A let’s all hear it cunting for one of IsAC’s favourite sons, David ‘Rent a Gob’ Lammy, MP for Tottenham. Big Mouth Dave is apparently very concerned about the incidence of knife crime. After a couple of recent stabbings in his neck of the woods, he told the Commons ‘I don’t want the south side of Chicago in Tottenham’.

Now fair enough, you might say, an MP should be concerned about knife crime. But here’s the rub. BMD reckons that knife crime could get ‘considerably worse’. What, you may ask, could be responsible for this predicted escalation? Well, as you are all painfully aware, we’re (supposedly) leaving the EU. This is going to mean (apologies to the Gershwin brothers) that the Rockies will tumble and Gibraltar will crumble etc. We’ll have awful shortages of medicines, fuel, food and bog rolls. As if all this wasn’t bad enough, BMD predicts that BoJo’s Brexit deal will ‘mean everything’ to areas with ‘high poverty rates’, because it will lead (at least according to him) to ‘a drop in GDP’. So, gazing into his crystal ball, he can’t wait to tell us that as a consequence, knife crime will go up, and that naturally, this will be down to… Brexit.

But… hasn’t the occurrence of knife crime in our beloved and glorious capital already escalated to scandalous levels in recent years, and haven’t we been in the EU all that time? Aren’t we still in the EU? It must follow then, that our EU membership is in fact responsible for the epidemic of knifings currently staining the reputation of good ol’ Landan tarn. Yes, Dave, on the basis of your logic, the disgusting level of knife crime in London is, in fact, down to our continuing membership of the EU. What do you mean, it’s illogical, nay ludicrous, to link the incidence of knife crime in the Smoke to our EU membership in so simplistic a fashion? Well raise mah rent, you’ve worked it out.

Nominated by Ron Knee