Night but as soon as November the 6th rolls around they go into overdrive with their Xmas decorations and muzak blaring out.

    That then triggers a reaction in the hard of understanding and so they have their lights out adorning their houses like a tribute to the Blackpool illuminations until the weekend after New Year’s Day!

    Cunts!

  2. Simpletons with empty lives and a naive, weakness of character.

    I bet Dominic Grieve had his decorations up early. He’s must have accepted he’s out of his dream job of obstructing democracy as he’s already applied to a Grace Brothers-type department store to work in the suits department.

    “Men’s Undies, going down!”

    • ‘Dominic Grieve had his decorations up early’.
      Yeah and I hope that it was the cunt’s arse they went up.
      Afternoon mein kapitan.

      • Our replies are all over the place, Herr Kneë. Perhaps Grieve is doing an IAC admin shift.

  3. Nobody in my house wants to put in the effort to put up decorations but much like Jeffrey Epstein these cunts don’t hang themselves….

  4. Yes! Yes! Yes! This nomination rings my bell.
    Since working in the supermarket, the christmassy stuff went on display ages ago.
    Recently, I was told come boxing day, Christmas stuff comes off then easter stuff goes on. For fork sake!
    I love Christmas carols with family, but I forking hate Christmas pop music being played (especially for ages in the shop)
    Slade, Wizard, Wham etc etc etc no offence fork offff!!!! then once you’ve forked off please fork off some more! Gahhh!

  5. Well I’m a bit of a cunt because I bought all my prezzies back in October. Reason being is that I hate shopping in December because every cunt and his dog go apeshit filling the supermarkets and whatnot with their last minute shopping.

    Fuck all that: am glad some retailers sell Christmas shit so early so that cunts like me can get their shit done and dusted there and then.

    ho ho ho

  6. I got the decorations up on Monday. Top part of the tree seems to have become slightly wonky though – and it definitely isn’t the weight of the decorations.

      • Ha really need to get the thing replaced for next year tbh. Feel I’ve done a good job of decorating it though so it doesn’t look horrific.

      • We had some ugly bird from the Limp Dicks knock on our door earlier. Bloody Nora, is a face like fucking Red Rum a necessary qualification for members of the ‘fairer’ sex where that party’s concerned? Kept the cow freezing her tits off on the step for half an hour before telling her that I was a Brexit Party man. Don’t think she was too happy.

  7. A much merited cunting Secret.
    I’ll swear that there’s a competition around our way to see who can be first to festoon their houses and gardens with the most blinding display of Xmas bling. I just can’t figure out what possesses the cunts. Fuck knows how much extra electricity they must use.

  8. By the time Christmas actually arrives the magic has faded.
    Paul fucking McCartney and George hello sailor Michael turn me instantly murderous.
    At least wait till a week before you sad cunts.

  9. ‘I’ll bet Dominic Grieve had his decorations up early’.
    Yeah, and I know which part of the cunt I hope they went up.
    Afternoon, mein Kapitan.

    • Went out today and bought a Christmas tree. The fella who sold me it asked me was I going to put it up myself, I told him no, I’m putting it up in my living room.

  10. He’s just put a little pixie up and came over a bit quêêr.

    Afternoon Herr Ronald.

    • Wheres my post gone?
      Admin your not looking at them hot water bottle people nudie picture are you?
      Just seen a online article an our favourite pin up girl Diane Abbott is wearing 2 left shoes from different pairs of loafers!
      Jesus!
      Cant even put shoes on and might be a goverment minister! Scary.
      Oh an if today any of you voted Labour?
      Everything from now on is your fault .

      • Little Greta really does look like Herman Goering. I reckon some dodgy doctor made her from preserved Reichmarshall DNA.

        “The Girls From Brazil”

        There’s the feminist film remake we never thought we’d see…

  12. My flashing 6 foot LED phallus with the words ‘Fuck off’ along its length and the ingenious farting plastic reindeer on the garden wall are only deployed to deter carol singers. Likewise the flashing, as in dirty mac, Santa, the Soviet star with hammer and sickle, and the 10 kilowatt pulsed laser aimed at the groin level of passers-by.

    Silent night (apart from the farting).

  13. There’s no fucking excuse for it, Christmas is Christmas Eve, Christmas Day,and Boxing day, that’s it’s entire existence. Commercialism has raped everything that is special about the season, a 3 day pagan feast in just before the depth of winter strikes is how it was.

    By the time it arrives I’m fucking done with it.

    I did enjoy watching yummy mummy wrestle with a 6 foot inflatable snowman in her front garden in the tightest of yoga pants, but that had fuck all to do with Christmas.

      • She was around 5’6’’ , size 8-10 with an arse like a firm peach and pleasantly firm breasts with dirty blonde hair, size 5 feet, late 20’s or early 30’s.

        Not that I paid her much attention…….

      • No Moggie, it would of been impossible to keep the camera focused and wank at the same time.

    • A flower and the word ‘aunt?’
      Is this the type of censorship we can expect from a Corbyn government?

      • Probably Bertie…although he isn’t gonna win…no chance.
        I predict a Tory majority of abaaaht 32.
        Wasn’t able to vote today as I was aaaaht of town. To be honest they’re all a bunch of cunts and we really need a new voting system where every vote matters.

      • Evening B&W. Might be worth a bet on that majority.
        Same sort of prediction as Ruff Tuff and he’s been quite accurate on these things.

      • Didn’t vote B&W? Disgraceful. My granddad avoided National Service to give you that freedom you cunt.

      • My sincerest apologies CC, I have become pissed off with all of the cunts to be honest. I am politically homeless anyways.

      • Shame on you B&WC. You could at least have spoiled your ballot paper… scrawled GO FUCK YOURSELVES or something across it.

        Meanwhile the thought of Cuntstable Cuntbubble’s grandad avoiding national service has given me the horn.

        Every cloud….

  15. We usually leave our decorations last minute (as none of us can be arsed and are waiting for each other to do the honours) but this year we have done it earlier as no sooner have you put the fuckers up, you have to take the fuckers down.

    Some cunt up the road here had his tree up and flashing “Merry Christmas” sign on the front of his house before bloody December!!

    As a side note, if I hear one more overly cheerful shop serving cunt ask me, “Got all your presents? All ready for Christmas?”, I will ram an LED Penguin where the sun doesn’t shine…..

    Fortunately for them, the LED’s will make it well and truly fucking shine……….

  16. I’m an atheist not a hypocrite so don’t celebrate Christwank festival.
    Fuck off you Cunts.
    Gobshites!

      • No one has told Father Christmas about the rise of veganism so he will be pissed off with his glass of wheat grass juice and vegan mince pies (yeah, they do exist ffs) on Christmas Eve.

      • And he’ll have to eat and drink such fare 30,000 times per second over the 24 hours of Christmas Eve around the globe

      • No, not you God – I know your expecting the gift of your one and only begotten son, even if conceived of the virgin’s womb.
        (loud snigger)

      • Been moderated and it’s not the usual trigger word.
        I think I might have offended God.

        I think you may have, my arse has been itching ever since I approved it

      • I would never have imagined that RTC. It just seems so illogical to have these trigger words embedded in another. Since when has snîgger had anything to do with nîggre?
        I suppose the the system has to take into account dyslexic, racist septic tanks.

      • Unless the incûmbent Archbishop of Canterbury has been caught with his pants down with a choirboy?

      • Whats not to like about Christmas?
        No working, drinking, feasting, time with family, good cheer,
        Reindeer, carols, mulled wine, happy kids, proper sucker for Christmas!
        Out with the lads next weekend for our Christmas drink, cant wait!
        The landlords eyes light up!

      • I think RT should be become a priest Miserable. That is his true vocation in life.
        In ‘The Religion of Humanity’ inspired by Auguste Compt.
        Away with all your merry-making ‘festivies’ what you need (from Wikipedia) is
        ‘The Religion of Humanity’
        ‘In addition to a holy trinity of Humanity, the Earth and Destiny, it has a priesthood. Priests conduct services, including Positivist prayer, which is “a solemn out-pouring of men’s nobler feelings, inspiring them with larger and more comprehensive thoughts.”
        Nothing about a turkey Miserable or pigs in blankets or decorating a tree or Santa coming down the chimney.
        “A SOLEMN out-pouring of men’s nobler feelings, inspiring them with larger and more comprehensive thoughts.” is exatcly what we need at this time of year.
        .

      • Evening Miles!
        Father Creampuff? Yeah i can see that.
        Because i live a virtous life the rest of the year the wild drinking, feasting and merriment is my way to honour Jesus birthday, like a tribute.
        An it spreads joy!
        Mine an the landlords.😀

      • if god had half a brain he wouldnt have had his kid born at christmas and dip out on the birthday presents

  17. In my earlier Christmas cunting I hearkened to life in little Beirut, I was correct in my assumption that the house that celebrated pre Halloween, Halloween and post Halloween finally cleared there scrap of mud of tasteless crap to erect a plastic Christmas tree, Which at the time was pretty shite but has now been modified by the addition of what I at first thought was a small mobile phone repeater.
    This modification is in fact a festive projector That beams festive patterns over their hovel and stops them looking out their windows (for fear of a bit of laser retinal surgery).
    Oh yes my car went up the shitter so I had to buy another one, then get that properly serviced which came in at just under the buying price of the “New car” Fuck christmas, Fuck the election, and bollocks to the new year.

    and what the fuck is this?

    Your access to this site has been limited
    Your access to this service has been temporarily limited. Please try again in a few minutes. (HTTP response code 503)

    Reason: Exceeded the maximum global requests per minute for crawlers or humans.

    Fuck you word fence.

  18. The French, being a happy-go-lucky bunch always ready to extend the party atmosphere, like to keep their decorations up as long as possible. I remember seeing Joyeux Noel banners aloft and fairy lights aflashing in a little town outside Versailles on February 15 – even after Valentine´s Day. What a loveable bunch they are, n´est-ce pas? Viva la France!

  19. TOP NOM ! I couldn’t agree more, sad wankers. That picture is a bit of me and exactly what should be done with any cunt who puts them up before tradition says so. Saw a front lawn full of decorations the other day and had to stop myself ploughing through the lot in my 3.5 ton builders truck. Christmas stopped for me when I grew pubes. Now I just see it as a massive cunt-fest for greedy brats and soft twats who wouldn’t know what the real meaning of it was if it sleigh rode up their arsehole. Don’t even start me on snow.

    • Someone’s on the naughty list!
      Not me!
      Total fuckin angel all year!
      Im gonna enjoy this Christmas!
      Loads of spirits & ale, eat my own weight in turkey n mince pies!
      Wonderful.
      Merry Christmas cunters, may god bless yer, each an every one!😀

  20. the low IQ retards that live opposite me put up posters asking for xmas lights to decorate their slum, i gave them a set of flashing annoying lights on the condition they turned them on every night. Knowing their electric meter is racing round I shut my curtains.

  21. We had fuck all decorations up last year and there won’t be any up this year, bah Callard & Bowser humbugs!

    • Rtc, we have discovered black cock tastes of liquorice,
      Chinese cocks sherbet 🍋 lemon,
      Do you think someone of mixed races penis tastes of humbugs?
      Id ask BWC but im shy and he might get the wrong idea!
      Im asking out of scientific interest.

      • Rtc@
        No decorations?
        Jesus, poor mrs creampuff, gazing out the window at the twinkling lights on the neighbours tree, through the window she can see the happy family having Christmas dinner, she looks down at her marmalade on toast,
        Sighs, and pushes the plate away.
        She thinks she can hear the children singing carols,
        But shes unsure over the Stockhausen blaring from the study…
        Hope your at least having a Christmas dinner?!!!😞

      • @ Bertie. She’s of neither persuasion. I would say she’s closer to being a Humanist, though perfectly open to the possibility that God exists. Quite superstitious. Her parents were Hindu, but she was educated at a Church of England school. Like me she considers organised religion to be mumbo-jumbo.

        @ Miserable. You’ve made me feel a bit guilty. Lady Creampuff loves Christmas and all the decorations and traditional dinner and stuff. Especially the tree! But for some reason it has always depressed me, from a young age, so over the years we’ve more or less cut it out at Creampuff Manor. Or I have. Scrooge rules!

        I still send Christmas cards to relatives up north and go round to her mother’s gaff for turkey dinner (can’t wait to get away though). Maybe I should make more of an effort this year?

        PS: I reckon my cock tastes like humbugs. Must ask Lady C.

      • Didnt mean to make you feel guilty mate, but you know when you have a wife, kids whatever, as a bloke your constantly making sacrifices, doing shite you dont want to,
        Spending time with people they love but you loathe, sometimes you have to do something just for them, even though your not exactly thrilled.
        Mrs miserables gay brother is a right corbynista, spoilt know it all cunt.
        I hate him but she loves him, so i have to hide how much i despise him.
        Its hard.
        As i really want to kick his head in.
        But luckily for me he threw a massive fit his mum an sister (missus miserable) voted brexit and hasnt spoke to them since,😀
        Cant remember my point now?
        Or where im going with this post?

      • Do you know RTC, if everyone exercised the freedom of choice that Lady C did, the world could be a very different place. God bless her. ( I find the real problem as an agnostic that other than God, there is no one to bless!)

    • I thought you had a thing for Uncle Joe’s mintballs?
      That’s what his wife told me.
      😀

      • Dont encourage him CF with your wicked heathen ways!
        Im playing the part of the ghost of Christmas present!
        No selection boxes for the pair of you!😀

      • Watch out MNC as a fellow northerner I might have to challenge for your title as it seems you’re becoming a happy soul after all.
        Bah Humbug.

      • Evening CF, yeah not really living up to the miserable bit am I?
        But im in a fine mood, genuinely enjoy christmas,
        More at the moment for a break from work, pulled something in my arm, strained something, pulled something, fuck knows!
        So chance to heal up and hit the boozer, eat loads of turkey and watch shite on telly is welcome!
        You not do anything at xmas?
        Know your a atheist but can still have fun, a drink an that!

      • I don’t need your tacky selection boxes Miserable. I’ve bought for myself a large 310g box of Maltesers which I intend to enjoy over Christmas.

        @ CrustyFlaps.
        Wise beyond your years. Your moral support much appreciated.

      • Hehee, thought my mentioning ghosts might bring up Headless Bethan!
        Shes the ghost of Christmas past,
        She went past too fast.
        Wooooo is my head under the christmas tree?🌲

  22. My wife said on Saturday ‘I cant be bothered with all that this year’
    Great I thought.
    Sunday I was stringing fucking lights and running extensions.
    Fuck Xmas. Although I may have blagged a surprise bottle of Bombay Sapphire.

  23. I’ve just completed my Christmas decorations. I’ve mounted the head off a deer that I shot last week on the front of the hilux. I’ve even wired a flashing red light to it’s nose….just like Rudolph it is. I’ll be just like Santa on his sleigh when I drive away from the Pub bellowing a merry “Fuck Off” at the incomers on their way to the village Panto.

  24. Downs savant Greta must be screaming inside at the thought of the energy being wasted powering these fucking lights. A new cunt has moved in across from me, and since the first of December, it’s been like Blackpool illuminations. I don’t think he has kids, I’ve only seen the geezer, and he looks a bit Rampton to me. Thoughtfully, he turns them off at about eleven, but then his motion activated PIR light comes on every couple of minutes, lighting my fucking bedroom up. Thank fuck I’m moving soon. Shame it wasn’t to Mars….

    • Lives on his own, no kids, sounds a bit suspect. Wait for the sign at Easter for an egg hunt.

  25. I’m not much for tinsel and other limp shit in my house . I do however like to decorate the local sand chapel on Christmas eve ,it’s amazing how far you can shoot bacon lardons with a black widow catapult.

  26. I never put up christmas decorations. I don’t have any. Christmas can fuck right off. I’ll be glad when it’s January 2nd and things can get back to normal. And I don’t run round like all the daft bastards buying things on the last minute. I’ve already stocked up on eggs, tinned foods, washing powder, alcohol, cat food, coffee, frozen meals etc. All I’m going to need to get before the shops shut are bread, chicken and milk.

    Fucking hate this time of year.

    And may the blessings of the baby Jesus be with you.

    • Allan, Allan. Christmas doesn’t end on January 2nd. It’s January 5th which is twelfth night.

      • You have the family round Bertie?
        Know you dote on the grandkids, nice seeing them all excited on Christmas isnt it?
        Loved seeing my kids ripping into the presents as nippers!
        We have the family here now the parents are getting older.
        Let them relax and wait on them, theyve earnt it.

      • Too right Miserable. I’ll be seeing both
        granddaughters and it will make my Christmas. My sentiments about this time of the year are very like yours. Have a great one mate.

      • You too.
        Nothing better is there?
        Sound of little uns laughing an having fun!
        What its all about.

  27. right fuck it, a plague of itchy arse be upon you and a rather fucked up Brexit!
    Blame crusty flaps not me You brought it about on your selves because you are truly a stiff necked people!

    • Calm down Almighty!
      Whats got yer knickers in a twist?
      In all for celebrating your hippy lads birthday!
      Fighting yer corner here! An im a bleeding pagan!
      See crusty Flaps youve upset him now!

  28. Got a horrible feeling about the general election.If that Corbyn cunt wins I might leave the country

      • I my god the hissy fit comments have already started on the Grauniad website!! Calm down lads it’s only the exit poll, you can always ignore the result like you did the last one

    • I’ll believe it when I see it, if true Labour are going to have a civil war and split I reckon.

      Pass the popcorn.

      • Fuck me if this is accurate I can’t wait to see all the snivelling student faces on the papers tomorrow

    • McDonnell blaming Brexit if it’s a bad result. Nothing to do with the commie pinko cunts policies.

      I really hope the result is the end of the cunts and momentum.

      Priti from the neck up

    • Hopefully some so-called ‘Big Beasts’ will be handed their P45’s (and walk into 2 day a week £100,00 a year job)

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