Comediennes (2)

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I would like to dedicate a square nomination for the oft-mentioned but rarely cunted ‘comediennes’ – many of us despise them but because we are such bitter, militant sexists, we have never addressed the inequality of giving them adequate representation within these hallowed halls. Being a prime example of a subserviant gentleman and fair-minded champion of women’s rights, allow me to take the lead on this one, chaps.

Miranda Hart, Sarah Millican, that cunt from Goodness Gracious Me, Jo Brand, Amy Schumer, Victoria Coren, Julia Louis Dreyfus, any of the shitcunts from Saturday Night Live, that ginger-haired cunt who drags out her Northern accent, that obese Australian landwhale, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Josie Long, Bernard Toksvig, Jenny Eclair, Catherine Tate and any of those fucking cunts from that whole Peep Show/Thick Of It incestuous Oxbridge TV clique… not one single fucking laugh has ever been brought out in me by any of them.

I can truly count the number of women in comedy or stand up who have made me laugh on a pair of testicles: Felicity Montagu from Alan Partridge and Pauline McLynn from Father Ted. Both had/have actual comedic timing, delivery, nuances.

The rest are just – especially these days – ultra-feminist useless cunts whose source material is 99% about their own vaginas, periods, victimhood and problems having sex with their cavernous klunges.

Absolutely fucking useless cunts. Marzipan dildos, the lot of them.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

122 thoughts on “Comediennes (2)”

  1. ..and yet these feminist cunts are admired and worshiped by the libtards and Progressives; and yet if bloke comedians cracked similar gags about wimminz they would be lambasted on Twatter!

    • My only question to that machine gun cunting TECB
      How on earth did Ben Elton lookalike sue perkins and her equally unfunny cunt of pal Mel giedroyc escape?
      I’ve had a defibrillator installed at home just in case either of those cunts pop up on anything I’m watching…….

  2. Maranda Hart about as funny as a sore thumb
    Ugly as sin a bloke in a so called woman’s body Norman Wisdom did it far better She can fuck the hell off .

    • Miranda Hart is painfully unfunny. She must have been told all through her private schools that she was hilarious but the joke was on her.

      Hoo-ee, what an unfunny cunt.

  3. The only female commediene I’ve ever found funny was Joan Rivers and that’s because she was a cunt but in a good way. And the only other comedienne that made me laugh was Victoria Wood but that was only when she fucking carked it.

    • “I told Michael Jackson to date only twenty-eight year olds… I didn’t think he would find twenty of them”.

      RIP

  4. To be honest I did find Jennifer Saunders mildly amusing for her “Ab Fab” show; plus she was pretty fit back in the day – definitely a tongue up the a’hole I would have thought.

  5. Joan Rivers could be hilarious; extremely un pc, she took the piss out of everybody, herself most of all, and anybody who didn’t like it was free to fuck off. As for the rest, about as funny as a fractured kneecap. That fat cunt Brand is doubly disadvantaged, bearing as she does a striking resemblance to a walrus.

    • I always found Kathy Burke.quite funny (especially in the sitcom “Gimme Gimme Gimme”); but she’s also a very good all round actress.

      • Seconded. Always been a big fan of Kathy Burke. Often thought she was a bit of a national treasure. Unfortunately she is so large these days she looks like she has eaten the national treasure.

      • She was good in Tinker, Tailor. Whereas Cuntypatch was shite (Michael Jayston had more talent in his toenail clippings), and the best thing that Colin Fart’s character did was to get killed…

      • Seconded. I’m ashamed to say that I would have given her one in the GGG days (bag over head perhaps)

      • I’m sure she used to play Waynetta Slob from Harry Enfield’s old TV prog on the BBC years ago. But she was also terrific in the hard hitting & brutal “Nil by Mouth” with Ray Winstone.

        A very versatile and underrated actress

    • Brand was actually amusing before she became a BBC darling. Her C4 early 90’s ‘Through the Cakehole’ show is still worth a chortle, as much as she no doubt shuns it now.

  6. Liked Victoria Wood, Hilda Baker too for those who can remember. Catharine Tate’s Nan was fucking ace. Mrs Doyle was inspired, but so was the whole show. After that, I am struggling to think of any funny women. Prunella Scales was great in Fawlty Towers but that was good acting rather than comedy.
    Special mention must go to Sarah fucking Pascoe for cuntitude.

    • Agreed; ‘Mrs Doyle’ and ‘Mrs Fawlty’ were wonderful, but I see that as great acting within the context of two of the greatest shows ever to air.

    • Mrs Doyle always had me in stitches.

      “Go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on GO ON!!”

      As something as simple as that I always found hilarious just based on her deadpan expression.

    • Good choices there. Victoria Wood was a properly talented woman. Catherine Tate equally so and her return to tv is long overdue. Hilda Baker I’m afraid I don’t remember, but the wonderfully talented Pauline McLynn (Mrs Doyle) was guaranteed to make you laugh.

      Largely agree though, most female comedians are just crap.

  7. Wireless 4 collection of lesbian fishwife/comediennes has to be heard to be belived. They shreik, they talk about their fannies, and they are as funny as World War 3.

    Ugly cunt Jo Brand, obese harridan is the epitome of BBC comedy.

  8. Every single one of them are shit and not even remotely amusing,about as funny as having a knitting needle shoved up your Japs eye and they’re all ugly fuckers who look like quim hounds. Cunt punches all round.

    • Magnifique, Monsieur ! Quim Hounds sounds like a new category for Cruft’s. So many old dogs…
      Maybe there’s an as yet undiscovered Ag Christie short story around the theme…

      For some reason, this has given me the idea for a dog-awful opera production: Poulenc’s Dialogue des Carmelites, with all the nuns played by various liebore, EU and libtard benders. Dame Keira Starmer as Mother Superior, Granny Grieve, Sister Hillary Augusta Benn…
      I think they all get guillotined. I’d get Tarantino to do that bit, or someone with experience of snuff vids.

  9. Comedienne subjects –

    1. Their cunts.
    2. Their menstrual cycle.
    3. Their tits.
    4. Their fat.
    5. Men are bastards.
    6. Er…..
    7. That’s it……….

    Fuck off.

  10. Absolutely splendid cunting TECB and one with which I concur 99%.

    The Thick Of It was fucking brilliant.

    • Big Thick Of It fan here although it really hasn’t aged very well. ‘Nicola Murray’ was hilarious for being beyond incompetent. It’d never be cast as a wimminz these days.

      I was firmly in the Peter Mannion fan club but then again Roger Allam is probably one of maybe 4-5 actors in that entire profession worldwide I’d cross the road to meet.

      The Julius onion bhaji scene is comedy gold.

      I’ve said it before but Dandy Nicholls from beyond the grave surpasses all the current ‘comediennes’. Agree with others that Joan Rivers was a rare beacon of light amidst the mediocrity.

  11. “Womens’ Problems”…that’s their trouble. Their fannies are either too “dry and itchy” or they are on the rag. The fact that most of them are too ugly to attract a man also adds to their bitterness.

    Not easy to be funny when you’re either scratching your minge,bandaging it up or desperately hoping that some man,any man,will have a few bevvies too many and slip a length up there.

    PS…This applies to all women,not just comediennes.

    Fuck Off.

  12. Fucking patriarchal sexist pigs. It’s “comedians” not “comediennes”. SO last century.

  13. The key has often been said to be that male comedians tend to base their comedy on things that are universally relatable, whereas female comedy tends to be geared a lot more to what other women, or other people of their own particular race relate to.

    That being said, there are indeed plenty of exceptions still to be found, as others have already pointed out, Joan Collins would be a fine example of such. I always found the “Smack the Pony” trio to be funny too, with the added bonus of Sally Phillips and Fiona Allen being beyond fucking sexy. Caroline Aherne comes to mind too, I think she did a great job in her part writing for the Royle Family and the Fast Show.

    • Joan Collins? Where the fuck did that come from?! What a twat, I of course meant Joan Rivers.

    • Sally Philips is indeed a talent, though I suspect the humour depends a lot on the scriptwriters in ”Clare in the Community” as for those asian women (I just can’t be bothered to look up their names) totally without any talent whatsoever, gifted their careers by the luvvie/BBC cabal and that goes for that cunt who dresses up in a suit and glasses (no it doesn’t make you clever) with hair like a toilet brush Romesh whatever the fuck the rest of your name is, forever on the box and you just have to ask yourself why, looking at the arse end of the telly would be more entertaining

  14. They whinge, they whine, they laugh at their own jokes, they all look a bit odd, but they’re just not funny.

  15. Rhona Cameron s a comedienne. Well, if ‘comedienne’ means, “nasty-faced, smelly, Scottish bülldyke with a body like a brickie.”

    • Ooh I fucking hate her. Her whole act is basically “deed aah munshun aah’m a lesbeeyan bye the weee”. Twat.

      • I certainly would not General, I doubt I could even manage a semi, let alone a droplet. As mentioned by C-The-C above, her lack of humour makes her doubly uncharming. About as funny and attractive as an unflushed toilet.

    • Maybe getting some of our present female MP’s to articulate let alone explain their policies might broaden the pool of comediennes

    • 100% agreed. Hilda was a total legend.

      STAN: (after receiving a kiss from Hilda) ‘What’s that lipstick taste of’?
      HILDA: ‘Woman, Stanley…Woman’.

      She was brill.

  17. First class cunting! I couldn’t agree more. The total inability of these talentless wankers to muster a laugh from me beggars belief.

    And if their aim is to target the female audience with their pro-women, anti-man, men are cunts etc. approach then I can declare that that doesn’t work either because missus Cuntman also thinks that they’re all fucking crap!

  19. I can’t stand comediennes or ANY comedian, in all honesty.

    Most of them are about as funny as a terminal illness, but somehow think they are fucking legends. Mouthy, obnoxious twats.

    Fuck ’em all.

      • Frankie Boyle of 10 years ago, maybe. Now he is just another boring, predictable cunt that pretends to be controversial but ultimately boils his act down to spouting the same Trump and Brexit “jokes” like every other shill.

  22. I only ever heard part of one programme of it’s first series, but Wireless 4 is now on the 3rd series of Where’s The F In News?. I started out in the 6.30 Friday slot but it’s subsequent two series has been demoted or promoted (delete as appropriate) the 11 pm slot, so probably more dirty than funny. The usual suspects appear (it is trailed throughout the week) and Jo Brand often leads the coven of usual suspects. Ten minutes from series one was enough for me, but I suppose it is another of these shitty shows Wireless 4 will keep going for ever.

    I would put in a word for Jan Ravens on the current crop of BBC wimmin comics, she is a great mimic, but the best of them are well in the past (Hylda Baker (Nellie Pledge) a special pleasure for me)

    • I thought Ravens was pretty hot back in the day. It got a bit odd when the sexy Jan was playing the sexy Joan Bakewell. Two bits of top totty for the price of one

  23. Wimminz are only funny when they’re trying not to be funny.

    My Mrs, years back, once asked me why one football player scoring 3 goals is called a ‘hat-trick’.

    I replied, (in a pub with a few mates who went along with me) that it was because back in the late 1800s when footy started, players wore top hats during the FA Cup final, as a mark of respect for Queen Victoria, who would attend the final.

    I said that during the final, Wilf Sidebottom of Bolton Wanderers, scored three goals. On scoring his third goal he ran over to the royal box and removed his hat and bowed in the direction of the royal box.

    Thus, the ‘hat-trick’ was born.

    She believed that for years until she had her workmates in stitches when she mentioned it to them (trying to look clever, I believe).

    That’s when women are funny.

    However, I’ve yet to see a funny one on stage, but Joan Rivers came close once or twice.

  25. Flabott is the funniest comedienne around these days. Her routine in Parliament is fucking hilarious and her interviews are pure comedy gold. She needs her own tv show, perhaps paired with the Black and White Minstrels for some musical relief.

    • The drawl, the divvy specs, the dunce pastiche, the comedy wig, she’s an all-round entertainer.

      • She could also double with Lammy. Flabott and Lammy, the greatest double act since Laurel and Hardy.

  26. Funny women?
    Hilda ogden as stated,
    Mae Busch (laurel & Hardy)
    Madeline kahn
    Starting to struggle now, eh…
    Dandy Nichols
    Rita webb! “Yes yer bleedin did!”
    But cant think of anymore?

    • Julia Davis (Jam, Nighty Night, etc)
      Frances De La Tour (Rising Damp)
      Hattie Jaques
      Katherine Parkinson (IT Crowd)
      Margaret Dumont (Marx Brothers)

      • My only card left?
        Oh its a Ace!
        Caroline Aherne!
        Thought she was great!
        Goldie Hawn?

      • Caroline Aherne indeed Mnc.

        Mae West
        Sandra Bernhard

        And some of the female characters in Benidorm. Is that the sound of a barrel being scraped I hear?

        I think the point is well made. For every one funny woman there are twenty funny men, more or less. And the funniest women don’t hold a candle to the funniest men.

        It’s a product of human sexual evolution. Men learned to make women laugh to get in their pants. Worked a treat with my missus!

        Gotta go cook her dinner now.

      • Haha, yeah i laughed mrs miserable into bed, think it was my wit she was laughing at anyway?
        Enjoy! Candlelit i take it?
        Im absorbed in a documentary about American history, not much in comparison to us, but im riveted to it!

      • It’s a pity that men have to hold a candle inside women’s pants to get them to laugh.

      • Evening RTC. It’s taking some time to get back in to the run of things. God bless you!
        😀

    • Fucking hell MNC dont start me thinking about Madeline Kahn again, me knobs still sore from the other night – having to rub e45 into it

      • Yeah Cuntan!
        Sadly shes seen the need to take out a injunction against me!
        Told her just a fan! Thought she had a sense of humour?
        400 emails hardly counts as ‘stalking’!

        Bitch.

      • I know, they’re so fucking touchy these days. Getting to their point where you cant mail them your own shit in a box without them moaning about “harassment”. Fucks sake.

      • Touchys right!
        Got a letter saying Madeline kahn died in 1999, like thats going to stop me!
        What do they think I am?
        A nut or something?!!😁

      • Yeah joking aside I think ovarian cancer did for her really quickly didn’t it, tragic

    • Agree, there have been lots of very funny women. However, most of them are actresses reading out a script, usually written by a man!
      Actual stand up comediennes though? Most are crap.

  27. Nina Fucking Conti.

    She’s the absolute worst of all these useless cunts. She has that stupid fucking monkey puppet (and, yes, you bloody well can see her mouth moving), and her act consists of getting two members of the (paying) audience up on stage, sticking stupid mouth masks on them and then humiliating them mercilessly.

    I’d like to punch that utter cunt in the mouth and then stamp on her fucking monkey until its entrails are pouring over the edge of the stage. Grrrrrrrrrr

  29. Welcome to the 21st Century.

    The term comedy has been redefined to mean something that is only funny because the left wing accept it as funny.

    If not, the left wing ask for another chance for the plebiscite to laugh at their superior wit.

    • Imagine if these left wing snowflakes saw Jim Davidson!

      I had the privilege of seeing him live twice, the first time for a very broad minded military audience, and the second time at Frimley, where they do the darts. He was unbelievably funny, he did his chalky routine and even some black people in the audience were pissing themselves laughing because, guess what, it wasn’t offensive, just genuinely funny. Nowadays some cunt would be complaining on their behalf!

  30. Anyone who doesn’t think women are funny need to watch that Dianne Abbott, with her pretending to be a politician act. The ‘fucking up the maths’ routine make me piss myself every time, haven’t heard her mention her fanny though

    • I must admit I enjoy Margaret Beckett playing Minnie Bannister (for those who remember the Goon Show) – Bunny Beckett looks just like I imagine Minnie and I should say Hilary Benn would be a passable Henry Crun.

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